The minute my body lands on top of Caspar’s, he stiffens in immediate alert as he tries to stand up.
“You and me need to talk.” I say quickly as I wrap my arms and legs around his frame. We’d grappled enough times in the past that I knew exactly how to keep him down. He knew that too, but that didn’t stop him from fighting back.
It’d been two weeks since Caspar and I had been separated in the woods. Two weeks since I was attacked by my mate. Two weeks where I’d been living in bliss while Caspar was suffering with guilt.
I’d tried to corner him numerous times but he always ran away. He didn’t even sleep in my room anymore. I knew he blamed himself for me getting hurt and that he took it way harder than he should, but he needed to understand it really wasn’t his fault.
But Caspar had always been stubborn and well, desperate times called for desperate measures.
So yeah, maybe I stalked him for half a day until he was at his most vulnerable. And yeah maybe I attacked him like a maniac, but I did it all out of love.
I needed my best friend back and I wasn’t going to let him run away again without a fight.
“Caspar!” I shout when he begins rolling with me still on his back. “Will you just listen to me?!”
He ignores my pleas and continues fighting against me. Playing dirty and tumble rolling all along the dirt.
“It wasn’t your fault.” I say heavily as he places all his weight onto me. “It was mine. I wandered off like an idiot. You did nothing wrong.”
He doesn’t reply.
Small growls of aggravation being the only sound to leave his large jaws as he continues to squirm in my grasp.
“I was hurt for a bit and I know that sucked, but I’m fine now.” I promise earnestly. “I’m okay Caspar. It’s okay.”
He stops at this.
His body coming to a standstill as his heavy heart thumps against his broad, furry chest.
It’s not okay Levi - He replies after releasing a laboured breath. Nothing that happened to you was okay.
I digest his words for a moment before loosening my hold on him, allowing him to slide away from me. He doesn’t run away like usual, he just stands with his head downcast. His eyes refusing to meet mine but I don’t push him. Instead, I sit up and wait for him to continue.
I searched for you for hours - He starts, his voice strained with noticeable agony. I went further than either of us had even been in those woods looking for you. I didn’t let myself rest for one second because I couldn’t stand the thought of anything happening to you - He reveals, the pain in his tone so loud my heart ached in its place.
When the sun started to come up and I still hadn’t found you. I went back to the pack for help....but they had already found you - His eyes meet mine and I can’t ignore the water swelling in them. (A.N. I don’t know if animals can cry, let alone jaguar but like this one does soooo yeah) You have no idea how it felt to see you like that..... covered in wounds with needles hooked to you. The whole family sitting at your side, everyone in pain because I messed up.
“You didn’t m-”
I did - He says with a bit of frustration in his defeated tone. I’m the reason you got hurt. I should’ve never left you alone! They told me to never leave your side and I did!
I’m supposed to protect you and always be by your side... but I wasn’t and you paid the price- He finishes with shame and pain cradling his frame.
I keep my mouth shut, giving him a moment to calm down. I’d never seen Caspar like this. So sad, so mad at himself that he wouldn’t even look at me. I’d never even seen him cry.
The sight of him like this made me fill with shame of my own. I was so wrapped up in my own life, my mate and all the things concerning him that I’d let Caspar drown aimlessly in this darkness all alone.
I’d been a horrible friend.
But I’d fix it.
I knew and would remind him of what Caspar seemed to always forget and I’d just have to keep reiterating it until he finally accepted it.
“Caspar, do you know old I was when I got you?” I ask gently. His claws scratch at the dirt beneath his paw but he doesn’t answer. I don’t say or do anything until he finally replies.
Eleven. It was your birthday.
“Yeah, my eleventh birthday. I’d been in the pack for about six years, Sammy and I were good friends and dad was pregnant with the twins.” I say with a small smile. “I was turning eleven and nobody had even realised that I didn’t have an inner wolf.
I had a great family, who loved me and trusted me. They didn’t treat me any different, even though I was adopted. My life was perfect.” I say in memory, my smile faltering a little. “But I couldn’t even enjoy it because I was so damn scared. Scared that it was all going to end when they realised that I didn’t have a wolf inside me. That I wasn’t the perfect child I tried to be...... and then I got you.”
---------flashback/memory thingy/context in 3rd Person-----------
“Levi.” Katerina calls as she approaches the small boy who quickly spins to face her. Katerina smiles at the sight of the kid she’d watched grow before her eyes. Levi’s smile shines brighter than her’s as he cradles the small, jaguar cub in his hands.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Levi repeats over and over, like the happiest, broken record player in the world. His joy a result of the jaguar Katerina had got him for his birthday despite Julian’s disapproval.
“It’s okay Levi.” She chuckles before bending down to rub the furry creature’s small head. Though Kat knew it’d damper Levi’s mood, she knew they had to talk about the issue before the night ended.
“Do you remember how I told you I can tell supernatural beings apart from humans?” She asks the still beaming boy.
“You see an energy trails.” Levi replies quickly, pride beaming in his chest for remembering.
“Yep, just like that. Each being has a different colour.” Kat continues, smiling at the cub before looking to Levi, her heart sinking knowing how the boy would react. She puts up a small sound barrier before continuing. “It comes from within and for werewolves, it comes from their wolf.”
The smile trailing his lips immediately fades along with all the air surrounding him as he struggles to breathe. A once so simple task, suddenly becomes so challenging as his heart raced in his chest with anxiety.
His biggest fear was coming to past and he had no idea how to stop it.
“Hey, hey. Calm down Levi.” Katerina says quickly, seeing the clear frenzy the boy fell into.
She knew and Levi feared that she’d tell everyone. Tell everyone that he was not normal. After that, his parents wouldn’t want hin anymore. They’d send him away and Levi would lose his family, he’d lose his friends, his home. He’d lose everything all over again, and once again he’d be left alone.
“Levi, calm down.” Katerina says seriously before glancing at her friend and then back at the boy. “Breathe Levi.” Levi tries, taking in large gulls of air, trying his besr to calm down. “That’s it Levi. Just breathe.”
Levi hugs the cub for comfort, squeezing just a little too tight causing the sleeping animal to release a small cry. Levi quickly loosens his grip and brings it close once more, hugging and kissing it while whispering apologies. The sight bringing a smile to Katerina’s lips, the level of kindest Levi held inside him always astonished her.
“I put us in a small sound bubble so no one else can hear us.” Katerina says softly, not wanting to scare him any more. Levi nods his understanding but still watches her warily.
“I know you don’t have an inner wolf Levi.” Katerina says honestly.
“It can still come.” He retorts quickly, the desperation clear as day in his voice, his eyes glistening with the same intensity. “I’m not twelve yet, I have time before I’m supposed to shift.”
Katerina offers him a gentle smile that told Levi the truth they both knew. The truth that Levi would shift, but not with a wolf by his side to help him. He’d do it by myself.
“Levi, if I’m to be honest with you. You need to be honest with yourself.” She says causing Levi to bite his lip with a small nod.
“You’re going to have a harder life than most werewolves Levi.” Katerina says earnestly, the truth of the matter paining her more than it should. “You don’t have a wolf to support you and you will have to go through the worst parts of your life alone.”
“The Moon Goddess hates me.” Levi explains, this being the only conclusion Levi could come to over the years. It was the only thing that could explain why someone who was supposed to watch out for him, always allowed him to suffer.
“I don’t think she hates you.” Katerina replies with an amused chuckle. The boy’s innocence too amusing to ignore. The world was cruel and he’d learn in time that he wasn’t the only one who suffered it’s wrath. “I think she’s a bitch that’s putting too much on a kid.” Katerina offers instead, scolding herself mentally for cursing in front the kid. “But she must’ve known that because here I am.”
“What do you mean?” Levi questions with curiosity and confusion.
“I mean, I won’t let you suffer Levi.” Katerina says with a smile. And she meant it. She wouldn’t let the child suffer like she and his father did, she wouldn’t let him run a rough path when she could smoothen it out for him. She’d help him. “This cub will be your wolf.”
“My wolf?” Levi questions looking down at the small cub.
“He’s not your average Jaguar.” Kat explains with a look of glee. “I’ve linked his life to your own. He will always be with you, through thick and thin. You’ll share thoughts only between you two and you’ll have a bond like no other.”
“Like an inner wolf.” He says with a bit of the excitement pumping through his veins.
“But better.” She replies happy to see he didn’t freak out or get mad like he could’ve. “He’ll be your protector.”
“I don’t want a protector.” Levi says quickly, looking at the cub and then back to Katerina. “I want Caspar to be my friend.”
“Is that his name?” Katerina questions, amused at his choice.
“Yeah. His name is Caspar.” Levi confirms, running his hand against the small head.
Katerina smiles down at the boy. She’d seen the suffering he’d endured in his head and wanted to help. She’d looked into his mind and felt his pain. It may not be her fight, but she’d find the small boy that Levi had lost when the rogues took him and she’d bring them together again.
No matter how long it took, she wouldn’t rest until Levi was with his mate.
“You may have been wired a bit different from the others Levi,” Katerina says with a fond smile as she rises to her feet, bringing the barrier down with her. “, but I think you’ll come out of this game called life better than them all.”
-----------return to present-----------
“You’re my friend Caspar. You’re not my guardian angel, my protector or anything like that. You’re my friend.” I say firmly looking straight at him. “You’re not supposed to take my punches for me and I don’t want you to. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt instead of me any day. So I’m happy I was the one who got lost and not you.”
“But nothing.” I cut him off. “You may not be an inner wolf but you’re way better than one. You don’t fight my battles for me, you fight them with me. And I couldn’t ask for anyone better to have in my corner than you Caspar.”
When his eyes meet mine, I can tell he’s done blaming himself. His eyes quickly filling with love and affection. I knew he needed to hear those words and I’d always be here to tell them to him.
He jumps onto me, lapping my face with his tongue and I let him. Hugging him in response while he lets his tongue get reacquainted with my face.
“Okay, that’s enough.” I say pushing him off me before standing quickly. “Are you going to stop being a baby and come home now?”
Yeah. I can’t sleep outside another night. I’ve been way too domesticated for that - He says returning to his usual carefree tone. I chuckle at this before stiffening with realisation.
“By the way, I found my mate.”
Let me get this right - Caspar says sitting next to me on my bed. The thing which everyone hates is actually your mate. He attacked you that night but he didn’t mean to and he loves you now, so it’s fine.
I never said he loved me - I say into our link, with a blush and racing heart at the prospect of J loving me.
Yeah he does. You guys are that mate couple that love each other at first sight like you’re supposed to - Caspar says brushing me off. And you said he can’t walk, talk or even understand you.
Yeah... - I reply playing with my fingers.
He’s probably been out there his whole life - Caspar offers and I nod feverishly.
I think he was born a rogue and probably shifted for the first time when he met me - I explain quickly.
This sounds messy - Caspar sighs before jumping on the bed and lying down beside me. I laugh at this and nod my agreement. When was the last time you saw him?
Three days - I reply, my heart squeezing at the distance. I miss him so much Caspar.
I know - He replies sympathetically. That’s why I think you should tell the parental.
No, I can’t. They would go crazy
I said parental, as in uno. Tell Julian, he’ll be cool with it. Aiden not so much - Caspar says making me consider this for a moment before shaking my head.
I can’t ask him to keep something from his own mate. It would create problems when Aiden finds out, which he will eventually.
Damn, your life sucks Levi.
Thanks Caspar - I reply with annoyance.
Well there’s only once thing you can do - Caspar says sitting up. Tell them both.
Caspar - I groan
It’s the only option. You can’t hide him forever. It’s not fair to you or for him. He suffers when you’re not with him, and for what? Because you’re scared what daddy is going to say about it.
It’s not that simple
It is! If Aiden doesn’t like it, then fuck him. This is your mate, your life. It’s time you started living it for you and not for him.
“It’s not that simple. I can’t just say fuck you and leave. Not after everything they’ve done for me, everything he’s done for me. He’s the one who saved me.” I say standing to my feet as my eyes glow brightly. “He took me in, he raised me, he loved me. I can’t throw that all in his face by getting with the one thing he hates in this world. I can’t...”
Silence falls between us and throughout the house. We were home alone so I knew no one heard us but the silence was still haunting.
“There’s only one thing he hates.” I say with a shaky breath. “He hates them all. Hates them for what they did to him, to his pack, to me. He accepted the fact that I was gay, that I wasn’t his and that I was practically a rogue myself.... and yeah best case scenario, he accepts the fact that I am mated to one. But he won’t accept the fact that I’m mated to this one and you know it.”
Maybe he’s gotten over it or even forgot - Caspar offers meekly but I shake my head weakly as I fall back onto the bed.
“No mate forgets anything involving their mate.” I say before turning on my side to look out the window.
“If Aiden finds out my mate is the wolf that almost killed his mate, it won’t matter that I’m his son.” I say sadly as I look to the afternoon lit sky.
“He’ll kill him.”
J almost killed Julian?!?! Doesn’t that mean J almost killed J, as in Julian??!?! Wait what....
Sorry I’ve been so absent, school literally took over my lifeeeee. I literally slept for 14 hours the moment I got to my aunt’s house and started writing when I woke up.
This is the product.
Until next time,