Been there, done that.
“Hales, we need to go. Now. I’ll tell you everything later.” He says gasping for air.
“Okay. But what happened?” I’m a little worried now.
“Mum called, Hay. Tracy. She is really very critical. She maybe taking her last breaths right now.” As Nick says those words I feel my world crumbling into tiny pieces.
“This can’t be happening. No. Please...plea...just please tell me it’s a nightmare. Please.” I start crying.
“Hey, c’mon we have to go. Now.”
“Yea, I’ll back you’ll up. Go leave.” Jackson says from behind me.
And with that we rush to the car, the only question in my mind, ′Will I get to see Tracy once more before she dies?′
There comes a time in life where everything reaches it’s limit. You just feel like stopping all the things happening around you and screaming on top of your lungs. But right now, I couldn’t even scream. It feels as if there is no voice inside of me.
I am very familiar to this kind of emotion. I have been there. To that mental state where the mind just decides to stop working because of the shock. Because of the truth. Because of the reality. The real world is just so cruel. Nothing we can do, to ever change that. And nothing I can do to change the fact that I am in the waiting room squeezing Nicks hand so tight that there might be an airline fracture there later.
When we reached the hospital, the doctors had stabilized Tracy. But then she had a seizure, and now they are trying their very best to keep her alive, to cure my Tracy. It just feels so long in here, when in reality it has just been one and a half hour.
“Haley? My hand hurts.” Nick winces.
“I’m sorry.” I say but my voice comes out so faint I don’t think even I could hear it.
“Just keep a little hope.” Sophie says to me.
I scoff. “That’s what is the hardest of all. Keeping hope.”
“Code blue! Call doctor Austin. Get out of the way, code blue.” one of Tracy’s nurse yells.
Code blue? What does that mean she has a cardiac arrest? Oh, God. Help her please,
“Everything will be alright.” My mother says and rushes into the room.
I run to the window to see what is going on inside.
“Clear.” Mom says and resuscitates once.
“Clear.” She tries again.
“Clear.” And again. And then once more. But Tracy’s heart doesn’t respond.
“C’mon please.” I cry.
“CPR is not working! Clear.” Mum goes again and still there in no response.
“You don’t have to see this.” Nick pulls me to the chairs.
“C’mon Haley. He says and pulls with more force when I don’t move.
After ten minutes
“I’m sorry Haley. I couldn’t save her. ” My hugs me as soon as she comes out of the room.
“The CPR didn’t work and her blood wasn’t going to her brains. It’s all my fault.” She says whist hugging me.
“I’ll be back.” I say chocking on my own voice.
“Okay. Take Nick with you.” She says and goes to Sophie.
I nod and run to the balcony on the fourth floor.
“Haley...” Nick comes behind me.
I just hug him as if my life depends on it.
“She’s gone. Our Tracy..” I can’t even complete my sentence.
“Shh. Everything will be alright. Don’t cry or else she will get hurt.”
“Please take me home.” I say as loud as I can.
We walk towards the car in silence. Both of us lost in our own shock. Tears keep flowing like waterfalls from my eyes. Even if I want to I can’t stop.
“I’ll drive.” Nick says to me. I hand him the keys. I don’t think I’ll manage driving in this condition.
We reach home in thirty minutes. I get out of the car and run straight to my room. Today has been a long day. I check the time. It’s almost two. School must have ended.
I think of calling Kale over or Sam but then decide against it. I need time to accept the fact that Tracy is dead. I am going to have new neighbours now. How can I let anyone live where my Tracy used to live?
My phone rings. It’s mom.
“Hello?” My voice is feeble.
“Haley. Please tell me you are okay.” She says.
“Thank god. I was so worried. Are you home?” She asks.
“Yes, mom. Nick drove.” I tell her.
“I need you to listen to me carefully honey. The funeral will be held on Sunday, both you and Nick have to write a eulogy for her. Okay?”
I swallow the big lump of bile in my throat. Funeral. A eulogy. I have been there. done that, “Yes. Sunday is okay.” I say because I can’t form a proper sentence at the moment.
“Honey, don’t cry. Stay strong and one more thing. I’ll be coming home tonight.” she tells me.
“Alright. Get food.”
“I will. You should rest now. Do not think about anything. Just sleep. I’ll be there with you very shortly.”
“Alright, thanks mom. Bye.”
“Bye, kiddo. I love you.” she says and hangs up.
I take a deep breath in and there is a knock on my door.
“Can I come in?” Nick asks.
“Even if I say no you will, what’s the point in asking?”
“Are you okay?” He asks me and sits on the corner of my bed.
“I am okay. And that is what is not fine. I do not want to be ′okay’. I want to be happy or great. Okay is that feeling, that state in the middle of no where. When people just asks how we are and we say ‘okay’ without thinking. I want to be anything but ‘okay’. Just okay is not fine.” I say.
“Wow. So are you fine?” He asks again.
“No you idiot. Go away, let me sleep.” I throw a pillow at him.
“No, I won’t let you sleep because I know you will just lay here and cry.” He says seriously.
“Nick, I am very grateful of you being here for me but I want to sleep.” I emphasize on want.
“Okay. But I will come and check on you.” He says and starts walking towards the door.
“Alright. Oh and Nick?” I stop him halfway to the door.
“What?” He turns around.
“Mum called. She said that she will be home tonight and will get food as well, and...” I just can’t find my voice anymore.
“And? And waht, Hales?” He asks.
“And she said that... that the funeral will be held on Sunday. And you and me, both have to write a eulogy for her.
“Oh. Okay. I will write one right away. Anything else? ” He asks.
“I need a hug.” I stretch out my hands in his direction.
He hugs me with all his might.
“You should sleep now.” Nick says and releases me.
“Okay,” I lie back down on my bed.
“Bye.” with that he shuts the door.
Right after he is gone I feel myself zoning out and going to sleep.
I wake up to the sound of my mothers voice.
“Hey, you are awake.” she strokes my hair.
“Yeah, How long did I sleep?” I yawn.
“It is seven in the evening now, calculate the time.” She says.
“I slept at three that means I slept for four hours,” I say.
“Okay, go wash your face and come downstairs. Or else the food will become cold.” She says.
“Okay. I’ll be there in two minutes.” I say and head to the bathroom.
I go down, take my food and start eating.
“I called William. He too was shocked to hear about the death. He said he will be here by Saturday.”
“Oh, cool. Dad’s coming home.” Nick says.
“Yes, but just for three days. He will be gone by Tuesday.” Mum says with a little sadness in her voice.
“At least he will be there for the funeral.” I say bluntly.
After that no on makes any conversation.
“Kids, do not go to school tomorrow. It’s a Friday. You both can bunk.” Mum says all of a sudden.
That sounds like a great idea. A day off from school is just what I need.
“Okay, thanks mom.”
“I’m done with my food. After you both finish yours, put the dishes in the dish washer and then go to bed, okay? Sleep as much as you can or you will just end up crying in grief.” She says.
“Yes mother.” Nick and I say together.
“Goodnight Nick. Goodnight Haley. I love you both.”
Soon enough we both are done with our dinner and we head for our rooms.
“’Night.” I say and enter my room.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Mom was right, even after sleeping for four hours, I am tired and sleepy. Today has been a long day.
I feel my eyelids becoming heavy and soon enough I go into dreamland.