Chapter Ten - My Work
For a long time I didn't have any of it. I jumped from one man to another, consequences be damned. I didn't care. But I wasn't happy. I wasn't fullfilled. What is a lot of good sex with nothing?
I wanted more.
But I refused to look. I already tried that and was left a mess for months afterwards. Avante' made me a shell of myself. Shattered and motionless on my bed crying almost everynight. I hadn't seen him since that night. That rougher than usual sex was the last pure moment that I had with him. And it was gone.
I hated him.
But I loved him.
I felt so stupid and naive. How could I fall in such a clique thing? I always thought I was better than that. But I guess I wasn't. I was just hoping that one day it would be easier.
And it was.
I spent the next year and a half to get over what happened to me, and that time rediscovering who I wanted to be. And what I'm worth, not only to me but any future relationship.
After my whore stage over the next year, I decided to take time for myself for the most part. I started to feel better and realized I did want better for myself in the years to come. And here I am sitting here at my table trying to wrap my head around what happened.
I don't regret anything.
I am surprised.
Surprised by going out of my comfort zone the last six months, doing something out of the ordinary. And realizing how Walker had been there all along. Maybe I am just at the spot where I could finally open my eyes and realized it.
I get up and head back into my bedroom and get undressed. The sun is peering through my blinds on the beautiful spring day. I grin to myself at the view and throw my clothes into my hamper.
I turn the water on and slip into the shower. I lather myself up and grab my razor and shave my slender legs. I rinse them off and wash my dark shoulder length hair and grab my loufa and finish up with my body. I rinse off and grab my fluffy white body towel and dry off slowly. I step out and finish drying before grabbing the lotion and apply it all over my freshly clean body.
I hear my phone buzz from the kitchen. I wrap myself in my towel and walk back there. I pick it up and look at it and a scowl washes over my face. It is work. Grant McCuhen to be exact.
"Can you come in for a few hours today? I could really use your help scanning and transcribing some documents for an upcoming case," the text message reads. I sign.
I cherish my weekends.
Especially after last night.
I type back and set the phone down. I said since I'll be coming in on today that I want Monday off. I need to have two days away from that place or I'd start getting burned out.
I finish drying myself off and reach into my drawer. I grab a pair of pink cotton bikini briefs and a matching bra. Since it's Saturday I'm dressing casual and comfortable.
I grab a pair of low ride dark denim blue jeans and a flattering black blouse with a shimming sheer shoulder. I put on my makeup, light foundation, blush, eyeliner and pinkish lipstick. I fix my hair and head back into the bathroom to brush my teeth and grab my purse, keys, and cell phone and head out the door.
I text Walker.
"I have to head into work for a few. Text me later.:
I head downstairs and walk to my 2012 Red Ford Fusion and hit my keychain. I know traffic on a Saturday is going to be rough, so I take a deep and turn the key in the ignition.
I love the city but at times I get agitiation by the constant hustle and bustle of things. Sometimes I just want to live on the outskirts of town and hear the birds and nature and less of the urban sprawl full of construction noises and honking horns. The need of running away is always in the back of my head.
But yet here I stay.
The sun beats down on my car as the temperature continues to climb. The weather guy on the radio station I turned to says it's going to be close to 80, unseasonably high for this time of here. You won't hear me complaining. I don't like the cold.
I pull into the parking lot and flash my badge to the guy at the bottle. He smiles as I pull into the lot and park my car. I get out and head into the building and take the elevator up to the 7th floor.
My boss Grant meets me as the elevator opens. As much as he could be a nice and fair boss, he also has a demeanor of a strict and course man. He is in his mid-40s, neatly combed sandy brown hair that never touches his starch collar and his dark thick-rimmed glasses that hide his deep green eyes.
"Sorry I called you in but I really need your help," Grant lays on me as I walk into the lobby. He knows I don't want to be there but it doesn't matter. I'm not a lawyer. My opinion doesn't matter.
I can feel his eyes scan me as I strut towards my desk. I look down at my watch and it reads 2:15. I am hoping to be out of here by five o'clock because I was hopeful in having a fun evening with Walker.
My heart flutters as I think of him.
And what he did to me last night.
I can feel my insides flutter in excitement. I'd much rather be with him right now than in here. I am getting burnt out by the job and know I want to go on vacation soon and just get away.
Every damn day.
Let me just get through these couple of hours so I can get back to relaxing and letting my cares run away. Some drinks and some good company is what I really need. I look at the stack of papers on my desk and that need entered into the computer. I let out a loud sigh and turn it on. Fuck Grant. Fuck this job.
I go to work.
"Hey, do you want to hang out tonight?"
I damn near screamed when I got the text back from Walker an hour later. Of course I want to hang out tonight, how could I turn down that invitation. I say sure and we plan on 6:30. I figure that would give me enough time to get home, clean up, and change.
I can feel the butterflies in my stomach and know that I had really made the right decison last night. I feel the intense smile on my face that has been permanently there every time I think of him.
I continue working.
Let's just get through.
One file at a time.