Chapter Thirty One
I needed the night to think about what I was going to say, having enough will power to say no to him shocked me even more. The feeling of Weston’s hands all over my body was like no other but I needed to know that we were on the same page before I ended up with my heart broken.
There is nothing wrong with wanting casual sex but as soon as feelings get involved, it’s a different ball game and I didn’t want to be that person wishing they stopped sooner. As much as I loved being around Weston, having his attention. I wanted more between us than the sex.
The next morning I was shaking like a leaf, my hands barely able to clutch onto my mouse to try and do my work. Weston was nowhere to be seen this morning which only increased my anxiety of when I was going to bump into him.
My mind rattled with a million things to say, I might make an absolute tit out of myself in the process but if that meant Weston and I could develop what we had, then it would be a win. But realistically, I had no idea what Weston would say, if he would say anything at all.
When it hit three o’clock, I watched as he stepped into his office for the first time today. My throat swallows harshly, desperate for the end of the day so I could speak my mind before I exploded.
Theo kept asking if everything was okay but I brushed it off saying I had a headache. Lauren and Abi natter away, making me feel annoyed I couldn’t hear my own thoughts, wanting to rehearse what I had planned but it was coming out as one big mess.
At five everyone begins to pack up their things and head home, telling each other to have a good weekend as I tried to compose myself. Once the office had settled and I knew Weston was alone in his office, I stand on my feet and take slow and steady steps towards him.
My lungs inhaling as much air as possible before I hit the ground due to hyperventilating, but now was my time to speak my mind. It was now or never, this couldn’t keep going on. I physically and mentally couldn’t take it anymore.
Raising my knuckles to brush his closed office door, I hear his strong voice instructing me to come in. Swinging the door open silently, he was sat scrolling through his laptop. Tie was off, top button undone and sleeves rolled up as per usual.
His dark eyes catch mine and he instantly sits up in his chair at the sight of me. “Micah,” he breathes out, sounding surprised.
I force out a smile and close the door behind me, my body shaking underneath my clothes.
“Take a seat,” he motions his hand towards the chairs beside me.
My head shakes and my hands clench together in front of me. “No, it’s okay.” I say quietly, attempting to swallow. “I just came here to say something.”
Weston’s eyebrows flex at my words and he leans onto his desk, his eyes watching me intently. “Okay, go ahead.” He nods once, encouraging for me to carry on.
My lips part and I take a jittery breath, trying not to crumble at the first hurdle. “Maybe you thought I wasn’t interested because I left yours the other day but that wasn’t the case.” My head begins to shake. “I just get so nervous around you that I felt overwhelmed and I stupidly left.”
Weston’s facial expressions turn to a look of confusion. My eyes clench for a brief moment before opening them again. “But you can make time for me to come to your apartment so you can fuck me but you can’t make time for us to have dinner?”
The air turns cold and I wanted to scream but I continue, Weston’s eyes falling at my words. “You know I like you West, I have no idea what’s going on in your mind but I’m scared I’m going to end up getting hurt because it seems like all you want is the sex.”
Weston’s mouth opens to speak but I shake my head at him, telling him that I wasn’t done. “And honestly, that’s fine Weston. It’s fine if you want that but I can’t do this with you anymore if that’s all you’re after. You know that I want more and I’m not going to keep holding onto something that clearly isn’t going to happen.”
My chest moves rapidly realising how quick I had been speaking, my throat becoming incredibly dry at how vulnerable I had just made myself. Weston doesn’t say anything for a while, my body aching in exhaustion.
“Maybe it was stupid of me to even imagine that we could have something,” I mumble under my breath, my eyes rimming with painful tears that I forced myself not to cry.
Weston’s eyes flick between mine before his hand moves to rub the stubble on his cheeks, his brows creasing as he thinks over what is going on in his mind. Not wanting to stand here continuing to make a fool out of myself.
“So yeah,” I say to break up the silence. “That’s what I came to say.”
My heart sinks when Weston looks down to his desk momentarily. I nod once and turn from him, opening the door and exiting swiftly. I hear him call my name once but I physically couldn’t turn back, the embarrassment was already creeping up inside my body and I wanted to hide forever.
The fear of Weston telling me that there was nothing ever between us, that I was being delusional thinking that he would want to be with me. By the time I reach the outside of the building, my eyes burn with tears along with the tension in my chest. I should have known better before I got myself into this shitty situation.
. . .
Valentina’s eyes light up as she watches me come through the front door. “How did it go?” She asks instantly. I slam the door behind me harshly and she winces. “That bad?”
“I don’t even know what just happened,” I mumble as I drop my bag and jacket to the floor, joining her on the sofa. “Basically just told him that I liked him and I don’t want to be friends with benefits, I want more. Then he didn’t say anything so I just left.”
Vee’s face crumbles at my words, her arms reaching round me to bring me into a hug. “Well that’s his loss,” she mumbles into my shoulder. “I’m proud of you for standing your ground Micah, I know it must have been hard for you.”
I pull away from her and rub my eyes quickly. “It just sucks because now I’ve got to go into work everyday and see him, pretend like nothing happened between us.”
Her hands begin to rub down my arm. “It’ll be okay, time heals everything.”
“Someone should have told me, don’t shit where you eat. I could have saved myself from sheer embarrassment and humiliation. God,” I curse out as I look up at the ceiling. “He probably thinks I’m some desperate boy trying to seek his attention.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t think that,” Vee shakes her head towards me.
“I hate this,” I grumble out as I grab onto a pillow and begin to pick at the corner.
“Do you want to do something tonight?” She suggests but I instantly shake my head. I couldn’t think of anything worse than going out and getting drunk, I’ll just end up crying in an alley contemplating my life. “Okay, well maybe we should order in and watch TV?”
“I’ve lost my appetite,” I say quietly, my eyes dropping down to the couch.
I notice how Valentina’s shoulders drop slightly at my blunt words. “Okay, well we can still watch TV together, right? Best to be with me than alone.”
“Right,” I say shortly. “I’m going to shower.”
“I’ll try find us something fun to watch,” Valentina nods as she reaches over to grab the TV remote.
Removing myself from the sofa and trudging into the bathroom, letting the cool water fall over my head and hitting my feet. I don’t know how long I spent in the shower but I needed it, time to drown out my endless thoughts. A dull ache in the pit of my stomach, making me regret all of the choices I had made with Weston.
. . .
“You sure you don’t want to order a pizza or something?” Valentina questions as she stretches out across the sofa.
My tired eyes move from the TV to her, my head shakes. “No,” I sigh. “Don’t really feel like eating.”
Her lips fall into a soft frown. “Okay,” she says eventually.
“You order something though, don’t let me stop you.” I tell her.
“Maybe,” she nods as she sinks back down into the sofa.
Trying to concentrate on the film Valentina had picked, completely disrupted by a knock at the door. Valentina turns to me at the same time I turn to her, neither of us saying anything.
“Well it’s not going to be for me,” she mumbles.
“And what makes you think it’s gonna be for me?” I say back.
She shrugs in my direction and I sigh, pulling off the blanket that was sitting on my lap. Walking through our dark flat to reach the door, my hand gripping onto the handle and partially opening it.
My eyes settle on Weston, my body vibrating with shock. My nerves shooting through my veins like I just got put on an IV. My shaky hands pulling the door back further, he was stood with a large pizza in hand, and in casual clothes.
“Hi,” he says with a small smile.
My hand sinks down the edge of the door, blinking back at him. “Hi,” my throat croaks.
Valentina pauses the movie from behind me and she turns on the lights, making her way to her bedroom giving us some space.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, my eyes remaining on his.
His tongue runs along the edge of his lip as he watches me. “I wanted to talk, except you didn’t really give me much time to do that earlier.”
Beginning to shift on my feet, my skin raising with heat at the fact he had come here to talk. “Well you didn’t really jump at the chance of saying anything,” I breathe out, my teeth digging into my lip.
“Because I wanted to say the right thing,” Weston shakes his head, his voice smooth, leaving shivers down my spine. “Can I come in?”
I nod my head eventually and pull back, allowing him to bring in the pizza. “I brought this along the way,” Weston says as he motions to the pizza, he drops it down onto our dining table and turns to me. “I wasn’t sure if you had eaten but I couldn’t come with nothing.”
“If you’ve come here expecting that I’m going to jump into bed with you then you’re mistaken,” I say confidently, knowing myself better than to fling myself at him freely.
Weston cracks a small smile but shakes his head, he takes a slow stroll over to me. His fingers grazing the edge of my forearm, my skin raising in goosebumps at the slightest touch. “I’m not here to sleep with you Micah,” his voice is calm as I peek my eyes up at him. “I just want to talk about what’s going on between us.”
“Us?” I repeat in shock.
His eyes never leave mine as he nods. “Yes, I think it is long, long overdue.” he says. “Can we talk about it?”
I nod my head and we settle at the dinner table, with the massive pizza box between us. Forcing myself to take a breath as I watch him from across the table, my stomach churning in anticipation of this conversation then growling at the smell of the cheese pizza wafting into my nose.
But I wait for Weston to speak rather than digging into the box and stuffing my face, not knowing what he was going to say or how this would end.