Sneaking around with Jake was fun, ducking and diving between each others rooms and showering endlessly. It felt naughty and I loved the rush, like we were up to no good. Technically we were but realistically it was harmless, we both wanted to do it and both consented, so what was so bad about it?
The sex was a thousand times better than the first couple times, I felt like a rabbit who wanted it all the time. Or maybe I was craving the feeling of being with Jake, feeling so vulnerable yet so safe with him. I liked that I hadn’t done this with anyone before and now here we are, doing it all round the clock.
It was nice to know that he was enjoying it as much as I was, I mean he was coming every round so he can’t be having that bad of a time.
Remy’s party was this weekend and I was excited to get out of the house and be with Jake without being questioned. The gang have sort of realised what has been happening between us, Remy continuously asking for all the details at work but I made it out to seem like we were just having sex and that was it.
I hated the thought of Jake telling Zack and Carter all the details of what went on between us, so that’s what I tell Remy and she understood. What happened was between us and it was secret, it made our slow growing relationship feel special. Whatever our relationship currently was.
Coming home from work on Friday after three o’clock in the afternoon, noticing that Oakley wasn’t sitting in his cat house or on the patio. I stare for a moment, he probably has gone for a stroll or out hunting. But then I remembered, I didn’t see him this morning either.
Showering to rid myself of the alley, the air-conditioning still wasn’t fixed and I didn’t even want to know what I smelt like. Quickly getting dressed to take another look outside, Oakley nowhere to be seen.
Caleb and Evan were stood in the kitchen, Evan’s hand wrapped around a mug of something hot, the steam wafting up into the air.
“Have you guys seen Oakley?” I question as I waltz over to the kitchen island.
Stopping Caleb midway through a sentence. “We’re talking Myla,” he says bluntly.
I furrow my eyebrows at him. “I’m just asking you a question. I put his breakfast out and he hasn’t even eaten it.”
“No,” Caleb says quickly. “I haven’t.”
“Not at all?” I say as I flick my eyes over to Evan. “I’m worried.”
“Oh my God,” Caleb groans out angrily. “Myla, I don’t care about your stupid cat.”
My head recoils at his unnecessary tone.
“Caleb,” Evan says instantly, shaking his head in the process.
“There are a million other things in the world that are more important than that rat,” he says as he points over to the door.
“I don’t know why you have to be such a ass to me,” I say, my voice lowering slightly. “I was literally just asking a question.”
Hating how my heart started to burn in pain, why Caleb and I never got on was beyond me. I can never do anything right.
“Don’t worry Myla,” Evan says loudly as he meets me by the kitchen island, Caleb’s eyes watching him. “I’ll help you look.”
Caleb sighs and I rip my eyes away from him before I start spurring words I didn’t mean. Evan grips onto my arm and leads me out of the house, his hand soothingly rubbing up and down my back.
“Why does he hate me?”
Evan’s eyes turn to me wide, shaking his head in the process. “He doesn’t hate you Myla, he could never hate you.”
“Then why is he so rude to me?” I breathe out, my lungs struggling to intake any air.
“He’s just a little stressed at the moment, that’s all.” His lips fall at the sight of my face.
“But why does he have to take it out on me?” I clench my eyes shut. “He’s never like that to you, I’m always the one getting the low blows for no reason.”
“I know it doesn’t excuse his actions and best believe I’m going to be having stern words with him because you’re right, it’s not fair and he needs to be put in his place.” He offers me a warm smile, attempting to comfort me.
“Thanks dad,” I let out quietly.
“Come on,” he says pulling me out onto the drive. “Let’s go look around the area, I’m sure he hasn’t gone far.”
“You’re right,” I nod. “I’m just worried because he’s my responsibility.”
“Cats are independent Myla,” Evan tells me as we fall into a gentle paced walk. “You can’t put them in one place and tell them to stay there, they do as they please. He’s probably out attacking birds in a tree somewhere.”
“Maybe,” I agree.
“Don’t worry, we will find him.” Evan squeezes my shoulder, sharing a determined glance with me.
“Thank you for caring dad,” I say gratefully.
“I’m always going to care.”
. . .
Evan and I found Oakley later that day, he was out hunting in the grass behind our house. Enjoying the sun and doing what cats do best, I was relieved that he hadn’t run away or gone missing.
Remy wanted me to go over to her house early so that we could set up and relax, so I decided to start getting ready at five. Throwing on a pair of blue denim mom jeans and a checked shacket over a white knitted crop top. It didn’t scream party but quite honestly, I wasn’t one to flaunt my body for obvious reasons.
Just as I close my door behind me, loud shouting rings in my ears, directed from down the hall. Coming from the house office, I didn’t want to listen but it was so loud that I had to. That’s when I realised that it was Caleb and Evan, screaming at the top of their lungs.
“You need to stop speaking to Myla like that Caleb!” Evan raises his voice, never have I heard him talk like that.
“I can’t help it if I can’t get along with her!” Caleb’s tone is harsh and makes me flinch.
“Get along with her?” Evan says in disbelief. “She asked you a question Caleb and you spoke to her like shit. She’s our daughter!”
“But she’s not really ‘our’ daughter!”
His words sting, enough to make me grab onto the the staircase. Of course I’d never be his daughter, I was nothing like them. I have done nothing but cause them more misery.
“How could you say that?” Evan snaps. “She might not be our daughter by blood but she is ours Caleb. She always has been.”
“But don’t you see?” Caleb shouts back. “That’s the exact reason why I can’t get along with her, because she isn’t ours. She isn’t made of you, she isn’t made of me. We don’t have that special bond between us to make us get along!”
“I can’t believe how selfish and unfair you’re being,” Evan’s voice lowers, disappointment flowing through the air. “You knew exactly what we were getting into when we adopted her, we knew that it wouldn’t be an easy ride. But you know what? Myla is perfect, she’s perfect to me in every way and I wouldn’t change anything about her.”
“You know what I’m like with people that aren’t you,” Caleb says before slamming his hand down onto something. “How did I ever think I could be a father to someone that wasn’t yours? That doesn’t have your natural bond inside of them.”
“You can love people that aren’t just me Caleb.”
“I can’t help it if I don’t feel like she’s my daughter,” he says roughly. “It’s not like she’s made our lives easier, having a child that wasn’t ours was going to always be hard!”
My throat swallows harshly and I attempt to carry myself down the stairs, hurt and pain covering every inch of my body. Not giving myself a chance to listen to what Evan says, or the rest of their conversation. Caleb made himself pretty clear, I’m pretty much nothing to him.
I slam the door loudly on my way out, unsure if they would even notice that I could hear their conversation. Charging over to Remy’s house with an aggressive pace, needing to get away from here rapidly.
Fuck Caleb, fuck him.
“Hey,” Remy greets me as she swings open the door.
I storm into her house and approach her drinks table in the kitchen. “Are we getting fucked tonight or what?”
She blinks back at me in shock and nods. “Hell yeah.”
. . .
I had lost count how many drinks I had, anything to ignore this burning hole in my chest. I just wanted the feeling to go away and right now, this was the best distraction. So I danced and I sang, I pretended that nothing was wrong. When in fact I felt like the worst, to think that my birth mom didn’t want me and now my adoptive father never wanted me.
“Myla,” my name is called from behind me, turning to the sound. My vision blurry and my balance completely unstable. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”
Jake is in front of me, his brows furrowed in a concerned look. “Hey,” I slur as I slide my hand down the side of his arm, almost tripping up my own feet in the process.
“Woah,” he grabs my shoulders to steady me. “How much have you had to drink?”
“Not enough,” I shake my head with a slight eyeroll.
He takes my hand and leads me upstairs, away from the noise and thumping sounds of the music. Bringing me into Remy’s room and shutting the door behind us. “What’s going on?” He questions.
I shrug and swallow, my throat increasingly dry by the second. “Nothing,” I mumble.
“This isn’t nothing. This is so out of character for you. You didn’t even answer your phone.” Jake says loudly, his voice indicating that he was annoyed.
“I just want to have fun,” I state bluntly. “And I want another drink.”
“You’ve had enough,” Jake throws his hands over his chest. “You can barely stand up and I’m not having you somewhere in a ditch tonight.”
“You’re not my boyfriend,” I grumble out, pushing past him and talking back downstairs to the party.
“Myla,” Jake calls after me but I don’t stop, instead I walk faster. Trying to not let my ankles rock over, no matter how much I was stumbling about. I just didn’t want to admit it.
I didn’t want to talk about my feelings, I came here to get away from them.
“Hey you,” Emily greets me in the kitchen, Carter’s arm securely around her shoulders.
“Hey guys!” I yell loudly, causing a few others to turn and look in our direction.
“You okay?” She grins at me.
Carter leans forward and opens one of my eyes. “Are you fucked?”
I shrug innocently. “Maybe,” I say before smiling. “I want another drink.”
“Have some water first,” Emily tells me. “It’ll help with the hangover. And by the looks of things, you’re gonna be feeling rough as hell.”
“I don’t need water,” I shake my head towards her.
Emily and Carter look behind me, noticing Jake as he stands next to me. I close my lips and look away from him, I really didn’t want anyone telling me what to do right now. I just wanted to wallow in my own shitness without having to do a massive song and dance about it. Was that too much to ask for?
“Hey man,” Carter says as he slaps Jake onto the shoulder.
“Hey,” he nods towards them both.
“I’m getting a drink,” I declare and walk away from them, heading towards the drinks table again. Finding whatever and putting it into a cup, I was past the point of being grossed out by the taste of alcohol.
“Myla,” Jake says softly as he grabs onto my wrist. “Whatever is going on, this doesn’t have to be the answer.”
“You know nothing,” I say angrily as I snatch my wrist back from him. Raising the cup to my lips and taking a few big gulps, the alcohol burning the insides of my throat in the process.
“Don’t I?” He responds, blocking my getaway from the table. I glance up at him, gritting my teeth as I watch him speak. “I know that over a month ago you said you didn’t like the idea of drinking because of your mothers past. Now you’re here getting smashed up and ignoring when people are trying to look after you.”
My eyes burn with fury at his words. “No one gives a fuck about me Jake, no one! How could I be so stupid for eighteen fucking years, it’s taken me this long to realise that I’m just a piece of useless trash that no one wanted and no one is ever going to want!” I slur.
“I care about you,” Jake states instantly.
“Well maybe you shouldn’t, I’m not good for people apparently.” I rasp out before turning sharply, making my way out to the backyard with a wobbly stance.
Anger fuelling inside me, the need to scream or punch something. Fuck this, fuck this stupid fucking life.