When Blaire came home, I thought she would open up to me. After several attempts to get the truth from her, all I got was her quiet, dismissive attitude. She's so unhappy and it's like nothing is going on in her head. It's like I'm married to a mindless, soulless zombie. The Blaire I knew was gone. She just sits in the bed mindlessly looking at tv or she cries for hours. She barely eats anything. Sky, her caretaker, practically has to force her to eat most of the time. When I attempted to comfort her, she acted as if I was a monster or something. It hurt to know that my wife still didn't want me to touch her.
Since she wasn't willing to talk, I decided to be petty and treat her the same way. I avoided her and only talked to her when necessary. Deep down I knew I was wrong, but it was hard to see her like that. I know she's going through a hard time, well, both of us. Our daughter was kidnapped, we lost one of our babies, and our company was attacked. In addition to that, I was made to look like I'm a cheater. The comments on my social media accounts were out of control. If I'm not getting hate; then I am constantly reminded that my daughter was kidnapped. I rarely paid attention to it, now I understand how it can be harmful.
I thank God, it hasn't really affected Madison. She acts normal, like herself again. I've made sure she meets with a therapist regularly. I've noticed that she's worried about her mom. She keeps asking when will Blaire feel better. I have to lie to my child because I really don't know if she'll ever get better.
She seems to be stuck in this cycle of depression and pain. If Blaire doesn't snap out of this, I think she's going to lose the other baby. It's like she doesn't care anymore. She rarely interacts with our kids. When our friends and family come by they all said it's like talking to a wall. As her husband, I feel helpless. This whole situation was messing with my pride. I'm supposed to protect and provide for my family. I failed my daughter, my wife, and my unborn child.
I'm exhausted and I don't know what else to do. I needed a break from my situation. I talked to my publicist, Kai. She has been working for me since the beginning of my career. She's like a sister to me. Though she's attractive with her golden-brown skin and amber-brown eyes, I never liked her like that and she never liked me. She has a thing for Asian guys and she's currently engaged. She's always had my back and looked out for my best interest.
She wanted me to release a statement about the kidnapping and do an exclusive interview with ABC's 20/20. I objected at first because Blaire isn't in any state to be in the public eye. I want to take a step back from the public and media too. Then she reminded me I still had some obligations to do in New York. A few business meetings and a few club appearances. I agreed to release a statement, one club appearance, and the business meetings. I wasn't going to even address the Anastasia situation. It wasn't a big deal and I knew it would die down soon.
My obligation and business were a temporary distraction. I really wanted to get back into my music. Music brought me back to life, silenced my fears, and allowed me to speak my truth. Though Kai and my family didn't think it's the right time considering what just happened, I just needed to be on a stage or in a booth.
I called Myles to book a private jet and to get my condo ready. Then confirmed with David, the President of my entertainment company, that I would still attend the meetings. I needed to start packing for my trip. All my clothes were in our bedroom. I didn't want to go in there, but I didn't have a choice. I went straight to my closet. I packed my suitcase and took three suits for my business meetings and just in case I had anything else to do. I picked up my things and headed out.
Blaire asked me where I was going. I told her I was going to do an interview, clubs, and music to get some type of reaction out of her and just to piss her off. I needed to see if there was still somebody in there with emotions.
"You said you weren't going to release any music or tour until the baby comes," she said.
I sucked my teeth and gave her a harsh look. I didn't mean to but I was still mad at her.
"This is what I need to do for me. I can't stay in this house. I can't take that you don't trust me," I said.
"Avery, please. You know it's hard- I can't talk about it."
"No, you won't talk about it. How am I supposed to feel, Blaire? I feel like I have a lying wife that doesn't want anything to do with me. Doesn't even let me touch her," I scoffed.
"Kiss me, touch me. Do anything you want," she said, trying to get up.
I knew she was still healing from the miscarriage I didn't want her to do anything that would harm her or the baby. I was shocked that she was begging me to touch her. I didn't believe her. I assumed it was all an act. I knew I needed to shut up but I was pissed. I couldn't contain my frustrations anymore.
"Naw. So, you can flinch and shut down on me? I'm tired of this. You are my wife. I don't know what happened between us that you can't even be honest with me. That you can't trust me. No matter what happened I'm not going to get upset. I just want to know so I can help you, " I said bitterly.
She began to cry. I wasn't trying to make her feel bad. She wasn't being honest with me and that was really hard for me to deal with.
"I made a deal with the devil," she whispered.
"What are you talking about Blaire? Just talk to me please."
I was legit confused and worried. Did this person have something on her? I couldn't even imagine her having a secret that big. The worst thing she's ever done was cheat on her boyfriend with me. I'll take the majority of the blame for that. I knew she was drunk and I took advantage of that because I wanted her so bad.
"I can't... I love you too much. Avery, just let this go. I promise I'll work on me and us," she sobbed.
Why couldn't she just tell me?
My frustration was at an all-time high. I rubbed my jaw almost raw. It took everything in me to restrain myself, but I easy going to hold my tongue anymore.
"I know you know who fu*king took my daughter, but you won't tell me! Why are you protecting them, Blaire?! What do they have on you? What did they do to you? Why are you so scared?!... Fu*king answer me, Blaire!" I yelled.
Blaire was crying and I knew I went too far again. I was about to apologize to her when Maddie came into the room. She begged me to stop yelling at her mom. Then she went to comfort Blaire. I felt terrible. I never raised my voice at Blaire. I wasn't setting a good example of how a man should treat a woman. I apologized to my baby girl and kissed her. She left the room and I closed the door behind her so I could finish talking to Blaire more respectfully.
"This isn't over. I'll be back in a week, maybe," I told her.
"Avery, please stay. I need you. The kids need you. We just lost a child. I'm sorry but I can't tell you because I don't want to lose you or my family. It would kill me if something happened to you all," she pleaded.
I knew she was trying, but I was still hurt and mad. I sat on his side of the bed. If she told me something I would let it go for now.
"You have to tell me something, okay? One thing I need to know and I'll drop it for now. I need you to tell me the truth, okay?” I said.
"Okay," she mumbled.
"Did they hurt you?"
I looked her in the eyes, hoping she'd finally tell me the truth.
"Yes," she whispered.
I knew something happened. I'm even more pissed that someone hurt my wife and she won't tell me who. I couldn't even look at her. So, I grabbed my stuff and left. I wanted to kill whoever did this. I'm going to find out and when I do I'm going to make sure they die a slow painful death.
I was so furious that I hopped in my car and drove straight to the airport. I had about 4 hours before my flight's departure so, I just sat in my car in the parking structure. Nick, Andrew, Kai, and Myles was blowing up my phone. I didn't feel like talking to them. They'll see me on the jet anyway. I wanted to call Blaire and apologized for talking to her like that, but I just didn't trust myself. I knew I couldn't control what I might say and I didn't want to make our situation worse than it was.
So, I just sat in the car and started writing some lyrics on my phone. Music and writing always put me in a better mood. It helped me process stuff in my life. I was writing about my wife and how she used to be. I wrote about my pain, my anger, my regret. My phone was rung, pulling me out of my zone. It was Kai. I knew she was freaking out because I should be in the airport VIP lounge, waiting for her.
"I'm here Kai. I'm about to walk in," I said.
"Oh, okay. Just a heads up. It's a lot a paparazzi today," she warned.
I ended the call. I realized how dumb I was to come to the airport with no security while I'm currently a hot topic in the media. I found a pair of dark shades and put my hood over my head. I grabbed my two bags and headed toward the private terminals. I tried not to attract any attention. Thankfully, Kandi Burruss was there and all the focus was on her. I slipped into the lounge and saw Andrew, Myles, and Kai were sitting down talking. When they noticed me they seemed relieved.
"Thought you weren't going to come. I understand if you wanted to change your mind," Kai said.
"I'm here. Let's go," I snapped.
I wasn't in the mood to talk. We headed to our gate and then to the jet. I sat in the front and placed my earphones on, tuning everything out. I listened to some new tracks a couple of producers sent to me. My goal was to keep my mind off my disheartened wife that I left behind. I had to think about something else to stop the guilt that was overtaking me.
My phone buzzed as we were about to take off and it was my boy, Drake. I decided to answer since I haven't heard from him in a while.
"I meant to call you earlier, but my tour has me crazy busy. How are you and the family doing? Is Blaire good?"
"Not too good. I'm on a plane. I'm heading to New York. Maybe we can hang out," I suggested.
"I don't think that's a good idea. You just went through hell, man. You need to be with wifey and the kids. Take all the time you need."
"I got business to take care of. These vultures don't care what's going on in my personal life. They only care about money. Besides, I still have artists and employees to pay and a family to provide for. I got to step in for Blaire. She's not ready to work and I'm making sure she doesn't have to for a while.”
“I understand. Well, after you handle business come to my show maybe perform if you up to it."
"I'm down with coming to the show. Blaire will kill my ass if she heard I was on somebody's stage. It's bad enough that I'm leaving her right now," I said, trying to sound upbeat.
“She can be intense.” He laughed.
“How would you know? You two never said more than a few words to each other. I'm shocked she lets me be friends with you.”
“Me too. I guess... I just assumed. Anyway, I got to go. See you soon.”
We ended the call and it was perfect timing. The flight attendant announced it was time for take-off. I buckled up and continued to listen to music as I wrote. Blaire kept popping up in my head. I was getting frustrated and sad thinking about her. I pushed all of my problems to the side, for now, to focus on the upcoming business I had to handle.