Craving him: The beginning of us

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Chapter 35

I knock on my brother door when he opens the door there was a girl wrapped around his waist. She was blonde and blue eyes and was wearing a red sparky dress. I assumed she was a friend but the way she looked at me like I was some girl trying to steal her boyfriend didn't sit right with me. My brother seems shocked to see me "Arielle what are you doing here?" He looks down at my suitcase.

"I don't want to talk about it and I don't need to hear I told you so. I feel awful enough." I state. He lets me into the house with no questions.

I go straight into my room I jump into my bed and stare at the ceiling. Why did I think it would work in the first place? I knew who Blaine was but no, I always have to see the good in people. I'm going to avoid him forever.

I go to sleep I couldn't stay away with my thoughts. Half of me wants to run into his arms and the other half wants to slap him to the moon. Maybe I should have listened when people told me not to get involved but I'm hard headed and don't listen.

I wake up the next morning and I walk into the kitchen and sit on the spinning chair it always makes me feel better. Anthony was in the kitchen making a sandwich. I noticed the new ink on his neck of a hummingbird and my mind goes to Blaine. "You know he loves you Arielle." He knocks me out of my thoughts.

"If he loved me he wouldn't have kept something big from him."

"Is this about the baby?" He groans. I wonder how he knew before me. Of course Blaine told him before even telling me.

I almost break my neck looking up at him "you knew about the baby and didn't tell me?" I start getting angry.

"I'm not the one who was supposed to tell you Arielle it had to come from him." He looks at me with pity.

"I guess everyone around me was lying except for of course Riley." I joke to hide my disappointment.

He laughs and hands me a sandwich he once again gives me pity eyes as he says "everything is going to work out the way it supposed to be."

"At else I don't have to tell him I might die from cancer" I joke.

He drops the knife and it clings when it hits the table. He looks at me like he wants to kill me "what?."

"My doctor told me I should get tested for cancer because there's a 50, 50 chance I could or will have it neither now or in the future" he walks over to me fast and wraps me in a hug. I start sobbing.

"All I ever wanted was for you to be happy Arielle I love you more than anything in the world. I-I-I-I'm sorry I kicked you out, I was scared I know Blaine better than anyone else in the world. He doesn't do relationship, he has never cared about anyone else but himself I was afraid he would hurt you and look at you now."

I shushed him "you did nothing wrong I'm hard headed and I wouldn't have listened anyways. I was too wrapped up in the fantasy of it."

"It's easy to get lost on the fantasy of it. If you do decide to get back together..." I stop him mid sentence.

"I don't think that's going to happen we're not right for each." I state firmly.

"I don't think you should take him out of the running. He might have his flaws but he loves you, I see it in his eyes. You might not be able to forgive him now but one day you will."

"I thought you hated him?" I ask confused. I thought he hated Blaine after what we did. After all we did lie to him.

"He's my best friend no matter what he's going to stay my best Friend. We have a love hate relationship but that doesn't mean when I hate him that I don't love him also."

I pull away from him and smile "thank you Anthony. I know you were trying to protect me even if you went about it the wrong away."

I walk back into my room with my sandwich I call Riley to catch her up with everything. She says " oh wow, what are you going to do?."

"Nothing, I'm mad at him for now if I go running to him like I want to. He has the power over me and I can't let him have it even though he already does."

"You should be mad Arielle, he kept this from you destroying the trust between you too. You can't argue and go back together it isn't healthy." She pleads with me. I understand where she's coming from I feel the same. It was just his presence that makes me forget everything and go back to him.

"Why don't we go to the mall?" she squeals excitedly into the phone almost breaking my eardrum. She loves going to the mall especially when she can get me go to there too.

I get ready in a mini skirt pleaded skin and a big tee shirt of NSYNC. I had my hair straighten and I put some clips in my air to make it my own. In the mirror I realized I was still wearing his necklace.

I played with it in between my thumb and index fingers rubbing my finger on the Pendant. I know I should take it off but I can't bring myself to actually do it.

I think about my mom and what she would say about all this. Would she tell me to go back to him or leave him for good? I know the answer to that she would tell me it's my life and my choice.

I rush out when I heard the sounds of Riley's car outside. When I get into the car she has a big smile on her face I think she's trying to make me feel better but it's not working. I look down at my feet her smile drops into a frown. I look back up to her "could we go visit my mom?" She nods her head.

I look out the window all the house seem to be the same. Same Color, same windows, same roof. It was kind of depressing to see it. We past by Blaine's house on the way to the cemetery. I wondered what he was doing right now, was he playing with the child?, was he with Madeline right now. No, I can't let myself think that way.

In a matter a minute we were at Boston cemetery were my mom was buried. I look out into the field of headstones feeling sadness come over me. Riley held my hand "I'll be here if you need me." I smiled. To have a friend like Riley is one in a millions.

I finally got the courage to walk to my moms headstone. It had dirt on it and the name on the stone was barely visible. I sat down on the grass and said.

"Well hi mom I know we haven't visited in a while, I'm sorry for that there's been a lot going on lately. I start sobbing tears running down my eyes making puddles on my skirt "I wish you were here to give me one of the tightest hugs I ever had. God knows I need it. I remember when I told you that I had a crush on Blaine and that stuck with me. You told me one day he will see the heart you have over anything else. One day you guys will be together in perfect harmony, and you can't judge him for his faults because everyone has faults."

"Maybe, his faults were too much to handle. Sometimes I just want to scream and break down. He already has power over me more than he knows, it was the passion and drive and my love for him that dragged me into this. But would I take it back?, No. With him I felt more alive than I ever felt in my whole entire life. It was like the feeling of his skin on mine could light a thousand fires inside of me.

"And that is why I am in deep trouble. I just can't let go of him, it's like no matter what I do I end up in his arms forgiving him. I look down at the necklaces if this is love why do people go through this? I have never been so confused and mad in my life. I feel like I'm drowning and can't seem to get to the Surface."

"I came here to seek guidance from you but it's not like you could say anything back to me. I love you so much and I miss you even more. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you."

I get up to leave and I turn back "also I forgot Blaine's dad has this has been trying to break us up because He thinks I'm not fit to be with a Taylor and my brother kicked me out because I was dating Blaine. How do I even stand a chance with even the universe against us?

I look back to see Riley standing close to me by a tree. I run into a hug a tight hug that felt like my moms hugs. I can't believe I'm wearing a skirt in 20 degrees weather but I thought it would help me feel better if I dressed cute.

I feel a breeze and smile, it felt like my mom was there with me listening to everything I had to say, like I felt her energy. It was like she was telling me everything was going to be okay.

I walk back to the car with Riley arm wrapped around me. Riley looks at my necklace "If you really are done with Blaine you should probably take the necklace off."

"If I take the necklace off it's like it's really over and.... I'm not ready for it to be completely over." I said, ready to start crying. I know what she's saying but I'm not ready to let go of him yet.

"Okay, okay that's fine please don't cry" she pleads.

We get into the mall it seems like the mall was filled with older men handsome men. Riley was Basically eye fucking them, eye flirting with them.
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