I can’t stop thinking about it.
When she goes back to her room, I want nothing more than to follow her.
I run my hands through my hair for the millionth time, trying to convince myself not to go knock on her door.
I can hear that she’s on the phone. I wish whoever it is would hurry up and finish the fucking conversation.
My phone buzzes with a text and I reach for it, eager for the distraction.
I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. It’s a text from Micah about us going out tomorrow night.
For a second, I forgot all about him. I forgot that Lilah is his sister.
His sister who he specifically told me to stay away from when we first became friends.
Before I moved in, he gave me a fucking lecture on staying away from her.
I swore to him I wouldn’t go near her, plenty other girls in the sea and all that. I had no idea just how tempting she would be.
Guilt fills me and I sink onto my bed.
I should never have kissed her.
I need to end this now, before Micah finds out.
I don’t see Lilah until the evening, the next day.
We’re about to leave when the girls return. We come downstairs, Lilah and Courtney are by the front door.
Lilah looks amazing. She’s dressed casually, but she looks beautiful.
She looks up at me and guilt hits me again. Micah is stood right next to me, oblivious that I kissed his little sister. And I fucking liked it.
I give her a brief smile.
Fuck, get me out of here.
I can feel her eyes on me as I walk out to the cab, but I don’t let myself turn around. I need to stop this before it properly starts.
We get to the bar and start drinking. Around our table, we drink and talk. My mind is taken off Lilah for a bit.
That is, until she walks into the bar looking fucking incredible.
She’s wearing a black dress that hugs every fucking inch of her body.
Jesus. It’s like she’s trying to make this as hard as possible for me.
I keep my eyes on Jett, not letting Lilah get her hopes up. I’ve got to cut her off for a bit, until things cool down between us.
It works. For a while.
‘Hey, it’s that hot chick that came into your parlour the other day,’ Micah tells me.
I look over and see Alexa-Alexis-Alex, something like that.
She looks hot, I’ll admit. But my eyes go back to Lilah.
She’s watching the girl with a jealous look and I inwardly grimace. It’s not good if she’s feeling jealous.
I should never have kissed her.
Another hour passes and it’s fucking torture.
Lilah is everywhere I look. She’s chatting to the guys and making me jealous, which I hate. She’s looking amazing as she dances. She’s looking beautiful as she laughs.
She’s fucking everywhere.
I can’t get her out of my head.
Micah and I go to the toilet. I grab his arm when we come out of the men’s room.
‘Hey, do you think we could go out this week, just the boys?’ I ask.
Micah frowns. ‘Uh, yeah. Why? Is everything alright?’
‘Yeah. I’d just like to go out without your sister for once, you know,’ I tell him casually.
Micah’s frown deepens. ‘What’s wrong with Lilah?’
’I’m not trying to be a dick, man. I’m just saying, does she have to come on every night out? I feel like she’s always there,′ I try and explain.
I wish I could just tell him; it’s cause she’s fucking hot and I can’t stop thinking about her.
‘She’s my sister,’ Micah snaps at me. ‘Of course she’s gonna come out with us, you’ve got to remember she was friends with these guys before you were.’
‘I know, man. I’m sorry. It’s just...I need a night out where she’s not here, you know? Courtney as well, we need a boys night,’ I try and convince him.
Micah nods slowly. ‘Yeah, alright, I get it.’
I slap him on the back. ‘Thanks, man. I appreciate it.’
We go back to the table. Lilah is there, looking at her phone.
Fuck sake. She even looks sexy when she’s scrolling. She’s biting down on her bottom lip.
I watch her take a shot, her face screwing up at the taste of alcohol. Courtney drags her over tot the dance floor and I groan inwardly.
I do a few shots with the guys, feeling the alcohol catch up with me.
I need to get fucked so I don’t think about her.
I try to stop myself from looking over, but I can’t help it. She’s shaking her curvy ass and all I want to do is grab it.
She’s so fucking hot.
‘Hey, you alright?’ Micah asks next to me.
I nod quickly, embarrassed to have been caught checking out his sister.
‘Here, have another.’ Micah hands me another shot and I take it.
‘That girl is over there,’ he comments.
I look up and see the hot client at the next table. She catches my eye and smiles. I smile back at her, trying desperately to remember her name.
A second later, she saunters over to our table.
‘Hey,’ she greets with a raspy voice.
She sounds nothing like Lilah and I like that.
I need that.
‘Hey,’ I greet her.
Micah wiggles his eyebrows and subtly moves away from us.
‘I’m Alexis, don’t know if you remember me, but I came in earlier in the week,’ she says sweetly.
She’s beautiful. But I’m still thinking of Lilah.
‘Yeah, I remember you. I’m Sinn,’ I tell her and she giggles.
‘I remember. How could I forget?’ She flirts and takes a step closer to me.
She smells sweet and kind of spicy, nothing like Lilah.
I glance over at the bar to see her laughing with Courtney. I quickly look away.
I need to forget about her. I don’t have a chance. Not with Micah around.
Speaking of Micah. He’s stood behind Alexis, gesturing at me to crack on with her. He frowns at me, silently asking what I’m waiting for.
Alexis is giving out all the signals that she’s interested.
Why am I not acting on them?
I lean in and Alexis smiles. She leans in too and I kiss her.
She tastes like alcohol and lipstick.
It doesn’t taste right.
My hands are on her waist, hers go into my hair.
It doesn’t feel right.
It’s nothing like Lilah.
It’s nothing like it should be.
Her tongue nudges my lips and I pull back, breaking the kiss.
I can’t do this.
‘Sorry,’ I mutter.
She giggles nervously. ‘It’s okay.’
‘No, it’s not.’ I sigh and run my hands through my hair. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t want to lead you on. That was a mistake. I’m not in a good place right now.’
Alexis looks at me for a moment and then gives me a small smile.
‘It’s alright. You’ve got my number, call me when you’ve worked stuff out, okay?’ She says and then goes back to her friends.
Wow. She took that better than I thought she would.
Micah comes over, looking exasperated.
‘What was that? She was hot!’
I shrug. ‘Wasn’t feeling it.’
Luckily, I’m saved by Courtney coming over.
‘Hey,’ she says and kisses Micah. ‘Lilah wasn’t feeling well, she’s gone home.’
Disappoint hits me.
I guess it makes it easier, not seeing her here, but still...I’m disappointed.
I like her.
I hate that I do, but I can’t deny it.
Kissing Alexis felt so fucking wrong. I shouldn’t have done it.
What a shit night.
I wake up just before 10.
My head is banging and I feel like shit.
A hot shower helps a little, but my mood is still fucking low.
I need to speak to Lilah. I have a horrible feeling she left last night because of me.
Did she see me kiss Alexis?
When I come downstairs, Lilah isn’t around. Micah and I have breakfast on the patio, needing the fresh air to help cure our hangovers.
The bacon buttys help, too.
Lilah is out all day. She doesn’t come home till after eight PM.
Micah calls out her name. I’m in the kitchen and I go into the corridor to see her.
I need to see how she acts with me, then I’ll know if she saw me kiss Alexis or not.
‘Lilah, can we-’ I start to ask her, but she gives me a blank look and strides upstairs, cutting me off.
She definitely saw.
Her bedroom door slams and I wince.
I’ve fucked up.
I wake up just before 9am, it’s Monday, so no university.
I get ready for the day and pad downstairs, happy that both Sinn and Micah are at work.
I keep myself busy for the day and at 4:30pm, Micah comes home. He finds me in the kitchen, unpacking the groceries I’ve just gone out and bought.
We chat for a little bit and then I ask the question that’s been bugging me.
‘By the way, I heard your conversation with Sinn by the toilets in that bar,’ I say
Micah’s lips press into a thin line.
‘Thank you for defending me, I was really surprised by it. I didn’t know he had a problem with me,’ I tell him and Micah nods.
‘I know, surprised me, too. I thought you guys got along really well,’ he replies.
He starts helping me unpack the shopping bags.
‘He just randomly mentioned that he wanted a boys-only night out soon. Maybe he thinks you cockblock him from getting any action,’ Micah suggests.
I freeze, hand half in the bag to reach a packet of rice.
He thinks I’m a cock-blocker?
‘Well, he’s a dick and I’m avoiding him. I won’t go on any nights out when he’s there in the future,’ I reply angrily and Micah sighs.
‘Nah, I don’t know what it is but there’s something up with him. I don’t think he really meant it, he’ll get over it,’ he shrugs but I’m not so sure.
I make myself some pasta before Sinn comes home and leave it out for later, that way I don’t have to cook whilst he’s here.
I stay in my room most of the night watching Netflix, I hurriedly heat my dinner and eat it in my room.
Just after 9pm, I’m in bed still watching Netflix like the loser I am, when the someone knocks on the door. I get up to answer it and then hesitate.
‘Lilah?’ Sinn’s voice calls on the other side and I curse.
Childishly, I lock my door and turn up the volume on my laptop, drowning him out.
He gets the hint and stops knocking.
I stay with Kira for a couple of days, managing to avoid Sinn all week. I know it’s childish and I should just get over but I can’t be bothered to face him.
I’m embarrassed, I really don’t want to have to stand there and listen to him explain how he doesn’t actually like me.
Friday night comes round quickly and I decide to go out with Kira and Courtney.
I get ready at Kira’s house, but I don’t have an outfit. I do my make-up and straighten my hair so it falls down to my waist.
The girls and I get a taxi to our house, they wait in it whilst I run inside to change, I drop my bags on my bed and kick off my shoes.
I’d mentally chosen my outfit on the way here so I hurriedly take my clothes off and pull my red top and black skirt on.
I clip on my heels, grab my clutch and quickly fill it with my lipstick, ID and money.
I step into the corridor and almost collide with Sinn. He looks incredible in a grey t-shirt and black joggers. Up close, he’s somehow gotten more attractive this week I’ve not seen him.
‘Hey, you going out?’ He asks and I frown, obviously.
‘Yeah,’ I reply bluntly and step past him.
He catches my arm and spins me around to face him.
‘I really need to talk to you, I want to apologise,’ he says quietly, looking guilty.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ I pull my arm from his grip, ‘I’ll keep my distance from you,’ I snap and hurry down the stairs as fast as is possible in heels. I hear him call my name but I ignore him.
I meet the girls in the taxi and we get a lift into town.
Only fifteen minutes later, we are sat on stools at a high table drinking gin and tonics.
‘Cheers, ladies!’ I grin and we proceed to get hammered.
I try to knock on Lilah’s door the following evening, but she drowns me out with her laptop. Then, she goes out for two days, leaving me bereft.
I feel fucking shit with her gone.
The house feels empty and I couldn’t feel worse about myself.
I was stupid.
I finally see her on Friday night. She comes up to her bedroom and I subtly step out of mine, hoping I can intentionally bump into her.
She steps out of her room and my heart beats faster.
She’s wearing a full-face of make-up.
She looks incredible.
‘Hey, you going out?’ I ask her and she frowns at me.
‘Yeah,’ she snaps and pushes past me.
I catch her arm and turn her around.
‘I really need to talk to you, I want to apologise,’ I tell her.
She narrows her eyes at me and pulls her arm from my hand.
‘Don’t worry about it, I’ll keep my distance from you,’ she says bitterly and rushes downstairs.
‘Lilah!’ I call after her, but the only answer is the front door slamming.
What did she mean, she’ll keep her distance?
Why would she need to do that?
Feeling completely confused, I go back into my room.