After my session with my therapist, I went back to my hotel room to refreshen up for my upcoming appointment with Dr. Andrews. She wanted to follow up with me after my hospital visit. At first, I was going to cancel with her and have my follow-up in New York, but I wasn't comfortable with seeing someone new. This was one of the main reasons I wanted to come back to Atlanta. I wanted to be seen by a doctor that I trusted and knew me and my concerns.
Just as I was touching up my makeup, Avery walked into the bathroom still in his black suit. I didn't expect him to stay at the memorial service so long. He kissed my cheek. There was no touch or embrace, none of the things he used to do. Then he headed toward the shower and started undressing.
"How was it?" I asked.
He stepped out his black slacks and then walked back to me. He grabbed a face towel and then faced me.
"It was very small. Adam didn't have any family, just friends from the marines. It was a nice service though. I stayed until the end. I didn't feel right about leaving early, " he said.
"That was sweet of you to stay." I smiled.
"Thanks... It feels like I haven't seen you all day. When did you leave? How was your session with the therapist?"
"My session went well. I got a lot off my chest. We'll talk about it later... Oh, I left at seven this morning. My appointment was at eight. I stayed until about 10:30. Then Drew picked me up. I ate and now I'm getting ready for my doctor's appointment."
"You want me to come with you?"
"No, it's just a follow-up. Enjoy your shower and then relax. You've been doing so much for me." I smiled. "I'll see you in a few hours. The kids are with Brooke. I'll meet you there?"
"Sure," he said as he finished undressing.
He turned on the water. I stared at him enjoying the fine specimen that he is with his toned muscles, beautiful tawny brown skin, piercing hazel eyes, and perfect coils and curls. He's beautiful inside and out. The desire to be intimate with him again was there, but I struggled to get to the next step. I feared it wouldn't be the same. He might see me differently, knowing that monster was once inside of me. I also feared getting pregnant again. I know it's was putting a strain on our marriage. He seemed hesitant or too scared to touch me even when it wasn't sexual.
"I'm about to go. I love you, Avery."
"Yeah, you too," he mumbled.
He disappeared in the stream of hot water and steam, leaving me feeling the opposite, cold. I left the bathroom room and then I grabbed my things. I sent a text to Drew that he didn't have to take me to the doctor. I ordered an Uber and then headed to the lobby to wait for my ride.
As soon as I arrived, Dr. Andrews warmly welcomed me. We went straight to the examination room. She checked my chart and vitals. Then she did an ultrasound to check my uterus. Then she did a physical examination.
"Are you having any bleeding, pain, or discomfort?" she asked as she applied pressure to my abdomen.
"No, I feel fine, physically."
"Okay. You can sit up."
I took my time to sit up. I crossed my legs anxiously debating if I should ask about birth control.
"And have you been taking care of your mental health? Have you talked to anyone?" she asked.
"Yes, I had my first therapy session this morning."
"I'm glad that you are talking to someone... Well, you are healing well. Your uterus is healthy and you can have more children with no complications. If you are up to it, can have sex. Just take it slow, okay?"
"Okay... Yeah, I will," I said just above a whisper.
"Great. I'll let you get dressed and I'll be right back."
When I got up to redress, I noticed that my stomach went down. I was feeling and looking like myself a little bit. I put back on my clothes and waited for her to come back. She walked in a few minutes later.
"Do you have any questions or anything you have concerns about?" she asked.
"I do. I want to get on birth control. Is it possible to get something today or before I leave to go back to New York? I'm not good with pills. I forget to take them. I had a complication with an IUD before. So, how many options do I have?" I inquired.
I didn't want to have any more children. Avery and I had no issues conceiving. I've been pregnant twice within a year and a half and I couldn't take any more chances. I wanted to eventually be intimate with my husband soon. I had moments when I really wanted to, then there were times when even the thought freaked me out. I hoped contraception would help me be more at ease about being intimate.
"It seems your choices are an implant or the shot. I don't have Nexplanon in stock, but there is still another option that I can give you today. It's Depo-Provera. You have to get it every three months. I'm not a fan of it but if that's what you want, we can start today," she said.
"I do," I said a bit more eagerly than I should.
She told me all the information about Depo-Provera. I signed the document that stated that I understood everything about the birth control drug. After all that was done, she administered the shot in my butt. I rubbed the sore spot after pulled up my pants. I thanked and hugged her before I grabbed my things.
Then I caught a ride to my brother's house to get my kids. I let myself in and headed toward the voices. Everyone was in the family room either eating, chatting, or watch my Blake's game. My babies hugged and kissed me. Then. My niece, Brianna, and nephew, BJ, hugged me next. I was surprised to see BJ since he just started his first semester of college. I still can't believe my first nephew is 18 and grown and Bri is 15.
Brent was into the game while Brooke was talking to her sister, Kelly. Avery was in the corner on his phone. It seemed like a storm was brewing in his mind the way his face contorted and the deep frown lines in his forehead. I waved at everyone else before I stood in front of him and then kissed his forehead.
"Hey, you're okay?" I whispered.
"Yeah, just work." He looked up and smiled. "How are you? And where's Drew?"
"I'm fine. And Drew should be home. You haven't talked to him all day?"
I saw it in his eyes that he was upset. Then there was the tension on his jaw and muscles. He stood up and grabbed my arm. He looked around before he headed toward the French doors. The cool autumn air hit me and I wrapped my arms around myself. I was confused about what was so important that we needed to stand outside in the cold to discuss.
"Ave, what's up? Why are you upset?"
I placed a gentle hand on his. Something was bothering him. I knew it for some time and I wish he would tell me.
"Why didn't you have Drew take you to the doctor and here? It's not safe, Bee. I need you to be safe," he stressed.
I didn't realize that he was this worried about me. I knew how it felt to let that worry or fear get irrational, controlling. I didn't want that for him. I knew he meant well because love can sometimes manifest as worry. I had to reassure him that I was safe now and I'm slowly getting back to me.
"Baby, I'm safe. There's no one out there that wants to hurt me, us. Henry's gone. All the people he worked with are locked up."
"Not long enough... I wish you would just testify so they'd get more time. Those plea deals were disrespectful. Five to ten years, that's nothing for what they did," he scoffed.
"Well, I'm not doing it. I'm not putting our family through that. I won't allow the world to consume any more of us. We got justice and we can go back to our lives. That's all I want. I just want to go back to how it was. I want to go places by myself without looking over my shoulder and I did that today for the first time in months."
"I- I didn't see it like that. I get so worried about you. I just don't want anything to happen to you."
"I know, but we can't guarantee anything. I'll communicate better so you won't worry, okay?"
"Okay." He smiled.
I placed my arms around his neck to steal some of his warmth.
"Now let's go back inside. It's cold. And I don't need my brother thinking we have more issues," I said playfully.
"Yeah, Bryce and Blake are enough."
We went back inside and my brother gave that you good look. I nodded and smiled before I hit up the snack bar. We stayed until the end of the game. My baby brother was a beast with 33 points, 10 assists, and 6 rebounds. The Hawks won the game against the Celtics and I'm so proud of him. Then we headed back to the hotel.
The kids we down for the night in the other bedroom. It was just us in the living room of our Presidential suite, enjoying a bottle of ridiculously expensive Pinot Noir from France. We were talking and reconnecting as we sipped on our full glasses of wine. He rubbed my thighs, something he hasn't done in a long time. I loved his touch, but I still wasn't ready.
"You didn't tell me how it went at the doctor."
"I got a clean Bill of health. Dr. Andrews cleared me for sex. I was thinking after Aiden's party we can have a nice romantic dinner and see where it goes. I can't guarantee anything, but I want to try to get back to us," I said.
He smiled wide and pulled me in close. I briefly thought about the shot. I hated to keep things from him, but I didn't want him to know right now. I wasn't ready to talk about not having any more kids. I felt there were other things we needed to discuss before we got on that topic.
"I'd like that, Bee." He grinned.
"I know." I winked.
I gave him a peck on his lips. We kissed for a while and lingered in each other's arms for a few moments. He got up to change and I went to check on our children again before I went to bed. I felt good about everything. I felt like I was finally putting my life back together. I had the best sleep I had in a long time.
The next day, I spent time with my kids and prepared for the party. Aiden's party was nice. My mom and mother-in-law did most of the planning and everything else for me. We had it at Bryce and Keisha's house. It was a zoo theme. My brother got a train and live animals. I thought it was a bit much, but it was so cute. My son loved it. I hate that he wouldn't remember anything, but the joy on his face was all that matters.
All of our friends and family came to support him. My baby boy received so many gifts and had so much fun. I had a great time. I felt like myself. I was almost ready to stay here and go back to my regular routine and life. I knew I was pushing it if I asked to stay. I was saddened about leaving everyone behind again. Instead of moping around and sleeping all day, I want to be more proactive in my healing process.
During the flight back I started checking on my work. I felt so out of the loop. It seems that David and Misha have been handling everything very effectively. We were not behind and she cleared my schedule. I made a note to myself to personally thank both of them when I got back. I still had a few things to do. We signed two new groups and I needed to get started on getting their albums completed.
As I type away on my laptop, I realized I missed working. It has always been a great distraction and kept me focused. After I finished my latest task, I sent Misha and David an email, thanking them and I also told them to expect me back part-time next month.
I knew Avery was going to give me a hard time about returning so quickly, but I just needed to go back to my normal routine. I already made a big decision without him. When the time's right, I'll tell him about my decision to be on birth control. I just hope that he'll understand.