Rogue

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Chapter 16

UNEDITED

Levi’s P.O.V

I thought I knew pain.
I thought, not seeing J everyday.
Not telling everyone that I found the man of my dreams, my mate. Someone who loves me just as much as I loves them and meant the world to me.
Not being able to introduce him to my family.

I thought that was the most painful thing in the world, the most agonizing burden to have to carry around everyday.

I was wrong.

Seeing J look at me like that, like if he was broken, completely and entirely devasted because of my actions. Like if I’d shattered a piece of him, that was the most painful thing in the world.

It was an entirely new, foreign form of suffering that exceeded the physical ones I endured in the past.

He was mad, disappointed and sad.....
I’d never seen him sad before and now that I have, I never want to see it again. I try not to think about it but the image of his tear stained cheeks keeps flashing before my eyes as I walked back to the pack. The site burned into my mind, leaving an unforgiving sting in it’s path.

“Levi?”
I look up at the sound of my name, panic filling me momentairly as I look around for the source.

Somehow I’d made it to the pack and walked in blindly, not even waiting to sneak past patrols. Now a pair of curious green eyes were staring at me and the owner was getting closer.

“What were you do-” Uncle Beckett stops short when he catches sight of the continous stream of tears that covered my cheeks. The same tears which hadn’t stopped since J ran away from me. The thought alone brought fresh, double-edged emotions slicing their way through my chest, aching as every nerve inside of me screamed for him.

“What’s wrong?” He asks gently. I open my mouth to reply but nothing comes out, nothing but shaky sobs and more tears.

I can’t stop myself from running to him. He welcomes me with open arms, hugging me tightly as I crash into his chest and cry. Shaking furiously as my soul, body and mind begged for my mate, for his joy instead of the pain I’d delivered.

“It’s okay.” He coos, holding me to him while rubbing my back. “I got you, it’s okay Levi.”

I don’t reply, I just tighten my grip on him.

“Why don’t we go to my house, okay? We’ll get you some dry clothes and warm you up.” He offers, when it was clear I wasn’t cooling down anytime soon. “How does that sound?”

I nod against him, only just realising that it’d been raining and I was completely drenched. I let him lead me to his house, not saying a word.

It wasn’t so much of a house though, it was a mansion. It was bigger than my parents’ and had been there for generations. The Stone Manor they used to call it, but now it was just a cozy spot for a small, happy family.

*if you haven’t read Beta Mates, SPOILERS AHEAD*

There was a time, I remember, when Uncle Beckett lived there alone. When he was the pack’s neglected member, an empty shell left all alone when Uncle Emitt broke their bond. But that was a long time ago, it’d been long repaired and all was right again.

I stop myself from entering when I realised I still smelt like J. I hadn’t taken his scent off, I couldn’t, not after the way things ended.

“It’s okay, no one else is home.” Uncle Beckett said with the same gentle tone. “Emitt took Amelia and Jacob to the zoo.”

“Again?” I ask with a sniff.

“There’s a baby panda and Goddess forbid they don’t see it in all it’s fluffy glory.” He explains and I can’t help the small laugh that escapes me. “Now, let’s get you inside and comfortable.”

He leads me through the ridiculously large house, all the way to a small seating room that looked like it hadn’t been used in a while. It was still immaculately clean and I gave uncle a grateful smile as he sat me down.

“Here’s some clothes, I’ll go make you some hot chocolate.” He says handing me a pile of clothes I recognise as his own.

I nod with a small smile. When he leaves, I force myself to change out of my drenched clothes before sitting back down.

I’m not left with my thoughts for too long before Uncle Beckett returns with two mugs. Setting one down on the glass table for me before taking the seat across from me.

Silence rests between us as I purposefully avoid his gaze, ashamed at how the tears pouring from my eyes refused to stop. I tugged at the sleeve of his shirt before ducking my head into the crook of my neck to capture J’s faintly lingering scent.

“Levi.” Uncle calls, but despite his gentle tone I stiffen. I felt like a bug under a microscope, one who was burning under the pressure of it all.

“Did someone hurt you?” He asks cautiously, a promise to kill shining behind his eyes. I shake my head quickly to dismiss the thought and he visibly releases a breath. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asks instead.

“No.” I mumble with a sad smile.

“Levi,” He says so quietly that my eyes meet his in surprise, “I know we aren’t as close as we used to be, and that’s no one’s fault. But you were here for me when no one else was, when I needed someone. So, let me be here for you now.”

I want to tell him that I was a kid, that I wasn’t truely here for him. After all, all I really did was come talk to him whenever I was free. He was so deep in his depressed state that he didn’t respond, ever.
It was always a one sided conversation, and at the time it was one that I needed. I could tell Beckett whatever was on my mind and not worry what he’d think or say because he wouldn’t reply. It was a selfish way for me to vent, but apparently it did more for him that I expected it to.

“I found my mate.” I blurt out, my eyes stuck to the carpet. I glance up quickly enough to see his suprised expression before returning my gaze to the red surface. “His name is J... and he’s perfect. He’s incredibly sweet and innocent and so damn good to me that it should hurt. H-He’s everything I ever wanted and more, but I m-messed up.”

I look up to him with fresh tears to study his expression. I could see the thousands of questions flooding his mind but he doesn’t voice them. Instead he presses his lips together taking a breath before letting his eyes rest on me.

“What happened?” He asks with a look that mirrored the calming waters of the sea. A silent promise to listen and to help written in his features. A promise that breaks down my walls and I can’t help but tell him everything.

I tell him of how J and I met, who he is to us, to the pack. Tell him of his speaking problems, how he can’t understand me. Tell him about the memories and my former pack. I tell him about what happened and why he’s so mad at me.

But most of all, I tell him about how amazing J is. How amazing he is and how much I love him.
I tell him about J.

“I’m scared.” I say glancing up at him when I finish. “I-I’m scared that no one will understand, t-that the pack w-will reject him. I’m scared d-dad will hate me.”

He stands to his feet quickly when my gasps for air become desperate, my heart accelerating with a rising tide of fear.
He pulls me into his chest, holding me with tight against him. Tears flood my face as he hugs me tightly.

“I-I don’t w-want to l-lose my f-family.” I sob out, clenching onto his shirt as I squeeze my eyes tightly.”

“You’re not going to lose them.” He says with an assurity I try hard to believe in.

“They all hate him! Dad, Damon, Josey.... he’s hurt so many in the pack. N-No one w-will accept us.” I protest with an overwhelming sense of frustration.

“I can’t speak for the pack, but I’ve known your parents my entire life. Trust me when I say they won’t care Levi. Aiden may be a prick about it at the start, but he loves you too much to deny you your mate.” He says firmly, a weak smile resting on his lips. “The only thing anyone will hate, is how long you took to tell them.”

I shake my head restlessly. I knew, deep down, that my siblings would eventually come around, if opposing in the begin. Damon would eventually accept it, even if it took time, he would. I knew dad would try to be supportive, in his way. But Aiden, he’d never accept it.

“You have to tell them Levi.”

Aiden hated rogues.
He hated what they did to him, what they did to me. He hated them with a fire that burned from deep within. J had killed many of his pack members in the past and almost killed his own mate, there was no forgiving that. Though I feared losing more people in my life, losing Aiden would destroy me.

I couldn’t lose him.

“I can’t.” I whisper, keeping my eyes downcast to avoid the look of disappointment I knew he harbored in response.

“Do you want to lose him? Do you want to lose your mate?” He says with a severity which raises my wide, fretful eyes to his. “Because that’s exactly what’s going to happen if you keep hiding him.”

I open my mouth to reply but nothing comes out, my voice chocked out by the fear which circled my chest and ate me alive.

“I hid Emitt.” He grinds out as if pained. “I hid him because I was scared people wouldn’t have accepted it. I was scared of losing my parents and everything I ever knew.
I spent so long trying to avoid losing every thing around me that in the end, I lost him.

I spent four years in the worst pain you can ever endure as a mated wolf. Levi, trust me when I say that no one will ever fill the hole your mate does. You won’t ever be the same without them. Their absence will eat at you from the inside.”

I stare up at him with a wobbling lip, anxiety, anger and regret tumbling their way through me. I saw the way life was without a mate, I witnessed him endure it. I could never survive it, if J rejected me, there’d be nothing left.

“But h-”

“Do you love him?” He asks cutting me off.

“Yes. O-Of course I love him.” I say quickly.

“Then don’t wait. Don’t drag out the inevitable because it’ll hurt more in the end.” He says solemly. “Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

“It may be too late.”

“Let’s not be dramatic.” He says giving me a playful shove, a loose smile hanging from his lips. “He’ll forgive, if you do what’s right. He may not be able to speak or understand you entirely, but he’s still a wolf. He’ll know when you’re not treating him the way he should be. And sooner rather than later, he won’t put up with it any longer.”

“I don’t know how to tell them.” I admit, my mind running blank of solutions.

“One at a time is probably the best way.” He suggests with a pointed gaze. “Start with the easiest and work your way up, it’ll boost your confident for the big guy.”

Just the mention of him makes my heart drop.

“Levi,” He calls, pulling me from my thoughts, “Aiden may be a bit harsh, but he loves you. He loves you so much that he will accept, even if your mate it a rogue.”

I nod aimlessly, his words barely resignating with the complete turmoil I was experiencing.

“You don’t have to go right this moment, stay as long as you need.”

“I won’t do it if I don’t go now.” I admit grabbing the bag of wet clothes before wiping at my drying cheeks. I look around for a moment before meeting his eyes. “Thank you.” I mumble hoarsely, before clearing my throat and trying again. “Thank you Uncle Beckett.”

“Of course Levi.” He says with a bright smile that made me feel a little lighter.

I give him one last hug. Keeping him tight against me, breathing in his senior scent for security and comfort before parting.

-----------

I make my way home with a racing heart. I hadn’t removed J’s scent and I could practically feel it trailing behind me like one of Aunt Katty’s energy trails. It was a mark that I tried to wear proudly.

I’d tell them.
Uncle Beckett was right. J was my mate and I couldn’t hide him any longer. Losing him wasn’t worth it, he was. He was worth everything.

I close the door gently behind me, my heart thumping dangerously within my chest. I could hear the house buzzing with life and that alone made doubt crawl it’s way up my spine.

“Levi? Is that you?” My breath spikes at the sound of Julian’s voice.

“Y-Yeah.” I force myself to reply.

I try to move towards him but my feet were glued to the ground. I could hear his brisk steps moving closer and closer to me but I was frozen. I couldn’t run, I couldn’t meet hik halfways, I just had to wait.

His head peaks out of one of the hallways, his body following shortly after. A smile quickly stretches across his lips as he makes his way to me, his blonde hair swaying side to side behind him.

He doesn’t give me a second to flee when his arms circle me and he edgulfs me in a tight hug.

“You were gone for some time.” He says pulling back with a slightly worried smile. His nostrils flare before his eyes widen briefly. His smile fades quickly, it’s about that moment he seems to pick up on my racing heart. “Levi, what’s wrong?”

An open mouth accompained by empty words are the only things I can produce. He looks me up and down, worry drowning his features quickly as he slides into a recognisable parent mode.

“Come.” He says taking hold of my arm, he leads me to his office quickly and quietly. Once inside, he shuts and locks the door behind us before directing me to the white, leather couch which lounged in the corner of the room.

He clasps his hands with my own before giving me a worried look that makes me smile.

Here I was, on the verge of a mental break down and a hesrt attack and I was smiling. Smiling because my dad could clearly smell a rogue on me and was more concerned with me than what that implied.

He didn’t care. My worries wash away with that knowledge and I take a deep breath before raising my black eyes to his blue ones.

“Dad.” I say shakily before offering a wavy smile. “I found my mate.”

His expression changes from alarmed to a more relaxed one. His shoulders visibly drop and he releases a deep breath of his own.

“I thought something happened.” He says exasperatedly. “Levi, I already knew you found your mate.”

Wide eyes and an agape mouth form my features as I stare at him in absolute shock.

“H-How?” I manage to choke out. He rolls his eyes before chuckling as if this was the most boring topic to cross his radar for the day.

“Levi, you’re my child. I know everything about you, I knew that you found your mate.” He replies with a knowing smile. “You’d either come home the happiest I’d ever seen you or the complete opposite. You’ve been different ever since the day in the woods, I assumed you found your mate somewhere.” He replies nonchalantly. I stare at him in disbelief before shaking my head in search of reason.

“And you didn’t ask?”

“Not because I didn’t want to.” He clarifies firmly. “I knew there must’ve been a reason why you’d not tell us right away. I think now I can make an accurate guess.”

I stay silent as I bow my head. Shame finding it’s way inside driven by iced betrayal. J had almost killed Julian, he had every right to hate him, but the thought of him denying us as a mated pair made my insides curn uncomfortably.

“Male or female?” He asks curiously after a moment.

“Male.”

Silence dangles between us before he picks up the mantle to ask the question I knew was sitting on the edge of his tongue.

“He’s the beast isn’t he.” He says gently, as if I’d break under the pressure of his words.

“He’s not a beast or a thing.” I snap defensively. “He’s just... a little lost.”

“What happened?” He asks rubbing his soft palm against my cheek, his thumb studying my puffy eyes.

“He’s mad at me.” I force out, somehow managing to keep my eyes from refilling. “He hates when I leave him, he wants me to stay with him. But I can’t, and he had enough.”

“Hiding your mate is never a good idea Levi, you know that.” He whispers with disappointment that slices straight through me.

“I was scared. I am scared.” I correct quickly. “I never expected to have a mate and then I find him. I find the one meant for me but he’s also the one who everyone I know and love hates. It’s scary.”

“Levi, your happiness is all that matters to me. If he makes you happy then I’m happy too.” He says with a teethy smile.

I can’t help the tears which pour out as I crash into his arms. Anxiety floats away as I sink into his familiar hold, his scent surrounding me with love. When dad held me like this, I felt as if I was a child again and he was the tall man with blue eyes who took me home. It reminds me of my first days with him and I feel safe.

“His name is J.” I say still hidden in his chest.

“J?”

“Yeah.” I say with a chuckle. It was the first time I was reslly thinking about what I’d named him. “He can’t talk so I had to make a name for him.”

“And you thought J was a good name, Levi, that’s a letter.” He retorts making ne burst out with laughter while he smiles down at me.

“I know, but it fits him.” I defend with a small grin. “He’s good.”

“Good?” He questions, his eyebrows drawing together a little.

“Yeah, he likes seeing me smile, making me laugh. He does this little thing,” I chuckle at the memory, “whenever I get mad at him, he carries me to a new spot in the woods which he hasn’t shown me before. There’s always some sort of unusual flower that makes me smile, so he plucks one and gives it to me. It’s his version of sorry.”

I smile at the images that flash before my eyes of J craddling a flower in his hands, a small pout on his lips and genuine regret in his eyes.

“He’s just good.” I finish before looking back to him.

I find my dad smiling wobbly at me, a little water in his eyes that he quickly blinks away. He takes in a steady breathe before releasing it, his eyes holding mine with pride.

“I’d love to meet him.” He says shakily. “He sounds lovely.”

“I’d like that too.” I reply with budding excitement. “Would you help me tell dad?”

His smile disappears at the mention and my follow suit. His eyes flash between worry and fear before he returns to his calm demeanour.

“I don’t think he’ll respond well to the news without a bit of...warning.” He says carefully, choosing his words cautiously. “Let’s butter him up first.”

“He’ll hate me.” I state, the truth of the situation already known to me.

“He won’t. He’ll never hate you Levi.” He says running a soothing hand through my hair. “Your father just has some demons he can’t seem to shake off. He’ll be happy that you found your mate, estatic even. He’ll be happy for you.”

“But he won’t be happy with who my mate is.” I finish for him and he nods sadly.

“Anyone would habour hatred for the person who almost took away their mate. I know I would if the situations were reversed.” He admits sadly. “The fact that your mate is a rogue just adds to the already lit flames.”

“So I’m fucked.”

“Why are you so incredibly pessimistic?” He asks with slight amusement. “I raised you to be fairly optimistic.” I laugh at this and he does too. “Levi, it’ll take time, but he’ll come around. I’ll handle his tantrums while you enjoy these early days with your mate. The days of forming your bond and learning the small things about one another are unforgettable.” He says with a fond smile that spoke of old memories. “It’s essentially your honeymoon period, savour it.”

“I love you dad.” I say squeezing into him once more.

“I love you more.”

--------------------------

I actually love Julian. Like lovee.
Such a great dad.

When did J almost kill Julian???
Thoughts????

If you enjoyed, vote and comment and all the goodness.

I won’t be updating on Sunday this week since I did today. But things should go back to normal next week.

I’ll keep you guys up to date with any more information about the platform. Your support and love was amazing to see and I absolutely adore all of you.

Thank you and until next time,
Byeeeeeee humanssssssssss

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