Some say, being in love is destined to happen. Others say, it's a choice. But I say what people say doesn't matter and what is meant to happen will happen. I believe in fate in love and not in coincidence.
My world is gross. I meet a lot of people; both annoying and funny. I get to be patient with a few, while the others sleep from my grasp before they get a chance to know the true me.
In all these, I don't intend to fall in love with any of my male friends. I'm so focused on this particular man with a special height above mine; I don't know what fit specifically. It's almost like a dream I have each day before and after I wake up from my bed.
He should be toned skin, deep voice, chisel shape; revealing well-curved cheek bones, abs, muscles and veins, protruding from his godly body. Very-attractive right?
That's not all. He should have a wavy sleeked dark hair and hazel or brown eyes that portray confidence and dominance. He shouldn't be extra cute or handsome. They say overdose is a sickness. No one wants to get sick of seeing the beauty of the sun. Because it's rays are dangerous to the eyes.
As for his accessories, it should be a simple outfit; something he's comfortable with. I'm not a fan of extra as I noted above. I think we'd leave it there for now. So yeah; this explains the reason I've been as single as how I was born.
Keep all these things aside, I am not ready to meet that man kept aside for me. Because of many reasons; I feel I won't give him what he wants, that I would seek for attention more than I render. Also, he would have to deal with my emotions each time and that will be a burden to him.
Not to talk of the feeling that he doesn't love me like I do. It aches my heart. I've never experience this before. But what I've seen happening around me is slowly and gradually affecting me. No matter how I tried to ignore or toast them away.
Adding to the above, I don't want to meet that man for me when I have a bunch work in my hands. I may miss the chance. But then I realize work never ends and learning as well. So at the end of the day, I am supposed to be vigilant and treat everyone likely. However, I still don't put that in practice. I can't help but take everyone in a friend zone.
To conclude, sometimes I tell myself that I don't want to get married because I don't feel anything for anyone. Yes, there is still time. I am young but this feeling is way independent than just an ordinary feeling of non-attraction towards an opposite sex. It's something very strong and bold.
But I realize that I am a Christian. And that every thing I do, I must listen to the guardians of God before concluding. Maybe just as he showed me several dreams of this ideal person he wants me to end up with, he will guide me through finding him or he finding me.
Seeking the right way as the scripture says makes you never miss an opportunity. So I'd keep seeking patiently and obediently in other not to loose track.
Today, I must admit is a very long day. Like the longest day on earth since my mother gave birth to me. We've been in class for seven hours; from theory to practical then back to theory. I'm getting bored from listening to the same thing over and over again.
My teacher is not direct with his words just so he gives us assignments to research before the next class. Why do teachers love school so much? They can't even understand that students need rest. This is biology for God's sake!
I twitch at the sound of my lecturer's loud tone. Stressing my muscles, I sit upright and a faint smile suddenly pop over my sour face.
"The class is over. You don't seem to want to go home"
I look around and realization dawns over my face. The class was indeed over. Students had left and I was the only one sitting here like a dreamer. Well, I am a dreamer.
"Umm...thank you Sir. I'd just leave now" is all I say as I start pilling up my books and taking my backpack from over the shoulder of my chair and fixing them in and zipping it afterwards.
My tutor stands there frigidly watching me come to my feet. I meet his gaze but he walks away before I see his expression. My tutor is not an old man. But he isn't young either. He must be 10years ahead of me I guess. He keeps hair over his chin; maybe trying to look older than his age.
However, they are well kept and neat. He has a toned average skin and height slightly above mine for over 1meter. His hair is light brown, close to yellow and coyly like the star Ed Sheeran. They have the same eyes with almost no hair over their eyelids. However, unlike the musician he is not an albino.
I am now walking away from the hall when he says "There is a business occasion for youths tonight. I announced this to your classmates. I don't know if you were paying attention."
I halt in my steps while taking a deep breath and do a pivot turn to face him. I look noticeably exhausted as I struggle to muffle a responds
I wasn't paying attention. However, in other for me not to look dump, I kept my answer short. He looks away from me and down to his desk as he assembles papers. He didn't tell me at what time it starts.
"I messaged the address and time to everyone already"
I just nod. I should leave now before embarrassing myself the more. Spinning on my toes I match out of the room.
My steps are brisk. I just want to reach home. There's nowhere like home. And no matter where I go to, I'd always want to be in my own niche. I find myself out of the building in no time. The sun is gentle and so is the breeze. Due to the height of buildings all around, I can't make view of the horizon or sun set.
I squint my eyes a little at its sudden reflection as I slide past strangers roaming the streets to where my car is packed. I open the door and jump into the driver's seat. I shove my backpack unto the passenger's seat next to me and take a moment to close my eyes and relax.
My phone starts receiving messages at that instance and I grumble at the disturbance they are evoking.
Shit! I can't even shut my eyes after a very tiring day.
If I look through these notifications, I won't head home in time to prepare for the youth assembly tonight. I should resist this feeling and drive home first, take my bath and get something healthy to feel my howling stomach before looking at the messages then taking a rest.
I open my eyes, heating my car's engine and pulling unto the gear before driving off the packing lot. I live in a small City called Bell gardens; Alamo Avenue. Soon after, I'm in my street driving further and passing so many familiar houses on my way. Once I arrive my destination, I step over my house's pavement that extends five meters ahead and pick up my backpack then hoop out after killing my machine.
I move forward while searching for the key to my house from amongst unrecognizable objects in my bag. Once I get hold of it, I'm standing right in front of my door. I unlock the wooden object then thrust it open and walk in, closing it with my fit at once.
My parents always told me I wasn't organized but when I stare at the architectural structure I live in, I smile back at those words. I'm proud of myself. Everywhere is as neat as it was bought. I always dreamt of buying a house and I succeeded this year. But don't fall your mouths yet. I don't leave here alone. I rented rooms for three of my mates. I'm not sure if they're home now.
I walk to my room upstairs and shut the door. After undressing, I notice a stain of blood on my panties. As soon as my mind registers what this means, my lower abdomen starts cramping seriously. I hold unto the place and hum; my brows crinkling in the process. It's hurts so bad. I struggle to make steps towards my bathing room. As soon as I step in, I open the shower and let the water rain on me. It feels good. Like drinking cold lemon juice under a very hot atmosphere. My temperature has increased and this cool running water was all I needed.
After making myself clean, I walk out of the glass door separating my toilet pit from the washing room. I step on the soft purple carpet in front of the main toilet door, brushing my feet before walking over my wardrobe.
I take out a simple fitting blouse with a mixture of white and pink decorated over it and a short pant that exposes my model-like tights. I have a low cut so I just pass a comb over it to keep it in order. I walk to my lonely bed and let the menstrual pain underneath weigh down on me as I stumble against the slushy sheath.
It takes me seconds before my lids become heavy. I shut my eyes and drift into darkness.
To be continued...