Cause I’m fuckin amazing and wonderful, here you go.
Be nice and listen to song ❤️.
And comment pleaseee
“So I guess what I’m saying... is that I want to break up.” Matt says releasing a heavy breath. I freeze for a moment before I continue sketching. I don’t bother looking up, but I could feel my hold on my pencil tighten.
“It’s not that I don’t love you or that I ever stopped, it’s just... I don’t feel the spark anymore.” He continues with a frustrated groan. “I keep trying to look for it but it’s not there and... it’s not working.”
I press the tip of my pencil harder against the tensing paper but don’t say anything.
“Levi, can you please look at me?” He pleads and I stop drawing before shutting my eyes. I take a deep breath, pushing the rising tidal waves of emotions down before I look up at him.
Of course he was looking at me as if he was the one hurting, with stupid those doe eyes I fell for to begin with.
“Say something- please Le.” He says making my fingers curl at the nickname only he used.
When the pencil snaps, I release a breath before shutting my sketchbook close and stuffing it into my bag. I could feel my rage rising and if I wasn’t careful, I’d probably do something horrible.
“You don’t see this going anywhere and you want to end things.” I say packing up my stuff. “There’s no spark- whatever the fuck that is, but you still love me so... that’s supposed to make things better. But it doesn’t matter, because you’re still ending things- just like I said you would.”
“That’s not fair.” He says in protest as I stand.
“Not fair? What’s not fair is that I’m about to drive home, alone, because you decided to break up with me instead of coming home with me like we planned.” I say, now looking him in his those stupid eyes. “After telling me you wanted to meet my family and take the next step together, just last week. And now you’re saying there is no next step; no future.” I finish as I slide my shades on right before my eyes start glowing. “Matt, that’s not fair.”
I don’t give him a chance to reply as I sling my bag over my shoulder and quickly leave the restaurant we were having breakfast at.
I stumble out as I walk quickly to my car, slidding in before shutting the door. My hands shake foolishly as I try to push the car key into the hole, but it refused to go in.
My lips begin to tremble, my mouth falling open to scream but nothing comes out- only broken sobs. I lean against the wheel while I circle my arms around it, hating that I let myself get attached again; that I let myself love someone again, only for them to leave me... again.
I hated when my emotions became like this- when my rage became so strong it turned into sadness and my mind drowned me in sorrowful thoughts that weighed down my body more and more with each passing minute.
Goddess, what is wrong with me....
I wipe my tears as I pull out my now vibrating phone. Looking at the caller ID, I take in a deep breath before answering.
“Hey dad.” I say as joyfully as I could manage.
“Hey kid.” My dad, Aiden, calls into the phone. “Your father is forcing me to make sure you’re all set before you and Matt start the drive down.”
I take a deep breath as my anger blends with my sadness. My body became rigid as the voices crawled their way into my head, just as they always did when I got too far ahead of myself. It was as though they were humbling me, mocking me, taunting me for believing that I could be anything more than the monster I was.
“Uh yeah, I’m all good.” I say after a moment. The line remains silent before he speaks again.
“Should I come get you?” He asks calmly, his voice soft and knowing. My lips stretch across shakily into a weak smile, the voices becoming a little quieter.
Of course he knew. He always knew when something was wrong.
“No, it’s fine.” I say before sniffing a little.
“Is it coming back?” He asks referring to the rage.
“A little, but I’m fine.” I say once more even though we both knew I wasn’t fine. “I’ll see you at home.”
“Okay kid. Call me the second it becomes too much.” He says sternly and I nod to myself. “Alright, I love you.” He says with so much truth in his voice that I can’t help but grin.
“I love you too dad.”
When he hangs up, I shove the key in finally, twisting it in and causing the engine to roar to life. I reverse out of the car park, taking one last glance at the restaurant before driving out and making my way back to campus.
Today was my last official day of university. Graduation already passed but some of us were still packing up our dorms and apartments. I just needed to get my last few boxes before setting onto the road to go home. I was supposed to be doing this with Matt but I knew that was no longer an option. He was no longer an option.
After years of waiting for a mate that never arrived, I accepted the fact that I would never have one. The Moon Goddess didn’t find me fit to be loved. And I suppose she was right in doing so- I was too damaged, too fucked up, for anyone to love. There was no other half of me and I accepted that, even though my family never would.
For as long as I could remember all I wanted was love in every sense of the word. To love, to be loved, to be completely drowned in it. I thought it’d be the one thing that would fix me, or at least make me a little bit normal.
I watched for years as the beautiful bond my parents shared between themselves only grew stronger- never weaker. Despite everything my dad went through, things too similar to my own experiences, they stayed strong. Their relationship never changing, bond never breaking ... it was beautiful.
And I wanted that.
Goddess knows I wanted it more than anything in the world. Because if love brought my dad peace then maybe... maybe it could bring me peace as well. I hoped it would.
So I did what few wolves dared to do- I sought out love in others; others who weren’t ‘made’ for us but would hold us when no one else would.
It never lasted long though. They always left me... eventually.
When my phone begins buzzing once more, I try to pull myself together. Wiping away the fresh tears, sniffing quickly to clear my already stuffy nose.
Fuck I hated crying.
Once I started crying about one thing, I ended up crying about everything. Everything somehow came all at once and it became so damn hard to breathe- harder than usual.
“I swear to the Lord God above, if another person cuts me off I’m going to run my car into their’s and kill them and finally kill myself too.” Sam groans into the phone the moment I pick up.
This is Sammy. Well her actual name was Samantha but she claimed that was a ‘bitch name’, so I call her Sammy.
She’s been my best friend since I was like six years old. The only person who tried to talk to me and succeeded.
I didn’t like new people or new places when my dads first adopted me. According to them, I didn’t talk much either and I had a bad habit of biting people, but I don’t remember that.
I just didn’t like to be touched by anyone back then - anyone but them.
But Sammy, Sammy didn’t care. She kept sitting next to me whenever she could and she never stopped following me around, almost like a dog. She didn’t seem to mind that she was the only one talking since I’d never reply or spare her a glance. She just kept coming back with a smile.
Even when she made the horrible mistake of touching me once to keep me from falling and I broke her pinkie finger. She came back the next day with a marker and her bandaged finger, asking me to sign it.
“It’s the least you can do since you broke it.”
I think that was the moment we really became friends and I’ve loved her ever since.
“Hey Sam.” I mumble into the phone. She immediately stops her rant at this.
“What the fuck did that small dicked, little fucker do?” She growls with that familiar aggression that made her who she was. The one that was successfully making me smile right now.
“Called it quits.” I say with a sigh, shrugging to myself in a desperate attempt to act like it didn’t hurt, like I didn’t care when I did. I did.
“Don’t worry, I’ll handle the body.” She replies with a voice that actually scared me a bit. “I’m on my way.”
“W-What? No.” I say sniffing a bit. She was making the same drive I’d have to to go back to our hometown. She left earlier since I was supposed to go with Matt. “You’re already halfway home.”
“Levi,” She starts with a sigh. “I don’t give a fuck whether I’m in Texas or Haiwaii. There’s no way I’m letting you drive three hours by yourself with your toxic ass thoughts.” She says calmly into the phone before a loud screeching sound fills the air followed my abrupt honking and cursing from the other side, all product of a horrible U-turn Sammy just made no doubt. “Well I fucked your husband last night so the jokes on you!” She screams back to who ever was shouting at her. “I’ll be there in five.” She says returning to relaxed demeanor.
“You’re the best.” I say truthfully as I grip the phone even tighter. My car came to a stop in the parking lot of my apartment complex.
“Oh I know.” She says with a chuckle. “I’ll be there in an hour. Love ya Wolfie.”
And with that she hangs up, I get out my car and make my way into the building. I blaze through my phone for nonexistent messages, desperate to keep my mind busy as I enter the elevator.
I falter slightly when my eyes catch the screensaver I’d grown so accustom to. A picture of me and Matt. He took it while kissing me on the check in surprise. I was never one for broadcasting my relationships like this, but Matt demanded that I kept it as my screensaver. So I’d always be close to him...
I change it to the wallpaper that was always present before and after I got in a relationship. One sentence resting on a white background in big, black, capital letters.
FOOD IS MY ONLY SOULMATE.
Once I enter my apartment, I get to work on packing up the last bits of things that rested all over the place. Blasting the most depressing album I could find, I began downing a bottle of white wine.
A trick dad and I picked up after a couple of years- alcohol numbed the rage a bit.
If I drank enough, my rage settled to a mundane level. If I drank too much, well, it only heightened the catastrophe I was already.
I successfully managed to stuff my car with all my things, leaving enough space for me and Sam to fit in. I look around the apartment feeling a tugging in my chest. I was closing another chapter of my life, one that I was surprised to realize I would miss.
In California, I was free. Free to be whoever the fuck I wanted to be.
I was not Levi, the eldest son of Julian Heil and Aiden Calderon- the alphas of the number one pack in the world.
I wasn’t the calm older brother to my four siblings who many labelled as crazy or dangerous.
I wasn’t that weird guy with a jaguar as a friend.
I wasn’t the adopted freak without an inner wolf...
And I wasn’t The Rogue Son, as many often whispered when they thought I couldn’t hear.
I was just Levi.
The twenty two year old art major with a pretty insane best friend. I didn’t stand out and no one glanced twice at me. Because nobody knew I was a werewolf, they didn’t know I was adopted unless I told them, they didn’t think I was a freak of any kind.
I was just Levi. Levi Calderon.
But that was all about to disappear and I couldn’t hang onto it, no matter how badly I wanted to.
A loud knock on my door completely snaps me out of my daze as I rush to it. I open the door and smile immediately when I look to Sammy. Her hair in a lose ponytail, her dark shades resting on her nose as her biker jacket stuck to her like a glove. We found that jacket digging through a thrift store years ago and she still hasn’t let it go.
She opens her arms for me and I quickly hug her. She squeezes me back tightly, her hold suffocating to say the least.
Whenever someone touched me, my body ached from past pains. It was almost as though a snake was running through my body under my skin, biting at me, trying to break free from the confines of my body, but it never could. It was always accompanied by a numbing streak of fear which overtook me completely. But it was always less painful when it was people I trusted touching me, the agony small enough that I could bare it.
“I swear to your freaky Moon Lady, the next time I see that poor excuse for a man I’m going to saw his dick in half.” Sammy promises seriously when we separate making me wince slightly as I rub my own crotch. “We have to nip the chance of shit descendants like that in the bud.”
“Whatever you say Sammy.” I say with a chuckle as I step back completely from her grasp.
“Ready to get out of here?”
“Yeah.” I reply before sliding on my shoes and grabbing my backpack. I take one last glance around my studio apartment which was my home for the past four years. Memories of the nights I spent here with friends, others with me and my canvas and finally, ones with Matt flash before my eyes. I struggle to stomach the rising wave of sadness as I turn back to Sam, her smile gentle and knowing.
I close the door and leave it behind; leaving my fake life behind, knowing it was time to return to the real one that was waiting for me.
“Ready?” Sammy questions once more as we buckle into the front seats of my truck. Her car hooked onto the back of it like a trailer.
“Yeah.” I say with a sigh before nestling into my seat as she pulled out the parking lot and set out on the road.
I stuff my ears with my earphones and look out the window, memorizing the trees which passed me by as the journey home began.
“You sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Sammy asks as I unhook her car from mine. Our cars were parked on the sidewalk in front of her small home, her parents already unpacking her things eagerly. “I can stay with you tonight, or as long as you need.”
“I’m fine Sam.” I say as best as I can but she just gives me a look that said she knew I wasn’t. “I’ll be fine.” I correct and she nods.
“You sure as hell will be.” She says punching my shoulder and I wince. “Oh stop you’re whining. There’s no way that hurt you Wolfie.”
Sam knew I was a werewolf. She knew since we were kids and she didn’t care, not in the slightest. She however, did develop the nickname Wolfie for me as a result. Most people thought it was a product of my personality, but Sammy said it was that as well as the fact that I went beast mode every now and then.
“I have to go.” I say looking down at my phone. The amount of impatient calls from my family made me smile almost as much as Damon’s threatening texts demanding I got home immediately before he got his acid.
As for why he insisted on having containers full of acid since he was twelve, well, it’s because he’s Damon and anyone who ever met the kid should know that that’s reason enough.
“Okay, I guess I’ll see you around Wolfie.” She says before opening her arms. I shake my head no and she smiles with a small nod.
There was only so much skin contact I could bare through and Sammy knew that. That’s why most times she gave me the choice, and I loved her for that.
Nobody else knew I hated to be touched. I couldn’t bare to tell my family- they were so affectionate that it’d break their hearts.
Especially if they realized that I’d hated it for years and they did it unknowingly. I couldn’t tell them.
“Bye Sam.” I say as I step into my truck. She comes to my window as I roll it down and start the engine. “Try not to scare the neighbors.”
“Impossible.” She says with a smile and a salute as I drive out.
The drive to my pack wasn’t that far but it was long enough for my pending sadness to return full force.
Desperate to derail my thoughts I think of the people who make me smile whenever I’m down and made me into the man I am today.
My family was a big, crazy, one-of-a-kind group of assholes who loved and protected one another with an unbeatable fierceness. I say assholes cause we are all assholes. In different forms and fashions- sure, but still assholes.
As my car nears the giant pack gate with its stone sentries, I begin to wonder how no human ever came across our pack. Yeah, we were deep in private land territory, but wasn’t anyone ever curious enough to come through anyway?
“Welcome back Levi.” One of the guards say as they open the gates. I send them all an appreciative smile before driving over the threshold and into our land.
And just like that, I was home again.
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Hope you enjoyed,
2nd chapter coming soon.
Sneak peak of it will be on my writting insta tonight - Tippy446_
Until next time,