For days, Blaise’s questions irritated me,
“Are you alright?”
“Do you need anything?”
“How are you feeling?”
My answer was always, I’m fine. Even though I knew that was a lie.
Pansy was worried as well, but instead of asking me if I was ok, she would just hold me tight.
Of course, no one knew about my breakdown, no one knew how I was truly feeling, but that’s ok. They didn’t need to know.
After a whole week of being enclosed in our dorm, Pansy had convinced me to go outside. So I did. On Monday I’d gone to the forest; studied the trees blowing in the wind, and let my mind wander. The day was nice and bright, but still, I went back into my room to write in my journal.
Oh, yes my journal.
Pansy gave me a journal a few days back, she said it was to use as a canvas. Write down anything I want. Anything that I feel at any moment. Anything out of everything. It had a brown leather cover with parchment sheets inside. It used a ribbon to hold itself shut.
On Tuesday I let myself walk around the lake, I watched as the wind created tiny waves rolling off the body of water. It was peaceful. And no longer than 6 minutes after, I went to the quidditch pitch. I stayed there for a while, thinking. Thinking about random stuff that came to my head. For example, what’s the brightest star? where does the galaxy end? Oh, and also what do thestrals look like? But soon after, I went back to my dorm.
On Wednesday, I joined Pansy and Blaise for breakfast in the great hall. Everything was normal. We ate all kinds of food, mostly Blaise. Generally, Draco would always sit with us. Today he wasn’t here. Or maybe not just yet.
“Blaise.” pansy spat, “You’ve had three plates of scrambled eggs already,” she said signaling to his almost empty plate.
I look over at Blaise, he was munching on his food, his mouth about to overflow. “It’s- it’s very good,” he smiled before he keeps chewing.
I let out a small, low laugh, Pansy did too. She shoved Blaise’s shoulder playfully. I picked up my fork to keep eating the fruit on my plate.
“I bet you two galleons you can’t catch this grape in your mouth,” Pansy eyed Blaise.
“I bet you three that I can,” he told her.
Pansy squinted one eye close as she angled her arm to throw in the red grape towards Blaise’s mouth. Once she did, he caught it.
“Pay up,” Blaise beamed.
We all lowly laughed to ourselves.
Seconds passed, and a tall figure dressed in black sat next to me. They weren’t looking directly at me but their platinum blond hair gave it away. Their smell did as well, the rich expensive smell. He hadn’t been with us this whole week, I have no idea where he could’ve been but I couldn’t care less.
“Look who decided to show up,” Blaise smirked.
“Worried about me, Blaise?” Draco leered.
Pansy rolled her eyes as she turned to face my way, “Totally”
I adjusted myself on my seat next to Draco. I know that if there was another seat open he would take it. But there clearly wasn’t. Pansy and Blaise were across from us on the other side of the table. He stretched out his hand to grab a slice of bread from the center. His stiff arm slightly caressed against my shoulder. He gave me a quick look before turning away to the breadbasket.
“I see Moore finally showed up as well,” Draco said as he took a bite from the bread slice. But he didn’t face me, he only eyed Blaise along with Pansy. But they both turned to glance at me instead,
“Needed some fresh air.” I pause, “but I forgot you existed.”
“I bet you want to be gasping for air when you’re around me” he teased.
Pansy glared at Draco, then at me, but finally looked at Blaise who was on her left, “Blaise want to help me with something really quick?” she said standing up from her seat.
“Not really,” Blaise said. Before he could keep eating, Pansy grabbed his neck collar and dragged him to his feet. “Yes, you do. Now let’s go” she smiled devilishly.
They both left. Now I was alone with Draco. All over again.
“Yeah, I’ll go now...” I said standing up.
“Do I bother you that much?” he smirked.
I paused. Taking in his face. His gray eyes stood out more than usual. His pale skin looks soft but there was a tiny scratch to the left of his lip. His hair was slicked back, like always. And the way his white dress shirt, fit tightly around his upper body, bloody hell.
“Yes.” my tone seemed calm. I then grabbed my bags and books that were laying on the table-top and started moving. With every step I took out of the hall, I could feel Draco’s eyes piercing into my skin.
I cornered the side of the hall as I left. The bathroom was my last stop before class. As I took the last right, I bumped into someone much taller than me. By their smell, I knew who it was. And at that exact moment, I wanted to curl into a ball and never come out. I wanted to walk away pretending nothing happened. I wanted Pansy to be here.
“Watch out love”
I looked up at the source. Why did this have to happen now?
“Move,” I spat looking down at the floor.
I tried to round his large body to the right. He only moved in front of me and blocked my path.
“Hm... how are you?” he paused to take in my disgusted expression, “Still shook eh?” he smirked.
“Move out my fucking way Flint.” I sneered.
“Did you not enjoy it at all?”
“You think I enjoyed it? You’re fucking mental like really really messed up in the head.” I shoved him out the way, creating an opening in the hallway.
He grabbed my wrist as I tried to flinch it away. His grip grew tight. And his touch lingered on my body again. All over again. The way he held my grip that day in the classroom... it was the same right now. “Don’t talk to me like that love, really.” he paused, his face now close to my ear, he whispered, “I enjoyed it y’know?”
I looked him straight in the eyes. Pathetic. His face was all I needed as permission to slapping him. I shoved him away and brought my right fist up to his face. A loud noise emitted the empty hall.
There was a flushed red cheek on him now, and his lip was busted. I punched him. He deserved it, a slap would be nothing more.
“I said fucking leave me alone you piece of shit. You are selfish and disrespectful. You deserve nothing more than rotting in a fucking cellar. I hope someone gets sense into that little brain of yours.”
His left eye twitched and his face had scrunched up creating wrinkles along his forehead. Prior to waiting for his retort, I punched him again.
All I could feel was rage and ache filling my senses. I wanted him to regret ever doing anything. His stupid act that he just wants to ‘let slide’, yeah, that ruined me. His stupid touch is always all over me, all I can think of when I stare at a ceiling in complete quietness is his face above mine. I feel his breath along my skin every day before going to sleep. I hear his disgusting words against my ear whenever I simply start a conversation.
“Ms. Moore!” I hear someone yell from across the empty hall, “get off him this instant!”
I turn my face to find Professor Snape pacing towards us. Flint has his hands up in defeat, slightly turning his face so his right side with the busted lip and the red cheek is visible.
“Ms. Moore what is this behavior?!” Snape says as he drags Flint away from me, reaching for his wand in his pocket, and assessing quick healing spells on his wounds. I was frozen in my place. Today was not the day for detention.
“He’s a bloody bastard-”
“That’s enough! You will appear at tomorrow’s after-school detention with Professor Umbridge!”
I wanted to collapse on the floor. Not because of this, but because I didn’t get to punch Flint one last time. But I felt the tears starting to reaper behind my eyelids.
“Were you crying?” Pansy walks over to Nyla.
“No,” she responds blankly.
They were in the bathroom. Getting ready for a “friend gathering.”
Goyle had come up to Pansy minutes before Nyla returned to their dorm, he had passed her this letter from Draco, saying to meet in the astronomy tower later at night:
a little fun at the astronomy tower?
we’ll all be there, 12 pm
Of course, like always, they didn’t know what they were getting themselves into. They just knew that if Blaise and Draco were there, Nyla and Pansy would have to be there to stop them from doing something completely and utterly stupid.
Nyla wasn’t in much of the mood to go though. Everything felt as if it was being pilled over her shoulders, so it would be best if Pansy went alone.
Walking towards her closet, Pansy pulls out black leggings with a cropped white shirt.
“Are you sure you don’t want me staying with you?” Pansy asks with worrisome plastered on her face.
“Yes I’m sure, I promise,” Nyla reassures.
As she makes her way towards the door, she turns around and gave a smile, “I’ll just go check on them really quick, I’ll be back soon,”
Nyla laughs, “Just don’t do anything stupid,”
Finally, I arrived at the astronomy tower. The smell there was undeniable, weed-filled every inch of my senses. Oh, merlin it was strong.
Walking up the stairs, I immediately noticed Crabbe and Goyle at the far right of the tower, talking with other Slytherin boys. Other irrelevant Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were here too. And there were Blaise sharing a blunt with Draco as they ley against the wall.
“You came” Blaise walks up with opening arms in welcome.
“Only to look out for both your arses,” I smirked.
They all chuckled right before Draco said loudly, “Would you guys want some?” he brought up his arm, holding a rolled-up paper, in the air.
“It’s just me, but of course” I tempted
I noticed how Draco’s eyebrows rose.
I walked over to Malfoy as he passed me the blunt and I took it casually. I let out a small puff of smoke before returning it his way
There was a Hufflepuff I’ve never cared to notice before here too. He was on the opposite wall eyeing me in confusion.
“Want a picture or something?” I spat at him.
Blaise and Draco’s face scrunched as they turned their heads, looking at who I was talking to.
“Do you need anything?” Blaise huffed.
I’ve seen him somewhere before.
No, I haven’t seen him, someone has described him to me before.
“Where’s Nyla?” was all he said.
The one that helped Nyla at the train.
The one she wouldn’t stop telling me about.
“His hair,” she paused, “It looked really soft if I’m being honest. Probably would be worth gripping onto...”
“And the way his shirt fit so tightly against his muscles... bloody hell,” Nyla smirked.
“So you fell in love with a guy who helped you lower your bags. Cliche.” I laughed.
“No no it’s not love.” she scrunched her nose, “I’m just curious”
“Curious on his abilities... the ones in bed...?” I smirked.
“Merlin’s sake Pansy be quiet!” her hands covered my mouth quickly.
“She didn’t feel good,” Blaise responded for me. Bringing me back into reality.
Draco studied Blaise carefully like he was looking for something. He then redirected his gaze over to... ah yes, Ashton.
“And you are?” Draco badgered.
Ashtons face grew slightly red, “Ashton,” he looked back at me, “could you tell her I was looking for her?”
In an instant those words came out his mouth, Malfoy’s jaw clenched.
Blaise calmly smiled and answered, “Got it.”
These idiots are acting like I can’t fucking speak.
I have nothing to do. Absolutely nothing.
I could go to the library.
The restricted section.
Maybe to Luna’s room.
Great hall would work too.
But I might bump into Flint...
I got a random book from the shelf in our dorm and took a seat onto the window nook.
‘Magical Theory’ by Adalbert Waffling, couldn’t be so bad.
A low creaking noise emitted into the room. I turned my head, and there was Draco standing by the door with a blunt to his mouth, “Pansy asked me to collect something,” he said.
“A vile.” he said as he kept walking into the room, “She said they would be in the bottom right drawer to the left of the...” he trailed off, forgetting his words.
“purple box- to the left of the purple box under her nightstand.” I laughed.
His eyes narrowed as he looked at me for the first time since he came in here. His lip twitched and his jaw clenched.
He then turned his gaze from me to the nightstand. He opened the bottom left drawer and looked to the left of the mini purple box inside. His hand reached for the golden packets, he picked 3 out.
“And why did she ask you to come get them?” I questioned.
“Because I was the only one who wasn’t busy.” he blew out a puff of smoke.
He started walking towards me, tucking the rubber into his pocket.
He stopped in front of the bedpost. Right where the light hit his face.
Draco looked nice under the moon’s light. His face had a nice olive hue, his hair was messily placed, and the grey eyes I never intently looked at before, glimmered under the luminescence.
Without saying a word, he placed the rolled-up paper up to his parted lips, then exhaled a puff of smoke. He extended his arm holding the cigarette, offering me some.
It took no hesitation. I grabbed the joint from his hands, my fingers caressing lightly against his. I placed it between my lips, inhaling and exhaling smoke, it tingled at the back of my throat.
I looked back up at him.
His eyes already on me, locked at my every move.
“Who’s she with?” I questioned passing him the blunt back.
“Random Ravenclaw fuck boy,”
He commenced heading towards to door passing his hand through his ruffled hair.
“What about Blaise?”
He kept his vision secure on the door, “He’s fine,”
And just like that, he was gone.
Alone all over again.
But a random Ravenclaw fuck boy?
Sorry, this chapter wasn’t much guys! It was like a filler in a way
If you’re here from TikTok, just know the story will be different, I will change certain aspects so it’s not all as predictable, I hope you’re enjoying it so far <3