Love will tear us apart
William runs for the door. He can’t breathe. His mind is whirling and frantic. This is happening. He doesn’t even see her, he just assumes she went outside. The music is suddenly too loud, people obnoxious . He fights his way through the crowds, then the exit door and runs towards Nina when he spots her going towards their car.
- Nina, stop!
He shouts, catching up with her. He stops at the side of the car and stands still for a second. He can’t see her face or what she is doing until she slams both fists into the roof of a car.
- Tell me you’re not fucking him. - William can’t react immediately, surprised by the unexpected question, Nina rarely using such vocabulary. And she is never violent. But then again, had she ever been cheated on?
- Nina, please calm down. I... - William whispers, still trying to catch his breath from running after her.
- No. I can’t calm down. Please, just tell me. - she begs. Uncontrollable pain and hurt storms through William, realising how much pain his actions caused.
- Nina, you don’t deserve this. I never wanted you to find out like this...
- You mean, you wanted me to find out during some nice candle lit dinner? - she interrupts him as small rain drops start falling on their hot faces.
- I am not sure what was happening myself, you have to believe me, I... was confused, but it just happened. And I know it was wrong, so so wrong, and words can’t express how sorry I am for doing this to you but... Nina... things ...aren’t like they were before...I’m sure you noticed too.
- Oh yeah. I definitely noticed how you didn’t touch me in weeks.
- No, that’s not what I mean!
- Ok ok. Stop talking! I... need to calm down, this is... - she takes a deep breath and starts pacing in front of the car. - We will fix this. I have to think ...
- I get it William. I do, it was just sex, you were bored, and both of us - we are busy people, we’ve been together for a long time and it’s normal. Besides Lennon Lewis is... persuasive. And you’ve been confused, couples go through phases like this and we will too. I will forgive you. I will do it for us... - Nina is rambling, her mind going everywhere.
- No, Nina! We can’t fix this. I cheated on you, it was wrong. You don’t deserve this. You deserve someone better than I am. I think... it’s not just sex... with Lennon. - she laughs lightly as she brushes a stray hair out of her face. A frown clouds her features as she fiddles with her fingers aimlessly. William furrows his eyebrows in confusion as he watches her stare at the cement floor.
- Get in the car Nina. - William orders. - Please. Just get in the car.
He opens the door for her and she gets in, not looking at William. After he sits down on the driver’s seat, he thinks of Lennon and how things will change after tonight. This moment right now is hard and he really doesn’t want to be here breaking up with her like this, but he has too. He has to have this talk with Nina, even if they’re here all night, he has to get it over with. And then tomorrow he will be free. Free to be with Lennon.
- I know you like men too, William. - she starts talking - I never had an issue with that, and it’s ok if you miss... you know, if you want to have sex with men sometimes. I can understand that, so... I get it, it is something we can talk about - she utters in a small voice as she lifts her gaze to meet William’s. She wears a look of sympathy as she stares at him. Masking his emotions, William has a poker face as he turns away from her and stares ahead at the gleaming lights.
- You don’t get it. - he responds gruffly as he runs a hand down his face. Nina lets out a deep breath from beside him as she shifts closer to him.
- Fine, if you don’t want to open up to me, at least can we talk about going to couples therapy? - she questions , frustration leaking through her words. William keeps his gaze fixed ahead as he mutters a reply.
- What I’m saying is, it’s not just sex, I care about him.
- You actually want to break up with me? - she lets out a bitter laugh as she hears his response.
- Yes. I think... it’s for the best, I’m sorry.
- All I want is for things to be normal again. Things to be perfect again. - She exclaims as she places her cold palm over his. Turning to face her, William looks into her hopeful brown eyes. As he sits there staring, he is engulfed with memories of his life before Lennon.
Her eyes summon the demons that haunt him, the same demons that will never allow him to feel happiness, to feel free. Sliding his hand out of hers, William stares into her eyes before turning away again.
- You’re foolish to believe that things can be normal again after experiencing this. Things will never be the same, Nina. - his voice is low as he answers and her dark brown eyes are welling with tears as she stares at him angrily.
- Why?! I am your girlfriend, I can help you through it, through this phase ...I’m ready to forgive you for cheating on me! - she cries as she grabs his hand and squeezes it again. Looking towards her, he stares at her tear stricken face and sighs in frustration. A phase. That’s something his father used to say for his relationship with a man.
- Things can’t be normal again because... I have feelings for him, feelings that I don’t have for you anymore, Nina.- William says as calmly as he can before lifting his phone from his lap looking at the screen, expecting a call or a message.
- So this is it? After almost two years...- she laughs mockingly as she angrily wipes her smeared mascara off her cheeks. The rain is falling harder now.
- Well, William, I can’t let you do that. You need to know the truth, I really didn’t want to tell you but I think it’s necessary. You’re clearly in denial, thinking you two have something more.
- Nina... What are you talking about? - William is starting to run out of patience.
- Lennon Lewis is an easy, promiscuous liar. He is a man whore, he slept with half of London. And I’m sure you know that. - she pauses then turns towards him - I saw him that day, you know the day after Charlotte’s engagement party? - she looks at him with angry eyes and William feels chills down his spine. How could’ve she seen them, they were in the room all the time. He stays silent, shock in his eyes while Nina continues talking.
- Yes, that day, I went to your hotel, to get you so we could go to lunch but just before entering the hotel I saw Lennon leaving. He had this smug smile on his face, but he didn’t see me. I was surprised to say at least, what could’ve he been doing in the same hotel, I asked myself. I thought you might have stayed in touch after the concert in New York, but for him to be leaving your hotel, in the morning, and him being openly interested in you that night in the pub... I put two and two together. Of course after seeing you naked when you opened the door, it just confirmed my suspicion.
- Nina, w... You knew all this time? Why didn’t you tell me? Confront me then?
- Well I was upset. I was more than upset, because I actually liked Lennon. After I realised what was going on I didn’t know what to do. Yes I wanted to confront you, to scream and shout at you. But, I didn’t want to believe that you would hurt me like that William, that was just so not you! You would never cheat. We were so happy together. So I realised that maybe something else was going on there and started digging on Lennon Lewis. And I found out what a disgusting slut he really is.
- Nina, please don’t talk about him like that. Just... stop ok?
- No, I won’t stop until you realise that he’s been messing with your head. He doesn’t like you, he only sleeps around, and if he had told you that he wants to have something more with you, he is lying William - he only wants your money!
- That’s bullshit, he didn’t even know about my family until a few days ago. - his heart races. - Besides why would he want my money? This story is ridiculous Nina.
- Oh please, you’re so naive. He is lying to you. He wants to get close to you so he can get to your uncle and your money to promote his music. They’re not doing that good, his label is not promoting the band and he’s poor as a church mouse. Matty told me everything.
- What? Matty who? Matty Sinclair? What does he have to do with... - then William remembers, Matty’s hand on Lennon’s thigh. Entire fucking night. And looks and laughs and winks. He’s blood is boiling at the realisation that something is actually happening between them. But no. Lennon said that he didn’t sleep with anyone after he met him, that Matty is only a friend.
- Matty knows Lennon very well. I mean, very well. They’re friends with benefits, Matty told me, just the other day he said they were...
- Nina, stop...
William can’t listen to her anymore, he doesn’t want to believe the words that are coming out of her mouth. Suddenly the phone in his lap starts ringing and he sees Lennon’s name flashing from the screen. William is staring at it, not having enough courage to answer. He wants to hear his voice, to ask him to deny everything Nina said.
Actually he doesn’t care about all that, yes, he is jealous of Matty Sinclair but Lennon and William weren’t exclusive, Lennon didn’t have to stop seeing other people. But why lie? Was he lying about other things too? They even fucked without a condom and he never trusted anyone more than Lennon at that moment. Is he going to regret that? Suddenly Nina grabs his phone, and all he does is stare at her and lets her. His mind isn’t processing all this information properly.
- Give me that phone! I can’t have him interrupting us at this moment. - Nina is furious, opening the car door while tapping the green button on the screen . - Hello? What do you want Lennon? -
It’s all William hears before she slams the door and leaves William alone in the car. Agony washes over him as he waits for Nina to return. Every second that goes by is a torture. Should he trust Nina, his girlfriend of two years who has never lied to him before, who is loving and faithful to him or Lennon, a guy who he only met a few weeks ago, doesn’t know anything about his past, even Liam, Lennon’s best friend, warned him to be careful when it comes to Lennon. Is he acting reckless?
But he needs him. Just thinking about him has his heart racing. His entire body trembles with a need to just be in his arms. Maybe he should listen to his heart and not brain. His thoughts are interrupted by Nina opening the door. When she sits back down William looks at her, his nerves on edge.
- What did you do? - William whispers.
-I told him not to bother us. You and I need to talk, William, this is important. And I can’t have him calling you and telling you any more lies. - her voice is so cold, so detached.
- Nina, I don’t know who to believe. I think I should give him the benefit of the doubt. What did he say?
- He was angry. He wanted to talk to you. He was rude to me William, he said that he will win in the end, or something like that.
- What? That doesn’t sound like something he would say. - William eyebrows shoot up.
- Do you actually know him? -Nina asks him.
The water droplets begin growing larger and falling frequently. He can hear the beat of the rain against the window and looking out can see, through the curtain of water, the dimmed lights of the city, and a familiar tall figure, with long hair, wearing black, waving his hand at the taxi. The taxi doesn’t stop. Then he sees another familiar face, ginger hair. It is Matty. He and Lennon are talking. They are standing close. No. No. This can’t be happening. Matty takes Lennon’s hand. Lennon follows him to the car, still holding his hand. Squinting his eyes, William follows their every move, as Nina remains quiet beside him. His heart is shattering, breaking over and over again in his chest. It is hard to breathe. Silence is suddenly broken.
- Believe me now?
- Let’s go home.