I dance with the girls for the next three hours.
We stop only for quick toilet breaks and more drinks.
My problem is, when I’m hurt or rejected, I don’t like to sit around and mope with my feelings. I like to slap on a fake smile, pretend it never happened, and move onto something else.
Or someone else.
That is why I ended up swaying in the arms of a random, attractive guy on the dance-floor.
Trust me, he’s no Sinn.
He has no tattoos, no piercings. He’s wearing a loose-fitting shirt, rather than Sinn’s preferred attire of muscle-fit t-shirts.
But he’s a bit drunk and he’s interested, so he’ll do for now.
I’m more hurt about what he said to my brother than the kiss with the other girl.
However, seeing that kiss sucked.
We never even got to talk about anything, and I could have read the situation completely incorrectly.
But out of respect, I wouldn’t have done that to him.
At the least, he knew it would make me uncomfortable and ‘best friends’ don’t do that to each other. He said to Courtney himself that we’re best friends, so why treat me like that?
I’m so confused with everything he’s said and done. The man is walking contradiction.
I shake my head to dispel my thoughts and turn around in the guy’s arms.
‘You’re so beautiful,’ he mumbles in my ear and I smile.
‘Thank you,’ I reply.
Before I know it, we’re kissing. His lips are soft but demanding and I wrap my arms around his neck.
Somewhere behind me I hear Kira and Courtney whooping childishly at us. It doesn’t distract me.
Thoughts of him enter my mind, uninvited.
His tongue brushes against my lips for me to open and suddenly my stomach lurches. Not in a I’m-going-to-be-sick-way, but in a what-the-hell-are-you-doing way.
I pull away from the guy and he blinks in surprise.
‘I’m sorry, I’ve got to go.’
I slip out of his arms, ignoring his protests and I rush over to the girls.
‘Regrets on doing that,’ I groan.
I quickly take a sip of Kira’s drink she’s holding.
‘I don’t feel so good girls,’ I admit.
I can’t believe I’m bailing again. That’s all I seem to do, recently.
‘Let’s go, it’s late and I’ve had my fun,’ Kira suggests and Courtney agrees.
‘Don’t leave because of me!’ I whine and Courtney puts her hand in mine.
‘We’re not, I’ve got work tomorrow anyway. We should leave now whilst I’m still just tipsy and not drunk, I don’t want to be hungover,’ Courtney says.
We grab our coats from the cloakroom and catch a taxi outside. The girls are dropped off first, as usual, my house is the last stop. I look at my phone and laugh when I see it’s only 11PM and I’m wasted and on my way home.
I’m a mess.
I stumble up the drive, regretting that last gin and tonic.
Why on Earth did I think my stupid light weight ass could handle six of them?
I struggle with the key, trying to get it to fit in the lock.
This is so much easier when I’m sober.
I almost fall into the house when the door opens. I steady myself and look up to see Sinn stood by the door, wearing nothing but a pair of shorts.
Why does the motherfucker always have to be so damn attractive?
‘Thanks,’ I mutter and kick my heels off.
He shuts the door behind me and crosses his arms over his huge chest. He glares at me and I shift uncomfortably.
‘What?’ I ask and he clenches his jaw.
‘Your lipstick is smudged,’ he comments and then inhales audibly through his nose. ‘Did you kiss someone?’
His voice hard and cold, I don’t like it.
I don’t like him talking to me like this.
I want my nice Sinn back.
The Sinn that kissed me and not other women.
I scoff and start to go upstairs.
‘Like that’s any of your business,’ I retort.
He grabs my wrist and pulls me back down.
I’m on the bottom step, one full step above him, and still I have to look up to maintain eye contact. He frowns down at me and I hate how beautiful he is, it makes this so hard.
’It is my business, I like you, Lilah,′ he admits and my eyes narrow.
‘Oh, really? You have a funny way of showing it, putting your tongue down other girls’ throats,′ I snap.
His eyes soften, he has the gall to look guilty. Damn it, he looks cute.
‘Look, I can explain-’ he starts and I cut him off.
‘I don’t want you to, I don’t want to hear it Sinn. I’m sorry that we kissed, it was a mistake,’ I tell him and his face hardens in anger.
‘It was not a mistake,’ he counters and he grabs my waist and pulls me to his chest.
Before I can react, his lips are on mine.
The kiss is so different than the one I had with the man in the bar. My body lights up at his touch, my heart kicks into overdrive and my knees feel weak.
All I want to do is sink into his arm and kiss him back, but even drunk me has some kind of rationale.
I pull away and he looks surprised.
Yeah, I bet no girl has ever said no to Sinn Taricone.
Who the fuck would?
Oh yeah, me.
‘I don’t want to be hurt more than I already have,’ I say quietly and a pained look comes over his face.
Feeling petty, I drive the knife in a little more.
‘Why don’t you find that girl and put your tongue down her throat again? You seemed to enjoy it last time.’
I pull out of his grip and practically run up the stairs.
’Lilah, wait! I didn’t enjoy it! Wait!′ He calls after me, but I slam my bedroom door shut.
He’s my best friend, we’re not supposed to hurt each other.
I trusted him not to do that.
I’m lying in bed, on my phone, when I hear scratching downstairs.
It’s followed by a giggle and I realise it’s Lilah.
I go downstairs and open the door for her. Lilah practically falls into the house.
She takes her shoes off.
My heart sinks as I see her lipstick. It’s smudged around her mouth.
I’ve seen that on enough girls after I’ve kissed them, to know why it happens.
She looks me up and down, taking in my tense posture.
‘What?’ She asks bluntly.
‘Your lipstick is smudged. Did you kiss someone?’ I ask her firmly.
She scoffs and me and turns to the stairs.
‘Like that’s any of your business.’
Anger rushes through me and I act on reflex.
I snatch her wrist and pull her down before she go upstairs. She’s almost at eye-level with me and she glares.
’It is my business, I like you, Lilah,′ I admit to her.
Apparently, it’s the wrong thing to say.
The look on her face is thunderous.
‘Oh, really? You have a funny way of showing it, putting your tongue down other girls’ throats,′ she snaps at me.
Guilt floods me.
She saw me.
I regret it so fucking much.
‘Look, I can explain-’ I start to explain myself but she cuts me off.
‘I don’t want you to, I don’t want to hear it Sinn, I’m sorry we kissed, it was a mistake,’ she says.
Anger pulses through me again.
Our kiss wasn’t a mistake.
‘It was not a mistake,’ I tell her.
I can’t help myself. I kiss her.
I grab her and I kiss her.
Her lips feel soft and so fucking right against mine.
For the first time in days, my mood lifts.
Until she pushes away from me.
‘I don’t want to be hurt more than I already have,’ she mutters and I feel like I’ve been kicked in the nuts.
‘Why don’t you find that girl and put your tongue down her throat again? You seemed to enjoy it last time,’ she snaps and goes upstairs.
’Lilah, wait! I didn’t enjoy it! Wait!′
She slams her door, effectively ending our conversation.
Saturday morning brings a hangover that only a hot shower and a huge breakfast can fix.
I pop two aspirin and sit with my wet hair drying down my back, as I shovel pancakes into my mouth.
‘You look like shit,’ Micah comments when he walks into the kitchen.
I put my middle finger up at him and continue eating.
‘I’ve got to go into the garage today, there’s some MOTs to be done. I’ll be back by four PM so we can have a family night tonight. Movie and dinner?’ He offers.
‘That sounds good, will Sinn be here?’ I ask.
‘Will Sinn be where?’ Sinn asks and enters the kitchen.
My palms become sweaty and suddenly I don’t fancy the last of my pancake any more.
‘Family night tonight, dinner and movies?’ Micah tells him and he nods.
He meets my eyes and replies, ‘Yeah, sounds good.’
I stand up and clear the last pieces of food into the bin.
‘I’ve got a headache, I’ll be in my room,’ I tell them and go back upstairs.
I fall onto my bed and groan.