Chapter Forty Eight
Lucy gives my fingers a gentle squeeze, I resist the urge to open my eyes and peer around the room. So instead I stick to what she said and keep my eyes shut. Lucy's thumbs rub over the backs of my hands and within a second it felt like someone was inside my head.
It didn't hurt and it didn't feel intrusive, it felt like a cloud flying through my mind. I didn't have to think about anything or force myself to, I could already feel that she was doing it herself.
Minutes tick by and my hands begin to feel clammy with the anticipation of what Lucy is going to say. My patience gets the better of me and for a brief second I open my eyes slightly which results in Lucy shooting her own open at me.
She looks startled and stares back at me, her brows pulling into a frown as her eyes flick between mine.
Eventually she drops my hands and quickly swipes the back of her hand over her forehead, it was like she was trying to gather all the information and didn't know where to start.
"Did you see?" I whisper quietly.
Lucy's eyes find mine again and she nods slowly. "Yeah," she says softly. "I saw everything."
"Is everything okay?" Jaxon asks as he steps forward.
I wait for Lucy to speak but instead she pushes my shoulder out of her way aggressively and points her accusing finger at Miles.
"How could you fucking do this to Evan? You piece of shit," she spits angrily.
My eyes instantly dart to Evan's as he flicks his between Lucy and Miles, his face falling with hurt. His body turns rigid and I could hear that he had stopped breathing.
"I didn't do anything," Miles grounds out aggressively towards Lucy, his forehead crumpling.
Lucy lets out a sarcastic laugh. "Don't fucking test me boy," she shakes her head towards him. "I saw what you said about Evan, I fucking saw you grope Caleb in the bathroom."
"I didn't say anything," Miles stands his ground like an idiot. "And I didn't fucking do anything."
"Oh what, so you didn't call Evan desperate, easy and vulnerable?" Lucy challenges him as her eyebrow arches.
Miles turns to Evan desperately and grips onto his arm, Evan pulls away with so much force his body almost goes tumbling backwards. Tears are down his face as he storms past all of us in the kitchen and out the back door.
"Evan!" Miles yells out but Lucy stomps towards him before he has the chance to move.
Jaxon joins Lucy and towers over Miles, his arms folding over his chest like he is about to unleash the beast inside him.
I pray to the Goddess he does.
Turning towards the back door and quickly following Evan's steps, he didn't get far only half way down the garden. His fingers are running their way through his hair over and over, shaking his head like he's in disbelief.
Slowly I approach him and try my best not to startle him.
"Evan," I say softly.
He sniffles and quickly wipes his eyes like he doesn't want me to see him crying but it was far too late. His feet take tiny steps until he is fully facing me, his eyes bright red.
"It's so typical isn't it?" He laughs at himself pathetically.
I watch as he pulls down the sleeve on his jumper and wipes his nose.
"What is?" I ask as I step forward slowly.
"That no one wants me for me," he blinks and the tears start again. "I'm never fucking enough."
"Hey, hey," I step forward and let my hands cup his cheeks. Evan doesn't even seem phased as his lips tremble and he looks down to the floor. "That is not true, you are enough."
His saddened eyes flick up to mine and he reluctantly closes them again. "It's alright for you, everyone wants you. You're the dream guys everyone wants. I'm just vulnerable and desperate."
My hands tighten on his face as I bring myself down to his level, I give him a slight shake so his eyes find mine again. "Who gives a fuck who wants me, when all I want is you."
Evan buckles and his chest moves forward to collapse into my body. He chokes back sobs and I knew he was in so much pain, mental pain, physical pain.
My arms wrap around his tiny little body and soothingly I rub my hand up and down his back, attempting to calm his sobs. The warmth that spreads around my heart brought back so many memories, our bond might be gone but having him in my arms was a feeling like no other.
The amount of times I would dream of this feeling when I was held captive by my father, the uncertainty of knowing whether I'd get to see him again let alone feel him again.
"I never stopped thinking about you, you know that right?" I mumble into his chocolate brown curls as I cup the back of his head.
Evan stirs and I feel like he is about to pull away but he doesn't. Instead he moves his head and presses his other cheek to my chest, letting out a breath of air in the process.
"I thought about you too," Evan mumbles before sniffling. "All the time."
I close my eyes feeling content with his words, pressing my lips down onto his head as I give him the lightest kiss.
"But I wish I didn't because every time I did, it broke my heart all over again," his words don't sound angry, he's hurt and nothing compares to being heartbroken.
Pulling away from the embrace to hold Evan's face between my hands again, I quickly wipe away his stray tears with my thumb. "I know what I did to you was awful, leaving you when you needed me the most was hard. But you know deep down that I would have not done that unless it was the only option."
My eyes flick between his and I wanted nothing more than for him to see my honesty. "And I know that you probably hate me and you're going to need time to get over what happened because I broke your trust. But know that I did it for us, I did it so we could be together now."
Evan closes his eyes tightly and shakes his head towards me. His lips part and they begin to tremor at my words. "I don't hate you Caleb," his voice shakes. "I could never hate you. I just hate what you did but I understand why."
I sigh with satisfaction and never take my eyes off his as I smooth my hand over the back of his head. "Where do we go from here?" I ask quietly. "How can we fix this?"
Evan shrugs and blinks a few times. "The bond," he starts. "It's completely fucked."
My hand stops smoothing over his hair and I grip his face again. Our noses lightly brush and my eyes focus solely on his. "I don't need a mate bond to know that I love you,"
Evan lets out a shaky breath and he doesn't even blink before tears are streaming again. He was super sensitive right now and I wouldn't even want to imagine what was going on inside his head.
"You told me before you were worried about the bond clouding my vision with how I felt about you, so this is me telling you right now. Fuck the mate bond. I love you for you and thats it." My words come out a lot harsher than I intended but the passion was there and Evan felt it.
He blinks back, his eyes shimmering with surprise and takes a few moments to absorb my words. His mouth opens to say something but no words come out, I can see his mind over working.
"I'm not going to pressure you into anything, I'm not going to tell you how to feel. But I will wait for you, for you to sort out what you want. Whether that means you want me in your life or you don't," I say as I drop my hands from his face and he rubs his eyes. The thought of not having him in my life was the most painful thing to imagine but I couldn't tell him how to live because he needs to make that decision himself.
I can tell that my words have stung him because he chokes back a sob. My hand reaches for his and I gently give him a supportive squeeze. "If you need some time away from here, away from Miles and everyone else. You are always welcome at mine."
Evan nods back at me and for a few moment silence surrounds us. He entwines our fingers properly and holds them to his chest. "Are you okay?" I question as I feel his heart beating through our hands.
"Yeah," he says barely above a whisper. "I just want to feel you close to me."
My other hand gently caresses his cheek. "You have always had me," I say gently. "I'm yours pups."
Evan's blue eyes strike towards mine, his eyelashes damp and clumped together from his tears. He watches me, like he was looking into my mind and soul.
I move our hands from his chest to mine, placing the back of his next to my heart. My pulse beats harsh and aggressively. "You feel that?"
Evan's eyes linger on our hands for a few moments and he listens, he feels.
"Yeah," he croaks.
"This heart is completely and utterly yours," I pant, the tension building. "And no one is going to make it race like you do."
His eyes shut at my words and his shoulders relax, my heart beats loud and quickly. Evan squeezes my hand and continues to feel my pulse.
After a few moments he opens his eyes and the smallest little smile appears on his lips, subtle you'd almost miss it. But I knew that this meant something to him, he's just battling his own war in his mind.
"Are you going to be okay here tonight?" I ask as I drop our hands from my chest but continue to keep them entwined.
Evan shrugs. "I think so,"
"I'm always here, you know that," I smile towards him and he instantly nods.
"I know," he pauses. "Thank you."
"Maybe I should go, leave you guys to sort stuff out." I say towards the kitchen.
Evan pulls his hand away from mine and begins to fumbles with his fingers. "Okay,"
I nod at him once before turning around and taking a few steps forward.
"Caleb, w-wait," he stutters. My feet instantly stop in their tracks and I turn back around. Evan's eyes are big and his hands still fumbling. "Are you okay?"
My brows frown at his words.
"After what happened with your dad, are you okay?" He questions and it completely takes me back. I wasn't expecting him to remotely care about me right now.
"Yeah," I tell him. "I think so."
"You think so?" He challenges me as he takes a few steps to close the gap between us. "He kidnapped you, starved you, imprisoned you. I couldn't even imagine what was going on in your mind."
"It's okay," I say. "My father is dead and that means I am okay. I am here with you, I am alive and I have hope for us. I would be the stupidest person if I wasn't okay."
Evan shakes his head at me. "That's not what I meant," he says quickly. "How are you feeling mentally? Those kind of experiences are scarring and damaging."
"They are," I agree with him. "But right now it hasn't hit me and I hope it doesn't. All I care about is that you are okay."
Evan's lips open to talk but nothing comes out for a few moments.
"Don't worry about me," I say softly, my heart warming that he cared.
"But if you want to talk about it, you should talk about it." His eyes train on me hard. "I know you've been going through shit, I'm not the only person."
"I will pups," I smile towards him, resisting the urge to grab his face and kiss him. "But thank you for caring."
"No matter what happens between us, I'll always care," Evan wraps his arms around himself and I take a quick glance at the floor.
"I'm glad," I say gratefully. "Mates always care."