December 11, 2020
It's my birthday also a Friday. I decided to stay home after all the drama. I have been avoiding everyone. I feel completely guilty about it and I want to hide in my room for eternity. I go outside with my brother it's been snowing for the pass few days and the city is covered in white.
He comes behind me and throws me into the snow. I pick up snow and throw it at him and we had a snow fight. It's been too long since we hung out together just as siblings. I laughed and snow went into my mouth I spit out and he came running "are you okay?" He was worried. Little did he know I had snow ball in my hand.
After, I went inside to finish work from school and finish my college application. It's already done and I have checked it a million times I don't know why I couldn't just send it. Maybe because I'm nervous about neither or not I'll get in. I close my eyes and sent it, I take a deep breath and remind myself "it's out of my control now."
Riley texts me, I was kind of surprised. I get why she kept her distance I lied to her and it wasn't fair. I missed my best friend more than anything and I could say I'll let go of Blaine but it would be a lie because I can't even if I wanted to.
R: I know I'm supposed to be mad but it's your birthday and we need to celebrate girls day.
A: text me when your outside :)
Now today has been the best birthday ever. I missed her so much we missed so much we usually hang out 10 times a day but now it's like we're enemies.
After I pick out my outfit a long jeans a cute crop top shirt. Sometimes I forget I got my belly pierced and I don't show it often. Even though I did it to piss off Blaine after Madeline. I don't know if I should let myself be happy today I caused so much destruction and it's all because of me. Maybe that's why I deserve to be happy even if it's for one day.
R: I'm pulling up.
I run outside into the car. She's wearing a dress in like below -0 weather. She's crazy but she looks so pretty.
I start "I know you don't agree about what I'm doing with Blaine, Riley. I myself don't know what's happening. It's like he makes me question myself every day. It's fun and exciting sometimes and the other times..." she stops me in the middle of my sentence.
"I get that you like him Elle I do, for some reason you can't explain. I can't stand there and see my best friend get hurt by a man who only cares about himself. This is Blaine where talking about."
"He's different now..." I claim. No matter what she's not going to be believe me. She hates him always has.
"The hell he is. He knows he can manipulate you Elle. You seen Blaine in high school he had girls crying over him all the time. He didn't not give a fuck about anyone's feelings especially yours remember when your mom died. You cried for months and what did he say ?"
"He told me that parents suck and that I would be better off without her."
"Exactly. As much as you want to believe he changed for you. It's apart of his game" I'm about to cry at the mention of my mom. She died a long time ago but the thought of her not being here brings me to tears every time.
She hugs me "what are we doing?" I asked. Trying to avoid any arguments that start with Talking about him any farther. Knowing her she would want to do something wild and crazy.
"We're going bowling Elle that's our thing on your birthday and since your moms not here I was hoping you would let me do it for you" she touches the top my hand gently.
I hug her again I'm excited and nervous. It would be my third birthday without with my mom and my dad. He used to send birthday cards with money stacked inside but he stopped sending them about a year after he left.
We reach the bowling place. It's full of people bowling with their families. It reminded me of my mom so much and our memories. If she couldn't be here physically I'm glad she's here in the memories.
Riley touches my shoulder and snaps me back into focus "Are you okay Elle?, we can do something else?" She says worried about me. I understand why she is worried about me but I'm fine.
"No, it's fine in some way it's like this is honoring her memory" I smile. The feelings of this place was all too familiar.
One day we came here all of us and the bowling ball was too heavy from me so I ended up falling backwards and everyone laughed. I was so mad and I refused to play for the rest of the time we were here.
This was my happy place. Well me and my moms happy place. After a while it became just me and my mom coming here on my birthday because my dad was too busy doing work.
Riley hands me a bowling ball. We set up near a group of boys having game night. They smile and whisper as we walk past them. I see one of them looking at Riley and she blushes really hard.
They were attractive mostly of all of them had golden brown hair with grey or blue eyes. We pretended we didn't notice them staring and continued to play. Riley was much better at bowling and flirting then I was. She knocked down almost all the pins every time. Me all the other hand need practice.
one of the guys walk up to me as I am about take my turn. "Seems like you need some help?" He says in a flirt tone.
I look back him "What makes you think that ?" I flirt back. He was more handsome up close didn't seem like a dick. He seemed genuinely nice. Basically the opposite of Blaine.
"The fact that you been missing all your pins since you been here" he comments. A smile climbs his face, he's more relaxed.
"I would love for you to help me" he turns red blushing.
He tells me to get into the position I would bowling in. After telling me it was the wrong away. He showed me how to do it. As I did it he touched my waist, pulling me back into him. I could feel his body up against mine. I looked back at him. Then looked away quickly . I rolled the ball and it knocked the all pins down.
I high fived him "thank you so much" I jump on him in excitement and I wrapped my hands around his neck. He was so sweet and nice. This was the best birthday ever. I got to hang out with my best friend and hang out with someone new. I knew Riley was happy I was talking to someone new. I spoke too soon.
"Arielle" someone calls my name I look everywhere to try and find the person who called my name. Finally I see him walking towards me from the door.
I feel instantly bad for the guy next to me. I stand in front of him because I know if I am he wouldn't hurt him.
"What are you doing with this guy Elle?" He asked me angry. He points to him and looks at him like he wants to kill him.
"He was teaching me how to bowl its nun of your business Blaine. Please leave your causing a scene."
"I don't give a fuck. How could you stay here and let someone else touch you so closely" he says.
" you don't tell me what to do" he drags me outside by my arm. People follow closely behind us wanting to witness the fight between me and Blaine.
"So we're going to pretend what happened on thanksgiving didn't happen?. Like I didn't matter to you" he says. His hair flipping in the wind making it messy. He stands there with his arms crossed in authority.
"I didn't say you didn't matter to me. Everything is unraveling Blaine soon enough everyone going to know about us."
He pulls me closely "if you want me to stay away from you I can't. This isn't pick and choose when you want to love someone. Anyways your brother already knows he just doesn't want to see it".
"I know I'm trying to protect you why can't you see that?. So what happens when if we go public huh?. Your going to be out going with your feelings your going to tell the whole world you love me. No, your going to say you don't care about me and that you just wanted to sleep with me".
"Elle please understand" I walk away from him. I can't do this on my birthday not today. Too much has happened already there was no way to stop it.
He grabs my arm and kisses me in front of everyone. I pull back and yell "what are you doing Blaine?".
I thought I would have the day off of having to think about Blaine but he just made it impossible. I miss this wasn't as complicated I wish I could just jump into his arms and be with him. But there are too many things keeping us apart right now.
Starting with my brother and ending with Madeline and whatever she's hiding. Should I ask Blaine what he thinks Madeline hiding? No in he's eyes she could do no wrong.