Song: Nightsky by Tracy Chattaway
I could feel it seeping from me. Ever so slowly, ever so gently.... I could feel it me leaving me.
It bled from my open wounds, gushing out like the ichor that remained...
I was dying.
Dying. Almost a stagnant process, a perfectly painful process. It tormented every piece of me with an unforgiving fury that left me here to endure to.
Left me here to face it.
So here I laid, ever so still, ever so broken, ever so ashamed...
He was gone now. His cries and screams no where to be found, the scent of his blood fading as the remaining splotches of it dried above the dust.
He was gone.
I promised him we wouldn’t separate. Promised him we’d stay together, that I wouldn’t leave him alone.
The thought alone tried to end me right then and there, but he wasn’t having it. He wouldn’t let me go, even though I already let myself go.
We are not dying here.
He was still fighting, my wolf. He didn’t feel what I felt, the emotional pain he did but not the physical. He didn’t feel the agony that kept me bolted to the floor where my eyes remained stuck to the expanse of trees that laid adjacent to me, beyond the opening of the cave.
We are not leaving him!
I didn’t want to leave him.
I didn’t want to leave him alone in this world.
I didn’t want to leave him alone, without me.
I promised I wouldn’t and I knew I couldn’t, but my body argued differently. It argued that we could and that we would, in time, when he gave up too.
I will never give up.
I can’t move...
I know you’re hurt and I know you gave it your all, but just a little more. Just a little longer...
I know Jayson, I know.
I miss them....
Me too.... but there gone Jayson. Th-
Maybe it’s time that I went too.
I’m so tired...
I leapt over a fallen oak, letting my legs take me further and faster than ever before.
Find him. I had to find Levi.
There was no time to stop or waste.
I’d already lost too much time. I had to catch up, had to keep running, had to keep pushing.
I had to find him.
The light from the day and the dark of the nights all morphed into one for me. Blending together like a never ending sea of time I was drowning in, a cycle of time that I was trapped in.
Forever. Or so it seemed to me.
I didn’t bother chasing the pounding chests of the animals which scrambled off when I was near, I had no time to eat. No matter how much my stomach curves inwards, there was no time.
We must find him. Find levi.
I didn’t try to outstretch their lives when anything tried to kill me or attack me out of fear or pride. Anything or anyone that stepped in front of my path to him, ended up dead.
The only proof of their existence in this world being the scars they left behind on my already jagged frame.
It didn’t hurt.
It didn’t bother me.
It didn’t matter.
Finding him is what mattered.
Finding him is all that will ever matter.....
Find him is all that ever mattered.
I didn’t notice when the blending days turned into whisked months. I didn’t notice when my mind began to lose itself to the basic instinct of the body I honed.
I did chase after the beating heart and I revealed in the kill.
I marked my scent over others, made myself known.
I challenged the unchallengable. Pride bloomed almost as much as I began to.
My body mirrored my actions and my practices, it grew and grew and grew. But I hardly took notice, I was still on the run.
I still ran in search of.....
There was a silence whenever I tried to fill that space. Something used to fill it, but it no longer did.
I didn’t know what I was searching for. I’d forgotten a long time ago, but I was still running in search of it. Running in circles for it.
But I had to find it. My instinct, my body, my will told me I did. So I kept looking, with the little strands of my mind that remained.
Hovering over my prey, I let myself enjoy my catch. The taste of its blood on my tongue and the feel of its meat sliding between my teeth.
Its foot twitched and my jaws immediately silenced any further movement as I clamped down on it.
When I was sated and little remained of my kill, I picked up my stride and let my body lead me through familiar woods.
The light of the day was fading and I knew it was time to head back to my _. I didn’t mind the dark, but I rathered the light.
I moved swiftly, changing my path to follow the one which my instincts roared at me to follow.
It was like this sometimes. A feeling deep inside to do something, kill something, to move. I never questioned it.
I listened to the hard instructions which took me out of the woods I knew my whole life, it took me across borders and into lands I didn’t know. Lands others much bigger, in number, had marked as there own.
Then it stopped.
It stilled and left me on the edges of land I knew I couldn’t enter. Lands which were filled with many I could smell to be stronger than me.
It waited for me, inside.
I could feel it. Beyond the line I couldn’t see, the thing I searched for. The thing I yearned for, it was right there.
Instincts told me to stay put. To not go any further, to lie in wait... so I listened.
I didn’t move any further.
I trailed the edges...
Time pasted and I trailed.... trialed
Until that scent drifted past my nose and I couldn’t stop myself before my legs were moving and my heart was pounding.
I had found it, smelt it and felt it.
But I never made it to that scent. They were too many and I couldn’t make it through, no matter how hard I fought, how hard I bite or how many I killed.
I never made it through.
I tried over and over again. But I never made it through them. Every time I failed, my chest would become heavier and heavier with hatred.
I hated them.
I hated them all because after so long of searching I’d found it, the thing, the thing I knew I needed. I didn’t understand it but I didnt need to. It was there waiting for me, but they wouldn’t let me through, wouldn’t let me get to it.
I need it.
A glimpse. I caught a glimpse once.
But it wasn’t enough, not when the white wolf was attacking me. Keeping me from it. Keeping me from what I searched for after all this time.
I let it feel what being separated from it did to me inside. I let it feel my pain.
Soon I couldn’t even trail, just hide and wait. When they came to me, I let them feel my wrath, my anger, my pain.
I’d tear them limb from limb.
I would make them scream, make them cry, make them beg.
I made them feel what I felt.
But eventually, it came to me....
I couldn’t kill it.
I wouldn’t dare.
Not when it smelt so sweet, looked so perfect. I couldn’t hurt it.
It was what I wanted, longed for, searched for.
He is what I wanted....
He was what I searched for....
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Until next time,