Never in my wildest dreams, did I think I would die like this. Buried alive, by the man who I thought loved me. I knew my life was not all rainbows and cotton candy, but I never thought this would be the way I left the world. I was trapped in a box, who knows how many feet under the ground. But to understand how we got here; I will have to take you back to the beginning.
Two years earlier
“Come on, Kate, let’s hurry up and hit the clubs. You only turn 21 once” my best friend Tracy calls out to me. My name is Katherine Fowley, but everyone calls me Kate. Today is my 21st birthday. I wasn’t planning on going out, I just wanted a quiet night in, watching movies and overeating on junk food. You see, I was raised by people who claimed to be my parents when, in fact, I was kidnapped as a baby and flown halfway across the world to be raised by these sick fucks. They tortured me and abused me in any way they could.
“I don’t wanna go anywhere, Trace. Why can’t we sit at home and eat junk food?” I ask Tracy. She shakes her head and scoffs. “Kate, we have been through this a thousand times before. It would help if you broke away from the past. You got away from those fuckwits, and now it is time to live” Tracy says. I shake my head and close in on myself. I know what Tracy is saying is the truth, but my confidence levels are so low that going out in public causes anxiety and panic attacks.
“Come on, girl. We will only go out for a little while. As soon as you feel an attack coming on, we will leave, I promise you” Tracy whines. I know she is just trying to make my birthday the best it can be, but I know it will all go to shit for some reason. Just like every birthday I have had. Who knows if today is my real birthday? Those fake parents could have made it up when they took me from my birth parents.
I make my way into my bedroom. I know Tracy won’t give up until I am dressed and out of the front door. I hope she doesn’t mind wearing jeans. I am not getting dressed up for me to only end up back at home, on the couch in my favourite pair of trackies. I quickly throw on my jeans and an old top. I chuck my hair up in a messy ponytail and slip on my old trusty converse. I walk out of the bedroom and wait for Tracy to come out of the bathroom.
“I don’t fucking think so Kate. You need to wear something a little more fancy. We are going to a club, not McDonald’s for a happy meal” Tracy says. She shakes her head and walks into my bedroom. “How the fuck do you not own a dress or a skirt for that matter. Fucking hell Kate, get your boney arse back in this room and help me find something else worth wearing” she yells out to me.
I drag my feet but make my way into the bedroom. Tracy is knee-deep in my clothes. “You won’t find anything in there, Tracy” I tell her. “Bullshit, I won’t” she exclaims. Thirty minutes later, I am now dressed in black pants and a half dressy half casual top. Tracy never did find any shoes to match my outfit, so she threw me a pair of black ballet flats. She straightened my unruly hair and has pinned the top half back. When Tracy came towards my face with eyeliner and mascara, I shrieked and closed in on myself. She knew at that point, makeup wasn’t going to happen.
“Ok, let’s go. Remember, I will leave as soon as you say so, but give it a try Kate. You might enjoy yourself” Tracy says as she drags me out of my apartment. Forty minutes later we are standing in line at one of the clubs this city has. I wouldn’t know if it was one of the best, I don’t leave my house. I work from home, do all my shopping online. I will open a window to get fresh air, occasionally. The outside world scares me. I am thankful I found Tracy when I did, though, she saved my life four years ago.
Standing in this line, I am off in my own little world until I am pushed in the back by the people standing behind us. I give a little scream, more to myself than the people around me. Tracy quickly grabs my hand and pulls me into her. She gives the people behind us a death glare. I shake my head at her, gaining her attention. She knows I am feeling uncomfortable.
We are next in line for the security to check our ID’s. “Tracy, baby, it’s been a while” the security guard says to her. Tracy blushes. “Sorry, Sammy boy. I have been hanging with my girl here” she says, pointing at me. This Sammy guy gives me a once over. “Is she old enough to be here?” he asks Tracy. She nods her head. “It’s actually her 21st today” she tells him. “Well happy birthday young lady. Go on in. Tell the bartender drinks are on me tonight” Sammy says to us. Tracy smiles. “I’ll call you later tonight” she tells him in a whisper. He winks at her, and she drags me into the club.
Fuck! The music is loud, and strobing lights only light the place up. I can already feel a headache coming on. Tracy continues dragging me until we are at the bar. She yells over the music to the bartender. Tracy is probably telling him what that Sammy guy said. She places a glass of something red in front of me. I give her a look that says’ what the fuck?′ Tracy smiles and tells me to drink, using her hand to her mouth.
I take my first sip, at first it tastes fruity, and then a harshness hits. I screw my face up at it. I place the glass back down on the bench and shake my head. Tracy throws her arm around my shoulder and brings her mouth to my ear. “Happy birthday gorgeous girl. But it would help if you let loose. Let the alcohol take over your feelings and emotions. Let go of the past and look towards the future. You will go places, and I will be by your side every step of the way” she yells.
I pick the glass back up and down it in one go. I need to take her advice sometimes and why not start tonight. I can already feel the alcohol taking effect in my brain. If I knew I would be drunk off one drink and forget my worries, I would have done this a long time ago. Yes, this is the first time I have had any alcoholic beverages. Tracy places another drink in front of me. “Take it slowly this time” she yells into my ear. I give her a small nod and take a small sip of the drink.
It takes me a little while to get through this second glass. Once I had finished it, Tracy grabs my hand and pulls me towards the dance floor. I watch the people around me dancing. I follow what some of the girls are doing. Dancing to this music is not something I would have ever imagined myself doing, but here I am, surprising myself.
I am letting go as Tracy told me to. I needed this. I never realised how badly I needed this. I am going to forget about my home life. My past is my past. It is there for a reason. Tracy could never have been more right about tonight. I am lost in the music on the dance floor. I am dancing to the beat of my own drum. I am letting go of all the pain. I don’t feel an ounce of panic or anxiety. Right now, I am invincible.
I am invincible to myself and everything I have been through.
Two hands grab my hips and keep me moving to the beat of the music. I can feel this person’s warm breath on the back of my neck. “Keep moving Kate, if you stop now I will have to punish you” this person says into my ear. I keep moving, but internally I am frozen in place. To the outside, it would look like two people dancing to the music, but on the inside, I know this fucker works with the sick fucks I lived with.
I look for Tracy and see her eating some poor guys face. I really need to get her attention, but it’s a bit hard when I can’t move from this fuckwits hold. I have two options right now. Option one is to cause a scene. If I were to do that, no doubt I would be assaulted. Option two is to continue to dance and give in to this guy’s demands.
I knew something was going to go wrong tonight. I knew letting my guard down was the wrong thing. But as Tracy always reminded me you only live once, so live it the right way. How wrong she was right now.
His hands keep travelling around my body, this is nothing new for me. I have been sexually assaulted since I was 16. I know how to desensitise myself to all the emotions. His lips attack my neck. Sucking and biting every chance he gets. I don’t find this attractive. I know it is going to hurt when he gets his way with me.
Finally, I catch Tracy’s attention. I try to tell her who this guy is with my eyes. She comes closer to me and grabs my hands. Pulling me to her, he loses his grip on my body. The look of shock on his face scares the crap out of me. I know he will do something and I will end up black and blue, or even worse, being buried six feet underground.
Tracy pushes me behind her. She is having a staredown with him. Now that I can see his face, I know who he is. He is one of my “fathers” lead henchmen. He always promised me he would find me until the day I die, whether at his hands or the universes. He moves towards Tracy and screams in her face. “Let the fucking whore go before a put a bullet through your head. But that will be after I make you watch me fuck her and slit her fucking throat”.
Tracy never shows if she is scared. She stands up straighter. Even in her 5-inch heels, he towers over her, but she doesn’t care. “You go anywhere near her, and I swear to fucking God, I will cut your fucking dick off and shove it so far up your arse you will cough up cum for the rest of your fucking life” she yells back at him.
His face scrunches up, and I can practically see the steam coming out of his ears. He looks directly at me and makes a gun with his finger and thumb. Doing the shooting action, he turns his back and walks away. Tracy keeps her back to me until we can’t see him anymore. Once he was out of sight, she turns to me and pulls me into her. Holding me as tight as she possibly could. “Let’s get out of here” she yells into my ear. I nod my head towards her, and she pulls me out of the club. We pass Sammy on the way out. He looks towards us both.
“I’ll call you later” Tracy says to him. He nods his head, and she drags me out to the taxi rank. We are back at my apartment before I had even realised it. My brain is buzzing. I cannot concentrate on one thing. My adrenaline is making my heart rate pick up. I can feel the panic attack coming on, but there is no way to stop it. I don’t usually panic when I am at my own place, but tonight something is off. My loungeroom is trashed. My couch has been torn apart.
The kitchen is just as bad. All my dishes are broken. Cutlery and utensils are all over the floor. Glass was broken in every nook and cranny. The rest of the apartment is much the same. My bedroom, well, what I think is my bedroom, has been torn apart. Written on the wall is the message that makes me drop to my knees.
“You can run, Kate, but you will never and I mean NEVER hide from me. I will track you down, find you and kill you as I should have five years ago”.