I ruined everything.
It’s been three weeks since Aiden left and it’s getting harder to breath. He didn’t reject our bond straight out but his eyes only coveted regret, pain and disappointment.
There was love too but it wasn’t like before, it seemed to only burden him now and that was enough to tell Alex and I what we feared the most.
People always say the first days without your mate are the worst but they’re truly the easiest, you have hope and the reality of the situation doesn’t hit you right away. After Aiden left I stayed in that spot crying my heart out with the thought that he’d walk back in and we’d fix this but he didn’t, I woke up the next day after crying myself to sleep. I was paralyzed by the new strain I felt on our relationship, the agony he was feeling was like around the clock torture that made my entire being shatter.
I went looking for him immediately, ready to do anything I had to to fix what I broke. I followed his scent far out of state but it stopped at a gas station and there was nothing left. I searched the area but there wasn’t any sign of him, I looked at the gas station’s camera surveillance and caught a glimpse of him.
The image of his broken eyes made Alex howl in discomfort, I knew this went a little deeper than just me, I could tell he was shaken with his own inflictions on the guy. He seemed scared of himself, I think what happened triggered something in him and it was all my fault.
I don’t even know what I was thinking, Isabel’s plan was just too far and I knew that and went along with it anyway. I keep asking myself why I’d react like I did, yeah I was angry and hurt but it didn’t mean I had to fire back and much worse at that.
He headed north in the video so, so did I. I just kept going pushing myself for days in my wolf form while trying every second to talk to him through the mind link but he blocked me out. It was about at the end of the first week that Emitt and Isabel found me and dragged me back to the pack despite me fighting them, I wasn’t in any shape to take them both on and they kept saying I was searching aimlessly. But returning to the place where he left me just deepened the wound that was already killing me. Emitt had absolutely no idea where he could be and I believed him, his parents did but they wouldn’t tell me. I almost attacked his dad but my own stopped me when I lunged at him. They were keeping me from my mate knowing that each day that passed took a greater toll on the both of us. Every day without him made me break a little more, I was losing myself without him since he was now a part of me. He made everything around me brighter and now that he wasn’t here, my life was coated in a dark coat of depression.
When I tried to go searching again my father used all the men to stop me claiming I needed to eat and rest, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t eat without Aiden with me gobbling down the meal I’d make him and I couldn’t sleep without him holding me in his arms while engulfing me in his scent. So I locked myself in the suite and stayed in our bed, grasping onto the faint scent of him on the sheets that I refused to wash. When that faded, I wore and clung to his clothes, desperate to have just a piece of him near me.
So now here I was, verging onto three weeks without food, sleep or much contact with anyone. Any other wolf would be on their death bed by now but Alphas were stronger, I felt like dying though, it’d probably be less painful than this is.
Alex stopped speaking after the first week, it was too much for him, having Max mad at him too, he couldn’t take it plus not knowing where they were. I could feel my body slowly shutting down but I didn’t care, the pain was no where near the pain I felt from not having any contact with my mate for so long. I miss his smirks and those stupid shades he wears too much, his laugh that always echoed through the house, his comforting scent that made me feel strong, waking up to him already smiling at me.....I miss him so much.
I wipe away the tears that stream down my face as I drag myself to his draws to get another one of his shirts, pulling out his black hoodie and loose sweatpants I climb back into bed and allow myself to sob as I stare at the side of the bed where he used to be.
“Julian!” I hear a voice calling for me but I ignore it like I have been, I looked the elevator doors so no one could get up. “Julian!” I pull the fabric up to my nose and inhale the scent of pine and apple cider deeply. After a while I hear a widow break but it didn’t faze me, there’s scampering and approaching footsteps before my door swings open. I keep my eyes ahead as I hear them approach me.
“Oh my goddess!” My mother exclaims as she circles around me. “When was the last time you ate?” She goes to sit in Aiden’s spot but I jump and cover it before she can. “I’m sorry hun, I didn’t know.” She apologizes profusely but I just pull the covers higher.
“Son you need to eat.” My father’s voice echoes from behind me. When I make no move to talk they both sigh as they look at each other. “Aiden wouldn’t want you to become like this.” The mention of his name cuts straight down my body, sending my entire being mad as my heart squeezes itself.
“The pack needs you, you’re the only one left and we need you.” My mom tries making me frown slightly as I sit up and look at her for the first time.
“I need my mate.” I say slowly with glossy eyes. “I can’t be there for anyone if I don’t have him. Without him, I’m nothing. He’s my entire world and I destroyed what we had because I’m a fool! He did nothing w-wrong! He was always s-so..” I stop when I start sobbing profusely before lying back down. My mom starts crying a little as she runs to my father who hugs her tightly.
“He needs him Roger.” She whispers. After a while my father sighs as he sits behind me, his eyes trained on me as mine stay trained on Aiden’s spot.
“We have an idea where he might be.” The words bring life to my body as I immediately turn to face him, bringing myself up with listening ears. “We’ll tell you when you eat and drink something.”
“I can’t.” I groan desperately. “I tried but I just throw it up, I can’t without him.” He studies me for a while before his resolves fades from his eyes.
“When Aiden was a kid he went through something with some rogues, that’s a story I can’t tell you since he won’t tell anyone what happened. But I was with Micheal when we found him, it’s a disgusting, old factory that’s too graphic for words. I would never think he’d go there again but just in case, you can go look.”
“Where is it?” I say as I immediately get to my feet with a new boost of energy. I struggle to keep my footing as the weight of my body feels like a building is on me.
“Far. You’d die before you get there with they way you are.” He says watching my thin form with pained eyes.
“I’ll make it.” I say leaving no room for opposition. “Now tell me where my mate is.”
I slowly open my eyes only to shut it immediately with the bright light that attacks my retinas. I take a deep breath as I slowly come to, opening my eyes again as I double over coughing, desperate for water. I look around to see a large studio space which looked like a renovated greenhouse with a small couch, kitchen, table and the bed I was laying on. My eyes struggle to focus on the blurry figure at the sink as I continue to cough.
I close my eyes trying to focus on how I ended up here, last thing I remember was traveling for days on fumes trying to get to the factory my father told me about. I somehow managed to cross the states, I made it to the area I think, my wolf gave out on me about then, it was harder to shift without Alex. I remember basically crawling to the place, when I finally got there, there was no revolting, old broken down factory, it was a building surrounded by beautiful meadows. I passed out around then when the sent of Pine and Apple Cider invaded my nose.
“Drink.” I open my eyes to see Aiden standing over me with a cup to my mouth. I feel my heart beat with rhythm as my entire body wakes up again with his presence, I ignore the tears that form in my eyes as I stare at him praying to Goddess it wasn’t a dream.
“Aaai..” My voice comes out hoarse and barely audible as I reach up to touch him.
“Don’t try speaking.” He says holding my hand, I feel a wave of electrified vibrations run through me at the feeling of his skin against mine. I relish in that feeling that I missed so much, taking deep breaths to inhale as much of his scent as possible. I couldn’t believe it, it’d been almost three weeks since I’ve seen him, smelt him, touched him. The simple things I took for granted now felt like a gift from the Goddess herself.
“Drink.” He says again, I sip the water that he carefully pours into my mouth as I stare at him, afraid he’d disappear if I didn’t. He stares back at me with a slight frown before focusing his attention on the cup, the look makes my hope vanquish. I did think of the possibility of him not wanting to see me after so long, him telling me to leave but I tried to ignore it when coming here. But now the look behind his eyes reminded me of all the things I did and that it was a very real possibility that made my resolve crack.
“I’m s-sorry.” I croak when he pulls the cup away, making his eyes dart up to me for a second before looking away again.
“Stop talking.” He says getting up and walking away making my heart crack open as his fingers slip from my own. I watch him as I fight to stay awake while he leans against the sink clenching the metal tightly. I feel my now heavy eyelids dropping as I stare at his back. He says something I can’t catch as my eyes forcibly close sending me into a deep slumber.
I jump up from the bed, my eyes darting around frantically in a state of panic. My breathing steadily settles as I relax in my new surroundings, it wasn’t a dream, I really did find Aiden. I jump out of the bed when I realise he’s no longer here. My chest tightens when my brain produces the probable reality that Aiden left again. I run to the first door I find, bursting outside to find a field full of flowers and trees.
“What are you doing?!” My head snaps towards the direction of the voice to see Aiden rushing towards me in frustration. He picks me up just when my legs gave out and heads back inside as I snuggle myself into his warm chest.
“I thought you left again.” I say in a soft whisper, I hear his heart stop momentarily before it continues its regular beating. He doesn’t reply as he lays me back down in the bed, he tries to detach me from him but I cling onto him even tighter. “I’m sorry!”
“Julian....” He says avoiding my eyes.
“I’m so sorry Aiden! I won’t do it again. I’ll be better, I’ll be a better mate. I won’t hurt you again! I’m s-so sorry!” I cry making his eyes settle on mine. “Just d-don’t leave me again.....”
His eyes soften for a split second as he looks at me for a long time before sighing deeply and sliding into the bed next to me. I don’t waste the opportunity, instantly wrapping myself around him allowing my body to rejuvenate because of him.
“Stop crying.” He says blankly, wiping away my tears with his thumb before leaning back. As much as I was happy to be so close to him I could feel the difference already, he didn’t wrap his arm around me and pull me closer he didn’t even touch me, his eyes never held mine for too long and his emotions were blocked by an unfamiliar cold wall that made my guilt double. “How did you find me? I know my parents would die before telling anybody about this place so how?”
“I’m guessing he told you about the rogues?” I nod against him making him grunt. “Great.”
“It’s connected to your eyes isn’t it?” I ask making him tense up.
“Yeah.” He replies. “I was going to tell you, I was even going to bring you here. I wanted to tell you everything, but then.....” He trails off as he removes himself from my body despite my fights and walks to the kitchen.
“Do you want to b-break our bond?” I ask nervously sitting up to meet his eyes as he returns to me with a sandwich. He remains silent for too long making me quickly deteriorate as I watch his calculative mind work, praying it was in my favor.
“No.” He says finally, allowing the weight that took residence on my shoulders to crumble instantly. “Eat you’re food.”
I listen not wanting to upset him as I quickly eat the plain sandwich feeding my growling stomach for the first time in weeks. He watches me intently before handing me another, I don’t complain happy to eat with him next to me.
“When was the last time you ate?” He asks putting aside the clean plates.
“The day you left.” I mumble making his eyes widen as they become coated with misery I didn’t want him to feel. The room becomes filled with an uncomfortable silence as we stare at each other.
“You look like shit.” He says standing up and walking away. I can’t help but let the laugh that bubbles up my throat escape me, it was the first time I’d felt this sort of happiness since he left.
“Yeah.” I agree with a faint smile as I watch him clean up the room. “My father told me there’d be a factory here.”
“There was. I broke it down and built this place.” He says making my eyes widen in surprise. “Took a few tries, but it came out good in the end.”
“Why’d you come back to the place where...” I trail off watching him tense slightly.
“Long story.” He says with a more alert tone.
“Then tell it to me.” I say making him turn to face me with annoyed eyes.
“Why the hell would I tell you?” He snaps making me freeze. “I have never repeated those events to anyone, not even my parents, but I’m supposed to tell you?” I watch him shaking slightly as he comes closer with growing anger.
“The man who decided to hurt me based on a petty feud. You purposely made me feel that sort of pain that you knew would break any mate, and I’m supposed to just talk to you like it never happened?” He says chuckling. “I don’t trust you anymore Julian. I can’t confide in a person like you. I won’t break our bond but our relationship is already broken and that’s on you!” He finishes before leaving the room, slamming the door behind him.
I stay frozen in my place with tears streaming down my face with a bleeding heart.
I’m slightly teary.
Vote up, wipe your tears away, comment and share. This couple just can’t catch a break I mean damn.
Until next time,