Felix passed away late last night.
Caleb and Evan told me when I came downstairs in the morning, seeing them heart broken was painful and then I remembered Zara, Jake and Aria were yet to come home.
My lips tremble at the news and Caleb clutches me to his chest, his own heartbeat radiating through my ear as he shakes. His lips press to the top of my head, holding onto me for dear life. “I love you Myla,” he murmurs, his voice cracking slightly.
“I love you too dad,” I say into his chest, my own eyes beginning to raise with tears.
Pulling away from him as he looks down to me but his hands remain on my shoulders, his eyes heavy and red. “This has put so much into perspective for me,” he sniffs as a tiny tear drips from his eye but he instantly wipes it away. “I still think about what I said to you on replay in my head and I hate myself for it, I hope you can forgive me someday.”
“I do forgive you dad,” I say quietly, my body aching at the sight of him upset. “But it’s not something I’m easily going to forget.”
Watching as his eyes clench together painfully. “The thought of losing you, or you losing us is destroying me. And to think that you might possibly believe that I hate you haunts me because it is far from the truth.”
“Dad it’s okay,” I shake my head towards him. “I know you don’t hate me, I know you love me.”
His lips push out a sad smile as he sighs and then nods. Wrapping his arms around me again and kissing my forehead over and over, it doesn’t take long until Evan walks over to join in in the action.
Eventually we all pull away and Evan looks towards us both. “They’re coming home soon, I’ve started making some food and treats and things. I’m not going over the top but I just don’t want them to worry about having to make food or cook.”
Caleb smiles towards Evan and slides his hand down the back of his head. “You’ve always been so thoughtful pups,” he says softly.
“Pups?” Evan recoils at his words in shock. “You haven’t called me that in ages.”
“Pups?” I laugh softly towards them as they turn to me.
“It was a nickname I gave your dad when we first met,” Caleb smiles before beaming back over to Evan.
“We’re talking ages ago,” Evan holds his hands up.
“I don’t even want to know,” I say with a small laugh. “Are you guys okay?”
Caleb’s green eyes lay on mine and he nods. “It’s going to be hard to adjust, losing your best friend is something indescribable. But I know we need to be strong for Zara, I couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like to lose your mate.” His eyes fall slightly as he looks down to the floor watching his hand clutch onto Evan’s tightly.
“You’re right, we need to be strong for them.” I say confidently already concerned about how Jake is going to cope.
“Want to help me make these?” Evan asks as he removes himself from Caleb
“Yes,” I say instantly. “I do.”
. . .
Zara and Aria came home two hours later, Jake was nowhere to be seen. Wanting to give him space but worried about where he was, I didn’t want to be checking up on him like some crazed girlfriend but I thought that this scenario was justifiable.
Evan and Caleb were home supporting Zara as she cried endlessly, I had no idea what to say because seeing her this broken was distressing. Crossing paths with Aria as I walk to my bedroom, I tell her that I’m sorry for her loss and she smiles even though her face looked devastated, telling me thank you.
I sat in my room staring out of my window, my phone twirling between my fingers. Convincing myself to just give him a call to make sure he was okay, harmless and non-intrusive. Just asking if he’s okay.
Raising my phone to my ear, hearing the ringtone over and over. Chewing on my lip afraid that he wouldn’t pick up and I’d be worried sick all night.
The phone crackles slightly and I instantly lean forward. “Hi,” he croaks out.
“Hey,” I say softly. “I’m sorry about your dad Jake, I’m so sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry for,” he says instantly, sharp.
My hand moves to grip onto a piece of my hair. “Where are you?”
“At Carter’s,” he says.
“Okay, I just wanted to know where you were.”
“I just needed time away from the house and everyone.” He mumbles before inhaling suddenly, knowing that he was smoking right now.
“I get that,” I say in return as I chew on my lip. “Okay well I’ll see you later?”
“Yep,” he grumbles. “Bye.”
He cuts the call quicker than I had the chance to take my ear away from my phone, my heart sinks slightly but I couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like to be in his position.
Sighing as I fall back onto my bed, looking up at the ceiling. Not knowing what to do was the worst possible feeling, wondering if you could do more without doing to much. Grief is a strange emotion, watching others grieve is soul destroying and I wasn’t prepared for how it would effect their family.
By nine o’clock Jake still hadn’t come home or messaged me at all, not that I was expecting him to but I was getting increasingly concerned. Anxiety creeping up inside my blood and suffocating my throat. Feeling out of control.
Grabbing my phone and sending him a text, making sure that everything was okay.
Within a minute he had sent me a text saying he’s at the stream alone, I remember he took me on a walk past the stream a couple of months ago. Knowing exactly where he would be, I pull on some shoes and grab the nearest jacket and head out.
Caleb catches eyes with me on the way out and he nods towards me, understanding where I was going. The stream wasn’t too far away and I was eager to get there to I turn my walk into a slow jog, shoving my hands into my pockets. After ten minutes I meet the stream, looking down the long path managing to make out Jake sat a few meters from me.
Slowing down so I can catch my breath, not forgetting how unfit I actually was. Jake doesn’t once look in my direction even when I’m stood a few feet from him. Falling down onto my ass and sitting beside him, drawing my knees to my chest and looking out across the stream.
Neither of us say anything, letting the sound of the water trickling against the rocks and the wind ring in our ears instead. Digging my heels into the grass as I sigh silently and turn my head to Jake.
“I hope it’s okay that I came,” I say softly.
“I felt like I wanted to be alone,” he mumbles, his eyes trained directly in front of him. “But I wouldn’t have text you were I was if I didn’t want you to come.”
I nod back at him and rest my head down onto my knees. “Well whenever you want me to go, I will.” My voice shakes slightly.
“I don’t.” He responds simply. “I never want you to leave.”
Shuffling closer to him so our thighs touch ever so slightly. Jake’s eyes clench and he sobs out a cry like he had been holding it in all day, his body falls and his head hits my shoulder. Wrapping my arm around his back and attempting to hold his huge body to mine.
Rubbing my hand up and down his arm, kissing his head gently. “I’m here,” I whisper to him.
Tears fall from his eyes and drip down my shoulder, having to tighten my fists before I crumbled myself. Jake’s hands raise to wipe against his eyes, his fingers becoming wet. Breathing out of his mouth like his nose was blocked, his eyes looking crumpled.
He pulls away from me slightly and rubs his hand against his forehead. “You know when you asked me where I went last week when I said for a walk?” He says deeply, his voice crackling.
I hum towards him. “Yes.”
“I went to see the elders.”
My eyebrow raises slightly as I purse my lips, letting his words sink in. “What did they say?” I question as I wrap my fingers around his arm and study him carefully.
“I was right,” he exhales before sniffing. “My mate never existed, least I didn’t know about them or maybe they died.”
Nodding towards him not sure what I was meant to say.
“They told me that they know witches that can remove my wolf from my body, they said it would remove this nasty and unliveable pain that I’ve been living with my whole life.” Jake blinks, further tears falling from his eyes and down his cheeks.
My eyes blink back at him in shock, not even knowing witches could do such thing. Almost impossible for a human to believe anything but I let it go, realising that isn’t the main point of the conversation. “Are you gonna go back?” I ask him delicately.
Jake huffs out and looks up to the dark blue sky, the moon visible in the distance. “My dad would never forgive me, I know he would hate me if I did that.” His tone sounds punishing to himself.
“He wouldn’t hate you Jake,” I turn onto my side so edge closer to him. “He might have been annoyed you went against werewolf traditions but he would have wanted you to be happy above all else.”
Jake’s lip pouts for a moment before he retains his composure. “Then why do I feel so guilty?” He directs to me, discomfort covering his expression. “Why do I feel like I’m betraying him?”
My voice gets lost in my throat, attempting to swallow. “Because he’s not here to give you his opinion on the situation.” I say sounding more brutally honest than I expected. “But I know he would want what’s best for you, if this is hurting you to the point that you can’t live your life to the fullest then he would have wanted you to do what makes you happy.”
“I hate the thought of letting him down.” He croaks out, a rogue tear falling down his cheekbone quickly.
My head begins to shake before he finishes. “You’ve never let him down Jake, you will never let him down. He was so proud of you, he will still be proud of you no matter what you decide in life.” I say strongly catching his attention. “Things might have happened when he found out about us but he still loved you. He thought the world of you and your family. Don’t forget that.”
“I’m just scared I’ll be making a bad decision,” he breathes out, his chest sounding like it was about to give up. “Once the spell has taken action, it cannot be reversed. What if I make the biggest mistake?”
“I wish I could tell you what to do,” my lips frown towards him, trying my hardest to sympathise but I would never be able to understand what he was feeling. “But deep down I think you know what you should do, putting yourself and your happiness first.”
Jake’s dark eyes look out to the stream before back to me, his mouth opening slightly as he attempts to breathe, his nose still blocked. “I just want to feel a real emotion for the first time in my life, not some unsure feeling that makes me feel confused. I want to feel sad, I want to feel angry, I want to feel love. I want to feel it all.”
My lips press to his cheek in attempt to calm down. “It’s like I feel these emotions but I don’t, like they’re being blocked by a superior power and I am completely helpless. Like my life isn’t worth living.” His voice comes out harshly.
“Then you need to do what will make all of those feelings go away, what you think will make you happy.” I breathe out as I clutch onto the side of his arm. “I can’t keep seeing you like this Jake, it is destroying me.”
Jake’s hand laces through mine and he raises my skin up to his lips, leaving a delicate kiss. “I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without you. Thank you for being here, even if I’ve been difficult. I hate that I’ve been treating you like shit.”
“I’d never turn my back on you, not now, not ever.” I state simply.
Jake turns and rests his forehead against mine. “I think I’m going to go back to see them,” he says quietly. “But I’m going to speak to my mom first, tell her what I think and see her opinion.”
My lips curve up into a subtle smile, nodding back at him. “I support whatever you want to do.”