Chapter One: The beginning
Looking in the mirror running my hands through my face it was six months ago today. Six months since I moved towns and got away from the toxic people in my life who I once thought were special to me. Well all but one person who packed her bags and came with me. It usually amazed me how sometimes you have that one person in your life you consider you person. They feel the pain you feel, who emotionally just rides through life on the same wave length who will be heart broken when you get you heart broken, who will be happy based from your happiness. It’s a bond that really is unbreakable, and truly hard to find. What I didn’t know is you can have more than one person. Trick is finding out who they are. Finding the people who are not hiding behind some masks.
See I came out to this new smallish town, from a bug city I was in. I guess some may say I was running away but in reality I wasn’t, I didn’t like my life there so I left to make a new start to finally be happy. I hated the crowds, the traffic, the feeling of always in a rush. Anxiety at random moments but most of all I hated the fake people. See I had four best friends and what I thought was an amazing boyfriend. He was in business and well on the right track to make partner some day. He was busy a lot but always made time for me. We were together for almost two years the anniversary was coming up.
I took my key to his place because I forgot something I needed for work I worked in bakery because I was the best baker I went to school for it and worked hard to get at the best place in town. I left the new recipes at his place I wanted to try for the next day so I took my key and went into his place to see one of my best friends Chloe straddling my boyfriend Dimitri feeling each other up sucking face like their lives depended on it. It took me just a second to take a deep breath.
I slammed the door shut behind me. Catching them off guard so bad he ended up throwing her completely hard onto the floor. “Oh, don’t mind me I’m just here to collect all my stuff. Please as you were.” I said sarcastically. “No baby I swear I can explain everything. She means nothing to me I swear I love you.” Dimitri said running up trying to gab my hands pulling me to him.” “DON’T TOUCH ME! You can explain. Really D because if you truly love me it wouldn’t be this easy to be under someone else. That’s not love D! There is never a reason to cheat. If you were so unhappy with me you should have just broke up with me. You didn’t need to this shit behind my back.”
“No baby I am happy but only happy with you I love you this Chloe doesn’t mean anything to me. It was nothing but a mistake.” “How can you say that you said you loved me. You said you wanted to be with me.” “No, I didn’t I told you I wanted to marry Jessenia. You know that. That’s the only reason you’re here! You know I don’t love you, I never have.” Turning back to face Jessie. “Baby, you’re the only thing I want. Please forgive me, don’t let this come between us. I will do any and everything I can to make this right.” Dimitri said still trying to come close to her as Chloe stands there in shock tears and make up falling down her face.
“You cant fix this D, you can’t go back and magically unfuck someone. It doesn’t work that way. Honestly I gave you everything I could and apparently that’s just wasn’t enough for you.” “But it is. You are all I need.” “Bullshit D. That is such bullshit because if you were getting what you needed or wanted you wouldn’t be running around behind my back. There’s obviously something missing right? How long? How long have you been screwing around behind my back.” Jessie asked him, looking down we’ve hooked up a couple times maybe eight in the last almost four months; but I swear it was nothing but a mistake. It was meaningless. Im so so sorry.” Dimitri said crying hard.
“Eight times four months that’s not a mistake when you kept making the same mistake.” She air quoted. “You lied to my face for four months. You threw us away for meaning less sex. Sex is not meaningless. It may not mean anything to you , but you sleeping around means something to me. What if I caught an STD. Do you know how many people Chloe screws on the regular you know how big of a slut she is; she literally has sex with at least half the city. Your no better. You’re both gross as fuck. “EXCUSE ME!! Chloe roared across the room coming closer to her face turned red. “Tell me I’m wrong Chloe. Everytime we go out with you name one night one night where you didn’t go home with a complete stranger. You never cared if they were married or attached or single as long as you got some that night fuck the consequences. Now here we are to find out you’ve been screwing my boyfriend for about four months tell me how that doesn’t make you nothing but a back stabbing whore?! I honestly don’t know how you can look in the mirror and be ok or proud of yourself when your this pathetic!!!” Jessie yelled at her.
Chloe took a step back lost in shock so was Dimitri they never heard her yell at anyone or talk back this bad. Normally Jessie was the calm reasonable one, who never raised her voice. Neither one took in consideration how far they might have pushed her. The were ashamed because everything she was saying was right. Dimitri just wasn’t ready to lose her. Convinced she was his whole world. “Please tell me what to do to make this better. I will do anything to earn your forgiveness back.” Dimitri asked still tears rolling down his face.
“You can shut the hell up while I get my stuff and than I’ll be on my way and you two can continue right where you left off, only this time you get to bang a single man for once Chloe, trust me you two honestly deserve each other.” “NO. NO please don’t leave. You can’t leave me. I can’t lose you please I don’t know what to do with out you.I can’t sleep without you, you know that.” “Well luckily for you, you don’t seem to have that much trouble filling my side of the bed. It doesn’t seem to hard for either of you to find a bed. I can’t do this Dimitri I can be with someone I can’t trust who fucks sluts who claim to be my friend. We will never have that trust back you did that. You made this bed, you can lay init. I did everything for you and you did everything ot me. Are you proud of yourself?” She said yanking her arm back still packing all her things from around the house. “No.” He said back lowly.
“Jess please can’t we work this out or talk about it?” Chloe asked tears down her face. “You know what I have nothing to say to you all the times I stuck up for you and pulled you out of all those fucked situations you put yourself into it was me who go you out. This is how you do me really? After everything. We’re done. What Dimitri did is bad but you were suppose to be my friend. You don’t even know what that means though do you? You don’t know how to be there for someone because you are too selfish to give a flying fuck about anyone else. If it’s not about you or for you, than you have nothing to do with it. You are so attention starved you have to go and ruin other people. However I should thank you because without being the hoe that you I wouldn’t never know how weak Dimitri is. I want nothing to do with either of you I mean that. Stay the fuck away from me both of you.” Jessie said as she slammed the door.
“Jess wait please. What are you still doing here Chloe get the fuck out! You’ve done enough! Jess wait please.” Dimitri said as he run out after her.. “The only thing I’ve done here is you and you weren’t complaining than you fucking asshole.” Chloe screamed back grabbing her stuff and making her way out the door. Jessie ignored him all the way to her car where she got in. He was at her window still trying to plead with her. Jessie rolled down the window a little the wintery air hitting both of them to see the fog when you talk. Ground was wet and grey sky and clouds. “Are you really going to throw everything over some damn mistake. I know you love me can you honestly walk out so easy? Please stay.”
Looking into his eyes. “You did. You threw everything away for one mistake you made quiet a few times. It was this easy for you to crawl in bed with someone else. How did you really think this would end D? I hope your happy now and finally have everything you obviously weren’t getting from me. Are you happy now?” Jessie said shaking her head driving away. “No.” Dimitri sighed out. Giving Chloe death glare.
“You knew I was going to propose to her this weekend, you knew she was coming didn’t you Chloe.” She look don the ground with a guilty look. “You knew how much I loved her what she meant to me. I told you I wanted you to stay away. Why couldn’t you just let us be happy? Are this miserable with your life you had to come fuck up ours! She didn’t deserve this and you know that.”
“Really you want to scream at me like it’s all my fault. Because it take s two people to have sex and cheat Dimitri. You helped fuck things up yourself it wasn’t all just me. I know you told me to stay away from you. Yes I knew she was going to swing by your place today. What am I suppose to do though, huh, I’m IN LOVE WITH YOU! You were making the wrong choice marrying her. You were meant to be with me you just can’t see it because your so blinded by her. She was right you know she always is. If you were so in love with her why did you get under me?”
“I was drunk everytime thanks to you. It was always drink after drink hell the first couple times I thought you were her. You know that. I can’t even describe my hate and anger for you right now. Jessie is right I never want to see your pathetic sorry ass again. Stay the hell away from me too.” Dimitri said rubbing one hand on his face dodging Chloe attempt to grab him as her face is just as wet as his is from tears. “You don’t mean that baby. You’re just upset right now but you will see how this is a good thing.” “The hell I don’t, there’s nothing good about you Chloe. Leave me!” He said walking back into his building. Chloe looking around walking home.
Jessie called in from work. Calling her other three best friends. Sitting around the table at a small café she poured her out about what happened. “I can’t believe they did this to you I never saw this coming. How could she do this to you after all you’ve done for her. You know I just need to go borrow my cousins van and a shovel and a meat grinder the about to become pig shit by tomorrow morning. What’s his address again?” Alexia said standing up pulling out her phone and google maps. “Sit down Lex I’m fine.” “It’s for the best to know now anyway than to be kept in the dark.” Natalie said. “Ya, better she finally got caught now and he got outed before you guys got married.” Ashley said. “Wait you two knew? You guys knew the whole time?” Jessie said shocked. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell us let alone Jess ? Why would you have kept something like this from her?” Lexi asked. The four of them starring at each other. “We promised we would wait to tell you until she told you herself. Saying she was in love with him, and we didn’t want to rock any boats. We didn’t want to hurt you anymore than they already were.” Ash said. “You didn’t want to rock the boat?” Lexi asked in a you can’t be serious tone.
“Well hope you know that this boat between us done sank. I would never do that to you I have always been honest with you and have gone out of my way to help you. I never held any secrets from you. Glad to know how little I meant to you two. You guys are just like Chloe. Hope you happy with what you done. Lose my number and don’t call me ever again we’re done.” Jessie said throwing money down on the table. “SO far done.” Lexi said doing the same grabbing the jackets walking out. While the other two girls started to cry holding their heads down in shame and guilt.
“I can’t believe this day.” Lexi said as they walked in to their shared apartment. “That’s it pack your crap were leaving. That’s it we both hate this city, we ar ethe best at what we do we can get jobs anywhere. SO let’s we have no ties here but our parents and that’s just another plus to get the hell gone. SO let’s go to that smallish town we past threw when we went out on vacation that time and go settle.” Lexi said as she was literally packing her clothes. “We have money saved up just get your clothes and important stuff well replace everything on the way.” Lexi said getting more luggage bags and suit cases.
“You’re serious. SO we just change our numbers and pick up and go. Like running away from all our problems here.” Jess asked. “Not RUNNING AWAY from problems more like RUNNING TO something better. We deserve happiness and it’s been obvious we aint going to get it here.” Lexi said packing all the toiletries. “You know what you’re right let’s do it. Let’s go finally get happiness.” Jessie said Lexi hugging her tight yelling in excitement. Their cars were loaded and they were out by morning changing their phone numbers on the way. They called their parents once they got to the hotel and had an appointment to each get their own place the next day. Their parents were thrown for a full loop but understood. Jessie’s da was furious and supportive of the situation. Her mother was furious and upset but still thinks she stood have stuck around and fought to keep what she had with Dimitri that fight did not end well. Hell her mother still fights with her on it. She even changed her phone number a few more times within the six months because her mother kept giving it to Dimtiri. It’s been Quite now for a few weeks since the sixth month mark hit today.
The best thing about being the best at what I do is being able to get a job anywhere I got a job at the only café bakery in town. While Lexi got on at a lawyer firm in town she was the best. I love my boss. Ms. Ellie she is a widow for about seven years and the most sexual deviant I ever met. She said she is not going to waste any of her time she got left not living. Woman has no shame and I love it. She reminds me of the grandma in Moana the local village crazy lady. Ellie is wonderful took me in with open arms and knows the whole story.
“I work with another new bestfriend I met first night here. Eric he and Lexi were fighting in a diner over who was hotter Thor or Aquaman and we’ve been glued to the hip ever since. In the time we have been here we learned that this town is actually popular there is a legal fighting ring here like MMA or boxing something like that and the fighters apparently are famous around these parts they go all over and compete even on T.V. fights. I never been to the Devil’s Circle that’s the ring they all fight in. See I am boring and love to read and go out when forced by Eric and Lex. They mean well so it’s ok to bite that bullet for them.
The other thing I’ve come fond of is every day I go to work I get excited to see the Dark skinned beautiful man who comes in orders a drink, a pastry and reads a book in the same table to the corner in the side. I’m just in awe of him. He is scarred across his left eye like three claw marks across his face. They are faint but there. He has some more down the left side of his body I saw when he took off his hoodie one day and his shirt pulled up. It took all I had in me to look away and wipe the drool from my face. I noticed we read all the same kind of things. He must be incredibly smart. His friends come in and they are rowdy and loud kind of funny. He is the strong silent type. My stomach turns everytime I see or think of him. I have been over Dimitri for a long time now and Eric and Lexi know of my major crush and always try to push me to talk to him. I guess im just a coward.
He always makes small conversations with me and we have even gotten to know each other for over all this time but I’m still a coward. I just think he could do so much better. He probably thinks I’m scared of him I can tell people staring at him makes him uncomfortable with his appearance and all that was clear. But that’s not what holds me back he’s just gorgeous.
After taking out the last of the loaf breads, I grabbed the tray of turtle brownies I made and put them in the display case. The bell jingling on the door to represent a customer coming through rang. “Oh, good morning Xavier, what can I get for you today?” Jess said starting to blush hoping it wasn’t showing. “Morning Jess. Can I get that tea you like and one of them brownies you just got in there?” “Sure can.” “So how’s your day so far?” “You know how boring I am Xav I got up went for a run, came here and got in my happy place.” Jess said with her hands showing the bakery.
“I know you joke but this is really your element you can diffentley put your foot up in all these. I never tasted anything that beats what you can do sweet wise. Your ol man is a hell of a lucky guy.” He said in his deep husky voice. “He would be if he existed I guess. I don’t have anyone like that.” She said turning red. “That is hard to believe. Thanks Jess.” He said with a good look in his eyes. Causing Jess to blush harder. “Damn girl you got it bad. You are like a step away from licking him up and down.” Eric said startling her standing behind her.
“Where do you even come from you have got to stop doing this. Don’t start this again.” Jess warned. “Come on please. What harm could come from asking him out. You know how many times you tell me and Lexi. Don’t let fear hold you back, make it push you forward. Come on where is that Jessie who never backs down from a challenge when are you going to start fight for what you want?” Eric asked getting a little loud. “I do fight for what I want. I just you know I can’t.” Jess said looking at him. “Can’t or won’t?” Eric challenged. After six months of the same arguments something in her finally snapped. He was right. It’s time to start living life like Ms.Ellie says and stop daydreaming it to happen. It’s time to start taking some risks. Taking whatever confidence and pinted up rage form arguing with Eric she walked right up to Xavier stumbling with her thoughts and words as he looked up at her.
“Ok I know this is going to sound crazy but enough is enough I guess and I just got something to say to you that I’ve been holding back for long enough.” Jess said a little shaky. “OK, breath Jess, it’s just me. Say what you need to say.” He said looking up at her with a little worry like something is wrong. “For a long time now we have gotten to know each other don’t you think?” “Yes, I do.” He nodded crossing is arms leaning back in his chair. “I have always been a intimated to tell you this to your face.” “Are you saying your scared of me?” He asked in a dark and sad voice.
“No, intimated by you. You are the most beautiful human being I have ever seen and I always wanted to ask you out but I just get tongue tied and the butterflies in my stomach hold me back because my brain goes off and say there is no way in hell someone as smart, funny, and sexy as you would look my way like that and now I’m rambling and have gone to far with this and humiliated myself enough so now that I think you get my point I am just going to go crawl my way in the back to find a hole to get into and I am so sorry for interrupting you’re meal.” She rushed out red as a tomato face hot red turning around to go hide in the back until he leaves. Grabbing here by the wrist pulling her back to him.
“Hey calm down. Jess. We’re ok, just take a breath and let’s clear the air alright?” He asked. “Are you sure? We can just forget my stupid little outburst ever happened and just go back to how they were before I just ruined everything?” “No we can’t at least that’s not what I want to do.” “So I think what you was trying to say is that you feelings for me you been too nervous to act on am I right?” His voice was deep and smooth and music to her heart. She nodded. “ I need words Jess.” “Yes.” She said still nodding looking at the ground. Taking his finger lifting he chin to him even sitting down he was tall he was eye level sitting down compared to her 5’1. “I need you to look at me when you talking to me there love. “Ok.” He normally called her a nice pet name she figured it was just him being nice. He calls Ms. Ellie nice things too.
“Jess do you know why I come in here everymorning and sit at this table?” “No. I figured you like the food.” “I love the food get that straight. I come to this table because eno matter what your doing working around here I can see you from every angle. I only come in the day you work and I only eat and drink what you make. I come here to be closer to you. I love seeing that blush you get and I know it’s just and only for me I’ve seen other guys try and fail. I’m not blind but I am hopeful. I was going to make a move Friday; but it seems you beat me to it.”
Jessie was looking at him dumb founded in shock. “I don’t think I understand.” I have feelings for you Jessenia and I would like to start acting on them if that’s ok with you. You are the only person who treats me like a normal person. Who I feel like me when I am around you. SO can I take you out Friday night?” Xavier aske pulling her hand up to kiss the back of it.” Jessie stared blankly. “After all the things I rambled about to you just now are sure you want to ask that I mean I sounded like a straight crazy person.” “Yes I’m sure. We’ve waited long enough. Come on we deserve this don’t you think?” “Ya I do. Ok Friday night. I’m looking forward to it.” Alright I gotta go but let me see your phone.” He took it and texted himself saving himself in her contacts. “I’ll call you, you text me our address. He kissed her cheek and walked out with his tea and a deep smile.
“OH my God did that seriously just happen.” She asked behind the counter looking at Ms. Ellie now and Eric. “I said you should share not scare.” Eric said laughing. “Wooo Xavier got himself a snow bunny. Jessie going to get some.” Ms.Ellie said loudly with a laugh. “No Jess is not.” She replied back. “Oh really what did he save his name as in your contacts. Looking through her phone “Oh ok on the phone contact it says Xavier with hearts on both ends and in notes and media it says boyfriend or my man as his tags.” “Like I said Jess gonna get some.” Ms. Ellie said. “Look Jessie we both know this is not going to be a one time thing with him this guy never dates anyone or shows interest in anyone. You know you got him wrapped I’ve been telling you for a while now. Look at you finally living I feel so proud of you.” Eric said hugging her tight.
Working the counter she was full of excitement she couldn’t wait to get to know him better. To get dressed up. She realized she missed this but she knew deep down there was something about him that drew her to him like moths to a flame and she was ready to get burned.