When the sun started to rise in my room, I knew it was Monday. There was no physical way that I could go back into work without crying and vomiting in the toilet every five minutes, shaking between my sheets just thinking about my stupid actions.
Valentina popped in before she went to work, asked if I was okay but if anything I just felt numb. She told me that I should keep myself busy so that I'm not just laying here getting myself into a pit of sadness, I knew she was right but I wasn't sure if I physically couldn't get out of bed.
Her eyes turn to my desk and she notices the letter from Weston was ripped open. "Did you read it?" She asks and I nod.
Her lips fall slightly, she wasn't sure what to say and I understood that. This situation was beyond fucked and I didn't even know how to fix it so I felt better, if I ever felt better.
"Okay, well I'm going to work now. Text me if you need anything." She says with a soft smile.
"I'm going to the clinic," I mumble to her. "To get tested incase I've caught something."
Valentina nods firmly. "Yeah that sounds like a good plan Micah, I wish I could come with you." Her lips pull into a frown.
"Don't worry about it," I shake my head once.
"Bye Micah," she waves.
My lips open to speak but I don't, watching as she shuts my bedroom door behind her.
Time ticks past and I lay in bed, staring out of the window for far too long. Rolling onto my back and glancing at the letter that I had left, reaching over to grab it and allowing my eyes to read over it again.
Vee said I needed a distraction, thinking of something that wasn't to do with last night might help me cope today. So without a second thought I throw off my bed sheets, get dressed into something that didn't make me stand out and I took off out the door before I changed my mind.
I wanted to see Weston but I knew facing him would most likely make me cry, feeling sick to my stomach with nerves, my hands shaking as I clamp them together.
Realistically I wasn't thinking about what I was doing but somewhere in the back of my mind this felt like a good idea. The tube felt like it was taking far too long, I just wanted to get there now, I just wanted to see him for a split second, believing that it would make me feel somewhat better.
As I walk up to the building, climbing the stairs rapidly and walking through the office. Not even caring if someone would see me, my hand forces itself down onto Weston's office handle and I barge my way in without a second thought.
My eyes find Weston's who was sat at his desk, phone to his ear, watching as his expression turns to pure shock the second that he lays his eyes on me. "Urmm Dave, sorry I'm going to have to call you back..." He mumbles quickly before cutting off the call.
Pushing my shaky hands to the door, shutting it behind me. Weston stands from his desk and approaches me, his eyes roaming my face, remembering the dark circles I saw under my eyes this morning in the mirror.
"Micah," he says gently as he stops directly in front of me. My throat burned as I looked back at him, his expression dropping as he lets out a small breath. "I'm so pleased to see you."
My head nods once and my eyes ached from attempting not to let myself go, especially not here in his office at work. "I am so sorry," he shakes his head towards me, guilt clear in his eyes. "I am so sorry that I never told you. I never meant to hurt you, I feel so fucking awful that you had to find out like that."
His hand reaches up to cup the side of my cheek, his skin touching my dirty skin. Feeling like I was seconds away from throwing up all over the floor but I refrain, instead my eyes blink and a tear escapes.
Weston's eyes instantly dart to my damp cheek, his eyebrow creasing in the process. Using his thumb to swipe it away, then continues to hold me tightly. "Please don't cry," he whispers but he had no idea that what happened between us wasn't the reason why I was crying.
I wanted to tell him everything that happened but the pain in my chest wouldn't let me, like the words were poison. Like Weston would think I brought this onto myself because I didn't hear him out and I decided to go on a night out instead of facing my problems head on.
This was all my fucking fault.
Weston swipes his tongue across his bottom lip as he forces my eyes up to his, holding my cheeks with both his hands. "I am in love with you Micah," he breathes out, my heart stopping in my chest all together.
Blinking back at him in shock, not even realising more tears had escaped my eyes. "God, I have wanted you since the second I laid my eyes on you." He tells me with a beautiful smile. "Since you told me that you liked numbers, since you spilt that wine all over my trousers. Micah, I have wanted you for the longest time and I refuse to let this come between us."
My throat chokes out a silent sob at his words, forcing my forehead down onto his shoulder. Weston wraps his arms around me, cupping the back of my head and instantly feeling like I was at home.
"I want to put this right," he tells me quietly, my hands finding his back and pulling him close. "What we have is like nothing I've ever felt or experienced before."
My eyes blink harshly and I let out a jagged sigh into his shirt. "Estella is literally nobody to me, we broke up ages ago and I have no idea why she came here," he mumbles into my ear. "I'm just sorry things played out how they did. I wished I could have gone back and changed what happened between us that day."
I pull back from him and wipe my puffy eyes. "Can we not talk about this at work?" I ask as I attempt to take a deep breath. "I want to talk about it, just not here."
Weston nods eagerly. "Of course," he brushes his fingers through the back of my head. "Maybe we should go out for dinner or something? We can discuss everything then."
My head nods towards him. "Okay," I croak out. My anxiety begun to bubble up inside my veins at the idea of going out, telling Weston what happened.
Feeling nothing more than used and dirty, he just told me he loves me and this is all I could focus on?
"I missed you," he tells me gently, his eyes remaining on mine.
"I missed you too," my voice cracks and I notice how Weston's lip quirks slightly.
"What about tomorrow?" He asks. "Can we go out tomorrow?"
"Yeah," I say and Weston smiles. "I'm sorry I didn't come into work today. I have shit going on."
He shakes his head almost instantly. "I know this must have been hard for you Micah, I understand. You can come back whenever you want."
"I'll come back tomorrow," I say quietly.
"Okay," Weston swipes his hand down the back of my head causing me to shiver. "Whenever you're ready."
"I better go," I say as I move away from his hold, my glassy eyes looking up at him.
"Alright, I'll text you later." He tells me with a supportive smile.
"Bye," I mumble before cracking open his office door and rushing out before anyone saw me crying.
By the time I get outside and onto the main road, I take the deepest breath I have ever taken and wipe my eyes. Needing to get my shit together for dinner tomorrow, for even coming into work, I didn't want anyone asking questions because I know it would tick me over.
I just wanted peace so I made my way to the clinic, needing to be sure that I wasn't infected with anything. Not having a clue what Ryan had done to me, in a way that felt worse than knowing because it was like an overhanging shadow of shame.
But I knew this was important and I needed to find out as soon as I can before anything got worse.
. . .
Work was slow and in a way I wished that I didn't say I would come in, Theo, Lauren and Abi all asked if I was okay and I made up some lie that I hadn't been very well. They don't seem suspicious which I seemed grateful for, they just wanted to know if I was okay.
But deep down I wasn't and I don't know when I would be.
Weston said that he would pick me up with Darryl at seven, so it gave me an hour or so to get ready. Valentina asked what happened between us but I explained that we were going to discuss everything tonight and that I wanted to hear him out.
At seven on the dot a knock at my door spurs me away from the mirror, quickly grabbing my things and proceeding to the front door. Valentina tells me to have a good time and I thank her, opening the door and admiring as Weston stands wearing a black long sleeved shirt and jeans. The smell of his expensive aftershave wafting into my nose as I take a step closer.
"Hey," he smiles, his eyes flicking down my body and back up to my face.
"Hey," I nod back.
"Are you ready?"
"Yeah," I say as I shut the door behind me and follow Weston down to his chauffer car.
He pops the car door open and turns to me. "After you," he says gently and I smile at his politeness.
"Thank you," I say gratefully as I slip into the car, settling down onto the black leather seats.
"How are you?" He questions as Darryl begins to drive away.
I shrug before nodding. "I'm alright." I say bluntly, not wanting to go off into a tangent about how broken and numb I feel inside. "You?"
"I'm better now I'm with you," Weston sighs as he reaches his hand up to stroke the edge of my cheek, admiring his hand against my skin.
My throat swallows at his words and I listen to him speak for the remainder of the short journey, making me feel better about not having to say much. I liked listening, especially to Weston. He just had that voice that sounded like silk and would give you goose bumps no matter what he said.
Darryl parks up outside a restaurant and I thank him, allowing Weston to let me out as I look up at the sign in front of us. Weston's hand slips into mine and he gives me a squeeze. "It's a Mexican restaurant," he tells me. "I hope that's okay." He tells me.
I force a smile and nod. "It's great," I say as he pulls me through the doors and up to the waiter stand.
"Yeah, a table for two under Weston Locke," he tells the waitress and she nods, looking down at the book in front of her.
"Right this way," she beams at us as she grabs two menus and welcomes us into the restaurant.
My eyes darting around as I notice a square bronze bar in the middle of the room, stools dotted around the bar with many different sized tables across the floor. Weston doesn't drop my hand as we follow her through the sea of customers, when we approach our table, he pulls out one of the chairs and instructs for me to sit.
I thank him again and watch as he sits across the table, my eyes hesitantly looking around as the chatter of people and low music was making me feel nervous.
Weston reaches out across the table and takes my hand, shooting my attention back to his. The corners of his lips turn up at the corners as he admires me. "You look so handsome," he comments, setting my heart into flames.
"I'm looking a bit rough," I admit with an awkward laugh. "But thanks."
His head shakes at my words. "You don't, you look perfect." He smiles as his thumb brushes over my knuckles.
We order drinks but I didn't want to drink anything alcoholic, the thought of it made me feel faint and I didn't need that on my back right now.
"Can I explain everything from the beginning?" Weston questions as he leans down onto his elbows.
I nod and take a tip of my orange juice, forcing myself to take a breath and not allow myself to cry again.
"Estella and I met when I first moved out to Nevada, things happened really quickly and before I knew it I had proposed to her," he tells me. "But then during the relationship she would accuse me of cheating on her when I was out with work colleagues, working late at the office. It got so out of hand."
My eyes blink back at him as I run my finger around the edge of my glass, waiting for him to continue.
"I saw this side to her that I had never seen before, I wanted to break up with her months before I actually did. She threatened to hurt herself if I left her, that she would kill herself if I did and her blood would be on my hands." He sighs and shakes his head down towards the table.
"Obviously this scared the shit out of me and I didn't doubt her for a second, she was completely nuts. Of course she'd do something like that. So I had to get my lawyers involved and eventually I cut ties with her, that is a big part of why I left and moved back here." He speaks, his voice sounding frustrated.
"So why did she come back?" I question.
Weston's eyebrows stretch like he didn't have a clue, he leans back into his chair. "Honestly? I don't know, she is completely crazy. She just can't seem to leave me alone but everything was ended with her when you and I started getting closer. I'd never do that to you or to anyone."
I nod back at him and look down to my orange juice. "I'm just sorry that I lied about not being in a serious relationship before. I should have told you but there was just so much unneeded drama in our old relationship that it just felt easier to say no. She caused so many bad omens that I wanted to forget about her, forget that she even was a part of my life."
My lips were seconds away from telling him that a relationship should be built on trust and we should be able to tell each other everything, but here I was, physically unable to tell him what happened to me this weekend.
Not sure on how to even bring it up, afraid that he would feel disgusted in me. Like I had somehow cheated on him or something, even if I didn't have a say in the matter. This secret felt like it was weighing on my shoulders like a tonne of shame and I had to fight my mind to keep it together, for the sake of myself.
"Micah?" Weston's voice snaps me back into the conversation. "What's going on in your mind?"
I lick my dry lips and clear my throat. "Nothing," I lie. "I'm just trying to take in everything you've said."
"I hope you can forgive me for not telling you about her," he stretches his hand across the table again, brushing his fingers over my arm.
"I forgive you," I nod. I hope you can forgive me.
Weston studies me for a second, a look in his eye that made me think that he knew something was wrong, I was covering something up. Luckily our food is served, allowing for his attention to be diverted elsewhere.
Picking at the food on the plate in front of me, my appetite lately has been almost non-existent. "You not eating?" Weston asks and I shrug.
"I'm just not—" my throat closes up and I rub my eyes.
"Micah, what is going on?" He leans forward as he chews on his food.
"I don't want to talk about it here," I tell him quietly. "We need to be alone when I tell you."
Weston's brown eyes glimmer back at me, a wave of confusion covering his face. "Okay," he says gently. "Whatever it is, know that I'm here and I want to listen."
My lips shake as I take a look at his concerned expression, I did absolutely nothing to deserve him and now I have no idea how I'm going to tell him. This could destroy us, this could destroy me and I wasn't prepared for the backlash.
- Weston's POV from seeing Micah for the first time
- Weston's POV from tipping Micah at the restaurant
- Weston's POV from Chapter 16&17 (you know that handjob lolll)
- Weston and Micah get high
- Weston's POV from the first time he and Micah have sex
- Weston and Micah's trip to New York