Rogue

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Chapter 45

This is it guys 😭😭

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Jayson’s P.O.V

My fingers trace the bark aimlessly, my eyes closing to enjoy the feel of the sun on my skin through the trees.

It was quiet. Completely still with nothing but the faint thumping of the heart in my chest, the one that was still beating despite it all.

I guess even in this form, they recognized me. Every creature creating the largest distance between themselves and myself as they possibly could. They still saw me as death.

I stop at a familiar tree, a helpless smile forming on my lips at the crevices my fingers run over. I brush them gently, scared that if I touched the territorial marking too much I’d become the owner of them once more.

I pull away and follow the familiar path, my legs leading me where my mind recognized. Marked in the same form were trees all along the path, it was if I carved my own personal entrance.

I stop at the bottom of the small hill. Looking up, for a moment invisioning what I must’ve looked like climbed up this slump day in and day out as a wolf.

Lost. Tired. Scared.

All of the above most likely.
It was what I felt now as I began the climb, taking careful steps to avoid loose rocks or weak soil, taking the time to reach the top. I walk into the familiar cave, frowning slightly at the way it someone seemed smaller.

This was my home. For years, these stony, cold, rugged rocks were what marked my resting grounds. This was where I came after ever attack, battle and feed. Where I slept, sat in silence, waiting for Levi when I didn’t even know I was waiting for him.

I take a seat, looking out at the expanse of trees and sigh. How far I’d come in a matter of months... a beast to a person again.

Sitting here was hard, sitting here hurt. Reliving it all hurt... but I had to. Before we left, I had to say goodbye to this chapter of my life. Had to close the door I still kept ajar with fear. Fear that one day, I’d end up back in this spot, sleeping here alone.

It was irrational, I knew that. But it was there. A fear that never left when I thought about falling back so deep into myself that I couldn’t get out. Thought about being so weak that I couldn’t save Levi, couldn’t even save myself.

It was a fear I had to face, fear I had to let go. If I wanted to move on, I had to let it go.

I think sometimes you forget you’re own strength - Roger says quietly, his voice like a gentle whisper. He continues before I can question him.

I think sometimes you forget that you’re the same person as the twelve year old who saved Levi. The same kid who looked after him for months, on your own in the middle of nowhere - He says firmly, his voice leaving no room for arguement. We messed up, and I know it’s scary to think about messing up again but you won’t. You’re stronger this time.

What if I’m not strong enough? - I ask voicing the thing I probably feared the most.

You will be, because Levi will be fighting with you this time - He says gently and I smile. You don’t have to protect him Jayson, he can protect you too.

He was right. I would always protect Levi, always fight for him in any manner I could. But he could fight for himself now, he wasn’t five anymore, he was an adult, an alpha. He was stronger than anyone I knew and together, they would protect one another.

Everytime I think about this place, I feel like I’m living in it all over again - I confess and by the way my insides coil, I know it’s mutal. I feel like I’m on all fours again and all I can do is hurt others.

That’s not going to go away Jayson - Roger says sympathetically. None of that will ever go away.

So how do I deal with it? - I ask helplessly. Wanting and wishing to all hell that I could vanquish every moment out here from my mind.

You don’t. You live with it, live with it in the same manner you live with everything we did. You live with it.

I wanted to cry. Wanted to cry because everytime I feel asleep I saw some aspect of it again. Either my sister or my father, on hard nights, my mother. I saw the ones I’d hurt, felt the force of their will to live, heard their screams for mercy.

On the worst nights, I saw Levi. Saw him being dragged away from me, saw him crying and screaming for me. I felt the pain, not the physical...physical always faded. I felt the other one, the one which tore me inside out, the one that left me empty with self loathing, the one that destroyed me. The one that reminded me of how I’d lost him, when I promised to never leave him.

Sometimes I relived it all, and I was just supposed to live with it. I suppose that was the best punishment, best way to atone for the sins I’d commited... the pain I caused to so many.

It’ll hurt less when you’re back there, when you’re building everything back - Roger says and I frown slightly.

We. When we’re back there - I correct him.

Yeah, w-when we’re finally home... at peace - He replies and so we sit.

We sit and watch, reminiscing while trying to forget... we sit. And we pray, pray for a better beginning somewhere else.

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Mélanie Laurent - Début (listen to song for rest of entire chapter)

I shut the truck of the car before turning to look at everyone. I lean against the door as a weak smile settles on my lips.

Nothing filled my ears but the sound of their misery. They sobbed, whimpered... cried, cried like I’d never seen anyone cry before as they held onto a piece of their family that was drifting away.

All eyes were wet. Every single one of them crying, even Damon despite the deep frown that laid on his face as he did so. The six of them were surrounding him, holding him like the precious jewel he was and Levi... Levi was just as broken.

He stood in the middle of all of them, gripping onto any piece of them he could and sobbed. He never told them about how much it hurt him to be touched like that, never told them the agony it caused him to just feel their skin brush against his. So they squeezed him so tight and he squeezed them back in this moment as if it didn’t kill him to do so.

Eventually, they pull apart and look at one another. Silently, Josey steps up and wraps her arms around his waist. She squeezed him tight and he hugs her back with equal strength as tears cascaded down his cheeks.

“It’s not all that bad.” She mumbles against him. “It’s not that bad because this isn’t goodbye, this is just... see you soon.”

“Yeah, it’s see you soon.” Levi agrees through a small sob. “I’ll see you soon Josephine.”

He looks down at her, rubbing her tears away with his thumbs and offers a weak smile before letting her go. She pulls away, taking the spot Hagen stood before as he runs into Levi’s arms.

Hagen went barrelling into him, basically scaled him as he tried to grip onto any part of his brother that he could. As if, if he could hold onto all of him, then he wouldn’t have to go. Then the sobbing came, the loud sobs that showed just how broken he felt inside as Levi tried his best to cradle him.

“J-Just stay a l-little longer, I’m not ready.” He begs desperately making Levi’s tears pour out all the more as he shuts his eyes tightly. “J-Just a little l-longer, p-please Levi.”

“Hagen.” Levi whispers, eyes still shut tight as he let him down gently on his feet. “You know that we will never be ready, it’ll never be the right time and sometimes you just have to take a jump.”

Hagen shakes his head profusely. Shakes his head denying his words as Levi tucked him into his arms to hug him tightly. He look up at me, eyes pooling and I hear the silent plea in his eyes.

“Go say bye to Jayson.” With those words, Hagen falls to his knees as if he’d only just remembered I was leaving as well.

I walk to him, picking him up and turning him in my arms before retaking my position by the car. I hold him like a child, keep him still as he trembles and cries in my arms. His fingers gripping onto me as I rubbed his head soothingly.

Peter went to Levi next. All but ran to his eldest brother, whimpering desperately as he stood on his toes to hold him properly. He was stuttering over himself, words tumbling through sobs as he clinged to Levi. The boy was unravelling and Levi was struggling to hold the pieces together.

“D-Don’t g-g-go.” He managed weakly, begging with all his might as he looked up at Levi. “S-Stay.”

Taking a breath, Levi shakes his head and wipes his face.

“I will visit Peter. I’ll come see you and Mr.Fluff as much as I can, promise.” He replies instead and Peter whimpers at the rejection. Pressing a kiss to Levi’s cheek before he pulls away and goes back to his spot, eyes on the floor while his arms clung to himself and he cried silently.

Damon was next. He wasn’t sobbing, his face wasn’t covered with tears, but his eyes were wet and as he pulled Levi into his arms, they finally fell. Levi clung to him, eyes shutting as he wrapped his arms around him and breathed him in.

They stood like that for a long moment, didn’t move, didn’t utter a single word between them. Then Damon pulled away, looked Levi deep in the eyes and then went to hold Peter who melted into his arms immediately.

Julian and Aiden went together. They hugged him for together and seeing their faces together launched me back into a day in the woods. A day when Levi introduced me to his face through photos and showed me a picture of the three of them that looked just like this, eyes wet and faces close in a tight embrace. Yet they were smiling, they were all smiling as if they knew it was time.

“Levi, you’ll be okay.” Julian says with a wobbling smile. “You’ll be just fine out there, you’ll be strong and you’ll be a great alpha. You’ll fight for what you believe in and if you do that, t-”

“Then you’ll always be in my corner.” Levi finished for him and Julian eyes shut tightly as he nods. His cheeks glistening as he nods and holds Levi tight to him.

“I will always be in your corner Levi. Always.” He whispers before he leans back to look at him. He studies him for a moment longer before he presses his lips to his forehead, kisses him gently and then, he lets him go.

“Best decision I ever made.” Aiden says simply as he smiles at Levi, brushing the hair from his face to look at him. Levi looks up at him, eyes adoring and full as he studies his father. “Best decision I ever made was taking you home.” He says and nods to himself. “Best decision I ever made.”

Levi clings to them, closing his eyes as he sobs ruthlessly and they hold him tight. Hold him so tight he can’t do anything but soak in their love and adoration that flows so generously out of them.

My eyes pull from them when the other come my way. I look around and give then weak smiles while I continue to console a weeping Hagen.

“You take care of Levi.” Josey says while wiping her cheeks. “And yourself, so we can see you again too.”

“I will.” I say and she nods with a smile.

“I’ll kill you if anything happens to him.” Damon says coldly, eyes holding mine while his hand continues to rub Peter’s back gently. “I’ll find a way to kill you, I promise.”

I nod and his eyes soften for a moment.

“Just be safe with Levi, he’s the only big brother we’ve got.” He says and I nod again before I look to Peter.

“I’m going to send pictures of every recipe of yours I try Peter.” He looks up at me through his hair, I push it back and he smiles weakly.

“Y-Y-You’ll v-visit r-right? He asks through his shaking and nod quickly.

“Of course I will, I’ll come visit whenever I can. I promise Peter.” I say and he smiles again. “Promise.”

I step back to let Hagen down, he let’s me but doesn’t settle for anything less than a hug. I hold him tight to me and sway us gently as Levi and his parents approach us.

“D-Don’t leave m-me Jayson.” Hagen begs desperately, sobbing against me as he clings to me. “D-Don’t go.”

I close my eyes to stop the tears but they run anyway. If anyone could make me not want to go, it was Hagen. Goddess, I would miss him more than he could ever know.

“I’ll visit Hagen.” I whisper and he shakes his head against me.

“N-Not enough.” He croaks and I smile helplessly. “S-Stay h-here.”

“You know I can’t do that.” I say after a moment and he cries harder. “Hagen, you will never know how much you mean to me. You were kind to me when no one else was, sweet before you truly knew me. You’re my best friend and that will never change Hagen. Never.”

“I-I don’t want y-you to go.” He whimpers.

“I know, I know.”

It takes a long time to get Hagen to let me go, but once he does... he runs. He runs before we can stop him, shifting and taking off without another word.

Aiden stops me when I take a step to go after him, he holds my elbow tight and shakes his head slowly. So I stay and I pray that he forgives me for leaving and that he’s okay without me. But most of all I pray that he’s happy without me, Hagen deserves to be happy. If anyone deserves to feel endless joy, it was Hagen.

“I don’t have to tell you to take care of Levi, do I?” Aiden asks and I shake my head with a light chuckle. “But I do have to tell you to look after yourself don’t I?” I frown slightly at this. “Take care of yourself runt.”

Then he hugs me. I stand frozen for a moment at his hug before my arms raise slowly and I hug him back. It’s only for a moment but it consumes me so entirely that I can’t breathe for a moment.

“Take care of yourself Jayson.” He whispers before letting me go. “Now get in that car and go before we change our minds.”

Everyone laughs a little at this and Julian squeezes in a quick hug before letting us get into the car. We settle in and Levi turns on the engine, looking at his family one more time before the car begins to move.

His eyes stay trained to the mirrors as they wave him goodbye until their figures disappear from sight.

His team continue to pour, fingers clenching onto to steering wheel. I rest a hand on his leg and let the silence rest as we leave this chapter of our lives to begin a new one.

To begin the chapter about us.

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I walk around the lands, memories flooding as the familiar scent of spruce filled my nose. Any signs of the fire had either been stripped away or simply faded away, it was just as beautiful as I remembered and completely untouched.

As if it were waiting for us to return.

I turn back to look at Levi as he looked up at the small, pack house we arranged to be built before arrival. It marked the beginning, our start at this and it made my heart swell with pride to see him there.

Things would be okay, we would be okay.

Jayson - Roger says suddenly cussing me to jump a little at his tender tone.

What’s wrong?

I can’t... I can’t stay with you any longer - He whispers making my chest tighten as everything around us stops.

W-What do you mean? - I ask eith growing worry. What are you taking about?

I’ve stayed with you all these years because I knew you needed me, knew you couldn’t make it without me. But you’re okay now Jayson, you’re safe and you found Levi... it’s time I found him - He explains and I shake my head profusely.

Him?

My mate. He’s waiting for me somewhere and it’s time I go to him - He says gently but the tears fall anyway.

....I can’t live without you - I say honestly.

Jayson, I wouldn’t be going if you couldn’t - He replies and I know he was right but I didn’t want to hear it. You’re safe Jayson.

Roger, I c-

It hurts Jayson - He says finally. Fighting to stay alive to be with you hurts. I should’ve died the moment he did, but I kept fighting for you and I have been fighting everyday. But I’m tired now Jayson... I’m so tired and I can’t go on much longer like this.

Levi sets a hand on my shoulder as he circles me, eyes filled with worry. His lips were moving but I couldn’t really hear what he was saying, I was too focused on Roger.

I’m so tired...

I don’t know what I’m going to do without. I-I can’t... I don’t want to live without you

I will always love you Jayson. I will always love you and know that I’m always watching over you.

Goodbye Roger

.....goodbye Jayson.

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I look around desperately.

Searching though the paired souls, the millions of mated pairs and look for him.

My arms help me search through the crowds. My legs taking me forward, turning as I was pulled to him.

Like a string shortening with every step, I moved faster and faster to find him.

I could feel the distance closing, feel him coming to me. Feel the tears running down my face, feel my spirit tearing with the need to find him, feel the pain fading from me as I neared him.

Then I saw him...

I couldn’t move when my eyes met his. Turning to stone with the realization that he was okay, that he was here and that he was okay.

The tears flow as he runs to me, stumbling as he raced to me, crashing into others as he ran to me. Fought his way through... to me. Face wet with tears like mine, sobs breaking through him as he came to me.

Then he was in my arms...

The agony, the pain, everything fades the moment his skin touches mine. His broken pieces fit inbetween my own and sob at the feel of him.

I hold him tight, so tight so I could never lose him again and he clings to me, crying as he holds onto me. Sobbing as I fall to my knees, holding him to me. My eyes shut as tears pour past them.

I found him....

The End

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Sad ending yet happy, I’m not sure how that works. Like I’m happy but I’m sobbing.

Can’t believe it’s over, like I feel like there should be more, but I’m happy for my children and most of all. I’m happy for Roger.

Thoughts??? So fucking happy for Roger.

I’m going to miss Jayson and Levi, but I really miss feral J... he was adorable.

Well, this is it guys. Thanks for reading and coming along on this little journey, I loved writing it.

No more until next time....
Bye guys.

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