Dreaming of the future
I wonder if he, the king, could see me now if he could recognize me with my hair being brown and short. Mary, handed me a small hand mirror. I held the hand mirror in my hands. I couldn’t believe my hair is brown now. Mary and Rose did great with my hair. I never had my hair done before. The ladies at the castle washed and brushed my hair. I wonder if queens and princesses feel after getting their hair done. I feel amazing, I feel powerful. Victor or anyone can’t take this away from me, not even my father.
I remember, my mother would try to cut my hair every summer and my father would beat my mother for even cutting an itch off my hair. I don’t want to live like that again. I want to be free to do what I want with my hair, and my body.
Later that night I helped Mary and Rose with dinner. We ate potatoes and green beans. It wasn’t much but it was better than anything I ever had growing up. Since my family was always poor, we had to sell our vegetables that we grew. There wasn’t much left.
A part of me does miss this castle. I don’t miss the king or anyone in the castle. What I do miss is the food and wine. I’m sure Mary and Rose never had anything close to what I had at the castle. I wish things could be different, I wish Victor was different. Maybe I wouldn’t mind being at the castle. I could grow to love it, I am sure I would. At least part of me is sure. Mary and Rose, has been so great to me. I wish things were different and I could bring them back with me.
Both Mary and Rose would love that my country you can wear whatever you want. They could open a shop and sell their beautiful clothes. I know I could get Victor to buy something from them. That would make everyone in the country want to buy clothes from them. They could even be the royal dress makers.
We ate dinner, Mary and Rose chatted with themselves about sleeping arrangements. Everything was still going around and around in my head. I kept thinking about the castle, Victor and if I do go back. I kept silent when helping clean the dishes. Since there are only two beds, Mary and Rose said they will share one bed and I can sleep on the other bed. I agreed and slipped on my nightgown and turned over. I closed my eyes and my mind was still racing about the thoughts I had during dinner.
I know I could never do something like that. I would have to make the king happy before he would do anything for me. If I do go back by willing or by force. He might kill me. They one word he could. With his mighty fist, he can kill anyone he wants. He never has to pay for his crimes. His crime.... He raped me, abused me, but he doesn’t have to pay for his crime. He is king, his word is gold and even his actions. Victor is just a man just like anyone else. The kings need to pay for his crimes
If I ever do go back, I’ll make sure he pays for his crimes. He’s just a criminal with a crown. If he wants sex so badly with me; I’ll make him pay for it. I’ll bring him and his country to its knees.
I finally went to sleep. I slept like a baby, I never slept so good in my whole life. Sleeping in the castle was very comfortable but it wasn’t much better than sleeping at home. At home, my father would make me wake up early and do my chores. Most of the time I would have to sleep on the wood floor. It was cold and dirty, and winter night was the worst. I could barely get warm. My feet would feel like falling off because it would be so cold, ice-cold. At the castle I wouldn’t get any sleep because I worry that Victor would do something to me.