Rogue

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Chapter 15

Picture of J 😍

J’s P.O.V

I looked at the man with a frown.
He wasn’t moving, I couldn’t see his eyes and his mouth wasn’t moving like it normally did.

His name is Levi not ‘the man’ and he’s sleeping - the voice whispered in my head. I am your wolf, not a voice, and for the last time, my name is Roger.

I ignored the voice and kept looking at Levi. I wanted to shake him until I saw his eyes again but I think that would be wrong.

He would be mad at me, I hated when he was mad at me. It felt bad inside.

He moved closer to me and put his face in my chest. I started breathing again and decided to leave him alone.

He was strange. The man.

Levi - the so called Roger said again.

Levi was strange.
I didn’t like any of the wolves in his pack. I wish I could kill them all.
I hated them all for keeping him from me and I hated that he was part of them.

But he wasn’t like them.
He was different.
I didn’t hate him. I liked him.

You love him - Roger whispers.

I loved him.
I loved the way he smelled.
I loved the way he got happy.
I loved his hair and his nose.
I loved him.

I loved him, but I didn’t know why.
I didn’t know why I didn’t kill him the first night I saw him. I didn’t know why I followed him and watched him for so many days. Every time he came back, I would watch him and that jaguar.

When he realised I was there and he ran, I thought I’d never see him again. I thought he wouldn’t come back, so I went after him. I tried to stop him but instead I made him bleed.

I didn’t mean to hurt him.

I shook my head and leaned down to touch his shoulder with my mouth. He moved again but went still right after.

I didn’t want him to leave.
He always left and I had to wait for him to come back. I didn’t want to wait anymore. I couldn’t.

I wanted him always.
He was mine.

I stopped staring at him and looked up at the white thing above us. The sun was out so I could see through it and to the trees.

I liked trees. They were big and they stayed the same. Everything else was changing. I was changing.

I became just like them- Levi’s people. I had two forms now and I wanted my wolf only. But I needed to be like him to see him, to have him.

You’ve always been a werewolf, you just only recently reunlocked this side of it - Roger explained and I grunted.

The voice was always there when I was a wolf. It was what led me and protected me. It was just instinct, a feeling. But it never talked before and it never had a name.

Now it was Roger and it knew everything. It came when I became my second form for the first time. It was always here now and I hated it.
It was annoying.

No, what’s annoying is that you’re basically disabled! But you can’t even get offended because you don’t know what that means! - Roger shouts at me but I didn’t understand most of it so I ignored him again.

I wondered if there was an off to Roger.

There’s isn’t - He snapped and I frowned. I didn’t know how he knew what I was thinking. You are actually so dumb. I’m your wolf. You’re a werewolf, you are the human component and I’m the wolf component. We are one.

Because we are one, you know my thoughts? - I say, talking back to him for the first time.

Yes! Yes! This is progress Jayson, finally! - Roger shouted in my head and I groaned making Levi move around until he looked up at me. He stared at me for a moment, opening and closing his eyes really quickly before smiling at me.

He’s perfect - Roger whispered and I frowned.

He’s mine - I growl.

He’s ours - Roger growled back.

“What’s wrong?”
My frown faded and my heart got heavy. I hated when his mouth started moving. I didn’t know what he wanted or needed. I felt useless.

Shake your head! Shake your head! - Roger screamed at me so I did it quickly to shut him up.

Levi smiled again and made that sound a bit, the happy sound I loved. I smiled back at him, feeling good that I made him happy again.
I put my mouth to his nose and he did that smaller sound he did sometimes. It was cute. I did it again and he made the sound again. I did it all over his face and he kept making that beautiful sound that I could just soak in.

When I stopped, his smile was bigger so it made mine bigger too. Then I remembered what we did last night, so I put my mouth to his mouth and he made a different sound. The one that made my insides swirl. He pushed up against me and came on top of me. He claimed me as his and I worked hard to do the same.

“I’m already addicted to your lips.” Levi whispered something to me, his mouth grazing against mine and we panted.

It’s called kissing - Roger explained and I smiled a little.

I liked this kissing.
It felt good inside.

“J.” This time I knew he was calling me, he always made that sound when he wanted me, so I looked to his eyes. “Can we run together?”

I frowned and tilted my head. What was he saying? I didn’t get it. He seemed to see that and pulled himself from me. He made his way out his soft cave he made the night before and I followed. I took in a deep breath when we were completely outside, closing my eyes a little. The sun was too bright.

I looked back to Levi and he took off all the things he covered himself in- the ones he tried to make me cover myself in. My cheeks got hot but I didn’t know why. My heart was faster and my body seemed to buzz when I looked at him. I looked away and he made the happy sound again.

His body started to make the snapping sound so I turned away. I didn’t like when he watched me changing forms, so I didn’t think he’d like me watching him.

When I felt a wet nose touch my palm, I turned quickly to look at him.
He was even more beautiful in his second form. I only saw him once before like this, and it was too dark to see him properly then.
His coat was dark like mine but with some brown- it was hidden in the dark parts but I saw it. It was sleek and shiny from the sun. His eyes weren’t as dark as usual. Like his coat, I saw the brown in them.

He was big too. Bigger than most wolves I’d seen, but not as big as me. But he was perfect like this. His wolf size didn’t matter to me, because his wolf was black and my wolf was black too, so we were a pair.

I burried my hand into his coat and he purred, I smiled and slid my hand down from his head all the way along his spine. He shivered under me and shook a little.

I stepped back from him before letting myself return to my first form. I let nature pull and tug at me until I sunk into my heavy frame. The feeling was the best in the world. I felt strong and powerful. It felt so right.

Levi rubbed his body against mine and I did the same. Circling each other as we marked one another with our scents. I let myself be covered in him. I’d wear his scent proudly and never let it fade away and I knew he’d do the same for me.

He came in front of me and I licked his nose. He jumped back with happy eyes before he took off. I was stuck for a second, surprised at how fast he was. Then I snapped out of it and chased after him.
The wind pushed against me and I didn’t fight it, it made me feel alive. Everything felt right when I was running and it felt even better with Levi. I never thought it could but it did.

I caught up to him and pushed against him. We played and rolled around for a bit before we started running again, together. Side by side, we dashed through the woods. He seemed curious the further we got, but I knew the woods so he followed me. I took him all over the parts I knew he would like.

From watching him, I knew he liked plants, the colourful ones. So I took him to all the special ones that grew around the woods. Each time we stopped his eyes grew wider and he looked happier, so I ran faster to go to others to make him even happier.

Then I took him to the other water spots. He took me to one last night so I took him to a few more. He jumped on me and rolled me over, lapping at my face gratefully with his tongue. My chest was full with pride. I made him happy and it made me feel warm inside.

We ran until Levi started to become slow. He was panting heavily and he looked like he would change forms any second. I turned us around and jogged with him leaning on my side, all the way back to where we began.

He shifted back and collapsed tiredly on the floor. I lapped at him and he smiled a little but breathed heavily.

He needs water and food - Roger insists. I forced myself to shift as well before going inside his soft cave and bring back all the food and water he had the night before.

“Thank you J.” He whispered and began eating and drinking. I watched him carefully, making sure he only got better and not more sick. The color returned to him and soon he was back to normal.

Why is his body weak? - I ask Roger as I run my hand through Levi’s hair.

He’s without a wolf. He’s supporting himself all alone - Roger whispers sadly.

Without a wolf?

No me. - He explains.

Lucky.

“I’m okay.” Levi says and I think that meant he was okay. I nodded and kissed the top of his head gently. When I pulled back he smiled at me and we stared at each other for a while.

“Well isn’t this weird as fuck- two men naked and just sitting in leaves?”

I look up to see a women in the sky. She was very pretty but not as pretty as Levi. She was smiling at us so I quickly covered Levi’s body so she couldn’t see him. I didn’t mind her kind, the ones with the powers. They always left me alone but I would still have to be careful to protect Levi.

“Goddess Aunt Katty!” Levi shouted with coloured cheeks and rushed to put on the coverings. I frowned as he ran into the soft cave. I knew what he’d come back with. And I was right. He came back with coverings for me and I growled at them.

“Put them on, I don’t want you naked in front of other people.” He was shouting now and I think now was not the time to fight him. So I put on the coverings and folded my arms after with a low growl. My skin itched all over and I felt like I crawled into another animal’s body. It felt wrong.

“I know I’m linked and everything, but your mate is blessed.” The woman was speaking and looking at me like if she’d eat me. “Like physically blessed, the angelic kind of blessed, the ta-”

“I get it, thank you Aunt Katty.” Levi was speaking and he looked tired of her already. “Why are you here?”

“Time to head back kid, Julian will be home soon and Aiden will be looking around for you soon enough.” She put herself down and watched Levi, she had kind eyes to him, but they looked a little sad.

“But we...” Levi looked to me and he looked a lot sad now. I frowned and moved closer to him, I pulled him against me and glared at the woman. I’d kill her if she made him sad again.

“I know, that’s why I’m giving you the head’s up. Say your goodbyes and head home.” The lady looked at me and smiled a little. Then she disappeared and I looked for her but she was gone. It made me feel sick.

“J.” I looked down to Levi. He was looked up at me sadly but I didn’t get why. “I have to go.”

I tilted my head. What was he saying? He tapped the thing around his wrist and everything became heavy again. It didn’t feel good inside anymore and I looked up at him and shook my head.

“I have to go or they’ll notice I’m gone and start looking for me.” His mouth was moving, but I kept shaking my head. Whatever he said, I didn’t want. I wanted him, here with me and nothing else.

I wanted to hold him tight and keep him close, so no one could take him. But every time I did that, he would disappear from my hands and I felt empty. It hurt more and more each time it happened and after last night, I didn’t want to part from him.

No. He wouldn’t leave today.
I’d follow him and take him back with me if he did.

I closed my eyes and held tightly to the parts of him my hands were on. I shook my head, he kept talking but I didn’t want to try and understand this. I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted him.

I wanted him to want me too. I wanted him to choose me not his pack. I wanted him to love me like I loved him. To want nothing and nobody else but me. But that wouldn’t happen and I hated it.

He pulls himself closer to me, but I keep my head down and keep shaking. It was the only way to make him understand I didn’t want him to go.

He grabs my face in his hands and forces my head up. I look up to him and find his eyes watery and his smile shaky. It made my chest tight and I couldn’t breathe anymore. But before I could kiss it better, he held my face and wiped my eyes. I jumped a little when he pushed away the water I didn’t know was leaking from them.

“Don’t cry J, please don’t cry.” He begged and he sounded sadder than I ever heard him. He sounded in pain.

He kept wiping but it wouldn’t stop. I didn’t know why, but they kept leaking and everything inside me felt wrong. I wasn’t happy anymore.

“I don’t want to go, J please.” He sounded desperate now. I shook my head and tried to pull my head away but he wouldn’t let me go. “Please stop crying. I love you so much, please.”

I pulled away from his hands and shook my head, I was making sounds now. They were forcing their way out of me and coming with the water.
Levi held my face again, even when I tried to pull away, his eyes were leaking too but I couldn’t kiss it better now. I couldn’t look at him, so I looked away and he made a pained sound.

“J please look at me.” He was making the same sounds as me now. “J p-please.” I stared at the leaves and tried to control myself but it was hard. “I’m sorry I’m s-such a bad mate. I shouldnt be hiding you and p-putting you through this. I s-shouldn’t make you sad and I should never n-neglect you but I do e-everyday. I-I’m so s-sorry J. P-Please don’t hate me.”

I stare at the leaves, they had water drops on them now from both of us. The sounds he was making made my chest tight, but what he made me feel was making it tighter. I couldn’t breathe anymore.

“J p-please just l-look at me.”

He thinks you hate him.

I don’t hate him, I don’t want him to go.

Yes, but he’s not treating you like you should be treated. He fears you’ll hate him - Roger explains but that didn’t make sense. How could he fear something that was impossible?

“Please.”

I look at Levi. He had more water than me now. I wanted to pull him to me and hold him tight, to kiss him all over and make it all better. But then he’d still leave me. So I pushed him away and moved back. He released a cry and my heart shattered but I didn’t move and he didn’t either.

If he came to me that meant he’d stay. If he didn’t, he was leaving me and he knew that.

Only sad sounds, sad broken sounds, came out of him and he held himself with shaking arms. He stared at me, begging to stop this but I couldn’t spend days waiting for him again. It hurt more and more with each day. I couldn’t hunt, I could barely move and everything hurt, inside and out.

“I-I’ll be better. I’ll be a b-better mate.”
I shook my head and stared again, my eyes glowing. “I’m s-sorry. J, p-please. I l-love you and I want you too, I p-promise I do.”

He’s going to go again - I say, knowing what I didn’t want to accept.

Yes.

I could feel my face tightening and I gripped my fingers angrily. I looked to him and I knew he saw the sad parts behind the angry ones.
I needed to leave. I couldn’t wait for him to go again or feel him disapoear from my hands. It hurt more like that.

“N-No. Don’t h-hate me, p-please don’t hate me.”

I turned quickly, not hiding from him, in my second form. I didn’t look back, I just ran.

“J!”

I could hear his sad, broken sounds but I couldn’t make him feel good inside. I couldn’t kiss him all over and make him happy. Because he would choose them over me, he’d leave me again.

I didn’t feel happy anymore, it just hurt and I felt bad inside.

----------------------

I want to hug it all better for J and I want to cry with Levi. Damn, I feel bad inside too now.

Thoughts?????

Did you enjoy J’s P.O.V???
I think I did a good job at showing the problem with communication. Any tips or suggestions on how to improve it are gratefully accepted.

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IT’S CHRISTMAS!!
Yes I’m one of those people and I’ve been celebrating Christmas by myself since September.

Anyways,
Until next time,
Byeeeee humanssssss

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