It's Now Or Never

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Chapter 22- Kate and Buster


Fuck him, fuck them and fuck it all. If he thinks I am too childish for him, well fine then. Maybe I shouldn’t be with him. Maybe I should just fuck off into hiding. Where no fucker can find me. “FUCK THIS SHIT” I scream out into the world. I keep stomping like a child, but that is how I am feeling right now, so fuck it.

“KATE” I hear Joel calling my name. I ignore him and keep walking. I have no idea where I am going as we are surrounded by the woods. “KATHERINE, WILL YOU JUST FUCKING STOP” Joel screams out again. I flip him off over my shoulder and keep moving, further into the woods. Hopefully a big scary grizzly bear comes out and mauls me to death. That’ll fix everybody’s issue with me.

I am forcefully thrown to the ground, with a heavy weight on my back. “For fuck sakes woman. I am trying to fucking talk to you” Joel yells at me. He rolls my body over so I am laying on my back. I can feel something wet trickle down my cheek. He looks alarmed and places his hand over my head. It stings a little at his contact. “I’m sorry, baby” he whispers to me.

“Get the fuck off me Joel. You don’t want me anymore. You made it quite clear back there so let me the fuck go” I say to him through clenched teeth. “Nah, babe. I ain’t going no where. You are stuck with me for life” he says with a smirk. I start thrashing around under him. “You keep moving like that Kate and I will have to take you right here” he says with a wink.

I scoff and roll my eyes at him. “You made it quite clear you were sick of my shit and would be better back with Bones. So why don’t you fuck off back there then. I don’t need you. I will deal with my own shit, by myself” I yell at him. Joel just stares at my face with an unreadable expression. I hold my breath while waiting for his response.

I don’t get words from him, but his lips on mine. It is an angry kiss. Joel bites my bottom lip, hard enough to draw blood. He doesn’t give up his assault on my mouth. I kiss him back with as much anger as he is giving me. Joel slips his tongue into my mouth and bite down on it. He tries to pull back but I don’t let go. He pinches my hip hard enough for me to gasp and release his tongue from my teeth.

“Playing dirty now?” he questions me. I shrug my shoulders the best I could being pinned to the ground. “You drive me fucking crazy, Katherine” Joel growls out to me. “Feeling’s mutual, cunt” I say back to him. Joel smashes his lips back on mine, his hand has moved from my hip to the back of my head. He brings my head up to him. Leaning back on his knees, he sits me up and tears at my shirt I am wearing.

Placing my torn shirt back on the ground behind me, Joel unclasps my bra and throws it somewhere behind him. His lips take a hold of my nipple, lightly nibbling on it. The warm rush of my arousal soaks my undies. “Fuck” I whisper out. I move my hands to the inside of his cut and move it from his shoulders. Joel helps shrug it the rest of the way off.

I lay back down, unsnapping my jeans. I can’t afford to go back to the compound with all my clothes torn up. Joel grabs my jeans and undies together and rips them down my legs. He makes quick work of his own jeans and boxers, spreading my legs with his own. He lines up his cock with my hole and without warning slams inside of me.

The pain and pleasure cancel each other out. He thrusts hard and deep into me and I can’t control my screaming moans. Joel doesn’t slow down his assault on me, spurring more sounds from my throat. I can feel my orgasm wash over my body. The high I feel and then the let-down, he doesn’t allow me time between orgasms as when I come down from one, he changes positions to make me reach my next.

“Fuck, Joel” I yell at him. He keeps thrusting away, roaring out his own release, and crashing down onto my body. “I fucking love you, Katherine. Don’t for one second think I fucking don’t” he whisper yells in my ear. My heart is racing in my chest. Joel just fucked me into submission to him. No matter what happens now, I will always submit to this fine specimen.

“Fuck you, Joel” I whisper at him, with a smirk on my face. He looks into my eyes and a smile graces his lips. “I just did, but you are welcome to fuck me now” he says with a wink. We get up off the ground, finding my clothes as we move around. “What the fuck am I meant to do about a shirt now?” I ask him as I pick up the tattered pieces.

“Just walk around in ya bra. You have amazing tits” he tells me, blowing me a kiss. I finish buttoning up my jeans and start walking back towards the compound. Joel quickly catches up to me. Pulling on my arm to stop me. “Here, put your hands up” he says. I do as I am told and he puts his shirt on me. “Now you will smell like me and all the boys will back the fuck off” he says and I laugh at him.

Strolling into the compound, Danger looks at us. “You’re a loud one, little miss” he says. My face brightens and I shove my head into Joel’s chest. Danger laughs loud. “Don’t worry. I have the girls screaming when I fuck them too” Danger says. “Now get the fuck off my compound” he yells at us. I climb onto the back of Joel’s bike and wait for him to join me. “Hold on tight, baby. We will not be going slow” he says.

I hold onto his waist and he takes off at speed. Mum and Dad right behind us. Joel wasn’t lying when he said he wouldn’t be going slow. I rest my head on Joel’s back and watch the trees fly by us.

We have been sitting on the bike for hours. My legs and arse are numb as fuck. We stop at a dodgy looking motel for the night. Dad and Joel go in and get two rooms. When they come back out to Mum and I, I grab a set of keys from Joel, kissing him on the cheek. “Come on Mum. Let’s go to bed” I yell out to Mum, heading towards the room number that is written on the key tag.

“Get fucked, Kate. You owe me a blowy in the fucking shower” Joel yells out. I hear him groan out loud. I turn to see Dad shaking his hand out. “Fuck, you have a hard head, Buster” Dad yells at him. “Serves you right, old man” Joel says to Dad, running for his life after the words are out of his mouth. “Hurry up and open the door, Katherine” Joel yells at me. I get the door open and he runs into the room, grabbing my wrist and pulling me in behind him.

Joel slams the door and locks it. “Your Dad is gonna kill me” Joel pants out. “Serves you right, dickhead” I say to him. Joel puts his head up and has a predatory glint in his eye. He starts moving towards me, slowly. “You” he points at me. “Owe me” he says, trapping me inbetween the wall and him. “A blowy” he whispers out. I blow in his face and push his chest. “There’s ya fucking blowy. Now fuck off” I yell at him.

Laying down in bed that night, Joel wraps his arm around me and is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Me, on the other hand, I’m wide awake. On the outside I am trying to show them I am tough and can handle anything that comes at me, but on the inside I am slowly dying.

My mind is telling me to give up. It is telling me that I am nothing. I am worthless. I am a disappointment to everyone I come into contact with. My mind is telling me that Joel would be better off with a woman who will treat him like the king he is. It is telling me that Mum and Dad would be better off, if I wasn’t around and maybe they could look after Josh together.

Maybe everything that has been said about me is the truth. I can feel the tears fall down my cheeks silently. Why did they have to come for me? Why couldn’t they just let me go. Life really has it out for me. They say life is what you make it, but I never asked to be like this. Maybe I am now though. I just want to give up and get it over and done with. Enough is enough.

I climb out of bed after taking Joel’s arm off me. I leave the room and sit on the ground leaning against the door. The moon is high in the sky and the darkness around it makes me happy. Being in the dark is what scares me the most, but it also gives me comfort. I know all about darkness. I have witnessed it enough in my short 22 years on this earth.

I stay sitting on the ground, bringing my knees to my chest. Resting my head on my knees, silently crying to myself. I hear a noise and turn my head to where the noise came from and see Mum coming to sit next to me. “What are you doing out here?” she asks me softly. “Just thinking” I tell her. Not elaborating on my answer. “Kate, look at me” she says. I slowly turn my head to face her. “Tell me what is going on inside that head of yours?” she asks.

I take a deep breath. “You have to promise me that you will let me talk and get it all out” I say to her. “I promise” she whispers. “For the past six years I have felt as if I don’t belong. I feel like the odd one out. I know a lot of it has to do with what I have gone through, but another part of me is telling me that I don’t belong anywhere.” I tell her. She does as she promised and has kept her mouth shut.

“I feel that everyone around me would be better off if I wasn’t here. Life would be so much better for you all, if we either just let John do what he wants or I end my own life. I am done. I am tired of everything. I am a failure, a disappointment and a horrible person. Look at all the shit I have put you through in the year I have been around.” I feel the tears falling down my cheeks.

“I honestly believe that once we get back to the clubhouse, I should say my goodbyes and take off. It’ll make all your lives easier if I wasn’t here causing all these issues.” I finish my confession. I can tell Mum wants to say something to me, but she is also lost for words.

“Kate, I don’t know what to say” she whispers. “I know exactly what to say and what you have said is bullshit, Katherine” Dad calls out. “You might feel all those things, I am not disregarding any of that, but you leaving will not make anybody’s life easier, as you put it. It will make us all more worried and scared for you. Why didn’t you come to us earlier?” Dad asks.

“How can I, Dad? Every time I open my mouth I am shot down. Every time something happens in that clubhouse, I am the first to be questioned. How the fuck am I meant to talk to you, when every time you open your mouth to me, it is to tell me I am in the fucking wrong?” I whisper yell at him.

“No, Katherine, that is what you think it is. I am trying to protect you” Dad yells at me. “I don’t want your fucking protection. I don’t want anything from anyone. I can look after myself” I yell at him, getting up from the ground. “Do not make any rash decisions, Katherine. John is still after you” Dad says. I shrug my shoulders at him. “I’m done, Dad. I am done. I don’t fucking care if he gets me and kills me. I AM DONE” I shout at him.

Turning away from my parents, I walk down the pathway from the motel room. I need to get away from it all. I love them but they will never understand what I am going through. Mentally scarred for the rest of my life.

I now wish, Tracy never saved me the night she found me.

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