Okay this is a warning.
This chapter includes subjects like rape, sexual assault and blood.
If you are not comfortable with these, simply don’t read or don’t read the parts were I start with a warning.
They end when I put a little ending.
My head was hurting me. I felt like there was little men in there banging my skull with sledge hammers. It really hurt. I felt like my head was going to explode. It was dark. I couldn’t see anything. Maybe that was because my eyes were closed and refused to open. I tried to peel them open but my dizziness prevented me. Why was I dizzy? I was sat on something really hard and there were itching things around my wrists and ankles. What’s happening? I want my daddy.
I forced my eyes to open and when they did I was confused. I was really drowsy and it was hard to keep them open. I was in a dark room. I didn’t know where I was. I sat up straight and became alert. There was a bed in the middle and I didn’t like the colour. The rest of the room was a sickish green. I tried to move my arms and legs but I couldn’t move. I looked down at myself. My arms were bound to a wooden chair by a rope. I tried to move again but I couldn’t. I was beginning to panic. Where was I? Why was I here? How was I here?
I tried to think back to what had happened. My mind was a bit blurry and I could hardly concentrate. After a while, I finally remembered and began to cry again. Carlos. Was Carlos alive? Was he okay? I wanted to see Carlos. I needed to see Carlos. I tried to get out of the chair again but that only caused my wrists and ankles to hurt more. The rope was rubbing against them and caused blood to come out. My head darted around the room trying to find something that would help me. Anything that could help me. I was still crying and it felt like my lungs were compressing. I was struggling to breath. I took deep breaths in and out to make sure I got enough air.
I dropped my head and let the tears fall. That was when I noticed the change in my clothing. I was wearing a very revealing outfit. The top showed the top of my breasts off and only connected in the middle with a knot. The skirt was really tight and short. They were both a beige colour. I would never wear this.
My eyes widened and I began to cry harder. I wanted to go home. I wanted Carlos. I wanted to go to sleep in my own bed. I wanted to wake up with Carlos looking down at me with soft eyes and loving smiles. I wanted to wake up to him kissing down my neck or stroking my hair. I wanted to look up from my book to see him randomly staring at me. I wanted to lay in between his legs as he fed me food and I fed him. I wanted to say I love you to him. I wanted to hear him say he loves me. I want my Carlos.
I heard a door open and I lifted my head up to see who had come in. The room lit up with light and my tears fell faster when I saw who had entered the room. He walked closer to me and knelt down in front of me. I sunk further into the seat to try get as far away from him as I possible could.
“Lavender. My sweet Lavender. How I have missed you.”
Jonas. He used the back of his hand to caress my cheek. I flinched back and stared at it with scared eyes. He stopped moving and his eyes turned hard. He gripped my cheeks and pulled me closer.
“Don’t fucking flinch away from me bitch.”
My eyes widened and I tried to get out of his grip. He held me tighter and slapped me across the face. My head whipped to the side and I cried harder.
⛔️ WARNING ⛔️
TRIGGERING BIT UP AHEAD
⛔️YOU’VE BEEN WARNED⛔️
“Don’t you like it rough. I mean from what I’ve seen you like to be fucked like a whore.”
I looked at him with wide eyes. My cheeks turned red.
“W-what are y-you talking a-about?”
He smirked at me menacingly. He got up and walked to the tv. He grabbed the remote and turned it on. Someone was moving with a camera. They looked as if they were sneaking around somewhere. Who was it?They appeared outside of a door. I could hear hushed voice on the other side but couldn’t understand them. The door slowly opened and I could finally hear the voices.
“-Because listen here slut I don’t like it when my little girl is being a brat. You are being a brat. I guess you’ll just need to be punished.”
My eyes widened and I looked at Jonas in horror. He smirked and walked up behind me.
“Y-you were f-following us.”
He lowered his head to my ear and bit it. I flinched a little and Jonas slapped me again.
I could hear moaning and looked back at the tv. It was showing me and Carlos in the janitor’s closet. I was being held against the wall with my hands above my head. Carlos had his face in my breast and he was sucking and biting them.
I tensed when I felt Jonas run his hands down my neck. He ran them down my chest and entered the shirt I was wearing. He suddenly grabbed my breast. I whimpered and began to sob.
“Your really are a little whore. Having sex with the first man ,except me, that ever took an interest in you. That’s all he will ever want Lavender. To have sex with you. He won’t want you anymore.”
He began to knead my breast and I was sobbing.
“No. C-Carlos isn’t l-like that.”
Jonas slapped me again.
“You’re mine sweetness. No one else’s and your foolish if you think otherwise. Just because I’ve spent the last 2 years in prison, away from you, doesn’t mean that I missed you any less. Hell it made me miss you more. Your sexy little body. You innocent blue eyes. I was being patient with you last time but I’m not this time. I want you and I will have you.”
I let out a loud sob and my tears fell like a waterfall.
He moved his hand further down and then went into the skirt. I squirmed and tried to beg him to stop. The chair was rocking a bit and I was shaking my head side-to-side.
“J-Jonas please s-stop. I-I don’t want to. P-please stop it.”
He grabbed my cheek and turned my head to look at him.
“That’s not what you were telling him. You were practically begging him to fuck you. I mean listen to this.”
He used the remote to skip the tape. He stopped it at the part where I was crying because Carlos wouldn’t let me cum.
“Daddy p-please let me cum. P-please I want to cum. Just fuck me a-and let me cum daddy. Fuck me daddy.”
My eyes widened and I blushed harder.
Jonas’ eyes turned darker at my reaction and he shoved two fingers in me. I screamed out in pain and gripped onto the arms of the chair. He moved them and I continued to scream. It hurt. It hurt so much. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to cheat on Carlos. No no. I want to stop. Please make it stop.
“J-Jonas no no. P-please stop. I-it hurts. It h-hurts so much.”
He didn’t stop. He went faster and harder and that made the pain increase. It still made a knot appear in my stomach. I didn’t like this. I was cheating on Carlos. I don’t want to cum. I tried to hold it but it made it hurt even more.
He brought a knife out of his pocket and ran it down my chest and the middle of my breasts. He stopped it and swirled the top.
“Moan Lavender or I’ll slice you.”
I whimpered and sunk further into the seat.
“I-I can’t Jonas.”
He didn’t seem to like that answer as he ran the knife from the bottom of my throat to the bottom of my breast. I screamed and sobbed for him to stop. Blood began to pour out and I felt a little light headed. My eyesight became blurry and I struggled to keep my head up.
He curled his fingers and I couldn’t take it anymore and came. I let out a loud whimper and came on his fingers. He smirked and pulled his fingers out He brought them up to my mouth and prodded it. I shook my head.
“Goddamn it Lavender open your mouth.”
I tiredly shook my head again. Jonas grabbed my cheeks and puckered them so my mouth opened. He shoved his fingers in and I gagged as they hit the back of my throat.
He closed my mouth.
“Suck them Lavender.”
I looked at him with wide eyes before shaking my head again. He used the knife to make a slash down my arm. I cried and tried to scream but his fingers were still in my mouth. I gave up and sucked them. They tasted horrible. Like grease. They were nothing like Carlos’s. Carlos’ were soft and gentle. Jonas’ were rough and jagged.
He pulled his fingers out and pecked me on the cheek. I tried to move away from him but he still did it. He petted the top of my head.
His praise didn’t make me feel nearly as good as it did when Carlos said it. It made me feel gross. I felt as if I was cheating on Carlos. I just cheated on Carlos. What will he think of me? I didn’t want to. Will he want me anymore? I really am a slut.
I let my head fall and tried to concentrate on Carlos’ voice on the tv. I closed my eyes and imagined the moment he said those words.
“You did good darling. Shh. I love you.”
“I love you too Baby.”
My eyes closed.
I don’t know how long I’ve been in here. There’s no windows so I can’t see any sunlight. I feel so weak. I don’t want to be here anymore. He’s hurt me so much. There’s sometimes where he would leave me for hours and sometimes where he would come back after minutes. My body hurts.
There’s girl here. I don’t know her name but she looks to be around 14-15. She hardly talks and when she does it’s only in chopped sentences. Her voice is harsh and she flinched at any movement. I know she hasn’t had a good life. She seems fragile. Her body is littered with scars and bruised too. Whenever Jonas comes near her, she tenses and quickly runs out the room. What has he done to her?
Whenever Jonas hurts me, the girl comes in and tends to my wounds. I try to talk to her but she just ignores it or gives me a pleading look to stop. Maybe she’s not allowed to talk to me. Yeah that’s probably it.
I still talk to her though. I don’t ask for her to talk but it’s just makes me feel better when I can talk to someone that’s not Jonas. I wouldn’t want to talk to him anyway. I’ve told her all about Carlos. About how soft and caring he is. About how he takes care of me so good. I’ve told her about my family and friends. About how kind they. How protective they are. I even told her a little about Nathaniel. About his intelligence and how funny he is. I see her smile sometimes when I talk about my life but I soo turns to a sad one last glance at me and then she runs out the room.
She has soft features but her face has certain scars and bruises on it that couldn’t have been caused by anything except a hand or knife. She looks too skinny and is probably malnourished and dehydrated. Her clothes hang to her body like a coat on a coat rack. Her eyes are a light grey colour and her skin is a tan colour.
One of the few times she ever talked to me was to ask my name. I told her my name and then asked for hers. She shook my head and then walked out of the room. I was confused. Was she being told to not talk to me? Or was it because I looked so ugly and bad that she instinctively didn’t want to talk to me in general?
Once she’s done attending to my wounds, she quickly flees from the room I’m being kept in. Depending, sometimes Jonas comes in immediately after or after a few hours.
I’ve been tied to this chair for ages and my back hurts. I feel like I’ve lost any movement in my legs and I can’t move my fingers because my body is so weak. I struggle to keep my eyes open sometimes and half the time I don’t want to anyway. He’s hasn’t touched me like that since the first time I woke up here. I don’t know why. He’s had so many chances.
I’ve hardly sleep in days. I’m too scared to sleep because I’m terrified he’s going to do something to me in my sleep. I’m scared. I’m so so scared. I just want to go home.
He sits in the room and tries to talk to me as if we’re the bestest of friends. He asks me about my life and when I refuse to talk to him he slashes my body. I’ve stopped screaming now. My throat is as dry as a desert and hurts. The wound between my breast is hard to look at. How was Carlos suppose to want me when I looked like this? Hell he would of thought I was ugly. Like I was a piece of garbage. He wouldn’t have wanted to even look at me let alone touch me. No one will.
I’ve cried so much that I can’t even more. All my tears have dried out and I have a major headache all the time. My eyes hurt and they sting so much. I begged and begged for him to let me go but he just hurts me if I ask. I’ve stopped begging now as there’s no use. He’s never going to let me go willingly. He’s too obsessed with me.
He’s showed me footage from the hospital. Carlos was laid on a bed and his parents were beside him. I was so happy to see him. He was okay. My mood changed when I noticed what his family’s were doing. Jeniffer and Jessica were crying their eyes out. Why were they crying? Shouldn’t they be happy he’s alive? Damian was sat in a chair beside him holding his hand. He had a solemn sad look on his face. They were saying goodbye.
That’s when I finally gave up hope. I cried my eyes out and refused to believe him at first. I screamed that he was a liar. Jonas just laughed at me. I tried and tried to get out of the chair but I couldn’t. My wrists and ankles began to bleed and I couldn’t stop crying and screaming.
After about a day of disbelief, I finally gave up. He was gone. My Carlos was gone. What was I suppose to do? Carlos. No no. He was my first love. He wasn’t suppose to die like this. We weren’t suppose to end like this. We were suppose to graduate and go to college. We were suppose to have days were we would just lay in bed and some days were we would laugh our hearts out. We were suppose to have passionate nights. We were suppose to get married and have kids. It wasn’t suppose to end like this.
I no longer had any hope. If Carlos wasn’t alive anymore, there was no reason to have any hope. He was my last hope and now that’s he’s gone I have nothing to look forward too. Nothing. Sure there were other things in my life that me happy like Josie, Max, Braydon, my dad and brother. But Carlos didn’t just make me feel happy. He made me feel wanted, loved, cherished even angry sometimes. The ways he would tease me made me so mad but it just made me love him more.
I felt like I was lifeless now. I had no emotions. They all left when Carlos left. It was my fault. I was the reason he died. If he wouldn’t have gotten involved with me, he wouldn’t have died. He should of found someone that could have made him happier than I . He should of found someone that didn’t have a past like mine. He should have found someone better than me. I was never good enough for him. He was so sweet and caring. He was such a handsome and gentle man. I didn’t deserve him.
My eyes were shut. My head was hanging low and I didn’t want to look up. My body hurt so much. The amount of new wounds I have was ridiculous. I had the one down the middle of my breast. One on my stomach. One going right from my left shoulder to my hand. A little one on my right arm. My wrists and ankles had dried blood on them because of how much I tried to get out of the chair when I first came in here. My nose if probably broke from when Jonas punched me after I told him to go screw himself.
That was when I got my first proper lesson. He took me out of the chair and threw me in a room. It was small closet. I couldn’t move as it was so small. There was a microphone in the left top corner and for a whole day Jonas would throw vicious comments at me but he had auto tuned the microphone so it sounded like Carlos. I cried and rocked myself back and forth trying to get any comfort that I could.
“That’s n-not Charlie. D-Don’t b-believe him.”
I had my hands over my ears and after a while I just laid against the wall and listened to everything he would throw at me. I was numb.
“No one will ever want you”
“You disgusting pig.”
“I never wanted.”
“You little whore.”
“Go kill yourself.”
I didn’t care anymore. The verbal abuse was worse than the physical abuse. You could heal physical wounds easily but mental wounds were much harder to heal. They stayed with you your whole life. They never go away. It’s like there’s an constant ominous black cloud hidden in the back of your mind and whenever you felt even the tiniest bit happy it would come back and remind you of how worthless and unwanted you were. It never never goes away. No matter how hard you try.
Since then, I’ve learnt to not go against him and just do what he says. I don’t want to get hurt anymore than I already have. It hurts enough already. I don’t want to go getting myself into even more trouble. So I keep my mouth closed unless I’m asked to speak.
I heard a loud sound and the door opening but I still couldn’t bring myself to lift my head up. Something was placed down in front of me and I closed my eyes. He was back. Here we go. I took a deep breath in and got ready for the torture that was to come.
The sound of tape sounded around the room and I heard some grunting. My eyebrows furrowed. What was the sound? Was Jonas in pain? I still didn’t look up scared he would take his anger out in me.
Jonas began to laugh and it was the most menacing laugh I’ve ever heard. It was so evil it made me flinch a little. I could still hear someone grunting and a chair was moving. Footsteps approached me and soon another set of feet could be seen in my line of sight. I squeezed my eyes closed when he gripped my chin.
He lifted my head up and gently caressed my cheek.
“Sweetness open you eyes.”
I reluctantly peeled them open and he stood there with a vicious smirk on his face. He kissed me on the cheek.
“Good girl. I really didn’t want to put you back in the other room again.”
My eyes widened and I shook my head.
“P-Please no. I-I’ll be a good g-girl. I-I swear.”
My voice was hoarse and my head was shaking constantly. I felt the sudden burning sensation in my eyes. I felt like crying but I had no more tears to cry.
Jonas gripped my cheeks and shushed me.
“No. You’re not going in there today. But misbehave and you’ll go back in there.”
I nodded my head and let out a little sigh.
He stood up to his full height and patted my head.
“Now sweetness we have a new visitor. I’m sure you know who he is.”
He moved to the side and I looked behind him. My eyes widened and my mouth fell open. Jeremiah. He was strapped to a chair just like me. His wrists and ankles were tied to it by rope and he had duck tape over his mouth. His eyes were wide and they began to looked over my body. The clothes I wore the first day were covered in blood and barely hanging on my body. He was wearing a black suit. He had a large cut on his forehead and there was blood surrounding it. That’s probably where Jonas knocked him out. How did he get to Jeremiah? I mean he was the mayor for Christ’s sake. Didn’t he have like millions of guards around him at all time?
I looked back at Jonas and he was smiling at me.
“W-why is J-Jeremiah here Jonas?”
He approached me and placed his hands on the arm of the chair. He leaned closer to and I leaned back. His eyes hardened and he slapped me.
“Dont fucking move away from me bitch. Dear Jeremiah is here because first he was the reason I was sent to prison last time. Secondly, I want a little audience for what I’m about to do to you next.”
My eyes widened and I shook my head.
Jonas brought a knife from out of his pocket and brought it to my neck. I looked down at and I finally felt tears fall down. I was about to die. He was going to kill me. I sobbed and looked back up at him. He pressed the knife closer and I felt it break my skin. A little bit of blood oozed out and I squeezed my eyes closed. I was going to die. He was going to kill me. Did I really want to die just yet? I hadn’t fulfilled my dream of opening my own hospital. Was I really ready to go?
If I did die, I would finally be with Carlos again. My tears dried up at that thought and my facial features relaxed. I was going to see Carlos again. I could be with Carlos again. I wanted for him to slit my neck.
He moved the knife. I squeezed my eyes tighter and waited for the familiar lightheadedness to kick in. When it didn’t appear, I opened my eyes hesitantly. I looked down. There was no blood coming out of my neck. I looked down at my wrist. He had cut the rope. I looked up at Jonas confused. He cut my other wrist and ankles free before pulling me out of the chair.
I stumbled on my feet and fell to the floor. Jonas grunted and picked me up. He chucked me over his shoulder and threw the knife he was holding to the other side of the room. I looked at Jeremiah with wide eyes. His had a worried look on his face.
⛔️ WARNING ⛔️
TRIGGERING BIT UP AHEAD
⛔️YOU’VE BEEN WARNED⛔️
I was placed down on the bed that was in the middle of the room. Jonas stood at the end of the bed with a sinister smile. I was confused. Why was I on the bed?
My eyes widened when I figured it out. I shuffled backwards immediately. My back hit the headboard and I looked around the room. Jonas got on the bed and gripped my ankles. I kicked and screamed.
“No no p-please don’t. P-Please don’t. G-Get off me.”
Jonas pulled me to him and slapped me across the face. I sobbed. He restrained my hands above my head. I tried to get out of his grasp but he tightened them. I shook my head and screamed. Jonas put a cloth in my mouth to quiet me. I tried to spit it out but I couldn’t.
I kicked my feet but Jonas used his legs to keep them from moving. He ripped the thin piece of clothing off my chest. I could hear Jeremiah’s muffled screams behind me. His chair was moving and he sound as if he was crying. My screams were muffled too and I looked at Jonas with wide pleading eyes.
Jonas caressed my cheek.
“We are going to have so much fun sweetness. So much fun.”
He lowered his head and began to kiss my breasts. I tried to move my body but because my feet and hands were restrained I couldn’t. He took my nipple into his mouth and I finally stopped fighting. He sucked and bit at it. I was numb. He was going to rape me. What would Carlos think of me now? He’s probably look at me disappointed. I cheated on him. He may be dead but I still cheated on him. I am such a whore.
Jonas let go of my hands and I left them where they were. No point trying to fight him. He wasn’t going to stop. Jonas always get what he wants. I’ve learnt that. Plus he was way stronger than me and I was too weak to even consider fighting him. I just laid there and let my tears silently fall.
This was it. He was going to finally break me. I would no longer be Lavender Rose. I would be that girl that got kidnapped and raped by her old friend. I would be no one.
How would people look at me now? How would my father look at me? How would Antonio look at me? How would my friends look at me? I was just a filthy excuse of a human. No would ever want to even spare me a glance. My scars were hideous.
Jeremiah was still trying to shout and get out of the chair but I knew he wouldn’t. I’ve been in his place for a long time. There was no escaping.
Jonas ripped of the skirt I was wearing. I was completely bare to him. He moved his fingers to my kitty and put them in. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. It hurt but it didn’t hurt anymore. It hurt physically but not mentally. Physically I was here. Mentally I was dead. I didn’t care anymore.
I heard a loud bang and Jonas stopped what he was doing. He went still on top of me. His head looked behind him and he cursed underneath his breath. I tried to understand what was happening but I was so tired. I just wanted it to be over.
Jonas got off me and I looked at him confused. What was he doing? He ran to the other side of the room where the knife was. He picked it and came back to me. He held it up and then brought it down. I felt a searing pain in my stomach. My eyes widened and I brought my hands down to where he had just stabbed me. I lifted my hands up to my face and they were covered in blood. My eyes got wider and I looked at Jonas.
He had a sinister look in his eyes and a smirk on his face. He brought the knife to his neck.
“See you in the afterlife sweetness.”
He moved the knife and slit his neck. I wanted to scream but all that came out of my mouth was blood. I coughed and choked on my own blood. My eyes began to feel heavy and I struggled to keep them open. I brought my hands up to my neck and gripped it. I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t breath. Was I going to die? I didn’t want to die just yet. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I wanted to say goodbye.
I looked at Jeremiah. He was crying. His body was shaking in the chair and he was trying to get out. He looked at me worried.
More blood came out of my mouth and I brought my hand up to it. I cough and choked. My stomach was killing me. My body was hurting so much. I felt weak. I could hardly keep myself eyes open.
I sent Jeremiah a smile.
“T-t-tell them i s-s-said good-goodbye please.”
He shook my head and more tears escaped. I smiled again. I took a deep breath and laid on the bed. I placed my hands above my heart and stopped crying.
“G-Goodbye m-my saviour. I-I’m going t-to b-b-be with my l-l-love now. Tell t-t-them I l-love them all s-so so much and th-they deserved b-better them m-m-me.”
My head fell on the bed and I struggled to breath. My breaths came uneven and in wheezes. A loud sound echoed through the room. I didn’t have the strength to lifted my head up. My eyes were closing. I could hear footsteps and someone appeared in my eyes sight. He had tears running down his face. Dad. He brought his hand to my cheek shakily.
“No no no. M-my baby. N-no. Don’t close your e-eyes sweetheart. P-please no.”
I tried to smile one last time but it was more like a grimace. I took one last deep breath and my eyes closed. Everything went silent. Nothing hurt anymore. I had finally found peace.