Prologue
I sat on the wooden bench that looked out on the lake with dull eyes void of any emotion. I never thought it would be possible to feel so empty. I had run out of rage and sadness, turns out those emotions don't help the situation. I've never been one to hold a grudge... but this would haunt me for the rest of my life.
I glanced down from the lake to look at my once completely white wedding dress to see it covered in dirt and grass stains. This was the dress I was suppose to get married in.
The dress.
The dress I'd give to my daughter for her wedding far down the road. I was suppose to see this dress in my closet years and years into the future and remember the fond and special memories of my wedding. Now I don't even want to look at it.
I never wanted to see this dress ever again. If I had to burn the damn thing I would.
A loud crack of thunder sounded from above me and I cursed right before the sky fell out and rain came falling down harshly. I quickly stood from the bench and gathered the skirts of my dress in my hands before running down the paved walkway of the park bare foot.
I had taken the heels off somewhere at the front of the church in my rush to get as far from there as possible.
The cold raindrops pelted my skin soaking it as I finally made it to the entrance of the park. The rocks and sticks I stepped on hurt like a bitch but I continued on, doing my best to ignore the pain.
It was at the gates of the park that I realized how screwed I was... I had ran all the way here from the church and had no way of getting back home that didn't involve being face to face with someone who had just attended my ruined wedding.
As I racked my brain wondering if I could guilt a taxi driver into giving me a free ride back to the house, a light seemingly flickered on in my head... or I finally noticed the lights of my favorite hole in the wall bar just around the corner.
A drink, I could definitely use plenty of those right about now.
I mentally thanked whatever god or goddess was watching over me for giving me this one small good thing on such a terrible day and ran to the front of the bar before walking in.
At the sound of the bell above the door ringing people took a glance at me and I felt my heart sink as the place grew silent. They were all looking at me with pity.
But I didn't want their pity, I wanted to drink away as much of my sorrows as I could. So what they may have thought of me or the pitiful looks they gave me really didn't matter.
So I lifted my head up a little higher and grabbed the once white skirts of my wedding dress and with all the dignity that I could muster, which honestly wasn't a lot, I walked over to an empty booth and plopped into the seat. I looked around the old bar noticing it wasn't as crowded as it should be on a Friday night, but maybe that was due to the storm brewing outside.
"Rough day sweetheart", asked Reggie, the bartender who was a man in his late 40's who had a nice shade of brown eyes and a heart warming smile.
"I'm sitting here instead of on a plane to my honeymoon in Hawaii... so yeah", I deadpanned.
I cringed at my attitude and gave Reggie an apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry for the bitchy attitude", I sighed holding my head in my hands.
"Honey trust me it sounds and looks like you've had a shitty day. So what can I start you off with to drink", he asked.
"Vodka and punch for us both please, and put Leah here on my bill for the rest of the night", came a new but familiar voice. I looked up to see one of my closest friends Beck standing at my booth with the tux he had warn to my wedding still on.
Beck has been getting all the girls he could ever want since the day I met him in 5th grade. He was incredibly attractive with his brown hair and green eyes.
"How did you know where I was", I asked as I lowered my eyes to the table. I felt so embarrassed, Beck was one of my best friends and he had seen my wedding go to shit.
"I brought you and Kyra here after Kyra broke up with that one guy with the tattoo of his grandma's pet parrot on his arm. He was a weird one but I can't remember his-", Beck started as he sat down across from me.
"Trent. He was that guy who kept saying he had to let Kyra do things, he was a real douche and I'm pretty sure that Mercedes wasn't even his", I said with a hint of a smile. That guy put Kyra through hell but I remember how much fun we had when she finally broke things off with him.
I felt a warmth cover my hand and looked to see that Beck was holding my hand. A gesture that was understanding and sympathetic without making me feel pitiful.
"We don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to, we can sit and drink until Reggie closes up shop if you're up for it", Beck said with a small smile.
That sounded so nice.
Beck, Kyra, and I hadn't really hung out as much as we use to this past year because of not only planning the wedding but because of my ex-fiance's fragile masculinity as well.
He'd always say that he worried about Beck having feelings for me and about Kyra being way too outgoing and was always saying that I might leave him for someone else or cheat on him.
Which is quite ironic when you think about the fact that he's been cheating on me.
I never stopped hanging out with them like he asked but it was never as much after that.
I can't believe I let that asshole get into my head, let alown my heart.
"No, I need you to tell me the aftermath of what happened after I ran. I need to be ready to start doing damage control in the morning", I sighed as Reggie dropped off our drinks.
"Okay well here's the play by play. After you ran Jordan's mom straight up slapped the shit out of him for doing that to you. She let your family know that they'd pay for everything that hadn't already been paid for. Her and his dad also apologized on Jordan's behalf even though there was no way he felt sorry as he held that bitch cousin of yours in his arms. Your parents thanked them and just as everyone was getting ready to leave Kyra went dark."
Oh shit.
Going dark was never good, it was a phrase used when one of us got beyond pissed. It basically meant all coherent thoughts were thrown away. It was a very violent and dark state of mind which most often led to us being in fights.
"What did she do", I asked with wide eyes.
Kyra could be sweet at times, but she was also fierce, protective, and the type to fight like she was winning a championship at Wrestle-mania. That's actually how I met her. She saved me from a bully in 2nd grade and we've been friends ever since.
Beck closed his eyes and shook his head with a chuckle,
"You'd think she'd been possessed by an Amazonian warrior the way she let out that war cry. She took off her shoes, tied her hair up, let out that yell, dropped the bouquet, and was spearing Tara to the ground before your mind could even register what had happened. Your brother and I had to pull her off and I'm not sure if it was on accident or not but your Luke's fist did connect to Jordan's face while trying to pull the girls apart. After that we all left the church I waited an hour before starting to try and look for you. When I saw you run into the bar I made sure to let everyone know I had found you and you were okay. Kyra said she'll be here soon."
And like she had heard her name from outside, Kyra came bursting through the bar door with her black hair in a messy bun and with a simple long sleeve shirt and jeans on. As soon as her eyes landed on me she rushed over and hugged me tight. I couldn't help but to cry a little more in the arms of my best friend.
If there was anyone who truly knew how much love and time I had invested into my relationship with Jordan, it was definitely Kyra.
"Don't you worry Leah, we're gonna key his car and get past this. I also got some spray paint and a crowbar in my trunk. Esa perra tendrá suerte si puede conducir su auto cuando termine", Kyra said as she smoothed down my hair, the last part being said in Spanish due to the bilingual household she was raised in.
*That bitch will be lucky if he can even drive his car when im done.
"I don't want to destroy his property, I just don't want to see him ever again. I don't want to work at Hayes Incorporated anymore, I don't want anything he ever gave me, I don't even want to live in the same city as him anymore", I sniffled into her shoulder.
"Then don't, there's nothing saying you can't. Quit your job, move out of the apartment... hell move out of Seattle", Beck shrugged after taking a sip of his drink.
"What would I do, where would I go? For almost 3 years my life has been all about Jordan. I have to find myself again but I don't even know where to start", I said as I leaned away from Kyra and let her sit fully inside the booth and I downed the rest of my vodka and punch.
"I understand. Remember when we had just graduated, how big the world seemed to be and how anything seemed possible. Back then it just felt like the world was ours and nothing could've held us back", Kyra said as she seemed to fondly remember those times.
"Oh yeah. Back when Kyra was gonna be a fashion guru, I was going to be a photographer, and Leah was going to be a journalist", Beck smiled.
Yeah, at 16 through 18 we had plans to change the world. We were gonna be something and go places. We were gonna get out of Feldway and leave that small town to do bigger things.
We were gonna be wild and free, live how we wanted and become successful for no one in our family, in our school, or in our community but ourselves. Where did our drive go to be the best we could be? When did we start to deviate from our goals and just start accepting that things were how they were?
How come we only got as far as an hour away from our home town? How come we only got as far as to Seattle for college?
They were right, those were good times. It felt like the world was in our hands and nothing could've stopped us from achieving our dreams.
We sat, talked, and drank to our hearts contents for what only felt like an hour but I figured out was much longer when I looked up at the clock to see it read 1 in the morning. Not that it mattered to me, I had lost track of my shot count at 6 and my vodka punches at 4.
Little ol' light weight me was long gone.
"You know... I really saved myself today. Could you imagine me being Mrs. Jordan Hayes", I chuckled drinking my vodka punch.
"Honestly... No", Kyra laughed.
"That asshole didn't deserve you in the first place to be honest", Beck added in.
"Yeah who needs that abusive little bitch anyways", I blurted with a drunken giggle.
But I sobered up as soon as those words escaped my mouth.
As soon as Kyra's eyed widened in disbelief and anger.
As soon as Beck's face turned bright red in rage.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN ABUSIVE? WAS THAT LITTLE CUNT HITTING YOU", Beck screamed as he stood up from the booth.
Congratulations, meet dark Beck.
"It was a only a few times", I whispered softly as my eyes casted down to my lap where I played with my fingers nervously.
"Leah", Kyra sighed with sadness as she rubbed up and down my back.
At this point I usually would have been ugly sobbing into her arms but for some reason I felt... better. I was no longer with him, I'd no longer be abused by him, and there was no use in crying about it. Jordan and his hits were no longer my problem and that kind of relief was like nothing I had ever felt.
"When was the last time he hit you", Beck asked with a certain menacing coldness to his voice. I looked up to see him leaning his hands on the table as his eyes glared holes into the wall to the left of us.
"Beck..", I began to try and ease his anger.
"Leah Selene, when was the last time that bastard hit you", Beck sneered as he finally looked up at me. His eyes glowed bright out of anger and that coupled with the use of my middle name definitely sobered me up.
"Less than a week ago. I had yelled at him about always missing meet ups for wedding plans and coming home late with the smell of feminine perfume all over him and he just... got mad. He punched me and it left a bruise on my jaw but I've just been covering it with make up", I said calmly.
"I just... I kept telling myself it'd get better once we got married, that he'd stop after the wedding. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it was the only way to stay sane around him without being covered in bruises", I finished.
After that Beck took a couple of deep breaths and seemed to calm down before sitting back across from us again and downing another drink Reggie had brought him earlier.
We all seemed to be in our own thoughts for awhile before I spoke next.
"We can still be those things we wanted to be as kids can't we? When did thinking that you could be anything you wanted to be have an age limit", I asked.
"We can and it doesn't. I think I have a stupid idea girls", Beck smirked. Reggie brought us all one more shot before cut off and we cheered and downed them before Beck could continue.
"Let's get out of here", Beck simply stated with a goofy smile.
"Out of where, the bar", Kyra asked confused.
That made two of us.
"No, out of this god forsaken city".
I glanced down from the lake to look at my once completely white wedding dress to see it covered in dirt and grass stains. This was the dress I was suppose to get married in.
The dress.
The dress I'd give to my daughter for her wedding far down the road. I was suppose to see this dress in my closet years and years into the future and remember the fond and special memories of my wedding. Now I don't even want to look at it.
I never wanted to see this dress ever again. If I had to burn the damn thing I would.
A loud crack of thunder sounded from above me and I cursed right before the sky fell out and rain came falling down harshly. I quickly stood from the bench and gathered the skirts of my dress in my hands before running down the paved walkway of the park bare foot.
I had taken the heels off somewhere at the front of the church in my rush to get as far from there as possible.
The cold raindrops pelted my skin soaking it as I finally made it to the entrance of the park. The rocks and sticks I stepped on hurt like a bitch but I continued on, doing my best to ignore the pain.
It was at the gates of the park that I realized how screwed I was... I had ran all the way here from the church and had no way of getting back home that didn't involve being face to face with someone who had just attended my ruined wedding.
As I racked my brain wondering if I could guilt a taxi driver into giving me a free ride back to the house, a light seemingly flickered on in my head... or I finally noticed the lights of my favorite hole in the wall bar just around the corner.
A drink, I could definitely use plenty of those right about now.
I mentally thanked whatever god or goddess was watching over me for giving me this one small good thing on such a terrible day and ran to the front of the bar before walking in.
At the sound of the bell above the door ringing people took a glance at me and I felt my heart sink as the place grew silent. They were all looking at me with pity.
But I didn't want their pity, I wanted to drink away as much of my sorrows as I could. So what they may have thought of me or the pitiful looks they gave me really didn't matter.
So I lifted my head up a little higher and grabbed the once white skirts of my wedding dress and with all the dignity that I could muster, which honestly wasn't a lot, I walked over to an empty booth and plopped into the seat. I looked around the old bar noticing it wasn't as crowded as it should be on a Friday night, but maybe that was due to the storm brewing outside.
"Rough day sweetheart", asked Reggie, the bartender who was a man in his late 40's who had a nice shade of brown eyes and a heart warming smile.
"I'm sitting here instead of on a plane to my honeymoon in Hawaii... so yeah", I deadpanned.
I cringed at my attitude and gave Reggie an apologetic smile.
"I'm sorry for the bitchy attitude", I sighed holding my head in my hands.
"Honey trust me it sounds and looks like you've had a shitty day. So what can I start you off with to drink", he asked.
"Vodka and punch for us both please, and put Leah here on my bill for the rest of the night", came a new but familiar voice. I looked up to see one of my closest friends Beck standing at my booth with the tux he had warn to my wedding still on.
Beck has been getting all the girls he could ever want since the day I met him in 5th grade. He was incredibly attractive with his brown hair and green eyes.
"How did you know where I was", I asked as I lowered my eyes to the table. I felt so embarrassed, Beck was one of my best friends and he had seen my wedding go to shit.
"I brought you and Kyra here after Kyra broke up with that one guy with the tattoo of his grandma's pet parrot on his arm. He was a weird one but I can't remember his-", Beck started as he sat down across from me.
"Trent. He was that guy who kept saying he had to let Kyra do things, he was a real douche and I'm pretty sure that Mercedes wasn't even his", I said with a hint of a smile. That guy put Kyra through hell but I remember how much fun we had when she finally broke things off with him.
I felt a warmth cover my hand and looked to see that Beck was holding my hand. A gesture that was understanding and sympathetic without making me feel pitiful.
"We don't have to talk about anything if you don't want to, we can sit and drink until Reggie closes up shop if you're up for it", Beck said with a small smile.
That sounded so nice.
Beck, Kyra, and I hadn't really hung out as much as we use to this past year because of not only planning the wedding but because of my ex-fiance's fragile masculinity as well.
He'd always say that he worried about Beck having feelings for me and about Kyra being way too outgoing and was always saying that I might leave him for someone else or cheat on him.
Which is quite ironic when you think about the fact that he's been cheating on me.
I never stopped hanging out with them like he asked but it was never as much after that.
I can't believe I let that asshole get into my head, let alown my heart.
"No, I need you to tell me the aftermath of what happened after I ran. I need to be ready to start doing damage control in the morning", I sighed as Reggie dropped off our drinks.
"Okay well here's the play by play. After you ran Jordan's mom straight up slapped the shit out of him for doing that to you. She let your family know that they'd pay for everything that hadn't already been paid for. Her and his dad also apologized on Jordan's behalf even though there was no way he felt sorry as he held that bitch cousin of yours in his arms. Your parents thanked them and just as everyone was getting ready to leave Kyra went dark."
Oh shit.
Going dark was never good, it was a phrase used when one of us got beyond pissed. It basically meant all coherent thoughts were thrown away. It was a very violent and dark state of mind which most often led to us being in fights.
"What did she do", I asked with wide eyes.
Kyra could be sweet at times, but she was also fierce, protective, and the type to fight like she was winning a championship at Wrestle-mania. That's actually how I met her. She saved me from a bully in 2nd grade and we've been friends ever since.
Beck closed his eyes and shook his head with a chuckle,
"You'd think she'd been possessed by an Amazonian warrior the way she let out that war cry. She took off her shoes, tied her hair up, let out that yell, dropped the bouquet, and was spearing Tara to the ground before your mind could even register what had happened. Your brother and I had to pull her off and I'm not sure if it was on accident or not but your Luke's fist did connect to Jordan's face while trying to pull the girls apart. After that we all left the church I waited an hour before starting to try and look for you. When I saw you run into the bar I made sure to let everyone know I had found you and you were okay. Kyra said she'll be here soon."
And like she had heard her name from outside, Kyra came bursting through the bar door with her black hair in a messy bun and with a simple long sleeve shirt and jeans on. As soon as her eyes landed on me she rushed over and hugged me tight. I couldn't help but to cry a little more in the arms of my best friend.
If there was anyone who truly knew how much love and time I had invested into my relationship with Jordan, it was definitely Kyra.
"Don't you worry Leah, we're gonna key his car and get past this. I also got some spray paint and a crowbar in my trunk. Esa perra tendrá suerte si puede conducir su auto cuando termine", Kyra said as she smoothed down my hair, the last part being said in Spanish due to the bilingual household she was raised in.
*That bitch will be lucky if he can even drive his car when im done.
"I don't want to destroy his property, I just don't want to see him ever again. I don't want to work at Hayes Incorporated anymore, I don't want anything he ever gave me, I don't even want to live in the same city as him anymore", I sniffled into her shoulder.
"Then don't, there's nothing saying you can't. Quit your job, move out of the apartment... hell move out of Seattle", Beck shrugged after taking a sip of his drink.
"What would I do, where would I go? For almost 3 years my life has been all about Jordan. I have to find myself again but I don't even know where to start", I said as I leaned away from Kyra and let her sit fully inside the booth and I downed the rest of my vodka and punch.
"I understand. Remember when we had just graduated, how big the world seemed to be and how anything seemed possible. Back then it just felt like the world was ours and nothing could've held us back", Kyra said as she seemed to fondly remember those times.
"Oh yeah. Back when Kyra was gonna be a fashion guru, I was going to be a photographer, and Leah was going to be a journalist", Beck smiled.
Yeah, at 16 through 18 we had plans to change the world. We were gonna be something and go places. We were gonna get out of Feldway and leave that small town to do bigger things.
We were gonna be wild and free, live how we wanted and become successful for no one in our family, in our school, or in our community but ourselves. Where did our drive go to be the best we could be? When did we start to deviate from our goals and just start accepting that things were how they were?
How come we only got as far as an hour away from our home town? How come we only got as far as to Seattle for college?
They were right, those were good times. It felt like the world was in our hands and nothing could've stopped us from achieving our dreams.
We sat, talked, and drank to our hearts contents for what only felt like an hour but I figured out was much longer when I looked up at the clock to see it read 1 in the morning. Not that it mattered to me, I had lost track of my shot count at 6 and my vodka punches at 4.
Little ol' light weight me was long gone.
"You know... I really saved myself today. Could you imagine me being Mrs. Jordan Hayes", I chuckled drinking my vodka punch.
"Honestly... No", Kyra laughed.
"That asshole didn't deserve you in the first place to be honest", Beck added in.
"Yeah who needs that abusive little bitch anyways", I blurted with a drunken giggle.
But I sobered up as soon as those words escaped my mouth.
As soon as Kyra's eyed widened in disbelief and anger.
As soon as Beck's face turned bright red in rage.
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN ABUSIVE? WAS THAT LITTLE CUNT HITTING YOU", Beck screamed as he stood up from the booth.
Congratulations, meet dark Beck.
"It was a only a few times", I whispered softly as my eyes casted down to my lap where I played with my fingers nervously.
"Leah", Kyra sighed with sadness as she rubbed up and down my back.
At this point I usually would have been ugly sobbing into her arms but for some reason I felt... better. I was no longer with him, I'd no longer be abused by him, and there was no use in crying about it. Jordan and his hits were no longer my problem and that kind of relief was like nothing I had ever felt.
"When was the last time he hit you", Beck asked with a certain menacing coldness to his voice. I looked up to see him leaning his hands on the table as his eyes glared holes into the wall to the left of us.
"Beck..", I began to try and ease his anger.
"Leah Selene, when was the last time that bastard hit you", Beck sneered as he finally looked up at me. His eyes glowed bright out of anger and that coupled with the use of my middle name definitely sobered me up.
"Less than a week ago. I had yelled at him about always missing meet ups for wedding plans and coming home late with the smell of feminine perfume all over him and he just... got mad. He punched me and it left a bruise on my jaw but I've just been covering it with make up", I said calmly.
"I just... I kept telling myself it'd get better once we got married, that he'd stop after the wedding. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it was the only way to stay sane around him without being covered in bruises", I finished.
After that Beck took a couple of deep breaths and seemed to calm down before sitting back across from us again and downing another drink Reggie had brought him earlier.
We all seemed to be in our own thoughts for awhile before I spoke next.
"We can still be those things we wanted to be as kids can't we? When did thinking that you could be anything you wanted to be have an age limit", I asked.
"We can and it doesn't. I think I have a stupid idea girls", Beck smirked. Reggie brought us all one more shot before cut off and we cheered and downed them before Beck could continue.
"Let's get out of here", Beck simply stated with a goofy smile.
"Out of where, the bar", Kyra asked confused.
That made two of us.
"No, out of this god forsaken city".
