Gazing out towards the ocean, it is breathtaking, but I can’t seem to enjoy it. I watch the waves crash along the shoreline. Silently praying. This isn’t happening…this can’t be happening! I contemplate walking out into the water, letting it carry me away from all this heartache.
It is my own fault. How did I expect this to turn out? It’s not like we were going to live happily ever after. Life isn’t a fairy-tale, not for me. And my dreams mean shit!
I close my eyes, feeling every little heartbreak seep through my body like a drug. I never thought this day would come. I had been so wrapped up in the moment that I never glanced at the bigger picture.
I can hear the sound of his heavy footsteps as he approaches behind me. I know who it is before he comes into view because I listen to his footsteps sneaking into my room every night. He doesn’t know I know that about him, which just makes my heart ache even more.
“I’m sorry, Summer. I never meant to hurt you.” He murmurs as he approaches. “I didn’t think things would go this far,” he unconvincingly half-ass apologises.
But I know he isn’t sorry, because if he were, he wouldn’t have been doing this, and he wouldn’t have been making love to me for the past five weeks. I bite my tongue to keep from sharing my unfiltered thoughts with him.
Despite how things have turned out, I’ll cherish our brief time together. The weight of my words registers in my mind, causing a tear to slip from my eye.
“Is it true?” I refuse to make eye-contact with him, “are you going to marry her?” I ask him with a wavering tone. “After everything we have done together, the nights we shared, you’re going to stand there and choose her? I thought I meant something to you,” I foolishly assert, swiping a tear from my cheek. It hurts so much and he needs to see what he is doing to me.
Surprisingly, I feel his warm breath on my neck as his left hand slides around my waist. “Don’t you think I know what you’re feeling?” He whispers into my ear. “I’m feeling it too,” he adds, tucking some of my blonde hair behind my ear.
I want to believe his words, I want to accept that what he is saying is true. My brain denies me that privilege, though. It knows that my heart jumped before my brain could catch up and now it has, it’s scolding me for being so naive.
“But we have to be real about this.” The penny drops when he begins his sentence with those words and my heart breaks even more. “You knew from the day we started this that it wasn’t going to last. I’m twice your age, Summer,” he argues. I still feel his hand around my waist and the selfish part of me wants to hold it but I know if I do, I’ll never let go.
But what does age have to do with anything? If he feels the same way, then he should want me. Not her.
“Mason, are you coming to bed, baby?” My stomach drops, hearing her calling out for the man I love. I can’t do this, I can’t breathe, I can’t speak. I need space.
“Go,” I mutter to him, feeling my tears sting my eyes.
Tearing his hand from my hip, I run away from his perfect form and perfect lips before I allow another tear to fall in his presence.
My breaths shallow as I pace down the wet sand, my toes dipping and making miserable imprints in my wake. Cycling through Mason’s hurtful words, I’m painfully reminded of how right he was. This was never meant to happen.
Even though I was never meant to fall in love with him, here we are. I know nothing in the world will stop me from loving him, even if it’s the last thing I want. I just need to convince my brain of that.