He left just like that. It’s my fault, what is wrong with me? My dream man he begging me to be with me, to live with me and I push him away. What wrong with me really? I sit on the table and my head resting on my palms. I start crying. Fuck.
“Dany what’s wrong?” Alexis says as she enters
“I’m stupid that wrong” she sighs and she come next to me and she hugs me
“Sweetie I more than anyone I know what you been through. I know you scare but you shouldn’t. I told you before that Ryan loves you and he never going to leave you.” I look at her
“I love you more that anyone. Do you think that I will tell you that if I had a little doubt about him?” She asks
“No. You always protect me from every one.”
“Exactly. Ryan loves you he will never hurt you. And if you ask me you are the one who hurt him now” I look at her again. I hurting Ryan? No I don’t want that.
I continue doing my job for the rest of the day. Before we close the girls came in
“Hi girls. What you all doing here?” Alexis asks
“We came for Dany.”
“You know” I say
“We know. Come on close we going home we have to talk” Laura says and she shows a bottle o Votka
“We have more at the car” Emma says and she laughs with Penelope
“Come on. My baby stays with my parents. I’m having fun tonight” Penelope says and we all laughing. We close and we go home. After a lot talking and lecture from the girls I text to Ryan. He was also with drinks with the guys so we say for tonight to sleep separate. He wasn’t in condition to come here and either I. But all night I could sleep. I miss his touch and his hug.
And I do a lot of thinking. I remember my grandma words that ‘The Man Of Your Life, You Will Understand Him From The First Moment’. And I did, Ryan is the one and I knew it for the first moment. It's that special moment that I met him, this unique person, that I singled him out from the very first moment I spoke to him. That I gave him my hand for the acquaintance handshake and that his smile drove away all the problems that I had stacked in my head, without any effort. The man who, with his first conversation and his first glance, was like saying to me "I came, sorry I was so late". And all of a sudden, all that time I've been waiting for this thing to seem trivial and small. All I care about is how I can approach him and let him know that this is exactly what I was looking for.
All I want is for him to give me the opportunity to prove to him that I have so much to offer, regardless of whether we know each other. And he gave me the opportunity but I threw it away. The first time I saw his gaze, I imprinted it so deeply in my memory. I fell in love with his walking, his smile, even his nerves. Everything about this man seems magical to me and only to me. The blemishes that the others notice on it will sound like a bad joke and as if by magic when I look at it, the whole scene will turn gray. The only figure in the landscape who will have color will be this particular person. This man who gave me breath unknowingly, unknowingly, the moment I died of suffocation and lost my faith. The moment I thought the flame of passion and the appetite to live life to the fullest began to fade slowly.
“Dany it’s time for go to the salon. I make breakfast” Alexis knock my door
“It’s morning already?” I ask and she open the door
“Yes. You didn’t sleep?”
“No much. I made a decision” I say and she comes sit on the bed
“Should I be happy?” She asks
“Well I don’t know. If I leave and move with Ryan will you be ok?” I ask
“Oh my God Dany. That’s great” she says screaming from joy and she hugs
“I’m going to miss you but I happy for you. Finally”
“Thank you. I going to say it to Ryan. You think he will be happy. If he still mad at me?”
“He will be thrill and even he is mad he will forget it” she says and she hugs me again.
“Ok come eat breakfast. I will deal with your appointments today. If is something I can’t do I will arrange other day. You will go find Ryan” she says and stand up. She picked a floral dress and sandals for me to wear and she left the room to get dressed and she make breakfast. I eat and then I drive to Ryan house. I go inside he has given me keys and I see Adam in the kitchen
“Oh Good morning Dany. Ryan is still sleeping. I called Joshua that he is not going to the office.” He say and he looks happy to see me.
“Can you make breakfast and deal with him? I have to go to work”
“Yeah no problem” I say and he say bye and he left.
I make a light breakfast and I take it to him. I find him looking the ceiling.
“Good morning” I say and he looks suprised
“Ginger? I thought Adam making breakfast”
“No, I came and he left for work. He called Joshua that you take the day off” I say and I walk to him.
“Are you feeling good? Adam said that you drink a lot” he lift his body and rest his back on the headboard bed.
“The worst part was that you weren’t in my arms” he said with a sad face
“Yeah I know the feeling.” I say and he look at me as he eating.
“No I already ate.” I say and I smile at him. He smile back.
“I’m sorry about the way I left yesterday. Just..”
“No you don’t have to apologise. Actually that wake me up a little” he frowns
“What do you mean?”he asks and he finishes his toast. I take the tray and I put it down. I take his hands in mine.
“You let me talk. No cut me off ok?” I ask and he nods
“I sat down to think about what a person must have to call him "your man". In other words, to give this word the commonplace, the usual and almost cheap, such a great value. It is an honor to be someone's man. In a whole world of people, to stand out by giving you this magical quality, which makes you look like a god. I will stun you in "you know", but this is the love that is here to stay. It has to do with duration and mainly with mood. You know he does not care about kilometers, money, jobs, parents and responsibilities. With a "come" he will be here. It may be pieces, it may be a raccoon but if he hears in your voice half a spark of uncertainty he will string and with all the strength of his heart he will tell you "Everything will go well". You will tell him things about yourself that you have not sat down to discuss with yourself, because you know that he is not here to judge you, but to embrace even your darkest aspects. You will become sweet and sour with messages in the syrups, you will buy candles and bears and he will be weak in your arms, vulnerable, to beg you to caress his hair because he had a difficult day and he wants to cry in front of you. He knows he can take off the hard mask he wears out there. He is the one you think you know like the back of your hand and he will make you a crazy surprise, but in your measurements, because surprises may not be your burden, just to see this face smiling. You are all that for me. And you know what else? When a really bad day is over, all I want is to be with you.
No matter how bad my mood is, I prefer to be with you rather than alone, because I feel better with you than without you. All I want is for you to be by my side… “ I sniff
“...forever. I want to share all my experiences with you. When I make plans for my future, you have a leading role in everything. I know the same goes for you. The idea of spending the rest of my life with you does not scare me at all, since being by your side is where I feel at home.” He cup my face and he kiss me
“I’m sorry for being late to realise that” he shake his face
“No. You’re not late. You want time to realise that and I’m happy you did it. And you are right. Every time I’m thinking my future you in it” he says and kiss me again. I continue crying and he wipe my tears.
“Don’t cry please”
“Is from happynes”
“Ok then” he says and we laughing. He rest his forehead on mine
“You make me the happiest man” he kiss me again and he push me back on the bed. He comes on top of me his fingers from the both hands are entangled with mine.
“When you move here?” He ask and I giggle
“Soon. How about you come later with me and help me pack?”
“That sounds great.” He says and he kiss me. We make love and this time was different from every other time. At least for me, is was the first time that I wasn’t hold back. I give everything and take everything back. We are made for each other and I won’t doubt for that ever again.