The Girl I used to Be

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Madelyn Davis has felt unloved by her mother for the past 8 years, ever since her father disappeared. People in her town give her dirty looks, speak badly of her, and make it clear that she her behavior is not to be tolerated. She feels like life couldn't be any worse, and she is more than done with hers, escaping into music quite frequently. Until she meets Luke Sawyer. Good looking, smart, athletic, sweet, the most perfect boy she could ever meet, and out of all the girls, he picks her. Its hard for her to be in a relationship because of something that has happened to her in the past.. But he swears that he will never hurt her. Madelyn swore to never let anyone hurt her again, and she intends to keep in. Can she ever be the girl she used to be?

Romance / Other
4.0 3 reviews
Age Rating:

Chapter 1

I hate baseball.

I’m walking over to my school right now, and catch sight of a young father showing his little son how to swing a baseball bat. The father laughs when the son accidentally hits him in the stomach. The son tips over himself at the impact, and the father rushes over to pick him up. The father catches my eye, and I look away ashamed.

My father always insisted that I played baseball as a child, even though I told him I didn’t want to. He wanted me to be a boy and he never failed to mention that. I can’t express how happy I am now that he’s gone.

Father disappeared about 8 years ago. He left for work early in the morning, like he always did, except this time he never came back. I was only 8 myself, but felt unbelievable hate towards him. Towards the man that made my mother cry because of the words he used towards her.

The cold rain trickles down my shirt and causes me to shiver. Why didn’t I bring an umbrella? I think angrily. It’s just my luck to have to walk home in the rain while wearing my favorite Nirvana shirt. I zip up my jacket and pull my hood up over my head, staring at the ground and trying to avoid all of the puddles.

I walk through the vacant parking lot as the rain hits my shoulders, pulling my backpack straps tightly against my arms and accidentally step into a water puddle. My sock and shoe instantly get soaked.

By the time I arrive at my school, I’m absolutely WET. My shirt, jacket, shoes, and socks are all drenched in water. I look up at my school, and scowl. Yet another day in prison, I think to myself.

Jefferson High is a private school about 3 blocks away from where I live. Most of the class are indoors, so at least I won’t have to worry about walking much outside during passing periods. The walls of Jefferson high are brick red, and the roof is lines with a clean white strip because God Forbid should it get dirty.

And you’d think that the kids would be good mannered and polite since they are rich, right? Hell no! The kids are mainly snobs because they think that they’re all high up on a pedestal and expect everybody to bow down to their every whim, (although most of them are rich so it’s like being locked in a room with hundreds alpha lions and only one female in the room.) My family is not rich, if you were wondering. My mom just has a very wealthy boyfriend, so we moved to a bigger house, and he insisted that no “daughter” of his will be going to a public school with all the other basic kids. Well... he didn’t actually say that but he might as well have.

I step onto the freshly cut grass, which results in my black and white converse getting covered in mud. I stop walking, and try to wipe it off on the edge of the concrete when I make it to the sidewalk.

“Hey look, Robby, an overweight band member named Kevin says, before letting out a snort of laughter and pointing at a wet spot on the front of my jeans. "Madelyn still isn’t potty trained." Boys are so annoying, I think to myself while kicking at a rock on the side of a curb. No wonder women live longer, I think to myself. They probably kill their husbands by the time they’ve spent many years with them. Maybe that’s why older couples fight so much. I continue walking to my first period, and ignore the laughs. I soon forget about Kevin, and I continue thinking about that little boy and his father.

When my mother had called the police and told him of father's disappearance, they asked me if I was OK. I looked them squarely in the eye and said clearly, “I’m glad he’s gone.”

My mother insisted that I go to therapy after that. Whats the point? I whined. Talking about my feelings never helps, I told her. She forced me to go either way.

“Madelyn,” he said every time we met, “How are you?” I refused to speak at any of the meetings. I sat in silence, glaring at him, until he became uncomfortable and said that he would call my mom to take me home.

“I just don’t understand you, Madelyn," mom would say. “Why can’t you just act your age?” I knew this isn’t what she meant. She really meant, Why can’t you just be normal, Madelyn? It isn't my fault...

I make it to my 1st period, taking a seat in the farthest possible row, and practically throw my backpack on the ground, and slump in my chair. Putting in my earphones, I close my eyes and ignore all the students around me. It’s stupid of me to think about that stuff at a time like this. On the first day of school. The torture hasn't even began. I take a deep breathe in, and pretend like I'm all alone, which isn't so hard for me.

I pushed everyone away after my father's disappearance, because everyone thought poorly of me. I enjoyed being alone. Alone with my thoughts that never betrayed me, and now that I’m 16 years old, I’ve grown accustomed to being unloved. “Unlovable” as my mother says. And now that I have a new brother, now 8 years old and absolutely amazing, Mom doesn’t pay me much attention either. He’s the baseball lover, and everything I never could be.

My escape is music. The words crawl into my mind and spread through me like fog, until even my darkest thoughts are covered up. Until I actually believe that one day everything will be OK. But then I realize how foolish I am to think that. Hope is for the weak, because life is hard. And we all end up dead no matter what we do.

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Further Recommendations

Rebecca Boberg: Enjoying the characters & their stories. Would like more detail in plot development & character development. Make a book

Christi Floyd: Really enjoyed it.

Stummy: Might have to read this again. Sweet story with a nice plot.

Preddysun: The story is not anywhere near being finished but so far I've enjoyed it. Good pacing and description. Will edit my review done with the book ❤️

Nancy Cain: An amazingly intriguing story and I absolutely loved each character and heart-stopping situation! Not even mentioning the hilarious banana 😂😂😂😂! Can not wait to see where this goes? Thank you for sharing your writing with us!

Cypress McCarta: I was hooked, i love this story. Well done 👍👏

More Recommendations

Tina Figueroa: I love everything,and there are no words to describe how amazing this book is.Please you have to read the series,I did an it was so worth it

Sandra Bennett: I am so happy to Discoverer that the Alpha has at last found his mate, the series of books are getting more and more intense, I shall be sad when I have finished them

killarney385: The change of scenes was it for me. I love how the main character has his fate always backed up and how this plot intertwines with the other of the previous books. As usual, the grammar is simple enough to show the emotions in place.

Fridah Lizz: I love the plot and the character development. There are a few grammatical errors but generally the book is great

Tracy Larish: Interesting start makes me want to read more. Nice character development

Deleted User: The fact that the book ends before she even goes on the date/dinner is so frustrating. But Even though...I love your story and the rollercoasters it takes me on. 💚🖤🖤⚔☠😁☠⚔🖤🖤💚

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