Please do not make me say it. Do not make me say it. Please! I parted from her and paced the cell.
Helena made sure that I was comfortable and had all the necessities put in the cell. I did not want to lose that. I did not want to lose her soft smiles when she looked at me. Her touch. I lost too much already. I would not survive her loss. I felt my wolf rise and pace in my head mimicking what I was doing. Helena embraced me from behind and that made me stop.
"Tell me Maximus. I'll never leave you. You're my mate. I did my share of terrible things you know. I killed and tortured rogues for the safety of the pack. That wasn't pretty but I'll do it all again if I had to."
"Did you enjoy it?" I asked my voice cold and distant.
I turned around to face her and she losened her grip on me. I pushed her softly against the wall of the cell and trapped her with my arms. She was looking straight at me and she was not scared. Her beautiful emerald eyes were trying to find meaning in my words by searching my face. I leaned into her neck to whisper in her ear.
"Did you enjoy it? The kill. The blood. Seeing the fear in the eye of your prey? Did it make you feel good? Did it turn you on?"
She shivered in my arms and sighed. She enjoyed being there in my arms. Well. I loved it very much too. I growled low and she wrapped her arms around my waist pulling me closer to her. She sighed from feeling me so hard against her belly. I wanted her. I did but I could not take her. Not yet. Maybe never.
"Saying that I did not enjoy the blood would be a lie. We're predators Maximus and I'm Alpha. I like to see my ennemies defeated. Does it make me a monster? I don't think so. It makes me a good Alpha and a good wolf."
"You did it because you had no choice." I countered.
"Just like you. Nothing you will say can scare me."
I parted slightly from her to look in her eyes. She meant it. It was plain to see. I hesitated because my story was horrible and torture looked like a walk in the park compared to what I did.
"Don't push me away Maximus. Let me in."
She put her hands under my shirt, touching my abs with warm fingers. I sighed from her touch and I felt calm. That was her power. She had it ever since she got her wolf. Her power went well with the mate bond. I felt at peace for the first time in ten years. I cupped her face in my hands and I sighed. The tingles felt wonderful.
"I did worse than that Helena. Are you sure you want to hear it?"
"If you want to heal, we both need to hear it." She said determined.
"I'll never be normal again."
"Who cares about normal? I want you safe. I want you to someday make peace with it and for that you need to tell someone what happened. If you don't want to tell me, I can ask someone else."
"I can't be near anyone else right now. I'm scared." I said shaking my head.
"About what sweetheart?" She asked softly.
"I'm scared you'll reject me after you hear this."
"I'll never reject you Maximus. You're mine. Let me share the burden."
It sounded so good to both our ears. I always knew she was the strongest between us and it had nothing to do with her being Alpha. It was just who she was. I was stronger physically now, that made no doubt, but I could never defeat her. Her mind was steel.
"They beat a lot of things into me Helena. They would use silver at first to make me behave and when it became too much for me, my wolf took over. That's what they wanted. They beat me daily and shaped me so I would be their pefect little killing machine. They would let me lose on packs or other lycanthropes' groups. Until killing became my only way out of their base. It was the only moment I had out of my little cell. They thought it was funny that I was so good at killing my kind and it became my only hobby. They would often joke about it. I was too weak to take back the control of my wolf so I let him protect me. He did it all without feeling guilty but even he had a breaking point. After killing an entire pack, my wolf became restless. It was difficult even to keep him in control. They made the cell stronger. Beat me more often until I would calm down. Then they got bored seeing me kill other lycanthropes in their territory. They made an arena inside their base and they would send me to fight lycanthropes daily. It was a massacre. So much death and so much blood but eventually I enjoyed it. I enjoyed being the strongest. The only survivor. I enjoyed crushing them and making them scared of me. I enjoyed torturing them and killing them."
She leaned her head on my chest and snuggled to it while I held her tight.
"You're safe now Maximus. They can't hurt you."
"The feeling doesn't go away Helena. Whenever I see one of us I want to... I want to kill them before they kill me."
"No one would harm you here. You can trust me."
"You're the only one I trust."
"It's a good start. We'll work on it. We have all the time in the world. I'll do anything for you."
She looked up at me and her smile was so bright. I would give anything for that smile. I was a killing machine but I would surrender it all to her. I knew I could count on her. She was my light. She was my safe place. I felt more myself when she was near. I smiled back at her and said.
"They need you upstairs Helena."
"I know and I will go but I need to be sure that you're all right first."
"I will be. Go."
She scrutinised my face and I gave her a smile. She was not convinced, I could see it in the way she frowned, but she did not push it. She was giving me space and I appreciated that. She kissed me softly before parting from me and smiled.
"I'll be back."
She would always say so before leaving and I would go back to the darkness everytime she did. She closed the door of the cell behind her and I was left alone with my thoughts. Her warmth lingering everywhere she touched me. I needed to open up more. To tell her more. I did not want to be the one to keep us apart but I knew deep down that I would be the one to break us.