I blink my eyes repeatedly to adjust to the bright light that invades my retinas.
Slowly the blinding light clears revealing a room that was all too familiar for words. Everything had been the way it once was.
The same white, leather couches with a soft blue, fluffy rug that was yet to be stained. The light blue curtains matched as the wind blew against it allowing a calmed wind to flutter past me.
I shift on the soles of my feet at the sound of soft giggles that fill the house. My ears turn up, it was foreign, I didn’t recognize it but I knew it.
I rush towards it, running up the polished staircase I run into the room but all I found was the disheveled bed that was never made.
The laughter continued downstairs, I shifted quickly and bolted towards it with all the speed my legs could muster. Returning once again to the living room I’d just left.
It was dead silent now.
“Here!” The voice called before the giggling arose again. The kitchen.
My legs moved slowly and cautiously as I made my way over to the kitchen, turning to corner carefully I find my eyes landing on a small body sitting on the island.
I walk towards them before circling the counter allowing me to see the little girl.
My breath caught in my lungs.
She had curled brown hair with gold streaks and bright green eyes that were a mixture of mine and someone else’s, she gave me a toothy grin showing the small baby teeth that she had and the spaces for the ones she didn’t have. She stretched out her arms giggling for me to lift her.
I oblige without hesitation and held the child in my arms.
I felt complete.
Her little hands held my face as she smiled widely. I felt tears welling in my eyes at the joy that flooded me.
“What are you two doing?” A voice calls making me turn quickly. I could recognize that voice anywhere.
His lean figure was pressed against the doorframe as he held a mug between his thin fingers. I took a hesitant step towards him as he smiled at me making my heart beat faster.
The child’s giggles drag my eyes away momentarily but when I look back he’s no longer there.
I hold the child tight, fearfully she’d go too, but she just faded away from my grasp.
“Please!” I shout as I search the house for them both, but it was empty.
I was empty.
It turned dark suddenly as the sunlight ran away from my side and the wind grew stronger. The house shook and suddenly I was outside in that field again, the autumn leaves scattered all around me. I try to stand up but my knees stay planted to the heavy ground like they were once upon a time. Tears slid down my cheeks without permission as I grasped the leaves tightly in my hands.
“......how could you?” He cries making my heart shatter all at once.
“I’m sorry!” I cry desperately as I feel him looming over me but I couldn’t look up.
“......ashamed of me....loved me too......everything for you.....” the familiar words came in and out and the whirling wind around me drowned out the rest.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” I scream as the wind grows stronger, more violent.
I stand to my feet once I’m able to gather enough strength to. But he’s no longer above me, he’s walking away now.
I run after him. Run like I should’ve before.
Screaming his name. But the wind pulls me back. I can barely see in front of me as the wind grows stronger and stronger.
“I loved you!” He screams as he stands still.
I run towards him. Forcing my body to push itself forward despite the wind. Despite everything I ran at him.
I could see him. He was so close.
My hand stretches out to grab him, I needed to get to him.
Because he needed to know......know that.....
“I love you!”
I lean my head against the shower’s tiled wall as the cold water hits my skin harshly, I was panting heavily as I tried to wash away last night’s dream.
It was unforgiving.
An unforgiving reminder of the horrible things I did. That future that was mine but I let go.
I let him go.
These dreams had been attacking me more often with each passing week. It went from once a month to twice until it was three times a week.
They were so vivid. So detailed it almost seemed real.
I recognized everything in the dream. From the blue curtains to the broad smile that accompanied the thin fingers wrapped around the white mug I got him for valentine’s day that said Donut in pink.
The only thing that was foreign in that dream was the little girl. The one who’s green eyes I knew came from me and him.
I wanted to believe she was mine.
But she was more likely the child my mind conjured up to represent what could’ve been my own.
The life I could’ve had.
“Are you okay?” Levi asks as he squeezes my hand gently.
I nod as I look down at him. He was already peering up at me with his large, curious, black eyes laced with worry.
“You look bad.” He continues.
“Worse than usual.” Damon finishes for his brother as he sits in my other arm, his small arms looped around my neck.
I love babysitting.....
I continue to make my way to the pack house, a little too eager to drop off these kids who’d grown too comfortable with insulting me.
They continue to ramble on about my shitty condition and I continue to walk with a frown. They were savages with their words and showed absolutely no mercy.
“Daddy!” Damon squeals in excitement as Aiden walks towards us, he basically jumps out my arms and in Aiden’s as he hugs his child tightly.
“Hey bud!” He says in excitement as he ruffles his hair a bit making Damon slap his hands away, he had a thing about people touching his hair. “What no hug?” He says to Levi who was still holding my hand. The boy smiles widely and runs over to his father hugging his waist tightly as Aiden hugs him back. “Did you have a good time?”
“The best!” Damon exclaims as he looks to me. “We watch tv and play with the cat a-and the killing men came!”
“Really?” Aiden says looking to me as he raises an eyebrow. I just shrug, he may not like me but he knew I would never put the kids in danger.
“Yeah! And we made cookies!” Levi continues for his brother. “And uncle got me a new book!”
“Did you say thank you?” Aiden queries as he looks down at the book Levi was practically shoving in his face.
“Yeah.” He says before looking to me. “I did right?” He asks now unsure of himself, I nod making him smile wider. “I did.”
“Well thanks for taking them again Beckett.” Aiden says mustering all the kindness he could. “We appreciate it.”
I just nod and wave the kids off before walking away. I had to go to visit Jack today.
“Hey Mr. Mute!” Jack says swinging the door open to greet me. “Still not talking?” He questions making me roll my eyes as I walked past him. “Thought so.”
He made the most jokes out of any one about my silence, well he was the only one who made jokes about it. Most people thought it sad or scary, others thought it was a condition.
Jack thought it was idiotic.
“So what brings you here Mr.Mute?” Jack asks with a wide smile. “Come to check up on me?”
“It should be the other way round.” He says with a sigh. “How about I come check on you later and you go now, before the crazy chick comes back.”
He was talking about Lucy. She kind of moved into the house and never left, not that Jack minded, they got along well and he needed the company. Although her presence made it tricky for me to visit, since everytime I’d show my face she’d growl and snap at me, sometimes going as far as to attack me if it was a bad day. She like many others blamed me for his absence.
She like many others weren’t wrong.
I nod again, agreeing to his wishes before leaving the old house.
Walking along the old dirt path, I stop and look up at the trees. The wind pushing and forcing the leaves to sway with them as they danced reluctantly in the sky. The wind stronger than usual and oddly familiar.
I had nothing to do today. So I followed it.
I followed the wind that had been haunting me in my dreams.
Of course I found my way here yet again. I didn’t know what to expect when I started the journey but I didn’t expect to find myself here.
Was I following the wind or my own painful memories?
Plopping myself down on the edge, I lay down on my back and rest my head on my arms.
Closing my eyes, I let the sunlight seep in through my pores as the hushed whispers of the woods’ wildlife invaded my ears. I couldn’t drown it out even if I wanted to, so I let the sound in as my body relaxed.
I let myself relax for a split moment and that’s when I heard them again.
They were much quieter this visit but so were the woods around us in comparison to their first visit a few nights ago. Anybody else probably wouldn’t have heard the watchful creature but I did.
I was in the middle of deciding whether to attack it or leave it when it moved closer. It was still very far away but it was indeed moving towards me.
Curiosity? Boredom? The need to kill?
The reason didn’t matter to me as I let out a stressed yawn as I stood to my feet. It stopped. Now cautious of my movement.
It should be.
I was about to sprint into an attack when the creature’s scent rode on the wings of the viscous winds and I smelt it.
I smelt him.
I turned without hesitation in his direction and that’s when my eyes caught those dazzling, big, green orbs.
My heart caught in my lungs as I stared at him, he was in wolf form but it was him.
It was my Em-........
I blinked my eyes repeatedly as my brain tries to conjure up reasons for such an hallucination. Before I shut them tightly.
It couldn’t be real.
After all these years, he couldn’t be just there he was standing in front of me.
I open my eyes and he was gone.
With no sound or scent for miles, I sink to my knees as Tobias howls in pain. Pain that was roaring through every inch of my body, every vein, vessel and limb felt the sting of rejection, guilt, suffering.
The haunting dreams.
Both tormenting me more than I already tormented myself.
Was I finally going mad? Was that it?
If so, wouldn’t be better I just put myself out of my misery.....
I rejected the call for any scouting or attacks for the rest of that week or hanging out with the kids. I wasn’t in my right mind and the kids didn’t need to see that.
So I stayed in my house for the entire week. Not going on my runs or my hunts. I needed to grasp onto any part of my stable mind that was left and hold on tight.
A piece of me told me not to.
A voice that had been in the back of my head since he left. But it was much louder now, telling me to just give up, that it wasn’t worth it.
But they was worth it.
So I decided to get off my ass and stop letting guilt consume me to the point of insanity. If I stayed in this house any longer, I’d go mad.
I just walked.
Walked without a destination like I’d seem to be doing more and more lately.
As I neared the pack house my eyebrows frown slightly at the small crowd that was gathering around it.
Moving with quicker steps, I try to peer into the commotion and that’s when the scent hit me again.
I stopped dead in my tracks as my heart began to race again. It thumping so hard I though my ribs would break against it. My legs stayed glued to my spot.
I don’t know when people noticed me, but the crowd slowly began to part and that’s when I felt my chest tighten as the oxygen escaped my lungs all at once.
He didn’t notice me at first.
I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad one. His back was facing me as he talked to Julian.
He’d grown. A bit taller and his back a little broader, his hair seemingly longer as well. His scent different that I remembered but I still recognized it, I still recognized him.
Julian’s eyes drifted to me before they widened and sadness was injected into them.
Then he turned to me. His bright green eyes connecting with my own as he sucked in a sharp breath.
Everyone around us faded away leaving only the two of us. His changed figure told stories of his past that I didn’t know, stories I wanted to know but the large scar running up the nape of his neck told me maybe I didn’t.
I expected hatred.
For him to turn away and never look back like he’d done once before.
Glare at me maybe.
I thought his eyes would fill with resentment, I didn’t expect the water to seep into them with relief as well as sadness. Like he was happy to see me.
I made a hesitant step towards him with tears of my own in my eyes but stopped when someone made there way into our world.
A little girl peeped her head out from behind his leg, a pair of bright green eyes that I didn’t recognise but I knew.
A pair of green eyes that drifted in with the wind from my dreams.
WHAT HAPPENED?! THE BABY ALIVE?
OH MER GAWDDDD