I have to admit that these holidays are kind of boring. Like we all can agree that we get really happy and excited that we have no more school, etc, but 80 percent of us really do nothing. We just sit at home, binge on Netflix, surf through our phones half the day in bed, eat and sleep. Like that sums of our daily vacation life.
And just sometimes, I repeat, sometimes, when we are not lazy as fuck we go outside and enjoy a little.
Right now it is the tenth day since my holidays have started and I am really bored. Like I literally have no work.
Kale applied for some football workshop thing, so he is gone for two weeks. Sam is visiting her nan, so she too has gone for twelve days.
Ryan is still here but I have not heard from him much. I guess he is a little busy with something that I don’t know. I have not met him yet though.
Jessica and Mikayla have gone with the school for some educational trip thing for Biology which is for five days. It was necessary for them to go, luckily it was not for me. And as for me, I am stuck here home alone. With nothing to do in life. Like literally alone as Nick too went with Kale for the football thing.
I have to be honest, I miss him. But more than Nick, obviously, I am missing Jackson’s company. It has been two days since I have not seen or spoken to him and it is slowly killing me from inside.
He and I have been meeting each other going to the movies, to the mall, to the small fest, go karting, small coffee dates, we also went clubbing one day, we have had our share of cuddling and watching movies at each others house, many lunches and two or three dinners together. In just ten days. But I have not heard from him for two days and its bugging me.
Like I don’t know, I have been thinking about him and everything day and night.
Do I like him? Maybe... okay, who am I kidding, I do. I more than like him. I just gotta say it, I have realized that it is him who I love. It is him who I have fallen for. And I am loving the feeling I am getting because of this.
Does he like me? I am pretty sure he does.
Do I want to be with him? Always.
Have I moved on from Reece? Long ago.
Mom, Kale, Sam, Nick, they all asked me, “Are you sure that you missing him is not a sign of you wanting to get back with him?”
And all I answered all of them was a yes.
But one thing that I learnt was that:; Just because you miss someone, it doesn’t mean you should go back to them. Sometimes, you just have to keep missing them until you wake up one morning and realize that you don’t anymore.
That is exactly what happened with me. I missed him, but I knew I could never look at him the same way. I missed him everyday, but one day I woke up and I didn’t miss him anymore.
That was the day of my last paper, when my exams ended. I knew, I had finally moved on. And I was more than happy.
Because any girl who would want to get back with him after what he had done, would be insane. He was playing all along.
From the time when he came that day after the match on my doorstep, was when it all started. His master plan to get me to sleep in his bed.
The sweet talks, and the flirting, the fake date in the pizza joint, the first official date in Gonzalez, all the flirty texts, all the compliments, him asking me out, all his touches and kisses, the fight with jackson for me at the bonfire, those lazy cuddling days, his birthday and everything that he ever said to me was ALL A BIG LIE.
I would be mad if I went back to him. Because he had violated the one main thing needed for a relationship to ever work out and this is TRUST. How could i possibly ever believe anything that he ever says to me anymore? Be it the truth or a lie. Because in my mind, I KNOW HE LIED to me, so i will never be able to trust him ever again.
It is a very simple thing to understand. Let me give you an example, there is a rope, that is the trust of the relationship. Now the rope breaks into two, the trust has been violated. Even if we try to get the rope back to one, there is a knot always in it. Similarly in a relationship, getting back together with someone who broke your heart by violating your trust and lying to your face is not an easy thing to do because deep down in you heart there will always be a suspicion about everything that they will ever say to you. Is it the truth or is he lying like all the other times?
So I know, the Chapter of Reece, is now closed in my life. And if I think about it I thought that I love him, but it was not the kind of love that is the right kind.
And I have a new chapter to think about now that was always open in front of me but I never really thought about it with open eyes, and that chapter is JACKSON MATHEWS.
I really have to talk to him and sort everything out from scratch. All these days that I spent with him, all we did was have fun. We never brought up any discomforting topic. But now, I know it is high time. We have to talk.
I should call him.
“I was just thinking about you.” He says as soon as he answers the call.
“I was too... Erm Jackson, I think we need to talk... like... about everything. From scratch.” I say biting my lip.
“I think so too. But I don’t know if you will like what I have to say to you to be honest.” Jackson says and that makes me wonder if it is a good thing or a bad thing.
“Whatever it might be, we really need to talk stuff out Jackson.” I say.
“Okay, meet you at the park near your house in fifteen?” He asks.
“Sure. See ya.” I hang up.
My heart is pounding. What does he have to say?
I wear my sweater and lock the house and start walking to the park. I hope whatever he has to say won’t be the worst case scenario.
I just need to keep an open mind and tell him how I feel about him. Because, I have realized that all this time that I have spent with him he has just made me feel special.
From the tiniest little caring thing that he does to the biggest flirting stunt that he pulls, somewhere in between i have fallen for him. And this is the right kind.
Just think about it if you can get so affectionate to the wrong one then how much more affectionate would you be to the right one? Right?
And in my case we all know who the wrong one is and who is the right.
I sit on the swing and close my eyes, letting the breeze softly hit my face.
Should I tell Jackson how I feel today? Is it the right time to do that? I am so confused. I think it is now or never.
I just want to shut down my whole mind for some time and not think about anything. Honestly, a woman’s mind is like 2407 tabs open in one Google browser at the same time.
After I guess ten minutes, I feel a presence hovering over me and I know it is Jackson. I smile and open my eyes to greet his bluish orbs.
“Hey.” He smiles and sits next to the swing next to me.
“So, we should talk.” I say.
“Yeah, we should.”
“Okay, lets just start from scratch.” He says.
“Haley, the first time I saw you in Biology class, you.... you looked so uninterested, like you did not care what the heck was happening in the class. And when I walked towards you, and you lifted your head up, you were just so beautiful. And I just started to love your smile so much. And I still do now. It’s like your smile is contagious, your smile makes me happy. It is the prettiest smile I have ever seen. You are the prettiest girl I have ever laid my eyes on. I was happy, the first day itself I got a really different feeling when you and me started talking it was like you were my long lost crush that I just started talking to, and then Rebecca and I...
“We became partners and I still don’t know the past but that is the reason she and me being partners pissed you off. Rebecca took me to that party of hers because you know the story, her friend Carly popped out of no where and then I didn’t remember anything about it just that I woke up and got a call from an unknown number and the girl was all like ‘come back to me’ and ‘i miss you and stuff’, I tried finding out a lot about that, and now I finally know, to my utter relief, nothing happened,it was just Layla, the girl who threw the party, she clicked my name instead of a guy called Jack, so yeah.
“I remember our first date. How excited you were. How excited I was! I was grinning all day just because you said yes. I loved how we both made each other happy. How nice everything was. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. The cars rides, the pizza eating, the lake side, the tree house and our first kiss. That kiss was so blissful Haley. Your lips were like kissing a divine goddess’ lips. I was happy that you enjoyed our date. All the texting late night and everything was so cute and fun. And then Rebecca happened.
“All those times you saw me with Rebecca, it was only for the project, i still hate her and always will. She used to take advantage of the opportunity to make you mad and jealous. She was the one who created the whole mess in the library, you know that too. She and I also had a fight about you. She called you a bitch, a slut and what not and I just kept on defending you. I was mad when i founf out you and reece were a thing so i told her to drop me and she was all like, ‘its because of that bitch isn’t it?’ and all. It kinda went like this.
“How dare you call her a bitch?! You’re the bitch here!” I had yelled. “Shut up! She is a fucking bitch.” She then yelled at me. “Shut the fuck up Rebecca! Don’t call Haley the bitch. You’re the bad guy here alright?! You wanted our friendship to break. I should have known, you always wanted that.” i said cause i got more mad.
““I am the bad guy? I AM THE BAD GUY?! Are you fucking kidding me?! I am the one who is sweet here. She is the one who betrayed you!” She then started defending herself. And then she said something that made my blood boil. “What the hell do you even see i that stupid slut?! What the fuck does she have that I don’t huh?! Why do you like her and not me? Why Jackson? Why?! Tell me!” She yells.“I see many things in her that you will never have. You are the slut here and yes I DO LIKE HER! And NOT you!” I had finally confessed my attraction towards you to someone.
“Then she was like, ’I will ruin her and all, so I just slammed the car door at her face and walked away. After that, she and I never spoke. That was all. Then whenever I used to see you in the hallways of school or in class, my heart would pain, because I knew you were taken, you were somebody else’s. I hated Reece for taking you away from me. And at the bonfire, he knew well enough that I had feelings for you, so he provoked me by making me jealous. I had already started getting bad vibes from him and I knew something was not right. So when I got the chance, I provoked him too. I was really mad Haley, I could have beaten the shit out of him if you wouldn’t have come.”
He stops for a second and intensely stares at me. He smiles and then again continues, “From that moment, I knew one thing Haley, it was that I more than liked you. I loved you. And I knew I couldn’t do anything about it. I spoke to Ryan about it and promised him to not tell Sam. All he told me was to get you to talk to me somehow and solve things. So I did, I texted you and we both met in this same very spot where we yet again had an argument. And when you took Reece’s side, it was like someone was stabbing me again and again with the same knife.
“I was so hurt. As you were walking away from me that day, I knew for sure that I had lost the one girl that I love and had true feelings for. You won’t believe Haley, I hardly cry, but that day, I cried. Because I knew I had lost. I wanted to message you, call you, see you badly, but I knew it was not possible. I was missing you so much. Our late night chats, your sweet laugh, your cute little smile and the way you look at me. I was missing every single but of it. And I was scared too, because I have never had such strong feelings for anyone ever before in my life.
" At Jessica’s party, when I saw you enter alone, I was glad than ever. And I was almost drooling at how hot you looked. Luckily for me, you started talking to me near the bar, and I totally did not mind when you by mistake dropped that drink on me. When our lips had touched once again that day, there was a fire ignited in my body. It felt so good. So soothing. So relieving. I could have kept on making out with you the whole freaking night. No scratch that, my whole bloody life. But when you said to forget that the kiss ever happened and it was all a big mistake, it broke my heart. I know you were guilty as you were still dating Reece at that time, but I also know you couldn’t help getting attracted to me as I was getting to you.
“After that I pretended like it never happened because you had said so and plus I did not want to make things awkward than they already were. But when I heard bout you and Reece breaking up because of what he did to you, I felt like killing him. I was so angry I could have really killed him. How could he ever do that to you? To the most loveliest girl in the world? But I knew it was you who I needed to talk to, so here I am explaining my story to the girl I love.” He says and looks down.
I am speechless. I literally have no words for anything. I keep staring at Jackson. He finally looks up at me and says, “say something please.”
And that is when I know. I know he is the right one. I know that I have to tell him how I feel about him today itself, right now. I know that he guy sitting on the swing next to met, is the guy who I have fallen for. And all this time, I just did not know it yet. But I do know now. I know Jackson Mathews is the fresh and new chapter that I have to start in my life, that will never end.
But before I confess to I’m, I think he deserves to know bout Rebecca and my rivalry.
“Before I reply to anything for what you have said, I want to tell you the story about me and Rebecca. You deserve to know. Back in my home town, I had a best friend. His name was Zach Ryder and he was nine months older to me. We were childhood besties. We both used to do every single thing together. Literally. From best friends we grew up to be lovers. It was the age of thirteen that I realized that Zach loved me more than a best friend. He was ready to give away his life for me. And for me, I always wanted a guy who was at least a little like Zach if not Zach himself.
“We were sitting under the oak tree in the park near his house after dinner around 10 and it was almost the fourteenth anniversary of our friendship, we were both excited. Giggling and playfully joking about nothing in general. When it was twelve, we both wished and hugged each other. I had a huge grin on my face, I was so happy you know? He then caught hold of both my hands and looked straight into my eyes, which I found normal as it was normal. We used to walk hand in hand.
“He said, ‘Hales I really don’t know how this happened or when this happened but I do know that it has happened and I cannot stop it. I love you Haley, more than a best friend. I want to protect you from everything that may hurt you and I want to give you everything you ever want. I really love you from the bottom of my heart Haley bear and I promise I will never break your heart.’ After hearing this, it was my first instinct that I kissed him and there was his answer.
“We started dating, but it all seemed the same with just kissing adding up to all the couple-y things that we did and the boyfriend and girlfriend name tag to us. We were both really happy with our lives. We were the couple goals for everyone because even though we were now in a relationship, our best friendship never changed. It only got stronger. Everything between us was perfect.
“Rebecca was his cousin. She shifted to a house three hours away and we instantly became good friends and whenever we had the chance or whenever she came to visit we used to have a lot of fun. We even lost our virginity to each other. And nothing was awkward at all. On the 24th of July, Rebecca was invited to a party... Zach and I were watching AHS a little later than midnight when he got a call from her. She was drunk and did not have a ride home so she wanted him to pick her up. On his way, he--” I pause. I look at the ground and let a single tear escape my eye.
“Shh.. its okay.” He quietly says.
“He met with an accident. The doctors tried their best to save him but he had lost a lot of blood, fractured two bones and broken three limbs and was wounded miserably. I got to speak to him before he..” I gulp hard.
“...Before he died... I blamed his death on Rebecca. This is the reason that I now hate Rebecca. Because she didn’t even care to say sorry. Because she didn’t care that it was because of her that her brother was dead. MY Zach was dead. Because she had no feelings. Because she did not miss him as much as I did. That is why I hate her. And I always will.” I say and wipe my tears.
“Hey come here.” Jackson gets up and comes to hug me. I hug him tight as if my life depends on it.
“You know Jackson, a few of Zach’s last words to me were, ‘I want you to stay happy and if you won’t be happy, I won’t be happy. So smile the beautiful smile of yours and be strong. Try getting to love and marry a guy who kind of resembles me alright?’” I say whilst hugging him and then move apart a little to look at him in the eyes.
“And you know, you resemble him in many ways. In my life, I fell in love only once, with Zach. I thought I was in love with Reece but I was wrong. Over this year Jackson, you’ve made me realize that love, it just happens you know. Maybe slowly, but eventually, Love Happens. And that is exactly what happened to me. Jackson Mathews, I love you. And I always will.” I say and smile at him.
He looks down at me with all emotions in his yes at once, and just pulls me for a kiss. It reminds me of Zach, and I smile.
I know I am with the right one.
He breaks the kiss, looks at me and smiles brightly.
“I love you too Haley.” He says and then looks at the sky and yells, “I LOVE YOU HALEY!”
We both laugh at his excitement with our bodies close to each other and share a nice blissful, passionate and loving kiss again.
It is this moment that I know, if Jackson is in my life, then my life is complete.