Rogue

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Chapter 17

J’s P.O.V

I open one of my eyes, peaking to make sure it was morning. All I see is gry skies so I close it with a huff blowing out of my snout.

It was raining.
I hate rain.

Eventually, I force my eyes open and look at the pouring sky that wet all of the forest through the view of my cave.

I’m cold - Roger whines and I growl lowly. It was too early to deal with Roger.

I’m not cold - I reply, shaking my body a bit to shift the heat of my thick fur.

Well I am - He growls back. I’m cold and tired and hungry, we’re lying on fucking rocks. I want a blanket.

What’s a blanket? - I ask, giving into my curiosity.

Goddess have mercy - He sighs.

When Roger got like this, I learned to ignore him. He would talk a lot and use words I didn’t understand, but they sounded like angry words. He’d keep yelling until he got tired, then he’d shut up for a couple minutes before starting back up again.

Against my will, my head made me think of Levi. The thought of him made every part of me hurt, it was like I was being attacked by multiple wolves who were digging their claws deep inside of me. I knew it hurt to think of him, but I did it anyway.
I think of his wet face and his broken sounds. I think of his pain so then I feel pain. I bury my head a little further, trying to hide from the bad thoughts.

I didn’t like thinking of hurt Levi, it made me hurt too.

Trying to forget it, I look up at the grey sky, it was getting a little brighter now and there was less rain.

I wonder if Levi hated rain too. I wondered what he was doing now, if he felt the pain like I did. Was he sad like I was? Did he want to see me again too?

I quickly shake my head and stand to my feet, he would choose them not me. He’d leave me again and I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to be without him, but it seemed like that was the way it would always end up.

I made my way out of the cave, the sun was coming out now and made the wet grass and rocks look a bit more shiny.

Are we going hunting?! - Roger shouts loudly, the volume scaring me a bit.

Shut up Roger! - I shout but it sounded like a whine.

.... I just wanted something to eat - he mumbles quietly and something inside me almost felt guilty but I buried it immediately.

If you want to eat so badly, you hunt - I say giving in a bit.

Finally! - He shouts again but beforr I could yell at him he pushed his way to the foreground and I felt myself sinking back.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the way it felt to sink into my truest form. 8 could feel the wind in my fur, soak in the wetness of the dirt in my paws, smell every creature that dared to breathe in my presence.

I felt alive and I loved it, I just wished he was here to share it with me.

---------

When I retook control and let Roger rest, the sun was setting and the clifftop I was laying at let me watch the entire thing.

I liked sunsets. I think I always liked them, it reminded me of the flames in my mind. Flames which seemed to burned brighter whenever Levi was around.

He made me feel different inside, taught me new things, things I think I knew before. Sometimes when I looked into his eyes, I thought I’d seen them before. It was strange, but everything with him was strange....and different, but it felt good inside.

He made me feel good inside.
I just wish I could do the same for him.

“J.”

My body tenses as my ears perk at the sound of his voice. It made my insides swirl and my body spark with need.
I turned carefully, my eyes catching his immediately and I stood to my feet.

He looked like he sounded. Sad and tired. The way his hand twitched made me think he wanted to run to me like I wanted to run to him.

He came back. I knew he would, but for long. And wouldn’t he just go again after?

“H-Hi.” He says shakily, fear in his eyes. I called for Roger but he was far gone and I cursed him inside for leaving me.

I’d have to do this alone.

I shifted first and he turned, it was always easier when I was in my second form. When the sound of my bones cracking came to a stop he turned back to look at me.

He stared at me for a long time before he took a step forward. I followed his movements but I didn’t mirror them.
I waited, watching him cautiously until he was right in front of me.

His scent flooded my nose and I soaked it in completely, every part of me buzzed being so close to him. But not touching him was what made it all hurt. I wanted to touch him but my body wouldn’t let me. Something inside made me stop, something telling me I couldn’t touch him until we were okay again. It was like I was being torn apart from the inside and I didn’t like it.

He looked up at me with large, fearful eyes. He bit his lip a little before finally bringing the arm he kept behind him forward.
Between his fingers, there was a red and pink flower which I’d seen around the woods, but I’d never shown it to him. I was surprised and a little mad that I didn’t show him first.
He stared at me for a moment before putting the flower into my hair. I knew what he was saying and couldn’t help the way my insides fluttered.

He was saying sorry.

“J,” he whispers and I force my eyes back to his.

I couldn’t tell him what I was thinking and I couldn’t make him understand without Roger, so I stared at him. I stared him straight in the eyes and tried to put everythign he made me feel into it.

“I-I know that you’re mad at me and you have every right to be.” He started, water already in his eyes. “But please, please don’t give up on me.”

I got the feeling that he was begging a little so I crossed my arms and raised my chin just a little.
His eyes widened and a paniced look covered his features, making me thing I was maybe doing too much.

What gave you that idea? The fact that he looks like he’s about to cry? - Roger grumbled and for a little moment I was happy that he was here. Lower the chin a bit and relax those caterpillar brows.

I do as I’m told, ignoring the way the one insult I actually understood. Levi’s features relax a bit but they remain mostly tense as he rubs his hands together and shifts on his feet.

“I told them.” He says drawing his eyes from the ground. “I told my dad, my brothers, my sister, everyone I care about I told. I didn’t tell my other dad but I’m working on it.”

He told his family about you - Roger fills in and my eyes widen in surprise.

He didn’t tell them before? - I question and Roger sighs.

How are you behind in your own love story?

“I’m going to tell him though, I will but it’ll take some time.” He conrinue snervously. “And I’m not going to keep us apart any longer, there’s a small house my uncles used to live in, its empty and on the edge of pack lands. I told my dad I’m fixing it up as my own project, but that’s where we’ll be.”

He wants to take us....home - Roger fills in sounding surprised and a little excited.

Levi smiles up at me, looking a little nervous but the smile that spreads across my own lips makes the nerves disappear.

He wasn’t going to leave me again, we’d go together.

“It’s going to be hard, but I’m going to have you and my family in my life. I’m not losing anyone.” He says, his face become tense. “I refuse to.”

He’s going to fight for you - Roger says fondly and my smiles grows a bit more.

Really? - I ask and I probably showed my question because Levi answered it before Roger could.

“I mean it. I know I haven’t been the best mate and I have to make up for,” He says with a deep frown, “but I love you J. I love you so much that all I can think about from the moment I wake up to the last second before I go to sleep is you.
Hurting you was toretous for me and I’m so sorry for putting you through that kind of pain. But it won’t happen again, I won’t let it.... because I love you.” He finishes, taking a careful step towards me, closing the small distance left between us.

He sai-

I think I got it - I reply, my eyes holding my mates as I raised a hand to touch his cheek.

The minute my fingetips brushed his smooth skin my nerves surged to life, I took a deep breathe as he snuggled his cheek into my palm. Whatever kept me from touching him disappeared and I quickly wrapped my other arm around his waist and pulled him in. Our lips crashed together and I made a hungry sound that matched his needy one.

His hands dug into my hair, pulling me in closer as our mouths moved perfectly like they always did. All the pain faded as we moved together and I melted into him, my only need to take as much of my mate as I could.

After a while, he pat my shoulder and pulled away, gasping for air as he put his head to my chest. My heart was beating hard and I was pretty sure he could hear it, but I didn’t mind, I could hear his moving to the same beat.

“I know it was only a day,” he starts once his raises his head, his eyes moving from mine to his lips, “but I’ve missed those lips of yours.”

I give him a quick kiss on his nose then his forhead and his nose again and he giggles against me. His hands clenching onto my shoulders tightly as he smiles up at me.

“J, you do know that I love you right?” He says and I press a kiss to his nose. “I never want you to doubt that I do.”

He wants you to know that he loves you, for you to always know that he loves you - He clarifies and I nod a little.

Levi visibly releases a breath so I quickly press my lips to his temple.
He inhales my scent deeply and I do the same. I frowned a little when I realised that I couldn’t smell my scent on him, his still covered me so why was mine not on him.

I forced myself to leave it alone, maybe because I was in my primary form more of the time that his scent remained on my fur. That made sense so I made myself believe it, because when I thought of any other reasons, it made everything feel bad inside.

“Are you okay with leaving the woods, at least until we figure something better out?” He asks doubtfully and after Roger explains, I have to think about it for a little while.

I didn’t want to leave the woods, it was my home. Everything I knew was here and I felt safe here, I never felt safe when Levi’s people were around and I knew I wouldn’t be very happy if I went with him. But I’d be with him, he was my mate and I’d always be happy with him around. I’d be okay, once he stayed with me.

I nodded after a while and he smiled really big and I smiled right back, it always made me happy whenever I made him smile like this. He then stood on the tops of his toes before pressing his lips lightly to mine. I didn’t get to soak it all because all too soon he was back down to his normal height.

“Is there anything you need to get before we go back?” He asks using his hands enough that I understood him. I shook my head and he beamed again.

He looked at me for a long time, long enough to make his smile fade. Before I could wrap my arms around him and kiss it better, he wrapped his arms around me.

“I’m sorry J.” He whispers against me. “I won’t ever make you feel like if I don’t love you again, I promise. I want to be with you...always.”

His fingers grip mine and he tugs me a little, I follow without a fight and let him lead me to his home.

What did he say? - I ask after a moment.

He said that he chooses you - Roger answers and my chest fills with something I’d been feeling a lot more ever since I met Levi.

It made me think everything would be okay. He chose me, so I felt more than good inside.....

I felt loved

------------------

J is my heart and the sweetest thing on this fucking planet.

I know this chapter is a bit short, for that I’m sorry but I had a shit day so I had to rush this. Sorry.

Hope you enjoyed it either way,
Vote and comment if you did.

Until next time,
Byeeeeeee humansssssss

Extra

Julian’s P.O.V

"I don’t want to.”

“But you will.”

“No.”

“Aiden.” I say firmly, my arms crossing.

“Jewels.” Aiden whines back, like the infant he truly was. “I don’t want to go.”

Today Aiden was supposed to leave for his week long trip prevailing other packs around the surrounding states. As our pack was still the number one pack, we had to show our face a lot more often as alphas to keep our opposition in place.
It had to be done more often than either of us would’ve liked but we didn’t mind because we were together through every trip, but this time it’d be a little different.

This time, Aiden would be going alone. I was one month away from having our third boy and I was not risking anything happening to him before he was even born. So I was staying home, where I could protect him, Levi and Damon.

Aiden wasn’t so happy about that.

“I will not leave my pregnant mate unattended.” He insists and I can’t help but roll my eyes.

“Your pregnant mate is also an alpha, I’ll be fine.” I correct and he groans loudly before closing the distance between us. His hands caressing my shoulders gently as he looks me straight in the eyes with his dark brown orbs which I loved getting lost in.

“We can postpone this trip, I don’t have to go.” He pleads helplessly as his eyes soften. “I don’t want to leave you and the kids alone.”

“Aiden, p-”

“Nobody else will keep you safe the way I will.” He insists with clear fear in his eyes. “Please Julian, I don’t have to go.”

I look up at him for a long moment, contemplating his words and his emotions. Of course he didn’t want to leave me, I was vulnerable in this state and it was scary to leave me unattended. But I didn’t need to be attended to, I’d been doing just fine when he was in the pack and I’d continue to do so.

“You’re going, end of story.” I say after a moment and he sighs in aggravation. “I’ll be fine.” I say pulling him down for a kiss, the tension leaves his body as he melts into me and I hum my satisfaction at the sparks between us. “You’ll be home before you know it and I’ll be waiting right here for you.”

When he just pouts and keeps his head down, I smile a little before pressing a quick kiss to his lips once more. Raising his chin with my finger so he’s looking at me.

“I love you.” I say with a smile, my eyes never leaving his.

“I love you too.” He says finally giving up and accepting his fate. He hugs me quickly and I hold him tightly, inhaling his scent for security before pulling back. “Guess I should start packing.”

“You should, I’ll go wake up the boys.” I say giving him one last kiss before leaving the room.

As I look down at my stomach, my hand rubbing it gently, a small frown forms on my lips. My baby never moved, didn’t kick at my stomach like Damon did or roll when I was sleeping, it was completely still. My bump was also significantly smaller than it should’ve been, so tiny that I was pretty sure I was going to have an omega.
Not that that mattered to me, omegas were cherished in our pack as any other member was and I knew they’d be respected. And if Mickey taught me anything, genes didn’t matter, only what you made of them.

But no matter what I told myself, I was worried about this pregnancy. I was scared something would go wrong, that something wasn’t right... but I couldn’t tell Aiden that. He wouldn’t leave my side and he’d become more scared than I already was. His anxiety would only boost my own and that wouldn’t be good for the baby.

So I kept my worries to myself and told my stupid brain that I was just being paranoid. After all, we had frequent check ups with Katerina and the pack doctors, all said that all was well, so I tried to ignore the way my skin crawled with fear.

A smile easily replaces the frown resting on my lips when I open Levi’s bedroom door and find him sleeping soundly with Damon tucked under his arm. The two looked so peaceful as they breathed together, comfort and security offered by the other.

I wish I could leave them like this, but they’d throw a fit later if they woke up and realized that they missed breakfast.

“Boys, wake up.” I say pulling the curtains open, the sunshine breaking through and attacking them. They both groan loudly, curling into one another in a feeble attempt to escape the morning light. “Come on, I’m making waffles and sausages and I can’t do it without my little helpers.”

This made Levi shoot up immediately, Damon not so much.

“Dad, it’s summer.” He groans into the pillow his face was now squashed into. “Summer means wake up at three.”

“Come on.” I say turning on my heals, I find a gentle hand immediately at my back and I offer Levi a small smile of thanks. “I’m fine Levi.”

“I know.” He says, dropping his hand but remaning close to me. He was more attentive when I had a little one in me, he’d do everything for me before Aiden could and that made for some weird situations, but I was grateful either way.

The sound of Damon’s restless groans could be heard throughout the entire pack house as he dragged himself behind us. I wanted to shove a sock in his mouth but past experiences reminded me that it just made him louder.

“Damon, you’re on the batter and Levi, you’re on the fruits.” I say once we enter the kitchen.

“Why can’t I do the fruits?” Damon whines as Levi hands him all the ingredients he’d need for the batter without being told. He was quite a bit taller than Damon but never rubbed it in his face like I knew Damon would if the situations were reversed.

“Because I don’t trust you with knives.” I say pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Bu-”

“Damon you make the best waffle mix in the house, do you think you could do it again?” Levi begs cutting his brother off before he could begin another rant. “For me?”

“I’ll make it just the way you like it.” Damon says with a wide smile before getting to work. I give Levi a thankful nod and he sends a wink.

Soon enough, breakfast is made and steaming plates are placed around rhe table as we take our seats. Aiden had finished tying up the last few ends of his trip and helped me slide into me chair before taking the one beside me.

“Looks great guys.” He complements before squinting his eyes. “What did Damon make so I know not to touch it?”

“Dad!” Damon whines with a frown while Aiden laughs in amusement. “Fine, just starve!”

“I’m only playing around, I’ll eat every last bite.” He says ruffling his hair, it takes a moment but the frown fades and soon he’s beaming up at Aiden again.

I watch the two with a smile of my own. Damon was a perfect mix of the two of us, with dirty blonde hair and icy blue eyes he resembled myself. But the temper, aggressive love and protective nature was all Aiden. And even though he was only five, I could tell he’d grow to match Aiden’s muscular build.

“So guys, I have an important trip, I’ll be gone for a couple of days.” Aiden says wiping the corners of his mouth as we all finish up our meal. The smiles around the table quickly fade as Levi and Damon look up at Aiden was sadness. “Hey don’t give me that look, I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Are you going too?” Levi asks me and I shake my head quickly making some of the tension lacing his shoulders dissolve.

“While I’m gone, promise me one thing.” Aiden says glancing between the pair. “Promise me you’ll look after your dad for me.”

“Always.” Levi says immediately.

“With my life.” Damon finishes with a salute that made me laugh a little.

Even though at times like this I hated to be presented as weak and in need of saving, I couldn’t help but love my boys for it. They could be so cute with how badly they wanted to protect me, I couldn’t help but let my little soldiers take charge sometimes.

“Okay, well let’s clean up before I have to go.” Aiden says standing to his feet. They grab as many dirty dishes as they can before following after Aiden to help. I take my time making my way to the kitchen, watching my familt fondly as I rubbed my stomach. My mind already conjuring an image of what we’d be like with another boy.

All these children makes me feel old - Alex comments and I crack a smile.

We wouldn’t be having another one so soon if someone didn’t get so crazy with Maximus - I say firmly and he shushes me quickly. Even though they were responsible for mt second pregnancy, I wasn’t mad. Aidne and I were discussing having another kid in a year, instead that day became a little premature.

“Dad.” Levi says shaking my hand a little, I blink a few times to bring myself back to reality. I find Levi looking up at me worriedly so I quickly plaster on a smile. “You okay?”

“More than okay.” I say truthfully. I look around to see the kitchen now empty. “Where did they go?”

“Down to the car.” He says before taking my hand. “I’ll help you down.”

I free a light grateful kiss to the top of his head as he led the way. Usually, taking the elevator solved the issue of using the never ending stairs to the alpha suite. But the elevator was in need of repairs and was completely out of use.
This unfortunately meant that I hadn’t left our home that often. Going up and down these stairs caused unnecessary strain on my body and I avoided it whenever I could.

But I wouldn’t be seeing my mate for a few days and I would wave him off alongside my boys.

So I took my time descending with Levi’s help, when we made it to the bottom, I couldn’t but release the breath of relief.
We found Aiden in the lot, throwing and twirling Damon in the air. The loud shrieks and giggles from Damon made it clear to anyone with an open ear that he was having just as much fun as his father was.

Aiden threw him up one last time, catching him gracefully before pressing their foreheads together.

“I’ll be back soon.” He whispers to him, Damon nods against him before pulling away to press a quick kiss to cheek.

“Love you dad.” He says with a bright smile that Aiden mirroes before whispering.

“Love you too kid.”

He lets Damon down before opening his arms for Levi. Levi gives me a careful sweepover before running over and crashing into his hold.
He held onto him tightly, as if soaking in the feel of him.
Though Levi never said it and probably never would, I knew he liked hugging Aiden over everyone else. The reason evaded me but I didn’t mind, I just refrained from touching him besides loving gestures to make him comfortable. Maybe one day, he’d tell me why.

“Don’t let you little brother do anything stupid, same goes for your dad.” Aiden says into Levi’s hair. I scowl at hik but he purposefully annoys it. “But don’t forget to take care of yourself too.”

“Okay.” Levi whispers before finally pulling away and creating a path for me.

Taking patient steps with a smug smile, my mate makes his way over to me. I can’t help the way my lips pull apart as he gets closer to me until he’s right in front of me. His scent surrounds me and mixes with mine, its warmth comforting me as we look at one another. He takes hold of my palm and raises it to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to my ring and then my palm.

“It’s only three days.” I whisper, taking a step closer.

“It’ll feel like an eternity.” He replies, lowering our hands and running the other through my hair. Then he pulls me into a hug, not as tight as we both wanted, but enough to sadate the parts of me that screamed to make him stay. He breathes me in as I breathe him out, my skin feeling eletrified as it always did and always would with him.

“I love you.” I whisper, sucking in a small breath as he presses a kiss to my mark. Reminding me purposely of who I belonged to and who belonged to me.

“I love you too.” He replies, we stay still for a moment more before he retracts. He smiles to the boys one last time before making his way to the car that waited for him.

With final waves and a big smile, the car pulls away and we’re left watching it fade with straining chests.

“I say we burn all his clothes.” Damon says into the silence. I release a heavy sigh and look down at this excited face which deflates at the sight of my expression. “Or, or....... we hide them?”

“Or orrrr.” I start taking the same tone he did. “We do absolutely nothing.”

“Oh come on dad!” Damon whines. “This is the first time you’ve been out in like three weeks, let’s have some fun.”

He gives me a pouty face that might as well have been the pasted version of his father’s. And to my utmost shame, it has the same effect of making me give in.

“Fine, but Levi picks what we do.” I say but it gets drowned out by Damon’s excessive celebrations. I roll my eyes despite my gentle smile and redirect my attention to Levi. “What would you like to do?”

He thinks on it for a long moment, Damon’s whispers of several dangerous suggestions only slowing down the process. I could tell there were a million and one things he wanted to do and only two of them he’d probably consider with my pregnancy. Levi always thought of others before himself, it was and will always be one of his greatest qualities.

“A picnic.” He says finally. I smile with an approving nod that is immediately countered with Damon’s loud disproving groan.

“A picnic?” He repeats clearly unimpressed. “Out of all the things we could do, you chose a picnic?!”

“Yep.”

“Its official, I’m adopted.” Damon says throwing his hands up with aspiration.

“I think that sounds lovely.” I say ignoring the tantrumbeing thrown besides me. “You guys pack a basket upstairs and I’ll grab some extra snacks from the pack kitchen.”

The boys take off and I can’t help the chuckle that escapes me. They always managed to keep a smile on my face, they made me so happy that life without them seemed bland and uneventful. With them, everything was better.

-------------

I take my seat on the plaid sheet which coated a section of the lush, green grass when we finally finish laying everything out.

We picked a spot not too far from the border, allowing Levi to appreciate the unique plants the grew near and Damon the chance to chase the surrounding bunnies.

I picked at the bowl of fruits with laxed shoulders as I soaked in the midday sun. The boys were enjoying being outside and I was happy that I agreed to spend some time out. Sometimes I forgot how nice it was to just relax and rare moments like this made me want to do it much more.

“Dad! Dad!” Damon calls as he holds a small bunny in the air while running towards me. “I caught one!”

He basically crashed onto the spot beside me, keeping the creature elevated the entire time.

“That’s great Damon!” I cheer making his smile double as he hands me the bunny. I smile at the fluffy beauty, running my hand through it gently with admiration.

My back stiffens with surprise as the baby shifts slightly. I stare at my stomach in shock as it goes still for a short moment before kicking out again.

“I think he likes bunnies.” I say with relief as I hold the creature closer.

“So does that mean I can’t kill it.” Damon asks with a bit of disappointment.

“Do you want to make your baby brother sad?” I ask instead of denying him immediately, I learned long ago that Damon saw straight answers as a challenge.

“No.” He says with a whine.

“So then I think you just answered your own question.” I say handing back the bunny that seems to disgust him now.

He lets it run away before dragging his feet over to Levi who was sketching a flower in his little art book. I pull my eyes from the boys, laying down completely to look up at the sky filled with whispy, white clouds. I breathe in the fresh, midday breeze at let myself drift off while the world around me silently buzzed with life.

“Dad!” Levi screams making my eyes pop open, I rise immediately my heart racing at the sight before me. My world froze and my mind went numb with anxiety, the site of it all shaking me to the core.

Before me, my two boys, fear cloudy in their eyes with shaking hands to match as Levi held Damon tightly behind him. His chest raised bravely despite the water quickly flooding his eyes. Only eight meters stood between them and the thing that seemed to be of legend. It was bigger, somehow, than it was the last time I faced it. Furr as dark as the night sky with eyes to match, eyes which were directed towards my boys with looks that could kill.

My body moved before my mind could come up with a better plan. I found myself directly before it, its eyes sticking to me before hardening.

“Run!”

The word barely leaves my lips before I’ve shifted and blocking the charge the beast takes towards us. The kids screams fill my ears raging my accelerating heart as I shove back against its boorish force.

I call immediately for anyone in the pack link that could hear....the loudest response being the one that was furthest away.

It tries to run after the fleeing kids but my jaws immediately lock my jaws onto its shoulder. It forces a hellish scream to escape it, one that shakes the woodlands to its core.
I latch on tightly despite its attempts to shake me off. I sink my teeth completely knowing that the minute I let go I’d have to give everything I had.... and that wasn’t a lot.

I had to protect my kids but I also had to protect my babe, it didn’t leave any room for myself and that scared me.

Its thrashes around in a wild panic, its jaws snapping at the side only inches away from tearing at me. Fatigue hits me without warning and the minute my grip loosened a little, I was done for.

I protected my babe.

Keeping my stomach away from its slashes that dug into my legs, grazing my face with a promising scare and its jagged jaws which attacked every other inch of me.

Vision was fading, running a bloody path away from me along with my other senses. One of its attacks forced one of my eyes into darkness and another rendered my legs useless.

It must’ve heard the pack coming, because no new agonize struck my straining form, only the ones it left in it’s path.

I laid on the earth surface, pouring my blood into it while I gasped desperately for air. It’d bit into my neck once enough, an attack that would’ve killed me if I weren’t an alpha.

Every inch of me was battered and bruised except the warm area that released a small thump when I listened close enough.

As my vision faded and my body gave in to the pending exhaustion, I hoped and prayed that it would continue to thump.

--------------

Aiden’s P.O.V

My hand held his cold one tightly, praying and hoping to somehow give him any I could so he could just look at me with those blue eyes.

The tears coat my cheeks just as the pain of it all floods my chest once more.

If I didn’t go, he’d be okay.
If I didn’t leave him alone, he’d be okay.
If I wasn’t such a horrible mate, he’d be okay.

But I had left him alone and it was too late to take it back.

“I’m so sorry.” I croak as I look up at his pale face.

None of the damage he endured could be seen on his human form but his body was suffering internally.
He looked more fragile than weak, as if he were hanging on the last thread of it all and that scared me.

The chance that he wouldn’t open his eyes, that I’d have to live without him, it made the tears come faster.

I just thanked Goddess above that the boys were hurt as well. They’d gotten away in time and didn’t face a faith Goddess couldn’t have wanted for them.

And the baby..... Our son was born and he wasn’t even awake to greet him. Kat said he wouldn’t have made it if we didn’t take him out now, that the stress on the body would after after both him and Julian.
So the unwanted decision was made and I thanked Goddess that I did because though he was small, he was here and alive and okay. And that made this all a little bit easier.

“I named him Peter.” I whisper running a hand through his hair. “Just like you wanted.”

I palm his cheek, finding it just as cold as his hands causing my insides to twist fearfully.

“I can already tell that he’ll look just like you.” I continue with a wobbling smile which breaks on a sob as I look down at him.

The abundance of wires and cables that were all working to keep him breathing the only thing that seperate us.

Today marked a month.
A month since Levi left his room.
A month since Damon didn’t cry everyday.
A month since Peter was born.

A month since I’d last seen my mates bright, blue eyes, heard his voice or felt his warmth.

The acknowledgment of it all made my sob even harder as I tightened my grip on his thinned hand.

“P-Please baby, come back to me.” I beg desperately. “I can’t do t-this without you.”

His chest rises and falls softly.

“J-Just open you eyes, I won’t l-leave you ever again.” I promise whole heartedly. “I’ll never leave y-your side again. So please, please just look at me.”

But alas my pleas were in vain as they had been for yesterday and the day before and the day before and the day I first saw his battered form. He never answered, never heard my thoughts or my calls.

He was on the edge of life itself and it was all my fault. My body rejected itself with disgust and hatred for leaving him when he was most vulnerable, no matter what he said, I should of never left his side. I should’ve been there for him.

But I wasn’t....

I wasn’t there to protect him.

I wasn’t there to protect him for that thing.

My jaw tighten as sorrow begins to be drowned out by rage. A type of rage I hadn’t felt in years but one that was entirely too familiar.
One that sept into my bones and filled my lungs. One that claimed me and twisted mt thoughts in all the perfectly wrong ways. One that battered my vision with a shade of anger and revenge that I felt all around me and for once in my life, I didn’t fight it.

I let it in. I let it all in.

I’d kill it.

I’d rip it apart, limb from limb.
I’d tear it after with my canines before pulling it after with my bare hands. I’d pull its eyes from its head, its spine from its back, its legs from his frame and his heart from its chest.
I’d bathe in its blood and hang what’s left of it in remembrance.

No matter how long it took or how patient I had to be, I’d make sure that it’s end would be at my hands and my hands alone.

I swore an oath to my mate and the Goddess herself. One that promised its death and demise.

I would kill that beast if it’s the last thing I do.

-----------------

Explanation complete. Some intense shit, right?? Thoughts?????

But like why J? Why?!
And poor Jewels and baby Peter!!!!!

Make sure to leave comments and thoughts, you know how much I love them.

Until next time,
Byeeeeeee humanssssssssss

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