Beta Mates

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Chapter 38

Beckett’s P.O.V
(I know boooo I want Emitt’s P.O.V, TOO BAD! Love you❤️)

Her eyes never left mine and mine never left hers.

They were big and bright, dazzling with so much light, curiosity and excitement that it warmed my lost soul, everything felt a bit lighter and seemed a bit brighter.
She blinked and then groaned as she sat back into Emitt’s arms, I was too busy studying her to realise that she was playing a game with me.

It made me smile.

I let my eyes drift up to Emitt.
His already on me, it made my body tense and my heart relax.

I still couldn’t believe that he was here. That he was really here. Not a figment of my imagination, another hallucination, he was really sitting across from me, with our....child in his arms.

It didn’t seem real.

Neither of us said anything.
Four years worth of thoughts circling our minds as we stared at one another, each of us changed but yet the same, grown but still young, scared but open.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how we even got here truly, I was in a trance the journey over and now we were seated in Julian’s study with Julian watching us intently and the child studying my every move.

Where do we begin....

“Hi.” He says making pleasure flood my veins, the sound of his voice awakening the deepest parts of me that had become dormant over time.
The loud, outspoken tone I once knew now replaced by a soft, gentle one, as if he was dipping his toe into the desolate water, testing the chilling man that I had become.

But I also felt pain.
It flooded through my entire body and held me tight in its grasp. An unfamiliar sense of suffering chocked me as the torment of him no longer being mine sucked the air out of my lungs.

Breathing became difficult....

I open my mouth to reply but nothing comes out.
Maybe it was fear or shock that stopped the words from flowing out or maybe it was because I hadn’t spoken in so long. It didn’t matter because I found myself unable to speak making both Emitt and my daughter frown.

“Beckett hasn’t really talked since.....um, since you left.” Julian fills in watching me with concern as Emitt’s eyes fill with regret and guilt that didn’t belong there. “These last two years especially.”

“I’m sorry.” He says with a trembling lip as he grips the girl tightly, my chest tightens as tears swim in his eyes as he stares at me pleadingly. I didn’t get why though. “I’m s-so sorry.”

I didn’t know what to say. Or do.
I couldn’t comfort him, though I wanted to, I was no longer his mate and the chance of being rejected stung.
It stung hard and it was roughly placed on my chest.
I didn’t know if I could say something, if I should, condoling words sat on my tongue and I remained unable to bring them to life.

He stared at me through blurred eyes, wanting, needing, a response. One that I couldn’t conjure up.
So we just sat there in heartbreaking silence as tears seeped out of the corners of his eyes.

“I’m Amelia.” The little girl says suddenly, bringing light into the room that was becoming emotional dark.
She stretches out her small palm for me, a simply gesture that had seemed to stop my world in an instant.

I’d dreamed of meeting my child for years, how we’d interact, how they’d view me.
But there was never an instant where they stretched out a hand for me like a little adult.

“Hello Amelia.” I say shocking myself as the words slip out with ease.
My voice sounded heavier than I remembered, deeply strained. Almost rustic and forgotten. Ancient.

Amelia didn’t falter at the voice that one may view as intimidating, she kept her hand out and I shook it. The feeling of his small fingers slipping around my own made something flutter in my heart. It awoke a piece of me I thought I’d lost and filled it with jubilation, her palm was warm and though mine was cold, she smiled widely.

“I’m Beckett.” I say making her eyes widen as she contracts her hand and curls herself into Emitt arms, hiding herself in his chest.
I look up at him in question, his eyes no longer inhabited by apologies.

“I told her about you.” He fills in with a weak smile as he rubs her back gently. “She’s always wanted to meet her father, she didn’t realise it was you.”

This makes my eyes widen in surprise as they travel between the two. She wanted to know me, wait she knew about me....

He told her about me?

So she was just shy?
I feel a smile pull at my lips as I stare at my beautiful daughter who was still hiding from me. I didn’t care, the fact that she wanted to know me was enough to make me happy.

“Why don’t I take her so you two can talk?” Julian offers making my eyes dart to him. “She can play with Damon.”

“Okay.” Emitt says a bit reluctantly as he looks down at Amelia. “Do you mind going with him?” She shakes her head no. He presses a light kiss to her head and she does the same to his, making my chest tighten.

It was both sweet and painful to watch.

Julian lifts her up and disappears without another word, leaving the two of us alone.

Alone......
....it scared me

“I suppose you want to know where I’ve been.” He starts as he rubs his knuckles in his lap.

“You don’t have to tell me.” I say making his eyes widen in surprise. “You don’t have to tell me anything.”

This made the reality I’d accepted a long time ago clearly now sink in for him. He sat there, in a state of paralysis as he stopped rubbing his knuckles and looked at me in shock.

We were no longer mates.

He didn’t have to tell me anything.
He didn’t have to explain himself or apologize.
It was his life and he didn’t owe anything to me anymore.
Though it pained me to the point that it was hard be so close to him, I did this to myself.

And even though he may not love me anymore, I still loved him and I’d just have to live with that.

“I didn’t mean to go for so long...” He continues as he brushes off my previous statement. “I didn’t mean to go at all.” He says making my eyes widen in surprise.

“After what happened....I was a mess, I was falling apart...fast and with Amelia on the way.....” He pauses, closing his eyes before taking a deep breath. “Everything was hard. I only wanted to go away for a bit, collect myself, a weekend, no more. But it wasn’t working, I was drowning by myself and .....I-I didn’t know what to do..”

“You don’t have t-”

“Yes I do.” He says cutting me off as he unconsciously started rubbing the scar along his neck that disappeared under his shirt. “I met the wrong people who at the time seemed like the right ones. It didn’t end well. It wasn’t my choice to be away for so long, they made me g....” He stops again as he winces mentally and takes a few minutes to catch his breath and relax. “I ran as soon as I got the chance, it took a while, but I’m back now.” He says before his eyes drifted up to me. “I’m home.”

In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to pull him into my arms and hug him tightly. Wash all the bad memories away and replace them with happy ones. Hold him for hours and never let him go ever again, go back to how we once were and pretend these last few years were nothing but a bad dream.

But I couldn’t....

Because these last few years weren’t a bad dream, they were four, long years that nearly broke me.
Four years of heartache and guilt and regret that had changed me, for the worse no doubt.
It wasn’t a time of my life I wanted to never experience again or even think about and every second I sat across from him made me relive each moment of it.
And as much as I hated to say it, we could never go back to how we were. We could never be what we once were, a bond was broken years ago and so was a piece of both of us.

So it just hurt really.
Sitting here unable to hold him or shout my nonexistent anger towards him just hurt.

It hurt a lot.

“It’s good that you’re okay now.” I managed to say with a weak smile that burned my lips to give. Sad that, that’s all I could give to him.

He seemed confused at this.
Hurt even, that that was my only response but what more could I say.

“Yeah.” He mumbles biting his lip. “Amelia really wants to get to know you.”

“And I would love to get to know her.” I reply before a question I’d been fighting myself to hold back came to me. “Why didn’t you tell me about her? That you were pregnant.” I ask after a while, sadness encompassing the both of us.

“I didn’t think you’d want her.” He says clenching his hands together tightly. “....since you didn’t want me.”

Of course I wanted you! I still do!

Words Tobias urged me to scream at him but I bit my tongue.

“I did want you.” I say despite my efforts not to. I didn’t add on the last bit, afraid he’d reject my love that still wrapped itself around my entire being. Love that would always belong to him and only him. His eyes widen a bit before they settle with tears once again.

“I’m really sorry Beckett.” He sobs making my breath quicken, it hurt to see him cry but felt so good to hear my name roll of his tongue again. “I’m s-so sorry.”

“For what?” I say with a weak smile, digging my nails into my skin to stop me from wiping away his tears that sliced at my heart every time they slide down his face. “Leaving? It wasn’t up to you.”

“But I h-”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence as the door swings open revealing an aspirating Aiden. He was drenched in sweat and had a crazy look in his eye that vanished in an instant when it landed on Emitt.

“I-I thought they were lying...” He stutters out as he lets out heavy breaths, his eyes filling wth tears. “I didn’t think it was true...”

Emitt stands, both forgetting my existence, as the two take wide steps to one another before crashing into each other’s arms. Emitt’s body still significantly smaller than Aiden’s as the man gripped his lost friend tightly.
Sobbing loudly as his head stayed nuzzled into his neck, he was inhaling his scent deeply as tears poured out of his eyes nonstop.

“You fucking piece of s-shit!” He stutters out, still gripping him. “Where the f-fuck were you!”

Emitt opens his mouth to reply but doesn’t get a chance as Aiden continues.

“I though you were d-dead! I looked everywhere for you!” He shouts loudly as he pushes against Emitt’s chest before hugging him again.

“I’m sorry.” Emitt says with tears of his own.

“I looked everywhere....” He repeats much softer as he rested his weight on Emitt who held him without complaint. “I never stopped looking. Never.”

With those words, Emitt seems to lose the slight grip he had left on his emotions as he began sobbing into Aiden as well as the two stood there crying their hearts out.

I contemplated waiting but it wasn’t my place and I didn’t have any reason to, not anymore.

So I stood and left.

----------------

I sat on one side of the large dinning table that was on a slightly elevated platform from the rest of the large dinning hall that was bustling with noise and commotion.

A feast was thrown in celebration of Emitt’s return.
The pack and more were invited and celebrations were rampant throughout the area.

There was no expense spared.
A feast was an understatement, I didn’t know what to call this, it was a bit overwhelming. The main thing being the amount of alcohol that was delivered for the event, enough to make an entire army drunk, now half gone.

It was exciting.

I ate my food in silence as I watched those around me, especially Emitt.
As much as I wanted to pick him up and lock him and Amelia in our old home and never leave, I couldn’t so I watched from afar and kept my wishes to myself.

He was seated next to Aiden, of course, the smile that remained planted on Aiden’s lips so wide it threatened to tear his face apart. His arm remained on Emitt’s shoulder the entire night as they drank and laughed and drank again. Aiden being the loudest and happiest person in the world at the return of his best friend.

“Are you okay?” Julian asks making my eyes drift to him. He was beside me, eyes filled with agonizing concern as he stared at me.

“No.” I say truthfully, still shocked a bit every time I heard my voice. “But I will be, eventually.”

“It’s so weird hearing you talk.” He says making me chuckle as a smile grips his lips. “I’m here for you, whenever you need me.”

“Thank you.” I say with a weak smile of my own, my eyes are dragged away from him when Aiden laughs loudly again as he pulls in a smiling Emitt.

It hurt.

“I’m going to go.” I say turning back to Julian who frowns in concern.

“I’ll come with you.” He offers quickly.

“No, it’s fine.” I say gently as I shrug on my coat before leaving quietly as the crowd continued their celebrations.

I walked away from the large building in no rush, small steps that made my bones shake at the cold that flowed all around me. Soon enough, the shouts and cheers started to fade away as I made my way on the lonely dirt path to the dusty, Stone Manor that housed a probably pissed Thing.

I heard footsteps approaching behind me from afar, I didn’t bother turning until the scent invaded my space and forced me to face him.

Emitt was jogging towards me making me frown in surprise as his labored breaths became apparent in the winter breeze. My eyebrows knit together as he slows down before me, his eyes twinkling in the night.

“Where are you going?” He says when he finally catches his breath.

“Home.” I say simply as he stands tall, his long, brown hair being pulled by the wind.

“Home?” He asks in surprise.

“The Stone Manor.” I fill in as he shivers while rubbing his arm, he’s always been weak to the cold even though we’re werewolves.
I always found it strange.

“Oh.” He says with clear sadness. He knew how much I hated my old home, how I detested it’s unnecessary space and lonely atmosphere, how I sweared for years that I’d never go back.

I guess I lied.

“Why are you leaving so early?” He questions as we stand too far yet so close.

“I’m not one for socializing.” I reply making his frown deepen.

“Since when?! You love to hang out with the guys.” He says with a bright smile as memories flashed though his eyes. Memories of olden past.

“Things changed.” I say simply making the joy drain from his face leaving only regret. “It’s fine, I’m fine alone.”

“You’re alone?” He questions, his voice almost broken. “But Julian and Aiden, the tw-”

“Things changed over time.” I reiterate but he wasn’t getting the picture so I sighed as I dragged out words I wished I didn’t have to bring to life. “They all blamed me for you going, everyone but Julian. They were right to.....but it meant I lost a few people along the way.” I say with a simple shrug as his face contorts between resentfulness and sorrow.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers.
The words he’d seemed to be repeating all day.

“It’s fine.” I say simply as I turn and walk away.

It pained me to turn my back on him, but it hurt more to stay in that space with him and not be able to pull him into my arms and protect him from the cold.

“I’m sorry Beckett!” He shouts but I continue walking, each step tearing at me more than the last.

Shredding away every inch of me....

..... when I just wanted to be whole again....

------------------

It’s sad. I know

Life though *shrugs*

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