Well yesterday was not how it was supposed to go. I ended up locking myself in my room and riding out a panic attack. I made a complete mess out of my room, wrecking things left and right but it is all clean and tidy now.
Sitting on the bus, I briefly tell Abby about Harry spotting me in the alleyway and her eyes widen. “What do you mean he saw you? He saw the whole thing.” Sitting up, eyes popping out.
“Well I mean he was just walking by and then asked if I was okay... I practically yelled at him and begged for him to keep his mouth shut. It was completely embarrassing.“my face grows red. I’m much calmer than how I felt yesterday. It’s not like I don’t care. I’m covering up the feelings inside, that want to scream.
“Well in all honestly it at least gave you a distraction.” Abby shrugs.
Thinking about it, he did stop me when I was about to have a major panic attack. It was a new panic in my chest. He stopped before I could go over the edge I guess.
“I guess. He distracted some pretty ugly thoughts I was having too.” Abby didn’t answer that statement. Luckily the bus doors open and we jump out.
There’s just something about Harry I can’t put my finger on. I have seen those stupid green eyes before.
Abby and I step off the bus and push through the school doors. A part of me thinks I am going to walk through these doors and everyones going to know what happened yesterday and point fingers and laugh, but no one does.
Walking down the halls it feels just the same. Nothing is different. A slight weight is taken off my chest and my shoulders pull back.
Guess he was telling the truth.
“Violet?” I look beside me at Abby with annoyed eyes. “What?”
Rolling her eyes, “I have been speaking for the last couple minutes and you’re just staring off into oblivion.”
“Oh sorry, I didn’t realize.”
“Mhm” she mumbles.
We get to the end of the halls and turn in opposite directions heading for first period. Walking past students I always take notice of their smiles. I almost feel jealous. Why couldn’t that be me smiling and laughing with all my friends. Just living a normal life.
I shake my head and laugh to myself.
Walking into the class I forget Harry and I share. His eyes reach out for mine as soon as I step foot but I don’t return the gesture. I keep my eyes on the floor.
When I arrive at the back, I pull my chair as close to the table’s edge as I can get it. Clearly hinting I am in no mood to converse.
I can feel his stare but If I look back, I might break. No one knows or has seen that part of me unfold. nobody.
Pulling out my books, my hands shake and they slip out of my hand, landing on the table with a bang. shutting my eyes and biting down on my lip refusing to see who’s looking.
Resting my right elbow on the table I try to block as much space between Harry and I as possible.
“Alright class, how is everyone today.” Mr Johnson waddles into the class and takes off his jacket. The class mumbles goods and greats. “Uh huh.” his eyes searching the class and landing on me with a surprised look “Oh Violet! Great to see you on time today.”
Gripping my left hand under the table to my thigh, my right hand forms a thumbs up and lips part resembling a small smile.
“I love my job.” he hums to himself.
“Now class before we start I want you to take up your homework with the person at your table and I better not hear silence. You all are not A plus students.” the room does not move and Mr Johnson takes a seat at his computer. “Okay, go” throwing his hands in the air with a loud exhale.
Just like that the room noise goes up. This is just great.
I remove my hand from my forehead to rest on my chin. Slowly turning to see Harry looking at me. “Good morning to you too.” A grin portrays on his lips.
“And how are you today?” His voice, soft and genuine.
“Um pretty good for the morning.” I’m usually a great reader of people but I can figure this man out.
“Are you not a morning person?” His British accent clear as a summer day. I wonder why he moved to Florida out of all places.
“I’m not particularly fond of waking up, no.” not a lie actually. Waking up and going to bed scare me the most. “Mhm. Are you a coffee or a tea drinker?” my head dips to the side in confusion in why he’s initiating in small talk.
“Um coffee I suppose...ha, I’m guessing you like tea?” I point to him with my jaw dropped in a joking manner. A smile tugs its way on my lips as I look at Harry who has a sarcastic hurt look on his face.
“You think you’re funny don’t you.” sitting back on his chair tightening his muscles as his arms fold in front of him.
I shrug, “Just a little.” shaking his head, “well as a matter of fact I drink coffee as well sunshine.”
I cough, “sunshine.” I cross my arms mocking him. Harry’s shit revealing grin takes over once more as his hands covered in rings play with his lip ring, tugging on the metal.
“Sorry for including you in the stereotype cranky.” sliding down my chair my gaze looks away momentarily landing on Mr Johnson.
I breathe out as he looks at me, shaking his head. My smile falls and I’m thrown back down into my bubble.
Sitting up I put my hands in my lap fidgeting the tips of my hands over the cuts. “Did you have any questions then? I’m pretty good with this unit?” offering with a non confidence tone.
Harry, confused by my mood change, looks behind him at the teacher and lets out a heavy breath. Squeezing his hand around his pencil tightly.
I put a wall back up as my anxiety started to grab a hold of my stomach forcing me to say something to him. Flipping through my textbook I don’t bother to look up as I tell him.
“Look Harry. About yesterday.” Harry gives me no chance, “Did you get the answer to number five. I was stuck on that question.”
I cringe my eyes shut and turn my head to a piece of paper in front of me with a bland expression. “Uh yeah I did.” I open my binder and slowly flip through the pages trying to wrap my head around what I’m going to say.
Landing on my answers I look to Harry who’s looking at me in a scanning nature. “Harry.”
He rips his eyes from mine and back on to his own paper. “Sorry.” His voice angry at himself.
my own eyes lay on his for a little while but I shake my head now mad with myself. “Ok, so.” I lay a piece of paper in front of us to grab a pencil.
Harry scoots his chair significantly closer, elbows now touching and I suck in a breath.
I exhale, “uh so pretty much this is a quick question. There fooling you to think it’s sine law but we’re actually dealing with cos.” Pressing my pencil on the graph paper I start to draw the line up and down.
Accidentally brushing against his arms momentarily. As I finish up the graph I look back up to him but it seemed he was distracted by other things. “Um” his eyes look away from mine and back to the paper.
“Now that you can visualize it, you can see that the numbers are trying to trick you. So on this part of the line you can take this number.” Writing it out on the page so I can show him the process.
“Divide by this number. And it should give you the answer to x. With that you can solve the rest.” I lay my pencil on the table, cracking my knuckles.
Looking back at me he smirks. “You know, you’re a much better teacher than him.” Whispering, Harry tilts his head to Mr Johnson. That I can agree with. He’s not only a shit teacher but a shit person.
“I had to teach myself almost every chapter. It doesn’t help that he hates me either. When he gets to grade my tests he marks incredibly harder. It’s frustrating.”
this is the most I have ever talked to someone at this school. My own self is surprised, especially that person being Harry. Promised myself last night I would keep my distance. That’s going incredibly well as you can tell.
wrapping his hand through his long hair I can see his green eyes more clearly now.
Shut up Violet.
“I don’t like how he talks to you. It’s rude and disgusting. Picking you out each day shouldn’t have to be his only hobby. He’s supposed to be the adult” Harry’s tone is sharp and his jaw clenches outlining perfectly, as he looks back to Mr Johnson.
“It’s no big deal honestly. I’ve been treated worse.” I laugh but instantly regret the joke I made. Not the time. I slap my forehead stressfully.
“Um Harry.” I cringe.
“No Violet it is a big deal.” I place the piece of paper back in my binder not knowing what to do with my hands. When my binder clicks I fold my hands in my lap and fidget with them.
“Harry I need you to listen ok.” I anxiously whisper. “What you saw yesterday. um it’s just. It’s not what it looked like and uh- ma... you didn’t tell anyone right.”
Harry turns his body so he’s directly facing me. He puts up his elbow on the table so no one can see and I’m practically cornered in.
My stare still falls on the table.
Pulling his face closer to mine so no can hear, I hold my breath. “I didn’t tell anyone. Nor will I ever. And you’re right. I don’t know at all what I saw but I do know that you’re lying to cover up for yourself and convince me you’re okay, when you’re clearly not.”
I don’t know what to say. His face doesn’t move and I can feel his minty breath hit my face.
“Harry how many more times do I have to tell you I am fine.” With so much frustration I lean forward as I say each word. My lips tug into a firm line.
“Until you really mean it.” eyes squinting with all the sincerity he can get.
Guess he will be waiting a long time. I check around to make sure no one was paying attention to our conversation.
“Violet?” Harry’s voice is soft again and I pull my head back to his direction. “What?” I tug on my sweater sleeves.
“Are you okay?” His voice now grows stern and genuinely worried.
“Oh Harry I’m just cheeky.” grabbing my hair tie I pull back my hair into a bun.
“Violet don’t lie. how are you really?”
I’m not too quick to answer because he knows I’m already lying to him. His sincerity is throwing me off. I’m curious why he hasn’t shut me out or ignored me like everyone else at this damn school.
No one really ever asked me that question before other than Abby so I don’t know how to respond. I just look into his green eyes and my face falls slightly as the mask I shield myself with stars to break.
No, I have never been okay.
Putting the mask back on I shift in my seat and shuffle through more papers and Harry’s face backs away.
“Alright class I hope everyone’s questions have been answered.”
Mr Johnson goes through another couple chapters. I just stare at the board lost in my own world. My pen in my hand doesn’t move and all senses shut off. I could be getting asked a question and I would not ever know.
The bell brings me back to the present and a jump slightly. Everyone around me is packing up and rushing out the door. I stuff my binder with empty papers. Great, I’m going to have to teach myself more chapters. Hopefully the girls at the restaurant can help.
“Glad you’re alive Violet.” Mr Johnson frustratedly spits out from his desk. I don’t respond. sticking my head down to my bag on the floor I shove everything in angrily. Zipping it up, almost pulling off the zipper.
I throw my bag on my shoulders and grab my phone laying on the desk. As I walk out from the row of desks Mr Johnson’s rolly chair backs away from his desk. “Good luck on the test tomorrow Violet.” I forgot about that damn test.
Turning around to face him, I try to push down all the anger in my bones. “Have a good day sir.” I say in the nicest voice I can manage to pull off, sounding fake.
I practically bolt out of the class and head towards the bathroom when a hand wraps around my upper arm, reaching out to stop me. I already know it’s Harry by the cold metal of rings pressing on my arm.
His touch on my arms brings me to a complete stop and I’m wondering why I haven’t jumped back from it. No ones ever been able to touch me without getting a reaction.
Harry stands in front of me bending down to meet my vision as he’s quite tall. I notice a cross necklace hangs off his chest.
“If he wasn’t a teacher I’d punch him.” With no ounce of joke in his voice I just stand there biting the inside of my cheek. “Why is he so mean to you?”
No idea actually.
“M’just a weak link I guess.” The action of Harry bending slightly has his shirt hanging loose off his chest where I notice a tattoo of two birds and what looks like the top half of a butterfly?
Noticing the silence between us I look up to smirky. “Like what you see Darling?” I roll my eyes and walk off when his hand latches around my arm once more turning me around faster this time practically making me collide into his chest.
I lay two hands on top of his to push myself back, creating more space between us. “You’re not a weak link Violet.”
Okay then, sureee.
Light conversation surrounds my senses as I turn around to whispering students. Harry’s fingers rest under my chin pulling me to look back at him. “What’s wrong?” Brows furrowed together. I give him an are you dumb look and he returns it with a confused shrug.
“You’re talking to me, that’s what’s wrong?” Harry looks confused and urges me to continue.
“Do you seriously not understand Harry? Everyones talking around us because you are talking to me. No one ever talks to me. I’m a freak. If you haven’t heard my name come out of someone’s mouth it’s a rare occurrence.” His fingers swipe my chin removing his finger.
Looking around us around his stare lands on two girls snickering in the corner making judgemental stares at me. Harrys hands now forming a fist.
I cover myself up with my arms as the girls just keep whispering.
The bell rings and I’m late for my next class. “Harry I have to go.”
Sounding completely defeated I turn around and walk away not looking back.