Beta Mates

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Chapter 41

Beckett’s P.O.V

Today would be a good day.

I let out a breath as I looked at my reflection through my mirror that desperately needed a polish. I’d already done my morning run, I ate easy game and I showered. Standing with a towel around my waist, I looked at myself with a weak smile.

Today will be better.

After saying the things I’d kept locked in my heart for so many years, sharing my pain and regret, being honest with the cause.

I felt better.
Much better.

Alive.

I woke up today.
Sign of change.

I never sleep. The only rest I get is when my body reaches a certain point of exhaustion where it simply gives up. But every night for the most part, I lay on the left side of my large king sized bed and I wait for dawn to arise.
On the rare occasions that I did sleep, they’d be filled with nightmares. Ones that haunted me and taunted me. Ones of future’s past.

Last night I slept.
Not a single night terror. Not a bead of sweat running down my face or haunting images of a tear stained face. Just peace.
Simple, whole hearted peace.

I felt good.

I get dressed quickly before heading downstairs. I pour out Thing’s food and begin whizzing around my abandoned kitchen, trying to clean it to the best of my abilities for me to be able to feed my daughter when she was around, which was a lot now.

Emitt and I had formed a simple relationship between one another since our conversation on my back patio. That night mended a split thread from the shredded cloth that was us, we weren’t friends or lovers, we were mending. Or at least trying to.

Trying to fix a broken bridge from the ruins we’d once left behind. I wanted to try. Even though I knew I still loved him and that it was one sided, I wanted to try to form some sort of relationship with him.

Even if it was a platonic one.

I told myself it was better for Amelia, which it was, but I truly wanted it for us. Life had morphed us into completely different beings but for some reason through all the darkness that clogged my heart, a piece of me still bubbled with excitement when I saw him and soared when he smiled.

A piece of me still felt our bond, though I knew it was long gone, a piece of me still breathed alongside a piece of him.

You’re zoning out again - Tobias warns making me snap out of the trance that my thoughts had led me to and towards my dirty cabinets instead. I start cleaning again.

I’m just distracted

Yeah, no shit - He replies rudely making me frown but I don’t comment. He’d barely spoken to me after what happened with Emitt, he blamed me for his departure as it also led to him and Chris’ separation. Ever since he returned, he’s been talking again. Ruder than I remembered, but still Tobias. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to b-

It’s fine

I miss him - He mumbles quietly after some time.

I’m sorry- I say halting my movements as sadness flooded my body.

Me too - He whispers before fading away without a trace.

I regretted my actions even more since I didn’t only lose the love of my life, Tobias loss his as well.
My mistakes costed him and there was nothing I could do to fix it.
The bond was broken.
The one between Emitt and I as well as the one between Tobias and Christopher.

I wanted to mend our relationships but it seemed impossible to me.
Emitt didn’t even love me anymore.

I didn’t blame him.
I should’ve loved him better.
I should’ve been better.

I shake the thoughts that were beginning to drown me once again in a familiar wave of regret and instead forced a smile on my face.
Julian said smiling helped with your mood so I smiled, I clenched my teeth together tightly on the inside and smiled.

Today would be better.

------------------

“What do you do when I leave?” Amelia asks as we walk around my house together. She was eager to explore and I was fine with being a tour guide for her, I’d do anything for her.

“Ummm.” I stretch as I rack my brain for answers of any sort. “I read......I play with Thing...I go for runs.....”

“So nothing?”

“Nothing.” I reply laughing as she smiled widely.

“You should get out more.” She says wisely.

“Oh yeah?” I query. “Where to?”

“The zoo!” She exclaims joyously. “I’ve heard it’s amazing.”

“Heard? Have you never been?” I ask in confusion. Surely Emitt must’ve taken her to the zoo before, he adored the place himself if memory served me right.

“Nope.” She says popping the p.

“Really?” She nods. “The park?” No. “Aquarium?” No. “Cinema?” No. “Beach?” No.

“I haven’t gone anywhere.” She says sadly.

“Why not?”

“We didn’t get out much.” She says much quieter, as if she was afraid of who would hear her words. “They didn’t let daddy leave.”

We stop walking at this, Amelia’s head hanging low as she hides behind her wild, blonde hair. I squat down to meet her eye level, forcing her chin up bracing myself for tears but there were none.
She wasn’t crying or even remotely sad, just angry. So angry her eyebrows were touching and her hands were bawled up into little fists.

“Who are they?” I ask carefully as I rub her shoulder.

“The bad people. The ones who hurt daddy.” She says making my muscles tense as a piece of me roars in rage. A side of me I thought was gone suddenly awake, anger rushing through my veins as a chilled presence. Someone had hurt Emitt, this much I’d guessed but she just confirmed it. Someone was going to pay. “I didn’t stop them.”

“You couldn’t.” I say completely shocked that she could think any different.

“I know. But I will.” She says with a look so fierce I just wanted to hug her, so I did. I hugged her tightly, squeezing her little body into me as she gripped my back tightly.

Goddess she was perfect.
I couldn’t believe that I somehow played a part in making something so precious, so beautiful. Something I wouldn’t let go of. Ever.
It surprised me how quickly she grew comfortable around me, the first few days were shaky but after she climbed out of her shell, she stuck to me like glue.

The days I spent with my daughter quickly became the best days of my life. Every second. Every moment. Was precious with her in it. Spectacularly beautiful, she was.
I swore sometimes when she’d look at something a certain way or pushed Damon over that she was a mirror image of me, some times I couldn’t help but think.

Yeah.....that’s my girl.
And it made my heart swell.

“I’m sure you will.” I say pulling back slightly. “And if you need backup, you promise you’ll call me?”

“Yes.” She says her features softening from the hard lines that had formed on them. I stand to my feet and look down on her.

“Pinky promise?” I say holding out my finger which she just stared at before looking up to me.

“What’s that?” She asks titling her head to the side in confusion.

My daughter is so damn adorable.

“It’s a sacred promise. You can’t break it. No matter what. Pinky promise is a commitment between me and you.” I say making her eyes widen at my serious tone. “Don’t make it if you can’t keep it.”

“I pinky promise daddy!” She says giggling before she clasps her hands over her mouth tightly.
She stares up at me with a look like she’d just saw the devil, a look I’m sure I was returning as my eyes widen along with hers and our hearts raced loudly, the thumping like violent, erratic drums.

“I’m sorry!” She squeaks out through her hands. “I-I didn’t mean to call you that. I just...i-it slipped out. I’m sorry dad. I mean! I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” I say quickly as I squat down again to hold her in my arms. “Please don’t be sorry, there’s nothing to apologize for.” I say cradling her small body in my arms. “I’m happy you would even say that, don’t say sorry please.” She peaks up at me hesitantly, my words not convincing her entirely.

“But I already have a daddy.” She says with a confused frown, her eyebrows knitting together as her words cut straight through me. I knew it was a lot for her to take in, a new parent who she’d never seen before and was supposed to just love instantly. Must’ve been much harder for her since both her parents were men, I knew she didn’t mean to hurt me with her words but they did. “I guess I’ll just have two.” She says with a shrug after some times making my eyes shift down to her in surprise.

“W-What?”

“You can’t be my daddy, I have one already and he’s amazing. So you’ll be my dad.” She says with a dimpled smile. “You’re amazing too.”

Not going to cry.
Not going to cry.
Not going to cry.
Not going to cry.
Ahhhhhh fuck.....

“L-let’s look around the h-house more.” I say standing up as I push her forward a bit in efforts to hide my tears from her.

“Okay, okay. Stop pushing me.” She grumbles swatting my hands away.

We continue to walk around the house, rediscovering rooms a lonely, younger version of myself found years ago. A long time ago when nobody was there to look after me, a time before Jack.

“What’s this room?” Amelia asks running towards a room I didn’t want to go anywhere near too.

“No Amelia!” I call but she runs inside before I can stop her, I manage to sweep her off her feet before she had the chance to step on any fallen glass.

“Woahhh!” She says as her eyes survey the room that contained my worst memories. Memories that began to resurface was too quickly, the scratches on the wall seeming to make their way towards me. To recapture me.

“We’re leaving.” I say firmly as I walk out the room quickly, closing the door behind me, holding Amelia so tightly that she winced.

“I’m sorry.” I say as I try to loosen my grip on her as my heart continued to race a mile a minute.

I was slipping, quickly.
Too quickly.

“It’s okay.” She says firmly as she watches me straight in my eye. “Just breathe.” She whispers her little hands grabbing my cheeks, forcing me to look straight at her.

I didn’t bother questioning her level of maturity or how she knew I was having a panic attack.
I just kept my eyes on hers and breathed. Took breaths when she did and let them out as she did.
I was taking classes from a kid. I would’ve felt some sort of embarrassment but Amelia was my kid, if anything I was proud.

When I finally managed to gather myself I let out one final breath of exhaustion before looking back at her. Her kind, green eyes searching mine gently, worry stumbling over the calm atmosphere she was trying to keep.

“Thank you.” I say softly, a smile tugging at my lips.

“What happened?” She says getting straight to the point. “What happened to the room?”

The curiosity of the adolescent.

I knew I wasn’t getting out of this one.
She’d badger me none stop for the next few weeks until I told her. She didn’t like secrets I noticed, even those that were kept to protect her.
Whether I told her or not, she’d probably report this back to Emitt too. They were close, closer than a parent and a child. My guess, they went through hell together, a story I hoped they tell me in their own time. Though Emitt probably never would.

“Once upon a time there were two kings. A lonely king and a happy king.” I start making her face light up, she often perceived this place as a castle so I knew it would help her understand. “The kings were in love, they were soul mates, bonded for life. To be together forever and ever. One day, the lonely king made a mistake, a big mistake. A mistake that hurt the happy king so much he became a sad king. He left the lonely king.”

“Oh no!” She gasps, already enthralled with the story.

“Yeah. So the lonely king became even more lonely. So lonely he feel into a deep, deep sadness that nobody could save him from.” I say taking a deep breath as I open the doors again so we can go inside. “He was so sad, some nights he’d go a little crazy. He’d destroy things, break things, burn them. He torn everything apart, because he was torn apart.” I say as I look around the room that represented one too many painful nights. The broken chandelier that laid on the floor glimmering under the sunlight as the broken furniture laid scattered around the room. “Some times it got so bad he couldn’t control his magical powers.”

“He has magic?” She asks with a frown.

“Everyone has magic.” I say tapping her nose, making her giggle a bit. “So he’d lose control and he’d turn into a wolf, a werewolf. He’d destroy everything in his path, little things and living things.” I say before letting out a sigh as I run my hand over the claw marks that were way too fresh in my mind. “He’d come to this room and let it out. The anger and pain and sadness. The loneliness........he’d let it all out.”

“What happened to the happy king?!” She asks desperately.

“He returned after many years. When they both had changed and were no longer bonded. Though, he wasn’t happy anymore, he was a sad king.” I say making her pout.

“Did they get back together?!” She asks eagerly.

“No.” I say blinking my eyes shut from the pain the simple, two lettered word caused.

“Why not?! They’re soul mates!” She practically screams making tears ring.

“But sometimes things just don’t work out.” I say with a shrug that makes her roll her eyes.

“Bullpoo!” She shouts making my eyes widen in surprise. “Soul mates always work out. They’re joined for life. Love always remains.”

The words turn a switch on somewhere deep inside of me.

Love always remains.

She was right.

Love always remains.

The gears of my soul began to turn and twist and slowly the engine of my heart began to run.

Love always remains.

The bond between mates doesn’t just disappear, he may have broken it but I still felt it. Day in and day out. I felt the emotions behind the bond we once shared and the pain from its absence.

It was still in us.

Love always remains.

A love between mates, a love like ours, would never be lost. Emitt and I were mates, no, something beyond mates, we were in love long before we knew we were mates. We were in love before we even knew what love was.

Addicted.
We were hooked to one another long before we were mated and we’d be hooked to one another even after.

Love always remains.

I still loved him.

Love always remains.

Then that meant.......

Love always remains.

.........he still loved me.

“So how does it end?” Amelia asks drawing my attention back to her.

“The lonely king wins the sad king back.” I say firmly making her lips stretch upwards. “That what’s happens princess.”

I’m going to get my donut back.

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YESSSSSS!

FIST PUMPS

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