Chapter Thirty Two
When I thought Caleb’s pack were getting used to me, I thought wrong. Their eyes were constantly on me, watching me like a hawk and it was making me feel paranoid. I just wanted to know what they were thinking.
Regardless of what Caleb told me a few weeks ago, I still had my insecurities. Struggling to come to terms with the fact that a strong alpha like Caleb would want someone like me. Attempting to cover my emotions and act strong when I can see so obviously that people are still whispering and talking about me was hard. Keeping myself together so I didn’t go crying to Caleb like a baby was even harder.
Today we were training in our human forms which I absolutely despise. When I train as my wolf I am strong and fearless, I don’t feel like Evan who is small and weak. I am obviously slower and less coordinated and it’s not only painful to our pack but to myself because I feel so worthless.
I know I needed to shake these stupid feelings but convincing yourself otherwise can be hard, you are your worst enemy they say.
Jaxon told me that I needed to stop walking around the perimeter and avoiding everyone when we train as humans because I’m not helping myself to get better. He was right but sometimes things are easier said than done.
I just wanted to hide, from them, from Caleb, from everything.
As I walk along the stream that is right at the edge of our territory, I knew I was safe up here and out of harms way.
Bird chirp amongst the trees, the wind was still which only made the air feel more humid. As I loop round the edge of the stream my feet stop right in front of me when I see Luke, Kieran and a girl from Caleb’s pack walking in my direction but they hadn’t seen me.
“Fuck,” I curse as I take a step back, my foot snapping a branch in the process.
Their heads snap to the sound and they instantly find my eyes. Luke and Kieran share a glance before looking towards the girl, “told you he always hangs around the perimeter.” I hear one of them mumble.
Turning my back on them and walking in the opposite direction, I can hear their footsteps behind me but I try my best to ignore them.
“What’s up Evan?” Luke calls after me.
Beginning to pick up my pace to get away from them. “What you doing always hanging around the corners, hey?” Kieran shouts.
Ignoring them as my feet pick up and I break out into a small run. “What would precious Caleb think of you never taking part in training eh?” Luke says deeply.
My feet pound against the floor as I run off through the trees, adrenaline races round my body.
“How’s Caleb going to bring up the pack with someone who is too weak to even take part in simple training?” Kieran’s voice shouts as it echos through the trees.
I avoid everyone like the plague and keep low for the rest of the session. My self esteem was through the floor right now and I wanted nothing more than to hide in my bed for the rest of the day.
Why could I never catch a break?
Once training is over I rush back to the pack house without another word, I ran faster than I did during training.
My fingers rip open the back door and I fly up the stairs almost tripping over the steps, slamming my bedroom door shut with such force the walls shake.
Pups, what’s happened? Caleb’s voice is in my head.
I stare up at the ceiling and let out a strained sigh of anger. Nothing.
Please don’t lie to me Evan.
Balling my hands into my hair as I pull harshly. I have a migraine, I need to sleep.
A migraine? He shoots back.
I don’t reply, instead I pace my room trying to get my brain to stop racing with stupid unneeded thoughts.
Do you want me to come over?
No. I say back a little too aggressively. Sighing as I clamp my eyes shut feeling bad. I just won’t be good company, I’ll see you tomorrow.
Caleb’s reply is hesitant. Okay, I’m here if you need me. He says gently. I love you.
My heart explodes and I feel guilty all over again, I’m taking this out on him and it’s not even his fault. None of it is his fault, it’s my fault for not addressing it, for not standing up for myself. Somethings just never change.
As I stop in front of my drawer, my eyes rest on my prescription that lay on the wooden top. My fingers reach up to take it in my hands, I needed something to make me feel normal. Of course I was fucked up.
My eyes shake as I look at the packet, my frustration growing inside me when I think about how I need medication to level out my brain.
As my fists tighten, the packet is crushed in my hands as I slam it down onto the side before swiping it off the top and onto the floor aggressively.
My teeth clamp down onto my fist before I dive head first into bed and hide myself under my duvet.
Things weren’t getting better but I was keeping it to myself easily, I could barely even bother to speak which I knew was making Caleb frustrated.
We lay in his bed watching some action film that I was barely taking notice of. Caleb sits up, his eyes focused on the floor like he was listening to something.
“What’s wrong?” I ask quietly.
He doesn’t reply for a few moments until his eyes flick to mine. “I gotta go for a bit pups, something’s happened.” He says suddenly.
I furrow my eyebrows at him. “What do you mean?” I question.
He shakes his head at me. “I’ll explain later,” he says as he stands from the bed.
Reaching out to him desperately. “You’re not going alone are you?” I ask quickly as an unsettling feeling washes over my body.
He shakes his head. “No, I’m going with Felix.” He tells me before reaching up to brush his hand across my cheek.
“Okay,” I swallow harshly. “Be careful.”
Caleb’s lips stretch out into a beautiful smile, he dips his head down and catches my lips with his. “When am I not careful?” He says against me.
I nod once and watch as he loops around the bed and shuts his bedroom door behind him. My eyes fall back onto the TV and I watch the film for the next twenty minutes until I realise that I have no idea what’s going on and get distracted when my stomach rumbles.
Pulling my body from the bed and out the door, I make my way downstairs and into their kitchen. Surprisingly it was empty which put my mind at ease. I begin to route through the cupboards to see if they had any poptarts, to my disappointment they didn’t.
“Hey, look who it is,” I hear a voice behind me. “The little pup.”
When I turn Luke and Kieran stand at the other end of the kitchen. My blood runs cold just looking at them, my jaw clenches.
“What do you want?” I say, my voice dripping in annoyance.
They share a glance before laughing. “Ooh, look who’s got a backbone.” Kieran nudges Luke’s arm harshly.
“Oh, fuck off,” I spit angrily before turning back around and opening the fridge.
“Damn, didn’t think you had it in you.” Luke laughs.
My jaw ticks and I turn around suddenly. “Had what in me?” I say through gritted teeth. My hands ball into fists at my side as I attempt to stop them from shaking.
“A fight, which you don’t,” Luke says before crossing his arms over his chest.
Rage heats to my chest and I want to scream. “If you want a fucking fight, lets fucking fight.” I say as my chest heaves, my eyes staying firmly on his. Not even blinking once.
They turn to each other and Kieran slaps Luke on the back. “Lets fucking go then,” he says as he motions towards their back garden.
I wasn’t thinking, my brain wasn’t thinking. My body language was everything I wasn’t, confident and sure of myself but I couldn’t stand being kicked down one more time.
Following them as my feet press firmly into the floor, my body feeling heavy with vengeance. As we walk through the conservatory, Zara’s eyes snap towards us. “What you guys up to?” She asks.
Kieran snickers. “Luke is gonna fight Evan,”
Zara jumps straight out of the chair she was sitting in. “What?” She says in disbelief but I don’t give her a glance.
My feet follow closely to Luke’s as he stands in the middle of their back garden. Zara stands on the edges her hands running through her hair. “W-Why are you fighting?” She asks, her voice laced with worry.
“Mind your own,” Kieran says before turning his attention to us.
Luke’s dark eyes zero in on mine, his arms are big and shoulders broad. “Scared?” He tilts his head at me, he was trying to patronise me but I was having none of it.
“Do your worst,” I grit out to him.
His laugh fills the air before he moves close to me. He raises his fist parallel to my face and lunges forward, swerving out of his way as his arm flies through the air.
My heart beat can be felt in my ears, the adrenaline was now kicking in to its maximum capacity. Luke quickly recovers and stands tall over me, he moves forward swinging his fist again and it collides with my nose.
I fall to the floor, my nose crunching in the process. Blood splatters against the floor.
“Evan,” Zara pants from beside me, her voice sounding distressed. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
My hands press to the cold ground as I push myself up from the floor, blood drips down my lips as I look at her. Her eyes stare back at me struck with fear, I don’t say anything expect spitting out the blood that has congregated in my mouth.
Luke’s smirk was enough to launch myself at him, I don’t know where the force came from but it was enough to knock him over onto his back. His bones hitting the floor with a loud thud, sitting up on my knees I press down into his neck restraining his throat. Knowing I wouldn’t be able to punch him with actual damage, the only thing I knew was to block his breathing.
Luke tries to move my hands before he smashes me with his fist again. My body flies off his and lands onto the ground next to him, he stands up quickly and drags me by the hem of my shirt through the mud.
His fist lands in my stomach and I curl up into a ball in pain, my abdomen spasming with his punch. Groaning aloud, Luke laughs above me. “You’re weak,” he snarls.
“Fuck you,” I heave out before his leg slams into my face. My teeth smash against the flesh on my lips and my face burns.
Coughing out harshly as my hands covering my face. “Pathetic,” Luke says before spitting down on me, his saliva slapping me in the face.
My body goes up in flames as I push myself up from the floor instantly and stand level to him. His eyes watch me with amusement like he’s waiting for me to make my first move.
So I just lunge for his legs knowing I had no chance going for his chest. His body goes flying over the top of me as I push his legs back so he hits the floor.
“You little,” he growls as he slams his hand down onto the floor and shoot his body up.
Moving forwards towards me, his eyes dark with anger. He looks like he is possessed. Raising his fist up to me as I continue to back away.
“What the fuck is going on?!” I hear Caleb’s dominant voice boom across the garden before Luke’s fist comes down onto my face. My body hits the floor as my vision clouds with spots.