Empty swimming pools [BxB]

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I want the one I can't have

Lennon’s phone is ringing again and his heart skips a beat in hope it is William. But it isn’t and he just ignores it because he doesn’t feel like talking to anyone else.

He promised he would call him, and Lennon firmly believes that promise made in the state they were in certainly can’t be broken. After William made him reach all those highs in only one night it was like some liquid adrenaline had been injected right into his bloodstream strong enough to make him tingle, to move his body from that long hibernation it was in. His blue eyes were wild, his touch made Lennon feel just a little more lost, and a little more at home.

A few passersby recognise them but they’re not disturbed, rarely any locals will approach them in their own neighbourhood. He is sitting in a Camden pub garden just near his and Jorja’s rental flat, it is a sunny and windy afternoon, so he pulls his hair in a high messy bun sipping his coffee with Nate and Sam after they finished their session in a studio. He ended up playing Love is a laserquest by Arctic Monkeys over and over again. And for a minute it gets easier to pretend that you were just some lover. They are in the studio two days in a row. Second day after William. He is everywhere, in his thoughts constantly, in his body still, putting a smile on his face whenever he feels a bit of discomfort down there.

There hasn’t even been the possibility of comparing any of what he’d done to him to what Lennon experienced last time he bottomed. Yes, he was nervous about William being completely inside of him, but he knew that as long as he focused on him, his face, voice, smell, everything would be okay. Even since he was sitting next to him at the hotel bar, fully clothed, his emotional essence was naked. In a good way. And that never happened with anyone he met before.

His phone chimes. It says William.

He smiles.

His stomach sinks heavily. Flashback of William pounding hard into him while calling him beautiful. The message is simple and short, he’s asking Lennon how he is. He has an idea.

- Guys I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.

- Wait, where are you going, I thought we’re going to yours? - Nate questions him while Lennon is already sitting up, calling William.

- Sorry mate, something came up. - Lennon has a wide smile on his face, dimples showing, and William answers his call. He missed the sound of his voice. - Hey. I have an idea if you’re free now? - He says into the phone waving to his friends as he leaves the pub.

- Yeah, right. Someone more likely. - Nate shakes his head.


Lennon picks William up from his hotel in a yellow Ford Fiesta. The familiar smell of him fills in the car as he sits down and Lennon starts driving.

- Hey. Didn’t see you as a Ford Fiesta guy. - William smiles at him.

- Haha. It’s not mine, it’s Jorjas. I don’t have a car yet, thinking about buying one soon, hopefully. - Lennon explains. They still don’t make a lot of money, even though they’re quite popular in the UK. Lennon is not bothered by it, he lives quite comfortably as it is, sharing flat with Jorja is something he actually enjoys and cars he really doesn’t need much with all the touring.

- It’s nice. So... What’s your plan? You sounded quite excited on the phone - William asks.

- Oh right. Well there’s this place I really like to go, it’s in East Finchley close to where I used to live with Liam and Nate. It’s an old cinema. - Lennon explains while driving and hopes William will like the idea.
He realises it sounds like a date. But he just thought that William would probably like to be in a non public place with him and also he didn’t want to invite him to his flat, because he didn’t want William to think he only wants sex. What does he want?

- An old cinema?

- Yeah, I’m hypster like that. - Lennon jokes.

- Well with a man bun and that guitar in the back seat you sure look like one.

They laugh. And everything is back to being just normal, joking, relaxed William and Lennon. It is early for the movies but Phoenix cinema has been open since noon showing independent films, old classics or foreign-language films. They get some popcorn and soda and then Lennon buys two tickets.

- This feels like a date. - William tells him.

- Would you like it to be a date? - Lennon stares deeply in his blue eyes, curious about the reply.

- Um.. Lennon I...

- Will. Relax. It’s not a date. It can’t be anyway. For obvious reasons. - he mutters quietly mostly to himself but William hears.

- What are we watching anyway? - William changes the subject following Lennon.

- Um.. it’s called Mujeres al borde de un ataque de nervios. - Lennon says in a really bad spanish accent and giggles.

- What? - William bursts laughing and takes the tickets out of Lennon’s hands.

- Apparently it’s a Spanish film from 1988. - William points out and Lennon snatches the tickets back showing them to the person in front of the entrance.

- Do you speak any spanish? - William is amused by all this and follows Lennon in.

- Nope. Do you?

- No Lennon, I don’t speak spanish you idiot! - William chuckles.

- Great. We’ll have fun then.

Lennon winks at him, grabs his hand and guides him in through the rows or red velvet seats. A smile stretches on his lips as he scans through the small old theater, noticing not more than ten people scattered around. He usually doesn’t go to cinemas but this little theater is his all time favourite. The curtain falls in gorgeous pleats of thickest red velvet with burgundy tassels. He guides them all the way to the back row as the lights go off and they sit down on seats that are not the one’s written on their tickets. They put sodas and popcorn next to them and all is right with the world.

Lennon observers William’s face bright from the big screen, he looks like he is interested in the story on the screen, it is possible he likes the film, after all it is Pedro Almodovar and the man is a legend, Lennon knows that much of the famous spanish director. But William soon catches him staring and they exchange a knowing look. Wild and warm.

As they continue to watch the movie William reaches slowly to Lennon’s lap and begins to unbutton his trousers. One button at a time, slowly, methodically, with no hesitation. He knows how to unbutton buttons. There is no fumbling, which is part of why he can’t find the courage to say hey, what are you doing. The other reason Lennon can’t find the courage to stop him is that he doesn’t want him to. He was hoping for something like this.

No one is in their row, or behind them. After Lennon’s trousers are unbuttoned, William takes off his coat and places it over his lap, chivalrous and careful. His hand slips under the coat that covers him, and finds its way through the unbuttoned trousers. William presses his warm palm firmly against his underwear.
Lennon looks at him but William looks straight ahead, his face suggesting only that he is engaged in watching this Spanish movie. Lennon tries to watch, too, but is distracted by the warmth of his hand, and the protective sensation of being covered by his coat, its familiar scent and feel, which promised a whole world, one Lennon wanted a place in.

William concentrates on the film, or seems to, never looking at Lennon once, as his fingers move into his underwear. In this manner, both of them watching the film, the act of what he does with his hand is not just erotic but also slightly melancholy, significant. Lennon leans his neck against the back of the seat and tries to relax, to not be nervous or self-conscious. He focuses on red gazpacho, big golden earrings the lead actress is wearing, funny hair of Antonio Banderas. He watches these images in gold and red and white as William’s fingers flutter and move. When his body begins to tense, William’s hand understands and rhythm quickens. Suddenly, his orgasm finally comes, every muscle in Lennon’s body drawing tight, every nerve lights up with pleasure, he grips the armrest hard and bites his lip to stifle a moan, fireworks spark behind closed eyes. Awareness creeps back soon enough, and he blinks his eyes open to find William still sitting next to him, casually eating popcorn, eyes on the screen like nothing happened.

It isn’t long until the film finishes, so Lennon doesn’t have to sit there too long in his wet underwear. His cheeks are flushed hot but he knows then and there - he is falling for him. Hard.

And he wants to do this again, with him. Nobody else.

After he cleans himself the best he can in the cinema toilet they walk out, it is late afternoon, a few unruly strands of his dark hair tingle his face in the spring breeze. It is cold enough for some to be in their winter coats still, but he makes no motion to suggest he even feels it. William’s phone is ringing, and he ignores the call. And then it is ringing again, Lennon notices William’s face, nervous and worried after he leaves it ringing again.

- Is it her? - Lennon asks, a strange tone of his voice. Scared, painful. He doesn’t want to dislike Nina, he met her and she’s a lovely person. He hasn’t really thought about her until today. But she is a person that very much exists in William’s life. She is in the spot where he wants to be, needs to be, belongs.

- Yeah, I can’t talk to her now. Fuck. - William tries to shrug it off.

- William, I think you should maybe talk to her. - Lennon is feeling brave.

- And tell her what? Hey, baby, how are you, listen, just to let you know, I cheated on you. Multiple times. With a man. Have a goodnight. - William raises his voice at Lennon.

- Well, no... Not like that. But I thought you did plan on telling her, maybe...about this. - William gives him a surprised look, not saying anything really for minutes and Lennon feels the cold of the night air.

- I can’t. - William walks beside him. Lennon watches him as he pulls out cigarettes out of his pocket, and lights one up. Just as he moves the cigarette from his lips he blows the smoke in the air carefully, deep in thought.

- Can I ask you a personal question? - Lennon says and William nods, flicking the filter, the ash sprinkles across the cement.

- Is the bigger problem that you cheated or that you cheated with a man? - Lennon’s voice is serious but William laughs quietly, a short huff of air out of his nose that is barely perceptible.

- She knows I was in a relationship with a man in Uni, I told her I’m bisexual. But I’m not out... it’s not something I tell people. It’s complicated. People close to me know, my dad and sister know. They’re just not very happy about it, my father at least, therefore it’s a topic I never talk about. But that’s not the problem, Lennon.

- William, I don’t want this to be a problem for you at all. I just thought... I thought you want this, as much as I do. I mean, what just happened, in the cinema... That’s what both of us wanted? - Lennon questions him, realising just at that moment how serious this conversation is and how it’s so unlike him.

- I’m really not sure what I want or what am I going to do, Lennon, this is not easy for me. Do you understand that? She is such a big part of my life that I can’t just...

William is upset. Lennon is sad. He stops and William turns around wondering why he stopped so abruptly . Lennon looks at the ground, thinking of the mess he got himself and this man in, he doesn’t want any of this, all he wants is William.
Whenever he wants something he usually gets it. No complications. His body wants William and it is supposed to be just sex, so why did he dare to ask of this man to leave his long term girlfriend for. All his ex partners were just casual sexual encounters, emotions just aren’t something he’s dealt with much in the past. It’s not like he ever dated or had serious relationships. Why dare to even imagine he can do that now? He didn’t think this through.

- The car is just here, I will drop you off.

William puts out his cigarette, they get in, William is typing messages on his phone most of the time, while there’s quiet Led Zeppelin coming from the radio - Babe, I’m gonna leave you. His fingers play to the beat on the steering wheel for a minute or two.

- Listen, William. I’m sorry. It’s not my place to tell you what to do. You barely know me. - Lennon says breaking the silence. - I don’t know why I said what I said. It’s only sex. What this is. So... it really shouldn’t bother me if you will say anything, or do anything about it. -

William looks at him with an unreadable face. Lennon has no idea why he allowed himself to feel all this, to even consider actual feelings towards a person he had sex with. Soon Lennon’s car stops in front of Four Seasons hotel.

- Yeah, you’re right. - William replies and clears his throat. - Goodnight Lennon, thanks for the cinema.

William closes the car door behind him, and Lennon watches him walk into the hotel where a doorman greets him by shaking his hand.

- Yeah, goodnight.

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