For me, I have always stayed curious to know about what my next turn would bring to me, what it would teach me. I have never been afraid of exploring life. I like it and have all the guts to face it's end which we call as death too. It is because every end will start a new journey and will teach me and surprise me with things that I have never experienced before.
Well this was what the case was before I got stuck into a motion sickness called love. After getting it, I had to be extremely careful. I had to think about the consequences of what the new surprise might bring upon the ones who were close to me as I was never ready to lose them. Though losing myself wasn't scary.
Little did I had opened myself up when I discovered we are not afraid of losing ourselves but are afraid of losing someone close to us. We all hate one thing which we love before understanding this journey.
This journey is very long and will be no fun with no company. Our fear to loose this company after encountering it is what makes us scared of revealing the truths which lie beyond those turns.
The fear of being alone in this journey is what makes us scared to try new things which remain unexplored.
But I don't understand why do we stop in the middle of it after the thought of completing it with a person. Why don't we stop at the place where we are supposed to get encouraged to move forward.
I am not one of them. And if you are asking me why, then to tell you, I am not even afraid of ending this journey alone as I love my own company. I actually never really needed one even after being provided.
My life has never been straight. And I don't even want it to be so. As I am not the one crying or shedding tears while breaking up or getting divorced. Neither am I the one who go crazy while finding someone cheat upon you.
Though I did for yesterday when I got to know about it. But I literally don't care. (chuckle.)
Instead I am already here in the bar enjoying myself and living it up to the fullest of life!!!
"Wooooooooooo!! Baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight. I love CHEAP THRILLS!!!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs almost getting my voice go hoarse. But who does even care.
Those two jerks thought that I was the one who needed them. But it was actually them who needed me.
"Hey Rose! Are you sure you are not drunk because of sadness?" My new friend, Evelyn said.
Well I am surely not the one who would have been afraid of dying or living, but I would surely try my best to give up on myself for someone else who is close to me or whom I once loved. I would give them a chance to let them explore their lives too.
And talking about Evelyn? I met her in this same club a few months ago. Since then, our relation has only reached to the next level as I think we have a lot in common.
"Oh gosh!" I said while still not skipping even a single beat of rhythm or forgetting to throw myself and my hands in a fist up in the air at regular measures.
*Measures are usually beats which dancers use to understand how to dance along with the rhythm.
"You know. Divorce is just a part of turn in my life. Never stop and.......... " I waited for both of us to continue as we knew it.
We both shouted "Keep Exploring your life!!!!! Wooooooooo!!!!!"
What the hell was going on and what divorce?? Your question right? So let's sit in a time machine and go back in time........... (making weird noises from mouth and finally ending up laughing.)
<<Play in past>>
I was living happily with two jerks. They were Tiyane and Yuan Song. My life was thrilling and filled with laughter.
Things after our marriage all turned out to be quite more good than what expected. We all got jobs, good salary and how can we forget promotions!?
But as the happiness started to increase, it became hard for me to believe and accept what I was gaining. As everything that we earn is in the return of what we give. And in my case only gaining was included. Not giving.
But then... could it be possible that I was gaining so much just because I had to give something of high value? And on this, I got reminded of the curse which wasn't completed yet. Of course....., this was it!!!
But I won't think of it now as I am not ready for it. I won't be able to face it as I don't want to know how it feels to be empty. So just to forget this very thought, I started going to a bar called 'COUGAR'.
Everyday I would go there, get drunk and would return all dizzy. But both of them never noticed it because when I would reach home, they would be asleep.
There was a girl whom I often noticed there. Later it turned out that she worked in the bar as waitress.
One day she got threatened by one of the customers. He was threatening of killing her with the bottle of alcohol. Maybe she would really have been dead if I wouldn't have reached in time.
We soon became friends too. Her helping me and me returning the favour was now a daily routine somewhat. I liked sharing my feelings with her as I realized we had a lot in common.
The biggest common thing between us was the way to live life. I told her about my 2 husbands and me and our military life. We three studied together in military service. However, after getting married we had to leave. But we were the best students. Didn't wanted to brag though.
I told her how much they loved me, I told her how much they trusted me, but it all broke when......