My breathing was ragged, I wasn’t sure why since this is technically the best part of my day. The seconds you have of disconnection to the world. Leaving a dream, the tiny path of not understanding anything, trying to place puzzle pieces of your vision together. That tiny moment I have is all the piece I need.
But like all the nice things we enjoy, they have to come to an end at some point.
Making my way out of the dungeons, rays of the sun are piercing through the windows. If the loud chatter from the students wasn’t enough to wake someone, the heat and striking light was like a needle to your skin.
The great hall was filled, but the certain people I had to talk to were yet not here again.
Pansy and Blaise-
Bloody hell what happened yesterday? What had Blaise said- Did Pansy ever come back? I must have fallen asleep to even hear her footsteps if she had.
Draco wasn’t sitting at his usual spot either, it was not an uncommon sight.
Theo was sitting at the end of the Slytherin table next to a slightly shorter blond. They seemed to be having a conversation, or more of the blond speaking while Theo seemed to have no interest in what she was saying.
My stomach had no intention of making me feel slightly hungry. I walked over to their way and the blond’s face was now familiar. Daphne Greengrass.
“Good morning to you,” Theo’s smile was always so genuine.
Taking my seat across from him, Daphne’s annoyed sigh was not solely trying to be hidden. Looking her way, she had her eyes locked onto Theo, desperate for any recognition.
I reached out for a water-filled cup at the center of the table, “Where is everyone?”
“Must’ve slept in I assume,” By the way his body seemed to silence a little, I could tell he knew something about them. Something I didn’t.
“What are they doing?” I worried.
Theo gave no response, he only turned to face Daphne once she gave a low exhalation.
“Oh right! Almost forgot what I came here for. It’s just some things are a bit-” Daphne raised a finger and dragged it down Theo’s clothed chest, “-distracting.”
He shoved her arm away with a nudge, then continued peacefully eating his food, she grunted but proceeded, “Some may say this is expected from the Slytherin slut-” Theo’s eyes lifted from his plate and inspected Daphne. “-but maybe not this far.” She sighed and stood up from her seat, “Need say, it can’t be her looks that get her there-”
The thought clicked. “Maybe you would have preferred to join Ashton and I that one day in the bathroom? We are talking about that encounter correct?” Daphne must have expected me to be ashamed of being with Ashton. “I would hope you enjoyed the show?”
Theo shifted in his seat, Ashton being brought up so seemingly in this way was obviously expected, but new. Daphne had stopped in her path. Intensely looking my way. “Theo how could you possibly tolerate this blood traitor.” She didn’t make it sound like a question.
With his fork, he plucked at a potato slice on his plate, his gaze caught mine as he speaks to her, “The same way I’ve tolerated you this entire morning, must tell it’s abundantly easier.”
Daphne let out an annoyed grunt before puckering her lips and leaving the table.
Aiming to prevent any different paths, my mind quickly formed idiotic conversations. I had completely forgotten about my questions where everyone was. It felt like hours had passed by when surely nothing more than thirty minutes did.
There was chattering from the table across from ours. Suddenly it appeared as a sentence said by the people caused Theo to be caught off mid-sentence. His gaze lingered through the Ravenclaw table almost searching for whoever might have spoken something. His eyes had a hint of curiosity and penitence. In no more than five seconds, his eyes locked back onto his plate.
It was well aware something said had bothered him. “What is it?”
He shook his head, “Sorry, yeah I enjoy- the book too.”
We were having a conversation about frosting flavors...
He started to toy around his food on the plate with his fork. The Ravenclaw boy’s conversation was now much clearer to the ear.
“Did you see him? He looked atrocious-”
“Of course he did, he was unconscious!”
“His body was shaking- merlin did he look in shock.”
Theo cleared his throat, in an attempt of bringing back my attention towards him.
“I’m not entirely hungry at the moment, we should go to class-”
My voice was harsher than intended, “Who are they talking about?”
He stood up from his seat, “Who would be sure,”
He knew something I didn’t. That was obvious. His body had tensed once the Ravenclaws conversation continued. It seemed he felt almost guilty.
“Tell me,” My voice was pleading.
He turned his back to me, starting on his way out, “I wish I knew.” His voice wavered, he knew. “We’ll be late for class,” And then he was gone, out the double doors.
As much as I tried to focus on any other sounds, my ears were kept intent towards the Ravenclaw table.
“I can’t believe who would do such a thing.”
“I didn’t like him anyway-”
“Padma, weren’t you and Marcus a thing back then?” Came Cho’s voice.
“Not in those words exactly, I don’t mind that they found him unconscious.”
Then came Luna, “Something terrible must have happened for Marcus Flint to have looked that way. His body was in shock, arms trembling. Not very pleasant.”
Was this an entire conversation about Flint? suddenly a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I had expected the worst. I always have, there is no reason not to.
With expecting the gravest, I thought maybe this coiled up on my behalf. Maybe it didn’t at all. But if it did- If something bad happened- terrible- and it ended up with me as the main initiation-
My thoughts had an eager need to be organized. What else had Flint done? Besides my knowledge about him, I know nothing. Pansy, Blaise- Fucking Blaise had to tell Draco.
I made my way out of the hall. So much fucking noise everywhere. Do people not know how to quiet down a notch for just a bit? It’s barely nine in the morning. Maybe if people were to be quiet I could focus, I could process thoughts. Maybe if people knew what quiet is, they would be quiet on certain occasions. Occasions which they don’t need to fucking be speaking in. Maybe if ‘quiet’ was actually a word in people’s vocabulary, issues wouldn’t be attracting others who shouldn’t even be concerned. Maybe if ‘people’ were not so loud and disruptive all the time, some things would be kept a secret.
That’s why we need quiet. Fuck you Blaise for not being able to stay quiet.
It’s the times like these where I’m not even sure what I’m telling.
The bathroom is a few turns away, a few rights and a left, and I would be there.
Turning on a right, Blaise’s much taller body collides with mine.
“You bastard." I snapped.
Maybe a slow approach to the conversation, that’s what my mom used to tell me. I’m sorry that was complete bullshit it just fit the moment. No one has ever told me that nor they will ever truly plan to since it’s false information and they all know it.
Blaise stood quiet. Thank merlin, look at him evolving! But now too quiet.
“What did I do? I’m confused-”
I shrugged dramatically, “Oh I’ve been confused. Ever since you decided to announce the ‘incident’ between Flint and I like it was an engagement, everything collapsed.”
It was true. The tower of cards I was slowly creating, was blown apart. It had taken every ounce I had in order to place each card onto it, each meant one thing. But now everything collapsed. The cards have flown out of the picture, it’s all empty. My tower was meant to keep thoughts organized, a sacred place to keep everything locked. Now that place has collapsed and all my thoughts have run wild, and they keep running as they have nowhere to go.
His eyes gave a sense of uncertainty. “I’m not following,”
“Did you so easily forget?” I gulped.
He quirked his head to the side and looked around us for a moment before talking, “Nyla I’m positively not following,”
“Talking about subjects- private subjects- which let me add are not supposed to be talked about with anyone else- is low on even your behalf.”
That’s when the reality of it all hit. Blaise outed the ‘incident’ between me and flint to Draco. Now that Draco knew there was no telling what he might do. He could tell all his little puppets he considers friends, he could convert the entire situation into a joke to be passed around for another five months, or he could- he’s a manipulative bastard.
“Did I do something?”
"Did you do something” I repeated, mockingly.
Without intention, my hand reached out to shove at his chest. Blaise didn’t budge. I felt a tear wanting to roll down across my face, but it did not.
“Was it maybe you felt you needed to tell Draco? Was it to prove how much of a ‘bad person’ he is because he was not there?” I shoved him again.
Almost like a puzzle clicked in place, the understanding showed on his face.
“What-” his voice caught, “-em- did I say exactly?”
“Are you serious?” I sneered. He caught my wrist in his hands.
There was an understanding in my mind that he was indeed drunk. Maybe he didn’t actually comprehend what any of this was about. Bloody hell I should’ve thought beforehand- fuck.
Pansy crept up behind Blaise and inspected us both, a flash of worry on her face. “What did I miss?”
I was sure she would remember. If not anyone else then for sure Pansy would, but it seemed I was wrong. A single tear ran a path down my face, then another.
I felt a ringing sound in my head, the thoughts I tried keeping away flushing forwards. Everything. It’s all there now. Everything I tried to shove at the back of my mind, thoughts I so desperately wished to be nonexistent.
Pansy must have told Blaise to leave, we were in a room now. An empty room only illuminated by the grand window at the far left. She had sat us both on a single bench. She didn’t say anything. It was simply quiet.
Her hand gently rubbed my back like a feather, my head on her shoulder as her other hand wrapped me into something warm, something home-like. Her hugs have always been my favorite, even If she doesn’t believe she should give them often.
We sat there. For what seemed to be hours. Silent tears rolling down my cheeks. I knew I had more to spare, but the tears seemed not so physical anymore. They felt more like indents. Indents puncturing every other atom of my body. Maybe they would disappear one day. One day they might.
“You can tell me, Nyla,” Pansy’s voice was softer than usual.
Maybe I should, I do trust Pansy, more than any other being. But it’s not necessarily something as easy as spilling gossip. But I should. I should also stop acting extremely dramatic- or so I felt I was.
“Does this go beyond Blaise’s doing?”
What Blaise said disturbs me. Draco knows and will spread it everywhere. Something- Something made Theo feel uneasy, he knows what. He just feels guilty.
But it all spiraled when Blaise opened his mouth last night. If he would have kept quiet, nothing would be this difficult.
What am I saying?
If flint would have some sort of boundaries, this wouldn’t be a conversation. If Flint wouldn’t have done what he did, this would be fictitious. This isn’t Blaise’s error. Marcus Flint has all the fault. Whatever made Theo so unsettled could be anything- but then the Ravenclaws conversating- Someone did something to Flint. It is not specified to be about these certain issues. It could be some other problems concerning anyone else. Now Draco... the entire school might know this situation by tomorrow.
“Do you know where Draco is?” My voice cracked.
Pansy gripped onto my hand, “No, I don’t. Why do you need him?”
“I just- I don’t want him to go around telling everyone.”
“Telling everyone what?” I had forgotten that apparently, Pansy didn’t know either. Draco and I were the only ones truly sober yesterday. Whatever they had said, they were oblivious to it.
“Blaise -by accident I think- told everyone out loud about-” I tried swallowing the knot in my throat, “-the moment- the thing between- Flint.” His name still sounded sour in my mouth.
She looked like she had seen a ghost. “Blaise would never speak anything about that Nyla.” It was as if she didn’t believe her own thoughts.
“We all met Blaise when he’s not sobber.” I laughed shortly. It was not because I found something humorous, but in order to make this situation not so much worst, it helped.
Pansy seemed to be processing, “Did I say something about it?”
She seemed to want more out of this, she wanted to know every detail, I didn’t feel like giving them.
“What did Malfoy say?”
He said a lot.
“Not much. A few questions, that’s all.”
“Nyla, I know we never actually talked about it. I felt it would make you uncomfortable, so I left it. I shouldn’t have though. I’m sorry, I’m really really sorry-”
“Pansy,” she met my sight, “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I really do. I’m sorry for not staying with you, I went to a stupid party a night after, who in the right mind does that- fuck I’m sorry. I want to talk about it with you, I saw the way your eyes would be slightly swollen and red in the mornings, I guessed it was because of an injury, but that’s only because I never let the thought of you crying till five in the morning go any further.”
She continued, “You should do something about it, it sounds so stupid, but I think you should tell-”
“I’m serious.” Her hands gripped mine harder.
That was where I knew something, half knew. “I predict someone did do something. I’m not sure if it’s for this reason, but if Theo knew then most likely.”
“Theo knows what exactly?” She questioned.
“Something about Flint. Some students were talking about it, about him being unconscious.”
“Alright well that is just another factor, you should tell someone.”
“Where would that get me, Pansy? No one would believe me if I told my perspective about Flint now would they? No, they wouldn’t. My version is irrelevant to anyone. No one gives a shit about what I have to say, if he claims he did everything well towards me, everyone believes him, or do they not?” I swallowed, “One misconception about the man and the women is wrong. One accusation towards a man and the woman is incorrect. A man has harassed a woman? False, she was asking for it. A man has made a woman feel uncomfortable? She should’ve rethought her outfit choice.”
That was why I couldn’t say anything. My voice is unheard, over a guy’s, my voice is nonexistent.
Pansy stared intently at me, all the words I said.
“You’ll be dammed if that’s the way your mind works.” She embraced me in her arms, and let us sit in silence.
We knew we missed most of our classes. Pansy decided to skip her last one and promised to be in the common room after school. In my case, I was on my way to transfigurations class.
I took a seat besides Ashton. Good emotions today may be felt after all.
He stopped talking to the Gryffindor at the desk in front, he looked up with surprise showing on his face, “Hey, I was worried about you. You didn’t come to herbology so I thought-”
“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” I smiled. “And you?”
“Feeling ten times better now that you’re here.” He grinned before continuing his conversation.
Their conversation must not be meant for everyone’s ears, even though I was fairly close to them both, their sentences were still hard to place.
The boy spoke again, “They took some Slytherins, who rather best to accuse.”
Ashton cleared his throat, “That’s only some of them,”
A bit of confusion stirred up inside. There were Slytherins in the room. Myself included, maybe not all, but they usually miss classes. I ignored Ashtons last words as I surveyed the room.
Goyle was missing, so was Montague and Millicent. Draco-
Draco was there, just entering through the doorway. He didn’t look around the room, only took an unusual seat. Very unusual seat.
He sat at the table alongside me, a Ravenclaw perfect sitting nicely beside him. His place was perfectly aligned to Ashton and I’s table. He just sat here because all his pureblood friends were missing, I told myself.
“Class, this will be your work due by this week.” Minevara pointed her wand towards the board, “By Friday we will have the exam, make sure you know the basics. Meaning you still remember how to conjure a flock of birds from your wands.” She turned and let us work on the assignment.
She called that basic when only Malfoy knew how to do it. That day he would not stop bragging about being the only one capable of performing it. I need say I was close, but the blue light which needed to emit from my wand never appeared.
It felt different knowing Draco was beside me. I sensed I had to choose certain words when talking with Ashton. I would catch myself staring his way a few miserable times. The simple way his hand created gentle movements with his quill.
Swiftly, Ashton’s hand encountered my thigh. The warmth of his fingers onto my cool skin made me shiver. Nothing felt wrong with him, but I felt the need to shift my body slightly, getting comfortable of course. Although it was the smallest movement, I could tell Malfoy’s eyes caught up with the situation. I felt his glance towards Ashton’s grip placement.
Ashton was talking with the Gryffindor in front of us, his hand still slowly caressing my skin above my knee.
But his movements were unmatchable to Draco’s eyes piercing through me.
It felt intense. Slowly, I twisted my vision towards him. Draco was slacked against his chair, his knees parted and his arms folded above his chest. His seat was somewhat away from his desk. I must’ve not noticed his face when he first entered, he had what seemed like a split lip, the corner of his mouth was red, perhaps old dry tint from blood. He had strands of hair messily situated above his brow. And his eyes- they were staring dead at me. When he remarked the way I continued regarding his way, he quirked a brow.
Ashton cleared his throat, “Right, so Nyla we could do it at my dorm today? Or your’s whatever you prefer.”
Snapping my head back to face him, the confusion on my face made him laugh.
“The assignment, I’m talking about the assignment.” He was blushed while trying to contain his laughter.
I smiled along, “I’ll consider myself an assignment then.”
Ashton ran a hand through his hair and turned to the work on his desk, but from my place, I could see the tiny grin on his face.
The class was dismissed while I started packing my satchel. Ashton kissed my forehead and assured to meet later. Walking out the door, someone chuckled under their breath but just loud enough for my ears.
“Giving up on our project so soon?” Draco snickered.
For Merlin’s sake. The project was due in less than two weeks and we have barely put any work into it. Any time we merely try discussing who will draw the meaning of our star or who will present to our entire class, it turns out to no more than an interminable argument.
I kept walking, “I would’ve expected you to come out first on this one.”
“In case you have already forgotten, this affects my grade as well. So why not work on it, yeah?” He noted.
“Right, so when will you get started? Last time I checked, I completed most of the starting work.”
Draco scoffed, “I’m planning to continue it today, you aren’t welcome to tag along if you were wondering-”
“-I really wasn’t-”
“-right, is that because loverboy has got you working on not much more of a miserable assignment?”
I finally turned to face his direction, fuck him and his smirk.
“Yes, thank you for reminding me.” I smiled politely.