Don't Stay Close to Me

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CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: A SLAP ON MY FACE

‘I have to do something …. I have to do something…. I don’t want to be idle… I don’t need that today! For Pete’s sake it’s Sunday!!!!’

I reached for the remote and turned on the sound system in my room, setting it in shuffle the first music played.

*Musical instrument intro*

‘I know this song….’

I hum along as I try to recognize the song.

‘Oh, yes I remember it’s This Kiss by Carly Rae Jepsen….’

I sang along as she starts singing the first verse, snapping my fingers along with its rhythm.

*I went out last night

I’m going out tonight again

Anything to capture your attention (your attention)

And she’s a real sweet girl

And you know I got a boy

Details we both forgot to mention (forgot to mention)

And you, I always know where you are

And you always know where I am

We’re taking it way too far

But I don’t want it to end*

I closed my eyes as I follow her pitch then the chorus kicked in…

*This kiss is something I can’t resist

Your lips are undeniable

This kiss is something I can’t risk

Your heart is unreliable

Something so sentimental

You make so detrimental

And I wish it didn’t feel like this

Cause I don’t wanna miss this kiss

I don’t wanna miss this kiss…

And suddenly his face popped in my mind, his fair white skin, his black tousled hair and his nose—oh, so perfect and his electrifying black eyes, his lips—those lips that I surely didn’t resist. His lips that felt so good with mine.

Then all with unison of the last two verses of the song the kiss we had replayed in my mind. How he leaned closer to me, his lips drawing closer to mine and when it touched my lips, I lost my rational thoughts putting my senses into awakening. The taste of his mouth is still in mine. The hunger of his lips responded by my wanting lips as my body scorched.

*But if you ask me to

I couldn’t, I couldn’t, I

You’re leaning closer and

I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t, I

But if you ask me to

I couldn’t, I couldn’t, I

I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t

I don’t wanna miss this kiss*

The irrational wants of him took over me. I can’t resist. I don’t want it to stop. I felt like we’re in perfect rhythm as our lips moved together in unison, gave and took our wants. And even his touch, his grip on me sent such electricity in my system shivers in my spine. Our breaths and heat were a mixture of drug that made everything in high.

*This kiss is something I can’t resist

Your lips are undeniable

This kiss is something I can’t risk

Your heart is unreliable

Something so sentimental

You make so detrimental

And I wish it didn’t feel like this

Cause I don’t wanna miss this kiss

I wish it didn’t feel like this

I don’t wanna miss this kiss*

‘STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!’ My alter-ego screamed at me as soon as the song stopped and I snapped my eyes open.

“Oh!!! DAMN!!! I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!” I said my thought loudly slumping on my bed, soft and warm. I grabbed the sheets and wrapped myself with it.

Remembering it for two days is a bother. But remembering it every minute, every hour of the whole week is TROUBLE!

‘Ugh! Why did he kiss me?? Now it’s driving me crazy! This is his fault!’

‘You let him kiss you in the first place, whose fault then?’

‘But he should’ve stopped or didn’t do it…’

‘You could’ve stopped him too, whose fault again?’

‘But he should…’

‘You could’ve too…but you liked it…’

‘No!’

‘Yes, you do…why are you thinking about it then?’

‘This is his fault okay?’

‘You miss it…’

‘No.’

‘Yes, you do and you’re just blaming him just to deny that you liked it and you miss it.’

‘Okay, okay ego it’s also my fault but I didn’t like it…? Or miss it…….?’

‘Uncertainty’

‘Ugh…. why can’t you be my friend sometimes?’

I struggled out of the roll and tried to push the thoughts at the back of my mind. I went to look for my phone and scrolled down my contacts list. I saw Shane’s number I dialed it. It rang once, then twice and then again and again. Then it died. I tried Rich’s number….and just like with Shane it just rang and died.

‘Okay they are busy….’

I scroll down again then saw Mike’s number. I looked at the time before dialing; it’s still ten in the morning. I dialed his number.

“Hey.” He said, answering his phone in the second ring.

“Hey.” I answered.

“Why did you call?”

“Uhm, Shane and Rich are busy I don’t know about what but they don’t answer my calls…”

“And so?”

“I have no choice but to ask you to come with me shopping today, please!!” I cried.

“I can’t believe I am the last choice!!” He said dramatically over the phone and I rolled my eyes.

“So, can you come?”

“Wait let me check on my schedule…” He said and I heard the sound of the flipping papers.

“Sorry J, I can’t come I have my class with Mrs. Parkson this afternoon.”

“Oh, that’s bad news well, it’s okay.”

“But I can skip it.”

“No! Don’t do that! I know that’s important. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” I said quickly.

“Okay.”

“Ah... so I’ll hang up now.” I said.

“Hm. Okay, have a nice day.” He said.

‘I hope so….’

“Sure, I will.” I said nodding. Then I hang up.

I sighed and then I saw two new messages. I opened it and saw one message from Rich and one message from Shane.

From: Shane

Hey, J I’m sorry for not answering.

Drake came over and asked me out.

Sorry :(

****End of MESSAGE****

From: Rich

I’m with Sean, playing basketball.

Sorry for not answering your call.

****End of MESSAGE****

‘Okay they’re both busy with their love lives…. *Sigh. *’

I replied to both of them that it’s okay and have fun. And I got no response.

I left my phone on the table and grabbed my laptop. I browse the net but it’s all plain and bores me.

I turned off the sound system of my room and grab a book and turned the pages as I sit on my bed surrounded by pillows, red and white.

‘If no one is free to be with me today, maybe it’s a sign that I could use some time alone.’

I closed the book and stood. Leaving the book on my bed I went in my closet and changed my clothes. I take hold of my black checkered Burberry Mini sling bag with black matching my white tank top and black shorts with my black snickers.

I went downstairs and looked for Mom and Dad.

“What’s with the get up?” Ace asked me when I came in the kitchen. He’s eating oatmeal with Nips and grated Hershey’s on top.

‘Weird taste…’

“Where’s Mom? Or Dad?” I asked, ignoring his previous query.

He mumbled something but I didn’t understand it because he has a mouthful of oatmeal.

“What? Swallow that up before talking, idiot.” I said after smacking him playfully on the head.

“Aw! I said Mom is in the garden with Dad.” He said rubbing the back of his head.

“Okay.” I said and left.

I step out in the garden and a vast green field welcomed me with towering trees along the side of the wall fence and the marvelous landscape with colorful flowers around. I saw Mom pulling the weeds in some of the flower pots along the side of our house.

“Hi.” I greeted and she looked up on me.

“Hello, J.”

“Uhm, can I ask a permission?”

“What is it?”

“Can I go shopping?” I choked with the words, nervously waiting for her response.

“With whom?”

“Just me.” I said.

“Why, are you done with all your school works?” Dad asked popping out from the patio. I turned to him as Mom stands straight.

“Yeah.”

“Assignments and projects?”

“Done.”

“Research works, book works?”

“Done, too.”

“Advance readings?”

“Already ten chapters ahead from the new lesson.” I said trying to sound persuasive.

“That’s good.” He said and walked towards us.

“So, honey?” He asked Mom. Then I turned and saw Mom nods with a smile.

I looked back at Dad who’s smiling now.

“Okay, you can go.”

“Yes!” I chirp giddily.

“…But don’t spend too much and be here before six.” He warned and I nod.

“I will. I promise.” I said raising my right hand in shoulder level.

“Good. Go now.” He said.

“Thanks!” I said and hugged each of them.

I hurried to the garage and hopped in my car. Pulling out I turned on the sound system of my car letting All Time Low songs hit my speakers.

I reached the mall in less than two minutes. Well, I want to savor the moment.

I went in each store I see. I started with gadgets then to dresses, shoes, bags and books. I think I visited every place in the mall; I went up and down and all around, just to make sure that I didn’t miss a store.

‘I’ve been here already….’ I turned and confirmed if I’ve been in this floor already.

I saw the Bench and Oxygen store and confirmed that I’ve been here. I went down and heard a grumbling sound.

‘What was that?’ I heard it again now accompanied with a strange movement in me.

‘Oh, it’s my stomach…I forgot I didn’t eat lunch.’

I looked on my watch and it is fifteen minutes after three, I’ve been here in the mall for four hours now. I walked to the food court carrying all my ten shopping bags.

I got myself a monster size burger and fries with iced tea; I sat on the table near the window so I can see the people down the road outside. As I finish my food, I saw two young girls walking together hand in hand. By then I remembered her.

‘I wonder what she’s doing now…. I really miss her. *Sigh*’

I checked on my phone and saw it was already quarter to four. I didn’t notice that I’ve finished my meal and been musing for how many minutes now. I clean up myself and got up. Satisfied of” my own time” today I decided to go home already since I already have ten shopping bags in my hand now—I guess I’ve reached the quota for the day.

Smiling, I make my way to the exit of the mall I smacked on someone’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” I said quickly and apologetically.

“No, I’m sorry.” She said and I looked at her. I immediately noticed her brown hair cascades perfectly over her shoulders and chest, her black eyes sparkling behind her eyeglasses and then I saw her hold on her bump.

“I should be sorry, I wasn’t looking. Are you okay?” I asked worriedly knowing that she’s pregnant.

“I’m okay.” She said, smiling, revealing her pearly white straight teeth.

“That’s good.” I said then my ringtone blasts. A call, I turned around to answer it.

“Hon, are you okay?” I heard some guy asked to the girl as I take my phone call, I guess her husband.

After Sef hang up I turned around and my eyes widen, heart beat faster…. the guy is caressing the girl’s bump smiling happily. I felt a sudden chill in my spine, surprised of what I am seeing. My heart tightens, wanting to jump out of my chest.

“Is our baby okay?” He asked and the girl nods, smiling.

“Yes, she’s just okay.”

“Good. Who bumped you, anyway?” He asked a bit furious evident in his voice.

“S-sir Vex….” I choked out the words and he turned to see me. And I saw his pupils dilated upon seeing me.

‘Why so surprised?’

“I’m sorry I bumped your…” I gulped in the lump in my throat. I felt a strange churn in my stomach—I want to puke.

“…your wife.” I said my voice falling at the end and I looked at her.

“Oh, that’s okay I am not hurt….” She said kindly, smiling at me.

“So, you’re Vex’s student?” She continued.

“Yes.” I muttered. Then, I looked at him. I can see his eyes—fearful and anxious.

“Oh.” She said forming an ‘o’ mouth shape.

I observe him and I can notice that he’s avoiding eye contact with me.

“What’s your name?” She asked and I snapped.

“I’m Jadyn Avis.” I said and she smiled again.

“Ah, so you’re the girl that my husband is telling about…” She said.

‘Telling about what? We are sneaking around behind your back?’

“I’m Sia Laine by the way.” She said. And I took her extended hand then shook it.

“I didn’t know that Sir Vex is married…” I blabbed, faking a chuckle and she smiled while Sir Vex stiffens—froze in his feet.

“Ah, maybe it’s because we’re just half year married.” She said and smiled lovingly to Sir Vex who smiled back at her.

I felt a strain in my heart, my feet are slack. I can’t stand it anymore. Seeing them and knowing that he’s married, felt like I was stabbed by million knives—knives of realization of stupidity. Slapped on my face—a slap of shame.

‘He who told me that he likes me, he who wanted to be his girl, he who got my first kiss, is married? For half a year now he’s been married and I don’t even know about that. How shameful is that? He made me feel like a stupid girl—even worst a slut for having a relationship with him, a married man.’

My hands became clammy yet I gathered my fingers in a fist, containing all my emotions. I want to punch him. I want to scream at him right now. But I can’t. She doesn’t know about it and it might break her…and they are having a baby.

“Uhm…I need to go home now.” I spoke, interrupting them and they looked at me.

“Oh, okay.”

“It’s nice meeting you.” She said with a warm smile.

“Likewise.” I replied and smiled in return. Then I saw his eyes on me but I looked away.

“Bye.” I said as I hurried out of the mall.

And without further notice my eyes drown in tears and treacle on my cheeks. I reached to my car; my hands are shaky that I find it hard to put the keys in. Exhausted of trying, I leaned on my car and went sobbing without minding if people are looking.

‘STUPID! STUPID! I AM SUCH A FOOL, FALLING INTO HIS WORDS! I SNEAKED AROUND WITH A MARRIED MAN!? I AM SUCH A SLUT! DAMN! CAN I BE MORE STUPID??? I SHOULD’VE KNOWN IT BEFORE. I SHOULD’VE KNOWN THAT HE’S UP FOR NOTHING BUT TROUBLE….’

‘I’ve told you…. this is just trouble.’

‘I know…I know…. It juts slapped me, alright? Stop the accusation ego.’

I straighten myself and dried my eyes, and got my keys again.

‘*Sniff. *I can be strong…’ I chant in my head.

With completely dried eyes and fake smile I got home luckily, Mom and Dad are gone to work this time.

“Did you buy me some stuff?” Ace asked me as I pass by his room.

“No. You didn’t ask for anything.” I said and he scowled.

“You’re so mean.” He said pouting, and I half-heartedly smiled at him.

“Just kidding Bro…Here” I hand him a bag then he excitedly got it, with an instant grin on his lips.

“Thanks Sis! You’re the best!” He said and ran in his room, slamming the door.

‘He’s still a kid though he doesn’t want to be called like one.’

I smiled on the thought and walked in my room. Closing the door behind me, the emotion I tried to push away came in and drowned me again yet pulled me deeper now. I let those shopping bags stay on the floor as I slid down with it, sobbing heavily. My room was dim as twilight sets in.

I heard different voices though my ego was considerate enough to shut up.

‘STUPID’

‘MISTRESS’

‘SLUT’

‘SLUT’

‘SLUT’

‘SLUT’

It went all around my head again and again. Then I heard a familiar voice.

‘Stop it’

‘Okay… But don’t blame me if you’ll feel like a SLUT if you’ll know about it….’

‘He was right I should’ve stopped it…now, I regret it and really felt like a slut…’

I remember those lines. His lines. I should’ve listened to him…. but I didn’t, I slapped him instead. I was blinded and now I got the taste of my own medicine.

I curled on the floor and hugged my knees and cried more. All I want to do is to let go of all the pain and regret I’m feeling right now. Though, I may still have it for the rest of the days.

‘Deal with it…it’s your fault.’

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