I love that they are both so fucking hot
I turn away from the annoying voice.
“Babe come on.” Jayson prompts but it just made me groan even louder. This makes him laugh softly before he begins littering kisses up my neck from my shoulder blade.
I release a small hum of contentment as he worships my skin with gentle, loving kisses I adore. I peak over my shoulder just a little bit to find him looking at me with mischievous eyes as he nibbles on my shoulder teasingly.
He pushes himself over me and quickly presses his lips to mine. We both moan into one another as I shift around beneath him, I wrap my arms around his neck loosely as he captures my lips as his own.
“What did I do deserve such a wonderful wake up?” I ask panting slightly once we pull away from one another.
“Nothing, I just love you.” He says smiling down at me before he presses one last quick kiss to my lips. “But I would love for us to go for a run.”
I nod begrudgingly and let him pull me up and out of bed.
After yesterday, with all that happened and all the memories that returned, we resolved ourselves to staying in bed and just enjoying being together. We both knew we still had a lot of issues to deal with, mostly from my side, but we weren’t too keen at jumping at a new issue after just resolving a big one.
My eyes focus on Jayson’s broad, muscular back as he walks us outside, his hand tightly gripping my own as I followed behind him.
It was a little weird, remembering all the things we went through together and all the things I felt towards him. It was like opening a section of my life I didn’t know was there. But I was eternally grateful to Goddess that I had, because we had each other again and nothing else mattered.
“Can I see you first?” He asks once we are in the backyard which led out into the woods. “Your wolf.” He clarifies.
“I’m quite small for an alpha.” I warn but he shakes his head as if dismissing my comment. I release his hand and push my animalistic side out, it was always harder because I didn’t have a wolf to take my place in this transition, I had to bear through it myself.
Once my paws landed on the floor and I was on all fours I keep my gaze to the floor. I didn’t want him to see my red eyes. He’d hate them, it would probably scare him, if not, remind him of the worst parts of his life.
“You are gorgeous.” Jayson says above me as he circles me, his fingers running through my black furr and making my insides swirl. When he returns to the front of me, he squats down to see me, I quickly shut my eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I try to move away but he was strong enough to keep me still, even in human form. I whine lowly and he runs his hand through my furr rhythmically to settle me.
“Is it your eyes?” He asks sheepishly.
I knew J had seen my eyes already and so he would have to, through his memories. But it would still be new to him, it was different and ugly to some.
“Come on, look at me.”
Opening my eyes, I slowly lift my head until our eyes meet. I expected a lot of different reactions, but I didn’t expect the neutral one I received. He just stared at me as if nothing had changed before smiling that beautiful smile of his.
“You are gorgeous.” He repeats, making sure to emphasize each word more than the last.
I nuzzle into him and he chuckles before stepping back to shift. As if shifting for the first time, each or his bones snap slowly in a gruesome form of pain that was supposed to fade the more you shifted. But seeing as Jayson only started shifting since he met me, it was still horribly painful.
When he finished, a large, black wolf stood in his place breathing heavily. I quickly nuzzle into him, rubbing my scent all along him as he recovers, I lap at his nose playfully. This makes him sneeze adorably before he nudged me backwards.
I look at his familiar wolf. He was most certainly the biggest wolf I’d ever seen, bigger than both my dads which was saying quite a lot, seeing Po was basically a bear.
I seem to zone out for too long because Jayson starts nudging me until I take off into a fast sprint which he follows behind. I make quick work of leaving the pack lands, the last thing we needed was to run into anyone.
Luckily for us, the wasn’t that far since the house was basically on the edge of pack lands. Once we pass the border and are in essentially no man’s land, Jayson takes the lead. I follow, knowing his memories knew these woods better than I did.
I could tell the change his body takes on once he’s in familiar territory. His moves are swift and controlled, turns sharp and deliberate as he leaps over fallen oaks I was forced to run around. He was beautiful to watch, it was like watching a pup set free for the first time and enjoying the feeling of the dirt beneath their paws.
I tried to keep up with him as best as I could, but my body was weaker than I liked to admit. A werewolf without a wolf meant my body was a shitshow in this form.
Jayson notices and circles back for me, sniffing me before nuzzling himself into me with a small whine. He leads us to a small hill top, once near the top I collapse on the floor, making a big show of it. He sends me what I can only perceive to be a grin before laying down besides me. We dont bother shifting, enjoying the feeling of the powerful winds that blew past us and thankfully cooled me down.
Somehow we find ourselves wrapped around one another, we seemed to do that a lot without thinking. It was almost as if we couldn’t spend much time without contact before we craved it like a drug. I didn’t mind it at all, I adored it.
After hours of lazing around and watching the passing clouds in the soft blue sky, Jayson shifts and I do the same. He pulls me into him and I go easily, laying in his arms as he wraps himself around me and we look out at the wide landscapes together.
“Are you okay?” He asks and I know he’s asking about my wolf.
“Yeah, it’s just a little hard sometimes.” I say caressing his knuckles with my thumbs. “I can’t stay in wolf form for too long before my body’s ready to give out.”
“What happened?” He asks after a long pause, his voice a shadow of its usual tone. I let my weight rest onto him even more, letting my eyes study the vast lands for comfort.
“After they took me, I was hoarded around with them for some time.” I start, forcing myself to bury the rising tide of emotions. “The set up camps everywhere they went like a circus.... and I was their favorite act.
They did a lot of things to me that I don’t want to talk about. My wolf tried to help me as much as he could, he took control sometimes when it became too much for me. It’s dangerous enough taking control for long periods of time, it’s worse when the bond is so new. I’d only just met him and he was already trying so hard to protect me.
When they realised it was him they were torturing not me, they started torturing him purposefully until he couldn’t take any more. By the time I made it to the factory, I’d lost him.”
Jayson’s arms tighten around me and I turn to face him. His face was contorted in an expression of pain and anger, I offer him a weak smile but that just makes him squeeze me harder.
“I felt it.” He admits and I nod, knowing Roger mentioned it before. “We thought we lost the both of you.”
I hated myself whenever I thought about this. For one, I wish I wasn’t so weak that he had to take care of me to the point where he couldn’t take care of himself. Then there was the fact that Jay looked more affected from the loss than I did.
I felt sick sometimes at that. I didn’t mourn him nearly as much as I should. I didn’t stay awake crying, didn’t curse the Moon Goddess for taking him before his time. Because in truth, I barely got to know him. When he wasn’t telling me how to survive, he was making sure that I did. I never got to know him.
That made me feel disgusting inside.
“..... sometimes I wish it was me that went instead of him.” I admit looking away from his pained eyes. “He didn’t even have a year with me before I lost him.”
“It was not your fault. It was those bastards and if I ever get the chance, I’ll make them pay.” Jayson growls, his eyes darling to the black they were in wolf form. His eyes didn’t glow, just got so dark it looked like they were completely black.
“Well I can tell you where the biggest dick of them all is right now.” I say looking at him and chuckling at the shocked expression that was plastered across his face. “The guy who took me and their leader, Reon, he’s in my dad’s basement.”
“He’s still alive!” He exclaims and I nod in response, it was the usual reaction to this piece of information. “Why isn’t he dead already?”
“Reon didn’t only hurt me.” I say rubbing his hand softly to calm him, I could feel Roger twisting and turning inside of him with anger. “Long before he took me, he got his hands on my dad, Aiden. I was with Reon for quite some time, but my dad was tortured by him for months when he was six.
Long story short, he fucked him up bad and he’s got a lot of demons inside. One of the ways he takes care of them, is releasing his rage on the man who gave it to him.”
“Wow.” Jayson mumbles speechlessly. His face blank but I could see the wheels turning in his head. “As much as I’d love to have one session myself with him, keeping him there for so long isn’t right.”
“Its not.” I say with a weak smile. “He’s not the best when it comes to forgiveness.”
“He hates me.” He states and I don’t have to deny or confirm it, we both know the truth. “I can’t blame him, what I did was horrible.”
“It wasn’t you, not you truely.” I protest but he shakes his head dismissively.
“It was. There’s no one else to blame but me and I want to apologize the first opportunity I have to. I’ll work as hard as I need to to prove that I am sorry.” He says firmly as if he’d already made up his mind. I sit up and face him properly with a frown.
“You can’t just go up to him and say sorry. He won’t let you get a word out before he lunges for your throat.” I say, trying to emphasis the truth of this matter. “We have to take this slowly, plan it properly.”
He studies me for a moment, the blatant resolve in his eyes challenging the one in mine. He releases a sigh and visibly deflates, bringing a hand to my cheek and rubbing gently.
“Fine, we’ll do it your way but we can’t hide away forever.” He says looking at me with sincerity. “Eventually, we will just have to face him.”
I know he’s right. I know that it wont matter whether we tell dad today or next month, he’ll still have the same reaction. If anything, it’ll be worse because of how long I kept it from him.
But I wasn’t in any hurry to lose my father, the man who saved me and raised me as his own. I would stretch this out for as long as I could, if it meant just one more second with him.
“Let’s head back, Julian is supposed to be coming over soon.” I say pulling myself to my feet and brushing off the topic.
Jayson knows I’m diverting but he let’s me and takes my hand to pull himself up. He towers over me, his ripped chest basically gleaming right in front of me. I force myself to now drag my eyes down any further and focus on his face. I find him smirking cheekily but he doesn’t tease me about it, just leans down to kiss me.
“I don’t think I can shift again.” I say once we part.
“How often do you use your wolf?”
“Besides full moons, probably once or twice a month.” I say with a shrug.
“I don’t think that’s enough.” He says looks at me with concern. “In our pack, we used to shift into our wolves once a day and I know that was excessive. But once a week should be the least amount of times you shift or your wolf is basically locked inside.”
“There’s no need for me to shift, it’s just me inside and it hurts whenever I do.” I say softer than I’d meant to, it doesn’t go unnoticed as Jayson pulls me into his arms, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of my head.
“I think you just need practice.” He says calmly above me, his atmosphere somehow calming me effortlessly. “Its like me shifting, the more I do it, the better it gets. Maybe you just need to use your wolf more for it to get stronger.”
I don’t reply not sure how to.
Jayson was the first person besides Aunt Katty to take notice to my problem with shifting. She’d suggested something similar in the past but I didn’t listen, not seeing any benefits of doing so. My parents just assumed that I didn’t like shifting because I didn’t have an inner wolf and I let them believe that. Everyone else just thought that I was a freak.
Jayson didn’t see me like that.
“So I should go back in wolf form?” I ask hesitantly, pulling back just enough to see him.
“I’ll be right next to you the entire time. I’ll push you on and when it becomes too much, we can stop.” He promises with so much hope in his eyes that I can’t help but nod with a small smile.
So I force myself to shift, enduring the pain and agony it causes in my bones as I do so. Jayson shifts quickly besides me and we head off, we take it slow but fast enough that we didnt run into anyone or anything. It didnt take long at all for me to get tired, but just as Jayson had promised he stayed with me the entire time, letting me lean on his weight a little or fall back in him when it felt like too much.
Eventually, we find our way back in our pack lands and not too long after, in our house. We make quick work of cleaning up, Jayson never leaving my side in fear of me fainting or something.
I loved that he was so quick to care, how easily and effortlessly we fell back into one another.
No hesistation or contemplation.
We ate our breakfasts quickly, Jay was still stuck on raw foods not that he minded much. Then there was a heavy knock on the door which made the both of us stiffen despite ourselves.
“Let’s get this over with.” I mutter as we slide off our stools and make our way to the door.
I’d had enough family confrontations to not be excited for another. The ring of Damon’s words still stung when I thought about them.
We haven’t seen each other since that day.
I swing the door open and smile once my eyes land on my dad. It wasn’t forced, we may have been going through a lot with Jayson around and all problems being rehashed but he was still my dad. That would never change.
He returned the smile and even offered one to Jayson. He didn’t know of what happened yesterday, we didn’t get that far when we talked the day before and he said he wanted to check in. So naturally he offered a hand.
“Hi.” Jayson says shaking it making dad’s eyes bolt up before he narrows them suspiciously.
“Roger?” He asks naturally, his frown only deepens when Jayson shakes his head.
“We have a lot to talk about.” I say once they drop hands.
Inside, we updated him on the large turn our lives had taken. All the memories which came surging in, the connection to one another, Jayson being the Jayson I was looking for and the only other member of my old pack besides myself. By the end of it, I could truly say it was the first time I ever saw my father truely speechless.
“Dad.” I call once the long silence had stretched on for far too long. He hummed slightly and let his eyes drift to me, looking dazed. “Can you say something?”
“I don’t know what to say.” He says uncrossing his legs and leaning forward a bit. “It goes without saying that I’m happy for you both, that you’ve found one another again.”
The room falls in silence once more as his eyes seem to fill with troubles and unspoken words.
“I’m ashamed of myself.” He whispered finally making my eyes widen in surprise.
“Why on earth would you be?” I question, wondering if I explained something wrongly.
“All this time you two were apart, you could’ve had one another and I didn’t bother looking. I knew about Jayson, knew there was a story there, but I didn’t bother chasing it.” He says before running a hand throug the hard that had fallen in front of his face. “I should’ve done more.”
I didn’t know what to say.
He was right in a sense. From what my parents told me before, they knew Jayson was a member of my pack, someone I was close to and someone who was lost in the events of that night. But at the same time, I have always been so closed off about my pack. There was no way of looking further without upsetting me.
“I think you did more than enough.” Jayson says, speaking for the first time since the greetings at the door. “You took Levi in when he was at his lowest, when he had no one left and you gave him a family. I will be forever in your debt for taking care of him, protecting him and loving him when I couldn’t.”
Dad’s eyes held on Jayson and his words as if he’d forget them if he looked away. Some of the guilt had eased away and was replaced by admiration and thanks as a small smile spread across his lips.
“Thank you Jayson.” He said in response, I knew he was still hung up about the new information and would continue to be, but he was never one to let his emotions be known.
“I also want to apologize for what I did when I was.... when I wasn’t quite myself.” He says nervously. “I’ve been reliving my actions through my memories and what I did... it was inexcusable. I am so sorry for the pain I caused you and your family.” His words were earnest and strained with desperation for forgiveness.
Dad didn’t reply. Simply stood to his feet and pulled Jayson into a hug. It was one of those dad hugs, the ones that made you feel small but in all the right ways. Made you feel loved and protected, it was something I don’t think Jayson expected. By the way he held onto him, it was something I think he craved as well.
“I forgave you when you didn’t have your memories and that hasn’t changed.” Dad said once they parted before taking a serious expression.
“Now I believe it’s my turn to apologize. When you and Damon fought, or rather your wold, I was mad and upset that Damon was hurt. The need to protect as an alpha and father rose high and blinded me from my son’s wrong-doings.
I’m usually more calculated, but my children have a way of making me ‘wild’ I suppose. I should have put Damon in his place, not encourage his behaviour by taking out my anger on you. I am sorry.”
My chest filled with pride and love as I looked at my dad. He’d in all honesty hurt me when he chose to take Damon’s side, chose to stay away from us in anger. But he was apologising, he was here and he was trying and that was all that I could ask for. He was going beyond by forgiving Jayson and not holding his past against him.
And that was all that I could ask for.
I didn’t want my family to instantly forget, to act as if the pain and the losses our pack had endured because of Jayson weren’t real. They were and it was hard for everyone.
But he wasn’t to blame. He’d suffered enough by being stuck as a wolf. All I could as for was time and patience. For them to try at the very least, in their own ways, that Jayson was my mate and that he wasn’t going anywhere.
Because the truth was, if they couldn’t accept us and learn to live with us. If they wanted him gone and out of there lives, then I’d leave as well.
We were one now and I wouldn’t let us be separated again.
Was able to squeeze in an update. It was a filler chapter not even going to lie but you need these to balance shit out.
Are we happy with Julian for apologizing and still salty that he took so long???
What do you think is going to happen from here??
I guess you’ll just have to wait.
Until next time,