Forbidden Grief-SAMPLE

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CHAPTER 6- Jason

Seeing my sister was a punch my gut wasn’t ready for. I’ve seen videos of her doing her own thing, but this is the one where she looks the happiest.

“Unca Jason,” I hear Lyra’s voice. “Are you sad?”

I look at Carter who looks like he has no idea how to handle me right now, then to my niece, I say, “Yes, Lyra, I’m sad. I miss your mom.”

“She was your mom too?” she asks and that’s enough to make Carter and me laugh.

“No, sweetheart. She was my sister. Do you know what a sister is?” she nods. “Charlotte was my sister, and I miss her so much,” I say.

“Her name is Charlie,” she corrects me, and I pull her for a hug then play the video again, per her request. Along with that one, she has me play some others and after watching them like five times each, she finally starts yawning and we get her ready for a nap.

“What time do you work today?” Carter asks.

“Oh, I’m off today. I was thinking… I wanted to… I mean, I was going to spend the day here. Is that ok?”

“Of course, please,” Carter says. “I’d love it if you stayed.”

I smile. We both do.

We talk about everything and anything while we get to know each other, and I want to kiss him, but I don’t know how to ask. He’s giving me no indication that he wants it, but I do. I want it… like right now!

“I want to kiss you,” I finally told him.

“Hell, I’ve wanted to kiss you since you got here,” Carter tells me. “But you said the other day that you don’t usually do that, so I didn’t want to put any pressure on you.”

Bless his heart. This guy is perfect. Beck talks wonders about him, but I figured he was biased because Carter is like a little brother to him. I heard them say that Nate and Beck have been friends for a long, long time.

“First of all,” I respond to Carter. “The other day? That was like three weeks ago. So yeah, if you want to kiss me, I’m ok with it.”

I figured he would think about it a minute, but he doesn’t. He loses no time at all and moves quickly to press his lips to mine. I welcome his lips and our kiss starts so softly, but with every second the kiss gets more heated.

I wish I was the type of person to do random hookups with strangers, because all I can think of is Carter on top of me, staring into my eyes, while he moves inside me and brings me to the edge. God, would he even want to top? I’ve always been on the receiving end. I tried topping once but it wasn’t my cup of tea. It just feels so much more intense when I’m the one having someone inside me. It’s a crazy type of vulnerability that I love.

“Go on a date with me,” Carter whispers as he pulls just an inch away. “I want to take you out to dinner. Would you like that?”

I nod frantically in response. “I would love to,” I say.

We hear a noise but before we get to pull away from each other completely, Lyra comes into the living room hugging a stuffed dinosaur. She doesn’t talk and instead jumps onto the couch with us and leans against my other side. Within minutes, she is sleeping again.

Carter and I have no option but to whisper until the quiet gets the best of me and I end up falling asleep too.


—Beckham.

I open my door to find Carter, Jason, and Lyra sleeping on my couch. My daughter is sleeping on Jason’s chest while Carter snuggles against his other side.

I don’t know how long I stand behind my recliner admiring the scene in front of me. I want to be part of it and it’s weird. It feels strange. Maybe if I was feeling sleepy, I could join the scene and blame it on being tired, but what excuse could I have if they open their eyes to see me there with them.

Plus, it isn’t like I want to get in the middle of what is clearly going on with my nanny and my brother-in-law. Then there’s the little issue of me just being curious about maybe fucking one of them. So, what the hell would I gain from snuggling with them?

No. I have to find someone else to mess around with. No way am I going to cause trouble for Jason and Carter. Nate would kill me. Shit! He would kill me just for looking at his little brother as anything but a brother of my own. But they look so beautiful together. Makes me wonder—and maybe even imagine—how beautiful they could look naked in bed.

I wish I could let go of this fixation and begin my search for a woman that deserves all I have to give. Someone to love Lyra and join with me to shape her into a great tiny human. A woman to provide the motherly love I know I can’t give my daughter.

Leaving them sleeping, I make my way to the bathroom to shower and take care of other business.

I’ve been with two women since I became a single father, so I’ve resorted to watching porn and jerking off. I’ve watched gay porn on occasions but never really got off because of it. Not until today at least. Because my imagination runs wild with the image of Carter and Jason together, and I end up masturbating to the sounds they make in my head.

I close my eyes and throw my head back bringing myself closer and closer to the final line.

I see them kissing, I see them sucking on each other’s skin. I see them walking my way. I see them kneel in front of me and feel lips closing around the head of my cock, but I don’t know which one of them it is, and I couldn’t care less. All I know is that picturing either of them on their knees for me is the last push I needed to come all over my hand as the water washes it all away.

All except my confusion.


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