Addictive Cookies N' Cream (BWWM)

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The Kingsman: Agent Absinthe

Merlin and Eggsy sat poolside at some swanky resort in Florida. They had been assigned on a mission to retrieve an new agent who had been there collecting intel about the random bombings occurring around the world and they needed to move into action as soon as possible. They were supposed to be collecting the informant, so they were stationed by the pool in a cabana waiting for them to arrive.

“So who is this new recruit we’re supposed to be meeting?“, Merlin whispered into his comm as to not draw attention to himself in their shared cabana. He titled down his sunglasses and looking around the resort, scanning for any suspicious activity behind his sun hat.

“Absinthe”, Champagne answered into his ear piece, “they have been working on this case for a hot minute. I trust them to help you guys every step of the way”, the head Statesman explained before he went quiet again.

Eggsy snorted, “Absinthe? Fuck kind of agent is that?“, he questioned aloud, looking over at the older gentleman, “Who the hell wants to be connected to a hallucinagenic?”

Merlin raised an eyebrow, “I don’t know”, he answered with a shrug, glancing back down at his watch.

A few seconds pasted before Eggsy groaned. “Jesus jomblies, where is the bloke? I’d fancy a cuppa before tea times over!“, the young man muttered angrily. He wasn’t used to the Miami sun and he didn’t wanna burn waiting on some Neanderthal who didn’t even have to courtesy to be punctual with the safety of the world on the line.

Champagne snickered over the comm for some reason before continuing, “Don’t get your britches in a knot kiddo, Absinthe should be meeting you any second now”, he assured, a mirth in his voice that made them both frown before brushing it off as American humor.

Merlin huffed, looking down at his Kingsman watch while Eggsy continued surveillance, not seeing anyone other than tourists, “Are yeh sure yeh hae the right time?”

He was so busy fiddling with his watch that he didn’t notice Eggsy do a double take before he is blindly tapping him, still looking straight ahead, “Shite fuck - Merlin! Look at tha baps on that bird!”

Merlin’s head instantly peaked up, “Huh? Where?“, he looked over to where Eggsy was looking and his jaw dropped, “Jesus Christ”, he whispered.

Eggsy pulled his shades down the bridge of his nose, his tongue peeking out as he licked his lips, “Merlin”, he breathed in a rough voice, “I know what I said earlier, but I’m starting to grow a certain...affection for the States”, he gulped, Adam’s apple bobbing as the water dripped off her body.

“Agent Merlin, Agent -”

“Shut your yap, coffin-dodger”, Eggsy cut off, sitting up completely in his chair, “yeh ’re ruining the vibe.”

They continued to stare as she continued to shake the water off, wringing her hair dry before looking around the pool.

They froze when she looked straight at them and before they knew what to do, she was heading right for them. They quickly worked to right themselves, painting themselves as the perfect picture of casual yet alluring. (Well at least to them they did)

Soon she was standing right in front of them looking every but like a wet dream, “Hey”, she greeted in a soft voice with a warm smile.

“H- hi”, Merlin choked out, waving weakly at her. Both were speechless, unable to form more than one word sentences.

Then she started to giggle and they thought it was the most beautiful sound in the world, “I’m sorry if I’m bothering you, but I left my bag here earlier”, she explained, pointing over to the pink and gold bag beside the beach chair between them. They hadn’t even seen it when they arrived.

“Do you think it would be weird if I still sat here with you guys? If not, I totally understand.”

Merlin practically threw Eggsy off the chair, “Oh please dae! Not a problem at all.”

“Aye best seat in the house”, Eggsy exclaimed, not even caring for the roughness, in fact, he dusted off the seat for her, “I mean the hotel, aye the hotel.” He face palmed, cursing his stupid tongue, but then she was smiling again and he forgot how to breath for a second.

She giggled again and they could’ve sworn she sounded like an angel. She crawled onto the chair and laid down on her stomach. Merlin and Eggsy both looked at each other with wide eyes and dropped jaws.

‘What the fak?’, Eggsy mouthed, pointing at the heavenly body between them.

Merlin just shrugged, mouthing a ‘Thank ye God’, before biting his lip.

She started to sit up and they quickly averted their gaze, acting as if they were looking straight ahead at the water. She let out a soft huff before sitting up on her knees, “I’d hate to keep bothering you guys, but can one of you get my back?“, she asked, reaching into her bag and pulling out a bottle of oil.

By now both their jaws were on the floor and they were practically tripping over each other. “I don’t, but he might”, Eggsy choked out quickly, “he’s uh a tad of a nonce, bad mits too; they cramp a lot”, he said whispered to her behind her hand, making the choppy motion with his hand.

“Oh no, my mits r stretched and ready. Please bother away”, Merlin denied tapping his fingers together in a relaxing yet complex way.

She looked at his hands and looked down at her hands, biting her bottom lip in a way that almost had the agents jizzing in their pants, “Can you guys close the curtain?“, she asked shyly, laying down on her stomach and reaching behind her back to undue the strings of her bikini, “don’t want any weirdos gawking at me.”

Merlin and Eggsy shot up like bats out of hell, racing to close the curtain and remove them from public view.

“Merlin”, Eggsy whispered as they drew the curtains.


“I call up dibs on the bum”, before he could complain, the younger man held up a hand, “I called dibs, deal with it.”

He grunted but conceded, “Very well.”

Then they turned around they were shocked to find the beach chair empty, the young lady pacing the back perimeter of the cabana, “I don’t think we drew any attention so we should be good. I set up a transmission scrambler in case anyone might be listening in.”

When she turned, she was confused to find them standing there looking as if they had suddenly been send to another dimension, “Is everything okay?“, she asked them.

“I’m sorry, but...what is going on here exactly?“, Merlin spoke up, eye brows creased from trying to figure out what the hell was happening.

The woman stopped, looking up and frowned, “Were you not informed beforehand?“, she asked. The two men looked between one another before turning back to her and shaking their heads.

“I’m afraid not.”

She cocked her head to the side before apparently realizing something, “Oh you really thought this was-“, she started to outright laugh at them and it only served to make them more confused and now aggravated. Was there some inside joke they didn’t know about? What the hell was happening?

Her laughter soon died out as she straightened and pulled a badge seemingly out of nowhere, “I was assured you were informed of the new Statesman in your absence?“, she asked, looking between the two while they were both still speechless.

“I can assure you I did, sweetheart”, a voice said out of nowhere making them all jump except her as a screen pops up to reveal Champagne. Upon seeing the older Statesman, Eggsy and Merlin quickly tried to right themselves, but the older man didn’t look amused, “If you two knuckleheads weren’t too busy leading with your beans and weenies, you’d know you were in the presence of a bonifide force to recon with. Best thing to join the Statesman and the Kingsman in long long time.”

She giggled at the comment, “Oh Champagne, stop it”, she cooed, blushing at the compliment.

The two continued to go back and forth as the two Gentlemen watched still as gobsmacked as ever, “No offense but I’m still reeling from earlier so can we take a minute?“, Eggsy pipped in, cutting their tirade short, “Pardon my manners, but who tha fuck r you?”

She didn’t appreciate the pointed stare or the curse she received, glaring at him, “I’m Agent Absinthe, I’m the informant you were sent to receive”, she explained dryly, clearly over whatever this was; they had business to tend to and they were wasting time now.

Merlin clamped his hand over his mouth, “Oh my, we’re terrible sorry Agent Absinthe!“, he rushed to spit out, “This was all some big misunderstanding”, he apologize frantically as Eggsy just continued to stare at her.

“Wait a second”, he cut in, gaining their attention, “so we’re not doing this?“, he questioned, referring to the beach chair, “I was kinda looking forward to lathering up yer backside proper”, he admitted, making any out line of her body, flinching when Merlin elbowed him.

“Same, but obliviously in a less uh barbaric sense”, he added with a gulp, earning a glare from his fellow Gentleman.

Absinthe just rolled her eyes, before grabbing her bag, “Hate to break it to you boys, but that was just a diversion so I could collect you without drawing attention”, she informed, taking the sun tan oil and pouring some in her hand as she began oil herself up, “we should head some where private”, she said, bending over to lather her legs as well.

Eggsy was practically drooling, “Aye, somewhere private”, he trailed off, titling his head to the side to get a better view of her ass. They watched intensely as she placed her leg on the chair, strapping on a pair of matching gold wedges. She was so fucking hot it didn’t make sense.


“Agent Eggsy?”

“Boys! Focus!“, Absinthe hissed, snapping them out of their love daze. She was quickly losing faith in the male human race.

Merlin corrected himself rather quickly, clearing his throat and folding his hands behind his back, “Agent Absinthe, what Intel dae you hae for us?“, he asked, finally focusing on the life threatening case at hand.

She put on her sunglasses and smiled at them, “Follow me boys”, with that, she opened the curtain and lead them out; leaving Eggsy to grab her bag on the way out.

“effing serious”, he muttered under his breath.

They strolled behind the woman, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Not that it mattered, they were all too busy staring at Agent Absinthe to notice the two pale Brits behind her.

They headed towards the bar and she sat down, “Sit”, she ordered, not even looking at them as they did as instructed, both sitting on either side of her. She leaned against the bar counter, “Hey Toni, can I get 3 Blue Hawaii’s with extra rum and vodka for me and my friends please?“, she asked, the bubbly girl from earlier returning.

"Just friends of yours?“, the tan man questioned, looking between the three, “That’s some variety you got there.”

Absinthe giggled coyly, “A lady never kisses and tells, Toni”, she teased with a wink, leaning against Merlin’s chest. Eggsy glared at the bald man; ‘Fuck was I carrying her bag for then? Manners maketh man, my arse.’

“Absinthe, please, back to the issue at hand”, the bald man cut in after thanking the bartender and putting his drink down. Meanwhile Eggsy was chugging away on the fruity beverage without a care in the world.

She sat down her drink and her face was hard once again, “You see that man over there?“, she nodded her head behind them and they looked past her to see a rather fit man lounging by the pool. The only thing out of the ordinary were the dozen men surrounding him as he threw crude comments and gestures at the women and men who passed by.

“Talkin’ bout ole Dick Van Dyke ova there?”

“His name it Henric Thorton, been here everyday in that exact same spot.”

“Okay and?“, Eggsy huffed, lugging her surprisingly heavy bag onto his shoulder, “whatsso suspicious about that? He’s on holiday”, he grunted as the strap dragged off his shoulder and almost took it off in the process. ‘She’s gotta have a weapon or some shit in here, I swear.’

Absinthe just ignored him, “Came from the shitty part of Milan. He has been out here all day, from opening to closing for the past 14 days”, she informed, scanning the area.

Merlin shook his head, “That’s impossible; it’s over 102° today and he hasn’t gotten a single tan or burn.” There isn’t a single brand of SPF that could protect from all that.

“Exactly”, she agreed, before turning and leading them towards the walk way, “we take it he’s one of their guinea pigs. They allow him to do whatever he wants and he’s always under supervision so long as he stays in that spot.”

Eggsy nodded, “Does he know?”

She shrugged, “I don’t know”, she admitted, taking off her sunglasses and turning to them, “for all we know, he could just be a regular dick with a serious power complex.”

Merlin couldn’t help but laugh at her comment and when she stared at him with that smile, he forgot what was going on for a moment. She looked away from him, pushing her hair back behind her ear before looking up again, “I don’t think he is though”, she said, brushing off their little moment, “from what I heard, he thinks he’s doing a test trail for this cool product and their paying him big bucks for it.”

They all looked on at the man barking at the poor women who past by. “He’s testing out sum’fin alright”, Eggsy muttered, “He just doesn’t know that his free trial is about to come to an end.”

Absinthe stood up, stretching out before turning back to them, “Let’s go get that privacy I told you about”, with that she walked off, the two men racing to follow behind her.

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