“I, umm. I don’t know where to start.” I say with a chuckle glancing up at Julian who looked more prepared than I felt.
“From the beginning.” He says rubbing my back, I look at him for while before taking a deep breath.
“I-l was sleeping when I heard the window break, or at least I was trying to. My parents left me in the pack house alone, because they had a mandatory meeting for the entire pack and I was sick and I needed to rest. No matter how much I begged, they wouldn’t let me come with them, so they left my there. It happened all so fast and it was so dark I didn’t even know what was happening, I tried fighting them off but what can a kid really do against grown men. I got in a few punches but that just got them mad, they didn’t like when I resisted...so they started beating me. Kicking me, punching me, spitting on me. A group of them, just hitting me over and over and over, the only thing I could see were their red eyes glaring down at me.” I say tensing up as I try to clear the reoccurring images that flooded my mind.
“Breath.” Julian says softly as he closes any space between us, listening intently with pained eyes.
“I woke up in the factory. I didn’t know it at the time though, since I was strapped down to a table in complete darkness. So dark I couldn’t tell the difference between when my eyes were opened or closed, if the room was big or small, if there were windows or doors, if someone was with me or not.” I say glancing at him to find him already looking pretty shaken. “If you’re acting like this now, you won’t make it through the rest.”
“Aiden....” He whispers still rubbing my back, I decide to just continue and get this over with.
“Rogues are supposed to be a little crazed since their links are severed with their pack, but these weren’t. These rogues weren’t like the savage beasts we were told about growing up. They were smart, very, very smart.
We were always told growing up to behave if we were taken, behave and find a way out if you can and that your parents would be there soon. But you know me, of course I didn’t behave. So when I felt someone approach me the first time, I sank my teeth into their hand and locked down. That was the first time I saw light, when the man got so mad his eyes glowed, but I didn’t see much for long with the beating I got right after. They muzzled me after that.
They started by taking my blood, checking my eyes twice a day and then leaving. They fed me once a week and didn’t bother to clean me until the smell of my shit and piss stained body was too much for even them. I lost track of time after the first week and that’s when everything went to hell. They started...ummm.......they started b-breaking me....literally.” I strain out before closing my eyes as I bury my face into my hands.
“What do you mean?” Julian asks holding me tightly with a voice almost as broken as I felt. It takes me a while to regain control of my breathing as I focus on Julian’s hand moving gently across my back.
“Ummm, they started by breaking my toes. One by one. By the time one side healed, t-they’d break the toes on the other foot. I screamed and pleaded, by it felt like I was screaming to no one. I couldn’t see them, the ones causing the agony, all I do was feel. Feel and never seeing or hearing them, all I could hear was the sound of my own bones cracking and the cries it caused after. I asked them why, what was the purpose but they never answered or acknowledged me.
My screams got quieter after a while, it didn’t feel it as much slowly until it became nothing but a gentle sting. I thought they’d stop but they just moved onto my fingers.
They did the same exact thing. Then my hand itself, then my feet, my wrists, my arms, my legs.......my back. T-that one took the longest to heal. They broke just about every bone in my body except from my neck, when I became numb to it all, they just left me alone.
I thought they were done, we returned to just taking blood and checking my eyes with only breaking a single toe every hour. I t-thought the Moon Goddess was on my side ya know?!” I exclaim chuckling with blurry eyes. “I thought it wasn’t so bad anymore, that I could survive it. I didn’t realise that the times between breaking it were getting longer and longer. I didn’t think much when I’d wince a little when they broke it again after two days of nothing. When I got back up to screaming and crying, they started on the other toes and kept going until I couldn’t feel it anymore.....then they went to the fingers.”
“No.” Julian sobs in a low whisper as tears fall from my eyes to my lap.
“They started it all over again.” I say through clenched teeth. “And then they kept doing it again and again and again!
Then they started b-burning me! They’d burnt every single part of my body they could. They left no place untouched, the pain so much worse than the agony before. When they were done with that t-they moved onto cutting me. Each deeper than the one before, each pumping out a louder scream than the last. I had no more tears left so I just screamed and screamed and screamed.
I didn’t get why they were playing this sick game with me. Why they set out on a mission to hurt me, torture me, break me completely.....and that’s exactly what they did.” I say stopping as the tears take over and I cry into Julian’s arms, shaking as my mind screams at me in agony.
“You can stop. You don’t have to continue.” Julian says rocking me as he rubs my back soothingly. I clench into him as my mind becomes flooded with memories I wish stayed buried.
“I have to.” I cry as he tries desperately to sooth me but he had no idea how to. I swallow the lump in my throats as I look at a spot in the room and focus on it. “O-One day the lights turned on. I saw the place that I’d been screaming my lungs out in.
A small empty room with nothing but four rogues surrounding me in surgical suits with my blood staining them. They were in the middle of cutting me when it happened, they stopped in surprise when the door opened and out came a man I came to know at Reon.
He told them to leave and they did so without a word. His voice was the first besides my own that I’d heard in so long that it sounded foreign to me.”
My eyes stayed trained on the man who I didn’t recognize as he walked towards me slowly. I tried to push away but there was nowhere to go with the restraints they had to hold me down. He pulls a chair next to me and sits down staring at me, his eyes moving down to my healing stomach making me let out a low cry as my heart started racing in fear. I shut my eyes when he reached forward, expecting some new form of torture but it never came. My eyes pop open in surprise when I feel him raise my head, he watched me creepily as he unbuckled the muzzle before sitting back down.
“Do you know why you’re here?” He asks his voice so low it scared me more than his pitch black eyes. “Why we’re doing what we’re doing to you?” I stay silent as I stare at him in disbelief. When I fail to answer him, he presses his finger into my open cut making my hoarse voice scream out in pain.
“N-no.” I stutter once he pulls out his bloody finger.
“It’s because we need something from you. We’re not doing it for fun, we’re doing it because we have to.” He says placing his face against his knuckles. “You see, we rogues don’t enjoy being ‘savages’, ‘beasts acting without reasoning’. A fate we’re forced to suffer because we’re no longer in our packs, that’s unfair isn’t it?”
“If you didn’t want to be like that, why’d you leave your pack or misbehave to be kicked out?” I ask making him seethe as he slaps me across my face, hard enough to make my lip bleed.
“Speak when spoken to.”
“You asked me a question.” I growl as he slaps me again, it didn’t hurt nearly as much as what the others were doing before he came in.
“That’s why I started working on a way to bring back my sanity. And after some work and volunteers, I found a way. A way to get the voices out, to think clearly all the time and not just some days.” He says standing to his feet as he walks around me slowly. “I’ve made us better than we ever were. We’re free without the burden of insanity.”
“So what do you need from me?” I spit angrily as I listen to this stupid man talk.
“You’re helping us climb the next step, with your help we can make us into a real pack. Not just groups running around.” He says with a weird sort of excitement. “A pack.”
“That’s stupid.” I say making him stop in his tracks. “Why leave a pack, to go make a pack as a rogue? Are you hearing yourself?”
“We’re better werewolves as the rogues we’ve become.” He says leaning over me, his eyes becoming a dark red. “And if we’re stronger alone, we’ll be stronger together.” He says walking to the door leaving me confused. “You’re too young to understand.”
Then why would you tell me all this.
“Wait!” I shout as he leaves the room and the other roughes return. “Please! No! Wait! It’s not stupid! I’m sorry!”
The lights go out and my screams continue as I they cut back into me.
--------end of flashback-----
“After that I never saw Reon again. They continued the torture like if it never happened, I started to think we’d never spoken and I imagined the entire thing. I still kind of do. They kept torturing me and time kept passing. Then I heard screaming one night, screaming that wasn’t my own, from so many people I didn’t know what was going on. The lights turned on and a woman ran in, whispering words about the first one not working, that they didn’t have time and a bunch of other things I didn’t understand as she laid down a small book with a bunch of needles in front of me, filled with red liquids. She shoved a rag inside my mouth to stiffle my screams and forced my eyes open, she injected me with something I still don’t quite understand. Then another in my foot and the last in my chest when my dad came in the room.” I say with a sigh as I finish before standing up taking his hand in mine, he stays silent as I lead us to the study before unlocking a draw of mind and handing him the book.
“Is this the book she had?” He asks holding it as if it were glass.
“I found it my first time back at the factory.” I say folding my arms. “Open it.” I watch him carefully open the book before flipping through the pages with a growing frown as I take a seat.
“They’re just numbers.” He says looking up at me with confused eyes. “Rows and rows of numbers.”
“It took me a while to figure it out.” I say with a chuckle. “They’re times. The first one is for my fingers, the next for my toes, the third my arm and so on.”
“They were timing how long it’d take for you to heal....” He whispers in disbelief as I nod slowly. “None of this makes sense. What did they want?”
“He was right, I was too young to understand, but I do now.” I say running my hand through my hair. “Reon said they wanted to make a pack and what’s the one thing you need for a pack to be a pack.”
“An alpha..” He whispers after a moment.
“An alpha.” I repeat as he looks at me with slightly fearful eyes as I’m sure he starts putting two and two together. “They were trying to find a way to make one of them into an Alpha. I had Alpha blood which I’m guessing was the first thing they thought of. I don’t know why they kept hurting me, but they must’ve had a reason for it.”
“And the injections?”
“I think she was trying to make me into one of them, while still keeping me as an alpha. A sort of fallback plan.” I say making his eyes widen. “After that, my eyes changed from brown to black.......like Reon’s and then everything I felt went haywire. I couldn’t control anything I felt or thought until it all settled into one thing.”
“The rage...” He says covering his mouth with wide eyes.
“My eyes used to glow gold you know. Not yellow or anything else, just gold.” I say chuckling slightly. “I tried for months but all that came was red, so I hid it. You always say that my eyes are a brownish black with a golden streak, I keep looking in the mirror but I can’t see it. All I see is darkness.”
“Aiden...” He says walking over to me as I stare at him with tears streaming down my face.
“They broke me.” I say quietly as he pulls me into his chest, I hold onto him tightly, with low sobs. “And I don’t even know why.”
“They didn’t break you.” He says holding my face in his hands. “You’re still you, Aiden.”
“Yes they did!” I shout before pulling back and breaking my thumb making his eyes flood as they fill with pain. “I don’t even feel that!” I shout before breaking another.
“Aiden stop!” Julian shouts desperately.
“I don’t feel any of this!” I shout breaking another and another before he pulls my hands apart shakily with teary eyes as he watches the hand with broken fingers in a sort of daze. “I don’t feel anything but rage whenever I’m not with you. All I feel is anger and pain every single day, I try to keep it down but it’s always there, in the back I feel it. When it comes out, it’s like I’m living through it all over again.” I say sobbing as he holds my wrists while I cry.
“Aiden.” He says holding me as I cling to him like my lifeline.
“My eyes.” I sob leaning over his shoulder while he hugs me tightly. “I don’t see like I used to, everything is covered in red. A light coat that reminds me everyday of what I am.......what they made me.”
“I’m so sorry.” Julian says shakily, trying to keep himself together but failing. “I don’t know what to do, how do I fix this?”
“You can’t fix me.”
“I-I don’t care if you’re broken Aiden.” He says pulling me forward, forcing me to look into his eyes. “I don’t care. I don’t care that you’re like this because the broken you is the one I fell in love with. I loved you before I knew about this and I will continue to love you.” He says pressing his head against mine. “You’re broken and I will never stop loving the pieces of you that remain.”
His words make me cry harder making him panic a little. He apologizes desperately trying to find out where he went wrong but I couldn’t even tell him how much those words meant to me because I kept sobbing on the man who still wanted to love what was left of me.
My baby 😭😭😭😭
I hate life now.
You got thoughts? Lol, how I said that made me laugh.
Ima answer questions here ->
Vote I guess and comment, It hurts.
I don’t like how this made me cry. You know that slow one, where the tears form extra slow and don’t fall. They just fuck up your vision. That’s the one.
Until next time,