This is nothing like those. I can feel Theo's desperation in his touch. The large soft had at my nape holding my prisoner to his exploring mouth. My eyes are wide open in shock whilst his are scrunched closed. Like he is trying to understand every detail of this kiss. His lips move expertly over mine. Soft and yet firm caresses. He doesn't try to force his tongue within my mouth. To deepen the moment with the sudden rush of need. Which I'm experiencing.
"From the minute I saw you. Even as you killed people, I've known my whole life. My father. How sick is it that from even in that minute I'd wanted to taste your lips? Wanted to reach out and touch you and see if beneath it all was a soft and pliant demon. I'd doubted it and almost hoped that you weren't." Did he just curse beneath his breath? I stood still just looking at him but when his lips came back down on mine with more force than before my eyes mull closed.
I'm committed to kissing him back now. This should have been left. Like speaking when it should have been left unsaid. I'm proud and should have the strength to just walk away, hell I have the strength to end everyone and yet I cannot walk away now he has started kissing me.
Instead, I sweep my arms up and around his shoulders. Reaching onto tiptoe like a hungry human trying to grasp an apple from a tree. I'm hungry but not for food. I want him. The way my blood burns hotter and my heart pounds so fast I know he can probably feel it against his. His lips are trying to conquer mine and rather than fight it. Fight. It's all I've been doing. I feel. I allow him in, I urge him forwards, opening my mouth between his. The soft mew that seeps between my lips as he moans into it almost has my eyes rolling back. His hand left my nape to join his other around my waist. Tight grip as though holding me still in case I decide to walk away.
My feet wouldn't take me. Not now. His tongue comes into contact with mine and I splinter into a thousand pieces. Is this because I haven't felt anything bar rage and anger in so long? Guilt would try to push its head in but it never stuck around for long. Pain, rage and guilt make a dark and bitter pillow to continuously swallow. This though. This kiss feels like I've been cut free. I feel the damp tears forming wet paths down my face again but not because I am sad. I am overwhelmed.
When had my feet left the ground? When had he picked me up with those arms at my waist and closed me against him? Our bodies flush so much so I know he would feel my nipples pushing hard again his skin. Desperation to be closer to him. I want to climb him like a tiger and its prey but I don't even know which one of us is the prey.
His tongue sweeps, dances, tastes and leads me in slow movements that are subtle in action and yet throw me further into bliss. I've never felt so hot. So much that I want to rip my clothes off and his just to feel his skin beneath. The tragic ache between my legs is a new and intense pain that even without experience I know what it wants. I wrap my legs around him and the action gives the most glorious of feelings as I meet the hard ridge growing at his groin. Throwing my head back. Tearing our lips, a part to heave air into my lungs. This kiss could have been happening for minutes or hours. I've been so lost in it that all things seemed to not matter.
"I knew staying with you meant this Nemesis. I knew that I wouldn't be able to walk away once I returned. The only reason I even left was to return my father to my mother. Nothing else could have forced me to fly away from you. Do I understand why we would be bound to one another? I haven't got a clue and do I think it's beyond crazy? Completely. An heir to hell and an archangel’s grandchild. But is it anymore untrue than the bond your sister shared with Remiel? They have overcome obstacles in their way."
"I'm not Mari. I do not wish to live here on earth, nor in heaven. I've had enough taken from me Theo. I've had years of torture and I want to live at home. I've never dreamt of living anywhere else."
His face is stricken with grief and I know that all his soft words had been honest so I'd been honest in return. Just because we are meant to be something doesn't mean it is always possible. I'd looked at him from inside this magical field and known that was why he'd stayed around. I'd felt the tight pull of a band releasing itself from around my heart. It is being set free to love and understand another so we can overcome anything.
Some things cannot be overcome though. We are two so alike and yet so different. We are two kinds that will eternally hate one another. Even though me and my twin seem to have found our other halves in the mess of that. Remiel and Mari-Cate are willing to sacrifice and I have sacrificed so much already, without a choice, with no options but to live, slaughter, die after. They had set me a path and now this stupid bond intends to set me another. When does choice come into play?
Before the rage, the spell and the haze of life that has been my existence. There had been another. Someone I'd never kissed more than the kind peck to cheek that is not only allowed but also expected. Someone so close to the family that it is seen as sick and twisted. But something had been there. I hadn't hit maturity and maybe just maybe something more was still there. He'd always favorited me and other than my father he was the man I would go to. His words had always meant more and everything he did was to teach me to be stronger.
I feel the kiss with Theo is something special and something so much more than I deserve from this angel. He does not deserve hurt and pain after I already took something dear from him but I cannot give myself to him. Not now that niggle of doubt still eats away at me. Now that I know where I need to go and what I have to do. I cannot take him with me or expect him to wait. I cannot give his pure heart a home whilst my soul is still dark with unshed anger, with questions that need answers. With mysteries that need unwrapping. I cannot be who he needs and I don't know if I ever will be what Theo deserves or needs.
"This isn't about you. Well maybe it all is." I unwrap myself from him like a Christmas present. I'd been clenching my legs around his waist like a tight bow and arms clinging to his shoulders like a doll being kept from your sisters’ fingers. "Theo, I know that we are something, maybe it is the soulmates maybe it isn't. Maybe you were here to rescue me because I don't see how any of this would have been revealed if it wasn't for you." Putting my hand to his cheek memorising every last detail of his handsome face. "I cannot jump into this Theo. Jumping into you would be too difficult. Though all I want to do is literally fuck you. Senseless."
He smiles slightly. "I'm not arguing."
"But I am. Between us it wouldn't just be a fuck and the spell are gone but nothing is cured that easily. The damage it did is so many years deep I don't know when I forgot how long." That disturbs me most. When had I forgotten how many years, I'd been alone? Fighting to not slaughter everyone at home? "I can't promise you anything and you deserve more than that. You deserve to know that it was more than a fuck."
"This isn't the conversation I thought I'd hear from a demon. Especially not you. I'd seen there was so much more to you but never this much. I thought you said there was no angel in you." He puts his hands on both my cheeks now. His forehead coming down to rest against mine. "You little hybrid."
I can't help but smile. It feels warm and almost painful to use those muscles again so freely. This is real and living and with that I have to take responsibility. Whilst under some sick spell I could blame everything I did on those around me but they'd seen something in me. Something that they'd known would lead to this. Lead me to being this with just a push. It was all I needed and the years of punishment have changed me to soften. To appreciate. I didn't realise that I'd still been there inside all along. I'd thought the darkness had swallowed everything else away but instead it had just been hiding it and I needed Theo to find it again. That doesn't mean I use him. I cannot and I will not use someone who deserves so much more. If my time at home brings me back to him, I will come back whole and ready to give him everything. But my heart had felt like it was tugging somewhere before. Before I could ever have an explanation to whether it was more and I don't want to be half in.
"You damn angel."
"What will you do now?"
"I will take Uni and Mis, home. We will go home. I will see my family and hug them without being worried I am going to hurt them, kill them like I've wanted to for so long. I will sit down and explain everything because I finally can. I will tell them about you. I will speak to my family and friends and I will kill Lilith and her rebels."
Our eyes met and unspoken words seemed to be shared. He knows I cannot allow Michael to get away with what he has done to me but I also will be giving Theo a chance here. I will go home and deal with the war at my family's doorstep before I head to his. Everything in his eyes draws me in makes me ache like I've never known and it is both blissful whilst painful.
"If I told you I was ok with being just a fuck would you mind?" He even chuckles as he finishes the sentence and stands here, inhaling him whilst we hold each other's cheeks, eyes locked and feeling. I'm actually feeling. The motion is still so old and yet familiar that I want to cry again.
"It would be wrong."
"Dammit. The one time I'd prefer you to be all demon."
"Will you go home?" I changed the subject. I'm trying to do the right thing here but I am a demon and sex is a really big thing to us, not emotionally but physically well you can hear it throughout certain areas back home. The party areas that have wild orgies. I'd heard so much about back when I was too young to be listening in on those conversations.
"Yes. I found you. Not when we met days ago but right now. I helped you find yourself and you see a power in me and around you I feel it. I know I'm stronger than I'd thought and I want to find it. Not doing the tests they expect me to perform or meditating for days on end. I want to find it in my own way."
"Just remember you'll never be as badass as me." I give him a small wink. The way we speak is so natural. Is this from his forgiveness and him helping to release me from my cage? Maybe that or the bond that links us. I'd never heard of it being so instant between our kinds though. We become a little obsessed but then we realise slowly. Something about Theo calls out to me and yet I still remember the past, my heart feeling like it could belong to another.
"I know that. It is time for me to return." He takes my hands in his removing them from his skin with a gentleness. Kissing the back of each of my hands he looks at me with those beautiful green eyes. "Nemesis. You are something entirely new. I hope we'll cross paths again soon."
"So, do I. I can never thank you enough Theo, everything you've done." He drops my hands from his with a sweet tender smile to his kiss swollen lips and steps back. "Sisi."
"What?" He looks confused. I'd been so quick and abrupt to shout it.
"Sisi. It's my name. Or the nickname I've gone by since I was a baby. My official name is Nemesis and after well everything it felt fitting but before, now. I am Sisi to everyone that I care about."
"Sisi." He says it like he is testing it. "I prefer it, though Nemesis wasn't half bad too."
We both know he's lying. Nemesis was a bitch with an issue. Sisi, still has an issue and is slightly a bitch but I'm reasonable and I'm in control of my magnificent powers that are able to destroy worlds, but they won't. Not now I'm back.
I watch as Theo’s flies away. It's slow like he struggles to leave me but he goes. Becoming nothing more than a distant dot and eventually gone completely. It feels like a sad moment but not a full goodbye. I don't know if mine and Theo's time together is over and I can't be sure whether I want it to be or not yet. But I do now that angel has given me my life back and I intend to live it. With a choice, with feelings and my family.