We were on our way back to Atlanta for the holidays. We spent Thanksgiving in New York. Initially, I wasn't happy about it. I missed my family and friends. I felt like I haven't talked to any of my family or friends as often as I would like. Since I've been working more and spending more time with my children, I couldn't seem to find the time. I often find myself feeling guilty about it.
The longer I stayed in New York the more I realized I didn't like it. I'd take living in Los Angeles over New York. I actually did enjoy living there. The cold was killing me and everything here felt so tight, crowded, and claustrophobic. I missed the openness and fresh air of the south. I felt lonely here sometimes. I didn't have any friends here besides David. Don't get me wrong, I love Avery's family. They are the reason I haven't lost it completely. Stephanie tried her best to make me feel included with her friends but they are so young and single. There was only so much clubbing I could do, but I appreciated her including me.
I didn't want to complain or mention that I wasn't really happy here because I knew my husband was happy to finally be home. He made a big sacrifice to move his life to Atlanta for me. So, I could suck it up for a few months for him. Besides, I didn't want to take him out of his element. He was happy and his music sounded amazing. We were making love constantly and getting back to how it was before all the drama and tragedy in our lives. I just couldn't let this small inconvenience of being homesick ruin all of this. I tried to be positive and find the good in staying in New York.
Of course, my wonderful husband knows me so well. I guess he knew that I was homesick. So, he secretly flew my family to New York to spend Thanksgiving weekend with us. I was so happy and appreciative. It was so nice seeing my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, nieces, nephews, and sisters-in-law. I just couldn't believe how much my nieces and nephews grew in such a short time. Brent's kids, BJ and Brianna, are 18 and 15 Bryan's girls, Brailynn and Hope, are 16 and 14. Bryce has three boys now, Mason, Sky, and Jaxen; and they are 12, 10, and 2. Blake still doesn't have any kids. I'm not sure if he wants any or wants to settle down since he changes girlfriends like he changes his underwear.
I had the best time with both of our families. I'm fortunate that my in-laws love my family and my family loves my in-laws. I was looking forward to seeing everyone again.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that we had landed. I was home and felt elated. Madison grabbed my hand and tried to help me get up.
"Come on, mommy. We are finally home," she beamed.
"Okay, I'm getting up, honey," I said smiling at her.
I got up and grabbed my purse. Avery had Aiden and handed him to me so he could get our two small pieces of luggage. His parents, sister, and Andrew were with us too. They all grabbed their things and left the jet leaving me with Aiden and Avery.
"You look beyond happy. I guess I should have bought you home a long time ago," Avery teased.
"That would have been a smart thing to do." I laughed. "I'm really happy to be home and I'm definitely going to show you just how much I appreciate you."
"You better." He grinned.
I nudged him before we walked off the jet toward the terminal. I put Aiden down so he could walk a bit and help get some of that pent-up energy out of his little system. We walked for a while and I hoped there were no paparazzi around. So far, I didn't notice any. We headed to the two SUVs parked. Maddie climbed in with her grandparents and auntie, while I placed Aiden in his car seat in our SUV. Once settled in Drew got in the driver seat and Myles got in the front seat.
"So, where to, Ms. Bee?" Drew asked.
"Home," I said.
Avery, Myles, and Drew looked at me like I was crazy. I wanted to go home.
"Bee, are you sure?" Avery asked.
"Yes. I want to go back to our home. I promise I'll be fine," I said confidently.
Drew called Nick and told him to head to the house. As we were driving home, I was a little bit nervous. I wasn't sure how I would react or feel once I stepped foot into my house. In therapy, this moment was discussed multiple times. Jackie told me I might feel shocked, sad, or angry, but it was something I had to eventually face. I finally felt ready to do that. I wanted to create new happy memories there from this point on.
When we arrived at our house, I noticed everything was different. It wasn't even the same color. It was now all white with navy trim compared to the warm tan and light green tones. Even the landscaping was different.
"What did you do to my house?" I asked Avery.
"With the help of your mom, Keisha, and Jade, I remodeled it. I thought a change would make you more comfortable. If you don't like it. I'll change it again," he said.
"I like it." I smiled.
I went to get Aiden out of the car seat. He spotted his sister and ran toward her. My in-laws were getting their luggage and heading toward the front door. We all walked in and I couldn't believe how different but nice everything looked. Stephanie took the kids to the kitchen. They were begging for snacks. I noticed Avery lingering in the hallway. I could tell that he was a little nervous. I grabbed him and kissed him.
"Thank you. I love it. And I love you. I'm going to miss you when you go on tour. So we have two weeks to try out all the new rooms in the house," I whispered in his ear.
"I'm glad you like it." He smiled and grabbed my booty. "Mhmm, you know you're getting thicker again. I think I knocked you up again. I hope I'm right."
We've been having a lot of unprotected sex so I understood why he would think that. The guilt of not telling him that I was on birth control was nearly drowning me. I needed to tell him, but I didn't know how. I was afraid of messing up all of our progress if I did. I had to get over my fear and let him know soon.
"Show me the rest of the house," I said, changing the subject.
We walked from room to room. Literally, everything was new. There was new paint, new furniture, new decor, and even the floors were changed. I liked the new brighter and modern colors. I felt like I was in a new house. Then we walked to our bedroom. I had this weird feeling and a quick flashback of Henry's dead body on my floor. I quickly shook it off and sat on my new bed taking everything in.
"Babe, are you okay?" he asked.
"Yes... I'm going to freshen up and then I'm going to get started on dinner. I want everyone to come over tonight," I said.
"I can help you freshen up." He grinned.
"Freshen up, huh? I guess you can help me with that."
He undressed me and then himself be we got in the shower. He slid his hands up and down my hips and thighs as he covered my neck and back with desperate kisses. He rubbed my aching bud. It felt so good, but my mind went straight to the birth control issue. Perhaps he would take the news better if he was deep inside of me.
"Ave... Mmm... I- I need to tell you something," I moaned.
"Only thing you need to tell me is how much you love this dick," he said as he plunged inside of me.
My mind went blank from him filling me up. He nibbled on my neck while his hips bucked against me. His slow long strokes had me breathless. I felt myself tightening around him and the pressure building. He wrapped his arm around my waist as he increased his pace. He going so fast and hard, hitting my spot. My eyes rolled in the back of my head as I came undone. He wasn't far behind me as he kissed my neck and grunted in my ear.
After we cleaned up, I got dressed. I knew it wasn't the right time to tell him. Everyone was coming over for dinner soon and I had a lot to prepare. I went to the grocery store. Since was in the mood for some southern comfort food, I decided to make fried fish and shrimp, green beans, potato salad, macaroni and cheese, green salad, and baked wings.
Around seven that evening, my house was full of family and friends. I was done with cooking. Jade was helping me with getting plates and silverware out. She's four months pregnant with her daughter. Even though I'm happy for her sometimes I feel a tinge of jealousy. I was supposed to be six and a half months pregnant with my twins. We were supposed to be pregnant together, but it just didn't work out.
"So, how have you really been doing?" she asked out of nowhere.
"Actually, I'm pretty good right now. I'm happy to be home and Avery and I are doing good. The ordeal with Anastasia is over with and all the other social media drama." I smiled.
"And your hubby has been blowing your back out. You are all extra happy and glowing. I'm surprised you're not pregnant again."
"I don't want to get pregnant again. I lost two babies I don't want to lose anymore."
"You were under very stressful circumstances when you were pregnant. That would have happened to anyone else in the same shoes. I know your next pregnancy will be just fine. I know you might not be ready now but don't give up, okay?"
"Okay," I said dismissively.
She turned her nose up at me and shook her head. I just decided not to even go there with her today. I finished setting the table and went to the theater to get everyone to the kitchen and dining room so we could eat. Everyone was heading to the kitchen to make their plates. My baby brother, Blake, asked if we could talk alone. I agreed and took him to my office.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing. I haven't really talked to you and I just wanted to make sure that you're okay. I feel guilty that I wasn't there for you like I should have been," Blake said, staring at the floor.
"It's okay. You have been there when I needed you the most. I know you are busy with your career."
"I still feel like I could have done more... Are you really okay being in this house?"
"Yes. I had a lot of help and support to cope. Time has helped too. I just want to get back to the life I had before everything happened."
"That's good. I'm happy for you. I was really worried about you. I didn't know what to say to you honestly. You didn't really talk to us when you were in New York. Then that crap with that crazy chick. Are you and Avery still good after that?"
"Yes. He didn't cheat on me. It was all just a big mess. I'm glad I didn't let her lies get to me," I explained.
"That's good. I always like Avery for you. I wasn't sure after everything went down in Savannah, but I hope he continues to prove me wrong."
"Thanks, baby bro." I smiled.
I hugged him. I appreciated my brother and how much he supports me and my marriage.
"Well, I'm starving. Let's get back," I said.
He smiled and we went to the kitchen. I checked on my children first. They were happy and tearing my food up. I looked around and didn't see my husband anywhere. I asked his mom and she said she wasn't sure either. I figured he might have gone to the store. I made my plate and went to the table to eat and enjoy my family.
After eating, I attempted to clean up. My mom, Brooke, Stephanie, and Hazel made me sit down as they cleaned. We caught up with each other. Then the topic of having another baby came up again. I was annoyed. I ignored them and quickly move on to another subject.
Avery finally came back with dessert. He bought cookies, cake, and ice cream. He's been gone for a few hours and didn't even tell anyone. I thought it was odd but decided not to address it. We all ate dessert and talked. I was having a good time with my family. We laughed and teased each other. I found out some good tea about other family members and friends. I was happy and this was the best homecoming ever.
By midnight everyone was gone. The kids were asleep. Stephanie was out for the night with my cousins, Jayden and Taylor. My in-laws were done for the night in one of the guest rooms. The house was quiet again and I didn't like the feeling of being in a room by myself in this house yet. I went upstairs to find Avery. He was in the bed on his phone typing away. I sat next to him and he looked over and put his phone down.
"You finally came to bed," he said, reaching over to kiss me.
I stopped him and his smile fell flat.
"What did I do now?" He sighed.
"I hope nothing. You were gone for two hours and didn't even tell me or anyone that you were leaving. You know how I get worried. So, where were you, and what were you doing?"
"I had to run an errand and I went to the store on my way back," he said, getting out of the bed.
He went to our bathroom and came out with a small box. He handed it to me and I realized it was a pregnancy test.
"Christmas is in three days and I leave in two weeks. I want to know for sure if my wife is pregnant or not," he said.
"I'm not taking a test because I'm not pregnant. And you still didn't tell me where you were," I complained.
"How would you know if don't take the test? And why all of sudden you have to know where I am at every second of the day?" he asked bitterly.
"Whatever, Avery. I guess it's something about this room that brings the worst out of us... You know I don't want another baby, so stop pressuring me. Since you like to just disappear you can disappear into thin air and out of my room," I spat.
"I'm not leaving our room. You need to stop tripping. I knew we shouldn't have come here. This house is making you crazy already," he scoffed.
"I'm not crazy... this is ridiculous, Ave," I said, getting up from the bed.
Before I could get to the door he stopped me. He pulled me close to him.
"I'm sorry, Bee. I didn't mean that. Just take the test to prove me wrong. I promise I won't bother you about getting pregnant again. Maybe you can get that implant again," he said.
I couldn't hold in my secret anymore. I had to tell him. That's was probably why I was so hostile to him because the guilt was killing me.
"I'm sorry... I don't have to take a pregnancy test because I'm on birth control. I've been on it since the week of Aiden's birthday. I didn't mean to keep this from you, but I don't want another child. I can't go through that again," I cried.
He let me go and gave me the harshest gaze I've ever seen from him.
"You have kept this from me and lied to me again. After you promised you wouldn't. You could have told me that's what you wanted to do and I would have been supportive of your decision. You have never fully trusted me," he said solemnly.
"I'm sorry... That's not true. I trust you. I wasn't thinking. I wasn't myself back then... I'm sorry. I really am," I sobbed.
"It doesn't matter. I'm tired. Good night, Blaire," he said, getting in bed.
"Av... Avery... Baby, talk to me. I can explain,” I begged.
He ignored me. He didn't even flinch or turn around to look at me. I know I was wrong not to tell him and every time I tried I just didn't know how to tell him that I made this decision without even thinking about him. We never talked about our next step in whether we would have another baby or not. I should have been more vocal about what I wanted. All I could hope that in the morning after he slept it off and calmed down, I could fix this.